::is eating Spaghettios:: Well, here's the next chapter. As you can tell
from the oh-so-unobvious title, this takes place on the Fourth of July...I
was planning on it being posted closer to that time, but then I was gone,
so that threw off my system...but I'm sure you forgive me. ==
Allie- ::huggles back:: I'm sure it'll be okay...::laughs:: Yes, gotta love paranoid Charlie. The RPG is a beautiful thing...tee hee. Heh. Yeah, Charlie was shocking in the last chapter. He was, dare I say it, obedient! I'm so glad it was worth the wait, hun; I was hoping it was. I'll return to my quicker updates now that I'm not gone for long periods of time. :P
Sarah- Lol...dun dun dun... Heh...as for "One Way Ticket," I'm workin' on it...lol...I tend to have a one-track mind...but I'll see if I can whip out an update soon.
MDSWitter26- ::blushes::...I'm glad you like. Not even I can keep Charlie angsty FOREVER.
Liz- ::squeaks:: Liz! Lol. I'm not sure when I go back to school, but it's some time in August...ha...surprise, surprise...but we definitely need to do something before I do! I finally reviewed your prologue, and I say good job. I'm glad you like the story, and thanks so much for always supporting me throughout the (more than a) year that's it has taken. Lol.
Brnnttebabe12- Hee hee...a VERY cute mental nut case. But he has (kind of) seen the light! Lol...whoo-hoo...I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!
Banksiesbabe99- ::blushes:: Thanks so much! ::giggles:: I'm SO glad you liked it. ::beams:: I really hope you enjoy the chapter.
Tiff- I'm glad you liked it. ::beams:: Yes, I simply couldn't let him not visit his mommy...This story has been going on so long, I had almost forgotten she was dead! o.O Lol. Oops. Heh. I hope you like the chapter, and thanks for reviewing!
Rachel- Lol...::smiles:: I guess so. Yes, deep thought Charlie is SLIGHTLY more civil then shouting-at-everyone Charlie. ::blushes:: Thanks so much! You're always so flattering. I'm glad you caught the key moment of the taking the pill; I think of it as one too. I really hope you like this chapter! Much love!
Shanks- Sorry for the wait. Lol. I'm really glad you liked the chapter, and I hope this one didn't take too long to get out. Enjoy!
Adriana- ::giggles:: I think we all feel like we're right and "they're wrong" when we're mad...tee hee...It's like, "I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET! SO NYAH!" ::grins:: I'm glad you liked the chapter...::thoughtly pause:: You know...I could so totally DO that! Lol. That would be so fun...I'll probably go back and add more character development to George in the beginning and maybe take out the stuff I set up for but didn't actually use...heh...I was far too interested in starting the story at first, so I wasn't concerned with describing every hair on George's head. But book-people usually like that...lol... Good plan, good plan. Lol. How cool! I've never been to Georgia! Or Ohio! Lol...I'm in Texas. Ohioan...Ohion...Oh...::blinks:: My head hurts! ::blushes:: Aww, thanks so much. Ha ha...I'm not allowed to end it, you say? Gee, that's a lot of chapters...lol. I'm sure they couldn't stop a person from making it that long... Heh. Yes, Julie and Adam are forgotten on occasion because we slip into Charlie's silly little head...lol. Thanks so much for the review, and enjoy the chapter.
Katie- I'm glad you liked that part. And I don't know what Charlie was doing up that early...lol...I never wake up that early in the summer...ever...it's sinful. ::blushes:: I'm so glad you liked that part. ::beams:: Mucho love!
French Chipmunk- Hehehe...::innocent smile:: You'll just have to see...::whistles a happy tune::...::realizes she is physically incapable of whistling::...o.O...::sings a happy tune instead::
Friend of Strangerdanger- ...I know that you probably won't get to read this since you said you don't read fanfiction, but I just need to say it. I can't explain how that made me feel...I'm so sorry you lost your friend. I'm so glad that she enjoyed my story; really, that meant more than you can imagine. I don't think it's weird...I cried when I read your review...It just...thanks for letting me know, and I'm happy I she enjoyed it...
DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen- ::giggles: Yes, indeed he is. Lol. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like the chapter.
Disclaimer- ::sighs::...::goes to sleep::
-Chapter 66-
Two days passed, and the Fourth of July was upon them. Red, white, and blue was everywhere they looked, and the promise of fireworks hung in the air.
"And of course a party is inevitable," Charlie muttered to himself as he sat on his bed, closed off in his room. "And OF COURSE it's here. Of COURSE! Why wouldn't it be? If it weren't, then my life just wouldn't be sufficiently difficult. It's all a conspiracy..."
He fell against the soft bed and tried to ignore the noise below. He would just be antisocial. He still couldn't bring himself to make amends. To make himself feel better, he passed it off as them 'simply not deserving it.'
As long as he kept telling himself that, he would be okay.
He got slightly restless, trying to come up with ways to successfully ignore them. He didn't need them...Apologizing would only get him hurt, so there was no need to mull over it and pick it apart, dissecting every little thing. It was easier this way. Safer. Less attachment meant less chances of being hurt in the end. He was independent, and he could take care of himself...
The boy had to shrug off the voice that contradicted the thought. Stupid conflicting voices in his 't they ever just LISTEN to him?!
He began tapping mindlessly on the bed, staring blankly forward. My, this was exciting...
= = =
Julie sat in the living room of Gordon and Charlie's house. As she expected, Charlie wasn't anywhere in sight.
Bombay had told them not to bother because he likely wasn't coming down. She felt slightly deflated but didn't push it anymore.
It still felt weird without him, though. It just wasn't the same.
She walked into the kitchen.
Grabbing a hotdog and placing it in a bun, she half-heartedly and mindlessly squirted ketchup on it with a sigh. Her parents were still ragging on her for not coming home for the summer; but how could she? Her conscience would never allow it.
It seemed to Julie that everyone felt the awkwardness in the air. Some of the parents that lived in Minnesota were there with their children, knowing they wouldn't see the said child all night if they didn't. Most were in the backyard by the grill, debating whether or not the fireworks would be visible.
Julie, however, was standing in the kitchen with a hotdog, staring into space.
Fireworks were the least of her concerns.
She leaned against the island in the kitchen and stared out the backdoor, the forms of her fellow hockey players visible through the screen. Most seemed to be pretty okay, but she couldn't help but feel shaken. It bugged her that Bombay wouldn't tell them what was going on with Charlie and where he had been all that time.
What scared her was that the fact he wouldn't tell them likely meant they didn't want to know.
Without taking her eyes from the scene outside, her hand slipped into the chip bag and pulled out a barbeque chip.
"Hey Space Case," Fulton said, shoving a few chips in his mouth. "You gonna stand here and not say anything the whole time?"
Julie seemed to snap from her thoughts when the voice cut through the air. "Huh? Oh, sorry," she said apologetically, giving the boy a half-smile. "Just thinking."
"We seem to do a lot of that lately," Fulton pointed out, taking a bite from the hotdog in his hand. "It's scary."
They stood in silence for a moment before Julie started talking again.
"Why do you think he won't come down with us?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice as she bit into her hotdog.
Fulton looked at her for a minute and sighed, knowing that it would come up at some point. It didn't really surprise him. "I have absolutely no clue. I hate to say it isn't that surprising, though."
She nodded and absently sipped her drink. "I know...but still...It's July. It's been MONTHS...Why isn't it better yet?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even and cutting off when it seemed to shake.
"I don't know, Jules. I really don't," Fulton said with regret. "I wish I had an answer, but I don't."
"Maybe if we could just talk to him...Maybe just one more time, maybe it would work," she said with a hint of desperation.
"Julie..." Fulton said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She pulled away and shook her head. "No. It might...We have to keep trying...We can't just give up!"
"Julie, you can't get your hopes up like that. If you do, then you're setting yourself up. What if he doesn't listen?" Fulton asked, not wanting his friend to get hurt.
"What if he does?" she asked, unable to stop tears from springing to her eyes. "What if it DOES work, and then everything's okay again?"
"Then I'll believe in miracles. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll happen. Julie, we've tried. We really have, but what more can we do?"
"Keep trying! I can't give up on him, Fulton. I just can't," she said, her shoulders drooping.
Fulton frowned and gave her a sympathetic look.
"I'm going to go and try to talk to him," she said, and held up her hand when Fulton started to speak. "No, I am. This has gone on long enough, and I'm going to get some answers. Don't stop me, Fulton. Let me talk to him," she nearly pleaded.
The teen sighed and set his drink and plate down on the counter to rub his temples. "Fine. Go talk to him, Jules. I just hope you know what you're doing."
She nodded and sat her food down before rushing up the stairs in a flurry. They needed to talk, and they were going to talk.
The girl knocked on his door and waited for an answer, listening to the ever-present music emitting at a surprisingly low level. A new CD every time. At least it was rarely a boring wait.
"Charlie?" she said when she got no answer.
Assuming she was just being ignored or he couldn't hear her, she opened the door.
When she was faced with an empty room, a rush of panic swept over her. Just as she was about to rush downstairs to tell Bombay, she saw the window open. Curiosity got the best of her, and she timidly approached it.
Leaning out the window, she looked around. The roof extended and seemed to have a level of it's own.
She glanced to her right and to her surprise saw Charlie sitting against the house and staring at the horizon. It was barely dark, and only a few stars were visible due to the city lights.
"Charlie?" she said again, her voice soft.
She saw him jump slightly, but he never adverted his gaze.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked when he didn't respond.
"Thinking," he answered.
"About what?" she asked, nervous about getting on the roof. Didn't look very safe...
He didn't answer.
She gave the ground a nervous glance and turned back to Charlie. "Why the roof?"
"Well, I was thinking it's nice and out-of-the-way...Not much to bother any deep thought," he replied, his voice surprisingly unaccusing. The words themselves seemed defensive, but his voice was void of any dislike.
After giving the grass lying two stories below another wary glance, she sucked in a breath and swallowed her fear as best she could. "Mind if I join you?"
He shrugged and scooted over an inch or so, though it wasn't necessary. There had been more than enough room before.
"Sure. Be my guest."
She nodded and lifted her leg out the window and onto the surface of the roof. Telling herself she wouldn't fall, the other leg followed.
The girl scooted across the roof to where Charlie was sitting. Once she got there, she pulled her legs to her chest and tried not to look down.
They sat in silence for a few moments. He didn't seem upset; just a little spaced.
"Aren't you afraid of falling?" she asked, unable to keep herself from voicing her thoughts. She bit her lip the second the words left her mouth, wishing she could take them back.
"Not really. I'm an expert roof-walker," he said, a trace of an amused grin appearing on his face though his eyes never left the horizon. "I fear no roofs."
"Is that so?" she asked, steadying her voice. "Not even a little bit scared?" She gulped. "It's a long way down..."
"I know. My shoe knows. Actually, my shoe knows better than me, but I'd rather keep it that way."
When she gave him a confused look, his smile widened a little more.
"Last time I was up here, my shoe suffered a causality and ended up taking the long fall. First step's a doozy," he said with a shrug.
She nodded and couldn't keep her gaze from shifting to the ground. "Really..."
"Yeah. So don't fall," he told her simply.
"Okay..." she replied. "I'll try not to."
The silence returned, and both teens just sat on the roof and watched the sky grow darker by the minute.
"Do you think we'll be able to see any fireworks from here?" she asked, shifting slightly to face him.
"I don't really know if they have any on this side. Never been here on the Fourth of July before," was his simple answer.
"I see," she said with a nod.
She heard the sound of him shifting slightly, and she bit her lip. She didn't know what more to say, so she continued to watch the sky. It was a deep blue with a few specs of white. The hot, humid summer night seemed to sit on them as the silence grew comfortable.
Questions swirled in her mind as time passed. Some she didn't know if she could ever ask. They still talked about that...thing...that didn't happen.
She cleared her throat as if preparing to say something, but then remained silent.
"Charlie..." she started, breaking the thick silence. The name seemed to hang in the air as the silence returned.
Her confidence seemed to deflate as the moments trudged on, but she forced herself to continue. "Charlie...I think there's some things we need to talk about."
Charlie continued staring forward, wary of saying anything in return.
"I'm serious. We've been avoiding everything, and it's been fine up to now. But it isn't fine anymore; we can't keep burying the bad subjects and pretending they don't exist," she continued, doing her best to keep her tone even yet non-threatening or accusing.
The other teenager just shifted his gaze to the shingles of the roof, keeping his face as neutral as he could.
"Charlie, say something," she said softly, feeling uncomfortable.
A few moments of silence passed.
"Like what?"
Julie released a quiet breath of relief. However, it was soon followed by a moment of thought.
"Like...everything. Like where you've been...What happened...Charlie, I want you to talk to me. I want you to trust me," she said, her voice tinged with a pleading tone.
She watched as he seemed to visibly tense. He took in a sharp breath, but kept his gaze diverted.
"There's nothing to tell," he said quietly, lacking the usual edge. He seemed more defeated, but no more willing to share.
"Are you honestly under the impression that I'm going to be satisfied with that?" she asked, allowing her eyebrows to shoot up.
He shrugged and glanced over briefly before returning his gaze to the horizon, his head never moving. "It worked last time."
She sighed and rubbed her temples before resting her head in her hand. "Charlie...I want to know what's bothering you. I want to help; I can help if you'll just let me."
Charlie tensed again, this time his head shifting slightly to the opposite direction. "What makes you think that?"
"Because sometimes just getting something off your chest makes it that much easier to deal with," she answered, her voice quiet.
"But what if it doesn't help?" he asked, stopping to regain control of his voice.
She scooted a little closer and leaned over, trying to recatch his full attention. "What if it does?"
"It doesn't matter...It's really not that big of a deal." He shrugged and leaned his head up against the brick of the house.
"Really? And that's why it is still bothering you? That's why it is still preventing you from being happy?" she asked, her voice drifting through the breezeless summer night.
"Who said I'm not happy?" he asked, turning to her. When she quirked an eyebrow skeptically, he let out a soft growl and frowned. "Fine, fine. I get the picture. You don't have to be so mean about it," he said, though his voice lightened slightly.
"Mean?" she asked, unable to will away a half-smile. "Aren't we Mr. Contradictory today?"
"Tonight, Jules. It's no longer today," he said, giving her a small smile as he looked out of the corner of his eye.
"Shut up," she said lightly. "Same difference."
Another stretch of silence occurred.
"You know, you're a very sneaky person," Julie said with a small grin, turning to face Charlie.
He turned to look at her, trying to suppress a smile. "Am I? How so?"
"You totally threw me off my original question! Again! You always do that!" she said, though grinning.
"Meh, it's a gift," he said, a smile appearing as well. "Lots of practice."
"I won't let you get away with it this time, though. We will talk through EVERYTHING that needs to be discussed whether you like it or not. I refuse to leave until we have," she said, crossing her arms and pulling a defiant look across her face.
He raised his eyebrows. "You may be here awhile, Jules."
"Just tell me!" she insisted.
"I can't."
"Yes you can!" she argued.
"No I can't."
"Yes you can!"
"No I can't."
"Yes you can!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Charlie, stop arguing with me!"
"Why?" he asked with his eyebrows raised cockily.
"Because I said so!" she said, her face twisting slightly.
"And this is supposed to make me suddenly break into some long confession?" he asked skeptically.
"Well...yeah!" she said with exasperation.
"I'm sorry to hear that, because it's highly unlikely. I don't feel much up to sharing."
"Charlie!"
"Geez, Jules. No need to yell. I'm sitting one foot away from you." He pursed his lips slightly and nodded, folding his arms across his bent legs.
"You're being annoying."
"I'm sorry."
"No you're not."
"You're right," he said with a small grin.
"Arg...I swear it, Charlie, I'm gonna get you to talk if it's the last thing I do!"
"At this point, it very well may be," he said, returning his attention to the other houses around. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Why not?" she asked, the serious mood settling back between them.
He shrugged. "It's not exactly in my Top 5 favorite things to discuss. Why does it matter so much anyway? I thought you were giving me time to 'come to you,'" he said, looking back to her.
"If I did that, we very well could be in nursing homes before the discussion occurred." Her voice was serious, and he wanted badly to look away and pretend she wasn't there.
A sigh escaped his lips as he turned away again, unable to look at her without believing what she said. He knew it was probably true; it wasn't like he was beating down anyone's door to talk.
Julie bit her lip and tried to gather the courage to say what she would say next. It was a gamble, but it was the only thing she could think of the start him down the road. She could lose him, but it was a chance she had to take. She had to try. She had to keep going.
"I...I know what happened with your dad..." she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
His head whipped over to her bowed head; she was staring at the shingles of the roof as if they held the meaning of life. His heart nearly ceased to beat in his chest. The world seemed to stop spinning as the silence nearly engulfed the two teens.
"Wha...how? Did Adam-?" he stuttered, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe, much less communicate.
She shook her head, still not sure whether she wanted to look at him; to see the shock or anger that could possibly be in his face. She couldn't be sure how he had taken it. His voice didn't sound angry...
Julie forced herself to look at him, and she saw a look of confusion and...fear?
"No, Adam didn't say anything. I didn't even know he knew," she said quickly. The air had suddenly acquired a tense and thick discomfort.
"Then...how?" he asked, his voice dropping to a near-whisper as he looked away.
"At the hospital...Fulton and I overheard a doctor and Bombay talking...We didn't mean to, but I didn't want to say anything...Things were still going pretty well with us, and I was scared that would ruin it," she said softly, forcing herself not to look away. "I was scared to lose that."
Charlie didn't know what to say. Julie knew...and Fulton...and Adam. Did anyone else? His mind was racing.
She scooted a little closer and placed a hand on his lower arm. "Charlie...Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped..."
He flinched under her touch and her gaze. "I guess I didn't want the false sympathy. The fuss. It changes people's attitude, and that's not what I wanted. It's over and done, so there's no need to meddle in it. That only screws stuff up."
"False?" she asked. "It's hardly false sympathy, Charlie. We're your friends, and we care. We deserved to know."
"Well it seems you already knew anyway, so why does it matter?" he asked, unable to keep the bite out of his voice. When she drew away her hand, he could almost see the hurt in his mind's eye. He let out a frustrated sigh and buried his face in his hands. "Look, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to snap at you...I just...I told you I don't like talking about it..."
He looked back just in time to see her nod her head.
"I know...I'm sorry if bringing it up was out of line, but I thought you should know...that I know. And it's okay. It's not like I think any less of you for it," she said softly, trying to comfort him with her eyes. But he refused to look her straight in the face.
"You should...I should have stopped it, but I couldn't...If Jesse hadn't made me, I may have never..." he said, his voice dropping even more as he swallowed.
"Charlie..." she said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and laying her head on his shoulder. He didn't pull away.
He rested his head atop her and clamped his eyes shut, trying to steady his thoughts. They sat like that for a moment before Julie spoke again.
"It's okay...It isn't your fault. It's not like you asked for it, and you definitely didn't deserve it. I just wish that you could be happy now that it's over; there's no need to beat yourself up over it," she said, rubbing his shoulder gently as she closed her eyes.
"But I did deserve it; if I couldn't stop it myself, then I didn't deserve the help. I should have stopped it," he said, hoping his voice didn't shake.
"You're right about one thing; you should have stopped it, but that doesn't mean you deserved it. You DID stop it, Charlie. However Jesse helped, he couldn't have done it without you telling him. The fact that you're here at all should stand for something," she said, keeping her voice soothing.
"But-" he began to protest.
"No," she said, pulling away to look at him. "I want you to listen to me. It wasn't your fault, and I don't think any less of you because you got dealt a bad set of cards. It wasn't your fault, and I know it. Coach knows it. Fulton and Adam know it. Everyone else would feel the same if you would tell them," she said, but he shook his head 'no.' "Charlie, I care about you. I really do, and I hate seeing you like this. It's been hard, and I want you to know we're here for you. I'm beginning to think you really don't believe that, but it's true. We were worried sick every second of those two weeks you were gone, but I won't even ask you where you were. Maybe it's best I don't know, but I think it's important that you know how scared that I was that I would never see you again. That the last chance I had to see you had passed me by."
Charlie stared back at her when she finished talking. "But..." he started, images of being rejected jumping to mind. What if Julie didn't know what she was talking about?
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing," he answered automatically. When she asked again, he shook his head. "It's nothing, really."
"Charlie, if I've learned anything from this, it's that when it comes to you, 'nothing' can mean 'everything.' So you might as well just tell me," she persisted gently.
He felt his heart drop slightly, not wanting to have to tell her his fears. To appear that more vulnerable. It was bad enough as it was...he didn't need more added to the list.
He shook his head again.
"Charlie," she said, catching his eyes by chance. "Please."
The boy just stared back, the words leaving him. How could she possibly care that much?
"Julie..." he said, pausing a moment before continuing. "Why does it matter so much to you?"
She seemed taken aback. "Umm..." she started, trying to think how to answer. "You're, um, my friend. Friends care about these things."
"Then why are you the only one who's made any effort for me? Why do you bother to stick around? Why not give up like everyone else?" he asked quietly, though the tinge of bitterness spoke volumes.
"Because..." she started, forcing down the thoughts that surfaced. "Because..."
He waited for an answer, not quite sure what he wanted to hear.
She locked eyes with him and suddenly couldn't find the words. Not that she exactly had the words anyway.
'Because I care about you more than I could ever explain or imagine,' she thought to herself, swallowing the dryness of her throat nervously.
"I don't know."
He felt breath come back to him, though he hadn't been aware he was holding it. The boy nodded, but couldn't explain the deflated feeling in his stomach.
"What happened that day we...kissed? What was that? Was it a mistake?" he asked, suddenly unsure an unable to control the words tumbling out of his mouth.
"I don't know. Did you think it was?" she asked, countering the question back at him nervously. She wasn't sure of how she felt, much less how he did. No...she knew how she felt. She was just afraid of how he felt.
A still quiet came over them as they sat silently.
Charlie felt his heart pound in his chest, and he was sure she could hear it. He licked his lips with a jittery nervousness as they both just stared at each other.
"I asked you first."
Julie felt a pounding in her ears as she sat, mesmerized and unable to speak. What should she say?
It seemed the void in speech would go on forever before she spoke again. It was difficult for her to force her mouth to move. Could she really put her heart on the line? What if she was just confused?
It didn't matter.
"No," she said softly, swallowing and sucking in a small breath.
They both sat there in unmoving silence, just staring at one another. The word had been hardly audible, and Julie wasn't sure if he had even heard her. He hadn't responded.
Just as she was about to say it again, he spoke.
"Good."
Before she had time to respond, he leaned in and pulled her into a gentle kiss. It wasn't any mind-blowing, passion-filled kiss. It was just enough to send a message.
Julie's hand trailed its way behind his neck as she closed her eyes, returning the gesture.
When they parted, Julie's eyes fluttered open to reveal his blue eyes looking back at her.
"So...we're good?" he asked with nervousness, his voice cracking slightly as his voice remained quiet.
"Yeah..." she replied just as softly, mind in a haze. "We're good."
Allie- ::huggles back:: I'm sure it'll be okay...::laughs:: Yes, gotta love paranoid Charlie. The RPG is a beautiful thing...tee hee. Heh. Yeah, Charlie was shocking in the last chapter. He was, dare I say it, obedient! I'm so glad it was worth the wait, hun; I was hoping it was. I'll return to my quicker updates now that I'm not gone for long periods of time. :P
Sarah- Lol...dun dun dun... Heh...as for "One Way Ticket," I'm workin' on it...lol...I tend to have a one-track mind...but I'll see if I can whip out an update soon.
MDSWitter26- ::blushes::...I'm glad you like. Not even I can keep Charlie angsty FOREVER.
Liz- ::squeaks:: Liz! Lol. I'm not sure when I go back to school, but it's some time in August...ha...surprise, surprise...but we definitely need to do something before I do! I finally reviewed your prologue, and I say good job. I'm glad you like the story, and thanks so much for always supporting me throughout the (more than a) year that's it has taken. Lol.
Brnnttebabe12- Hee hee...a VERY cute mental nut case. But he has (kind of) seen the light! Lol...whoo-hoo...I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!
Banksiesbabe99- ::blushes:: Thanks so much! ::giggles:: I'm SO glad you liked it. ::beams:: I really hope you enjoy the chapter.
Tiff- I'm glad you liked it. ::beams:: Yes, I simply couldn't let him not visit his mommy...This story has been going on so long, I had almost forgotten she was dead! o.O Lol. Oops. Heh. I hope you like the chapter, and thanks for reviewing!
Rachel- Lol...::smiles:: I guess so. Yes, deep thought Charlie is SLIGHTLY more civil then shouting-at-everyone Charlie. ::blushes:: Thanks so much! You're always so flattering. I'm glad you caught the key moment of the taking the pill; I think of it as one too. I really hope you like this chapter! Much love!
Shanks- Sorry for the wait. Lol. I'm really glad you liked the chapter, and I hope this one didn't take too long to get out. Enjoy!
Adriana- ::giggles:: I think we all feel like we're right and "they're wrong" when we're mad...tee hee...It's like, "I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET! SO NYAH!" ::grins:: I'm glad you liked the chapter...::thoughtly pause:: You know...I could so totally DO that! Lol. That would be so fun...I'll probably go back and add more character development to George in the beginning and maybe take out the stuff I set up for but didn't actually use...heh...I was far too interested in starting the story at first, so I wasn't concerned with describing every hair on George's head. But book-people usually like that...lol... Good plan, good plan. Lol. How cool! I've never been to Georgia! Or Ohio! Lol...I'm in Texas. Ohioan...Ohion...Oh...::blinks:: My head hurts! ::blushes:: Aww, thanks so much. Ha ha...I'm not allowed to end it, you say? Gee, that's a lot of chapters...lol. I'm sure they couldn't stop a person from making it that long... Heh. Yes, Julie and Adam are forgotten on occasion because we slip into Charlie's silly little head...lol. Thanks so much for the review, and enjoy the chapter.
Katie- I'm glad you liked that part. And I don't know what Charlie was doing up that early...lol...I never wake up that early in the summer...ever...it's sinful. ::blushes:: I'm so glad you liked that part. ::beams:: Mucho love!
French Chipmunk- Hehehe...::innocent smile:: You'll just have to see...::whistles a happy tune::...::realizes she is physically incapable of whistling::...o.O...::sings a happy tune instead::
Friend of Strangerdanger- ...I know that you probably won't get to read this since you said you don't read fanfiction, but I just need to say it. I can't explain how that made me feel...I'm so sorry you lost your friend. I'm so glad that she enjoyed my story; really, that meant more than you can imagine. I don't think it's weird...I cried when I read your review...It just...thanks for letting me know, and I'm happy I she enjoyed it...
DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen- ::giggles: Yes, indeed he is. Lol. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like the chapter.
Disclaimer- ::sighs::...::goes to sleep::
-Chapter 66-
Two days passed, and the Fourth of July was upon them. Red, white, and blue was everywhere they looked, and the promise of fireworks hung in the air.
"And of course a party is inevitable," Charlie muttered to himself as he sat on his bed, closed off in his room. "And OF COURSE it's here. Of COURSE! Why wouldn't it be? If it weren't, then my life just wouldn't be sufficiently difficult. It's all a conspiracy..."
He fell against the soft bed and tried to ignore the noise below. He would just be antisocial. He still couldn't bring himself to make amends. To make himself feel better, he passed it off as them 'simply not deserving it.'
As long as he kept telling himself that, he would be okay.
He got slightly restless, trying to come up with ways to successfully ignore them. He didn't need them...Apologizing would only get him hurt, so there was no need to mull over it and pick it apart, dissecting every little thing. It was easier this way. Safer. Less attachment meant less chances of being hurt in the end. He was independent, and he could take care of himself...
The boy had to shrug off the voice that contradicted the thought. Stupid conflicting voices in his 't they ever just LISTEN to him?!
He began tapping mindlessly on the bed, staring blankly forward. My, this was exciting...
= = =
Julie sat in the living room of Gordon and Charlie's house. As she expected, Charlie wasn't anywhere in sight.
Bombay had told them not to bother because he likely wasn't coming down. She felt slightly deflated but didn't push it anymore.
It still felt weird without him, though. It just wasn't the same.
She walked into the kitchen.
Grabbing a hotdog and placing it in a bun, she half-heartedly and mindlessly squirted ketchup on it with a sigh. Her parents were still ragging on her for not coming home for the summer; but how could she? Her conscience would never allow it.
It seemed to Julie that everyone felt the awkwardness in the air. Some of the parents that lived in Minnesota were there with their children, knowing they wouldn't see the said child all night if they didn't. Most were in the backyard by the grill, debating whether or not the fireworks would be visible.
Julie, however, was standing in the kitchen with a hotdog, staring into space.
Fireworks were the least of her concerns.
She leaned against the island in the kitchen and stared out the backdoor, the forms of her fellow hockey players visible through the screen. Most seemed to be pretty okay, but she couldn't help but feel shaken. It bugged her that Bombay wouldn't tell them what was going on with Charlie and where he had been all that time.
What scared her was that the fact he wouldn't tell them likely meant they didn't want to know.
Without taking her eyes from the scene outside, her hand slipped into the chip bag and pulled out a barbeque chip.
"Hey Space Case," Fulton said, shoving a few chips in his mouth. "You gonna stand here and not say anything the whole time?"
Julie seemed to snap from her thoughts when the voice cut through the air. "Huh? Oh, sorry," she said apologetically, giving the boy a half-smile. "Just thinking."
"We seem to do a lot of that lately," Fulton pointed out, taking a bite from the hotdog in his hand. "It's scary."
They stood in silence for a moment before Julie started talking again.
"Why do you think he won't come down with us?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice as she bit into her hotdog.
Fulton looked at her for a minute and sighed, knowing that it would come up at some point. It didn't really surprise him. "I have absolutely no clue. I hate to say it isn't that surprising, though."
She nodded and absently sipped her drink. "I know...but still...It's July. It's been MONTHS...Why isn't it better yet?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even and cutting off when it seemed to shake.
"I don't know, Jules. I really don't," Fulton said with regret. "I wish I had an answer, but I don't."
"Maybe if we could just talk to him...Maybe just one more time, maybe it would work," she said with a hint of desperation.
"Julie..." Fulton said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She pulled away and shook her head. "No. It might...We have to keep trying...We can't just give up!"
"Julie, you can't get your hopes up like that. If you do, then you're setting yourself up. What if he doesn't listen?" Fulton asked, not wanting his friend to get hurt.
"What if he does?" she asked, unable to stop tears from springing to her eyes. "What if it DOES work, and then everything's okay again?"
"Then I'll believe in miracles. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll happen. Julie, we've tried. We really have, but what more can we do?"
"Keep trying! I can't give up on him, Fulton. I just can't," she said, her shoulders drooping.
Fulton frowned and gave her a sympathetic look.
"I'm going to go and try to talk to him," she said, and held up her hand when Fulton started to speak. "No, I am. This has gone on long enough, and I'm going to get some answers. Don't stop me, Fulton. Let me talk to him," she nearly pleaded.
The teen sighed and set his drink and plate down on the counter to rub his temples. "Fine. Go talk to him, Jules. I just hope you know what you're doing."
She nodded and sat her food down before rushing up the stairs in a flurry. They needed to talk, and they were going to talk.
The girl knocked on his door and waited for an answer, listening to the ever-present music emitting at a surprisingly low level. A new CD every time. At least it was rarely a boring wait.
"Charlie?" she said when she got no answer.
Assuming she was just being ignored or he couldn't hear her, she opened the door.
When she was faced with an empty room, a rush of panic swept over her. Just as she was about to rush downstairs to tell Bombay, she saw the window open. Curiosity got the best of her, and she timidly approached it.
Leaning out the window, she looked around. The roof extended and seemed to have a level of it's own.
She glanced to her right and to her surprise saw Charlie sitting against the house and staring at the horizon. It was barely dark, and only a few stars were visible due to the city lights.
"Charlie?" she said again, her voice soft.
She saw him jump slightly, but he never adverted his gaze.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked when he didn't respond.
"Thinking," he answered.
"About what?" she asked, nervous about getting on the roof. Didn't look very safe...
He didn't answer.
She gave the ground a nervous glance and turned back to Charlie. "Why the roof?"
"Well, I was thinking it's nice and out-of-the-way...Not much to bother any deep thought," he replied, his voice surprisingly unaccusing. The words themselves seemed defensive, but his voice was void of any dislike.
After giving the grass lying two stories below another wary glance, she sucked in a breath and swallowed her fear as best she could. "Mind if I join you?"
He shrugged and scooted over an inch or so, though it wasn't necessary. There had been more than enough room before.
"Sure. Be my guest."
She nodded and lifted her leg out the window and onto the surface of the roof. Telling herself she wouldn't fall, the other leg followed.
The girl scooted across the roof to where Charlie was sitting. Once she got there, she pulled her legs to her chest and tried not to look down.
They sat in silence for a few moments. He didn't seem upset; just a little spaced.
"Aren't you afraid of falling?" she asked, unable to keep herself from voicing her thoughts. She bit her lip the second the words left her mouth, wishing she could take them back.
"Not really. I'm an expert roof-walker," he said, a trace of an amused grin appearing on his face though his eyes never left the horizon. "I fear no roofs."
"Is that so?" she asked, steadying her voice. "Not even a little bit scared?" She gulped. "It's a long way down..."
"I know. My shoe knows. Actually, my shoe knows better than me, but I'd rather keep it that way."
When she gave him a confused look, his smile widened a little more.
"Last time I was up here, my shoe suffered a causality and ended up taking the long fall. First step's a doozy," he said with a shrug.
She nodded and couldn't keep her gaze from shifting to the ground. "Really..."
"Yeah. So don't fall," he told her simply.
"Okay..." she replied. "I'll try not to."
The silence returned, and both teens just sat on the roof and watched the sky grow darker by the minute.
"Do you think we'll be able to see any fireworks from here?" she asked, shifting slightly to face him.
"I don't really know if they have any on this side. Never been here on the Fourth of July before," was his simple answer.
"I see," she said with a nod.
She heard the sound of him shifting slightly, and she bit her lip. She didn't know what more to say, so she continued to watch the sky. It was a deep blue with a few specs of white. The hot, humid summer night seemed to sit on them as the silence grew comfortable.
Questions swirled in her mind as time passed. Some she didn't know if she could ever ask. They still talked about that...thing...that didn't happen.
She cleared her throat as if preparing to say something, but then remained silent.
"Charlie..." she started, breaking the thick silence. The name seemed to hang in the air as the silence returned.
Her confidence seemed to deflate as the moments trudged on, but she forced herself to continue. "Charlie...I think there's some things we need to talk about."
Charlie continued staring forward, wary of saying anything in return.
"I'm serious. We've been avoiding everything, and it's been fine up to now. But it isn't fine anymore; we can't keep burying the bad subjects and pretending they don't exist," she continued, doing her best to keep her tone even yet non-threatening or accusing.
The other teenager just shifted his gaze to the shingles of the roof, keeping his face as neutral as he could.
"Charlie, say something," she said softly, feeling uncomfortable.
A few moments of silence passed.
"Like what?"
Julie released a quiet breath of relief. However, it was soon followed by a moment of thought.
"Like...everything. Like where you've been...What happened...Charlie, I want you to talk to me. I want you to trust me," she said, her voice tinged with a pleading tone.
She watched as he seemed to visibly tense. He took in a sharp breath, but kept his gaze diverted.
"There's nothing to tell," he said quietly, lacking the usual edge. He seemed more defeated, but no more willing to share.
"Are you honestly under the impression that I'm going to be satisfied with that?" she asked, allowing her eyebrows to shoot up.
He shrugged and glanced over briefly before returning his gaze to the horizon, his head never moving. "It worked last time."
She sighed and rubbed her temples before resting her head in her hand. "Charlie...I want to know what's bothering you. I want to help; I can help if you'll just let me."
Charlie tensed again, this time his head shifting slightly to the opposite direction. "What makes you think that?"
"Because sometimes just getting something off your chest makes it that much easier to deal with," she answered, her voice quiet.
"But what if it doesn't help?" he asked, stopping to regain control of his voice.
She scooted a little closer and leaned over, trying to recatch his full attention. "What if it does?"
"It doesn't matter...It's really not that big of a deal." He shrugged and leaned his head up against the brick of the house.
"Really? And that's why it is still bothering you? That's why it is still preventing you from being happy?" she asked, her voice drifting through the breezeless summer night.
"Who said I'm not happy?" he asked, turning to her. When she quirked an eyebrow skeptically, he let out a soft growl and frowned. "Fine, fine. I get the picture. You don't have to be so mean about it," he said, though his voice lightened slightly.
"Mean?" she asked, unable to will away a half-smile. "Aren't we Mr. Contradictory today?"
"Tonight, Jules. It's no longer today," he said, giving her a small smile as he looked out of the corner of his eye.
"Shut up," she said lightly. "Same difference."
Another stretch of silence occurred.
"You know, you're a very sneaky person," Julie said with a small grin, turning to face Charlie.
He turned to look at her, trying to suppress a smile. "Am I? How so?"
"You totally threw me off my original question! Again! You always do that!" she said, though grinning.
"Meh, it's a gift," he said, a smile appearing as well. "Lots of practice."
"I won't let you get away with it this time, though. We will talk through EVERYTHING that needs to be discussed whether you like it or not. I refuse to leave until we have," she said, crossing her arms and pulling a defiant look across her face.
He raised his eyebrows. "You may be here awhile, Jules."
"Just tell me!" she insisted.
"I can't."
"Yes you can!" she argued.
"No I can't."
"Yes you can!"
"No I can't."
"Yes you can!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Charlie, stop arguing with me!"
"Why?" he asked with his eyebrows raised cockily.
"Because I said so!" she said, her face twisting slightly.
"And this is supposed to make me suddenly break into some long confession?" he asked skeptically.
"Well...yeah!" she said with exasperation.
"I'm sorry to hear that, because it's highly unlikely. I don't feel much up to sharing."
"Charlie!"
"Geez, Jules. No need to yell. I'm sitting one foot away from you." He pursed his lips slightly and nodded, folding his arms across his bent legs.
"You're being annoying."
"I'm sorry."
"No you're not."
"You're right," he said with a small grin.
"Arg...I swear it, Charlie, I'm gonna get you to talk if it's the last thing I do!"
"At this point, it very well may be," he said, returning his attention to the other houses around. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Why not?" she asked, the serious mood settling back between them.
He shrugged. "It's not exactly in my Top 5 favorite things to discuss. Why does it matter so much anyway? I thought you were giving me time to 'come to you,'" he said, looking back to her.
"If I did that, we very well could be in nursing homes before the discussion occurred." Her voice was serious, and he wanted badly to look away and pretend she wasn't there.
A sigh escaped his lips as he turned away again, unable to look at her without believing what she said. He knew it was probably true; it wasn't like he was beating down anyone's door to talk.
Julie bit her lip and tried to gather the courage to say what she would say next. It was a gamble, but it was the only thing she could think of the start him down the road. She could lose him, but it was a chance she had to take. She had to try. She had to keep going.
"I...I know what happened with your dad..." she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
His head whipped over to her bowed head; she was staring at the shingles of the roof as if they held the meaning of life. His heart nearly ceased to beat in his chest. The world seemed to stop spinning as the silence nearly engulfed the two teens.
"Wha...how? Did Adam-?" he stuttered, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe, much less communicate.
She shook her head, still not sure whether she wanted to look at him; to see the shock or anger that could possibly be in his face. She couldn't be sure how he had taken it. His voice didn't sound angry...
Julie forced herself to look at him, and she saw a look of confusion and...fear?
"No, Adam didn't say anything. I didn't even know he knew," she said quickly. The air had suddenly acquired a tense and thick discomfort.
"Then...how?" he asked, his voice dropping to a near-whisper as he looked away.
"At the hospital...Fulton and I overheard a doctor and Bombay talking...We didn't mean to, but I didn't want to say anything...Things were still going pretty well with us, and I was scared that would ruin it," she said softly, forcing herself not to look away. "I was scared to lose that."
Charlie didn't know what to say. Julie knew...and Fulton...and Adam. Did anyone else? His mind was racing.
She scooted a little closer and placed a hand on his lower arm. "Charlie...Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped..."
He flinched under her touch and her gaze. "I guess I didn't want the false sympathy. The fuss. It changes people's attitude, and that's not what I wanted. It's over and done, so there's no need to meddle in it. That only screws stuff up."
"False?" she asked. "It's hardly false sympathy, Charlie. We're your friends, and we care. We deserved to know."
"Well it seems you already knew anyway, so why does it matter?" he asked, unable to keep the bite out of his voice. When she drew away her hand, he could almost see the hurt in his mind's eye. He let out a frustrated sigh and buried his face in his hands. "Look, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to snap at you...I just...I told you I don't like talking about it..."
He looked back just in time to see her nod her head.
"I know...I'm sorry if bringing it up was out of line, but I thought you should know...that I know. And it's okay. It's not like I think any less of you for it," she said softly, trying to comfort him with her eyes. But he refused to look her straight in the face.
"You should...I should have stopped it, but I couldn't...If Jesse hadn't made me, I may have never..." he said, his voice dropping even more as he swallowed.
"Charlie..." she said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and laying her head on his shoulder. He didn't pull away.
He rested his head atop her and clamped his eyes shut, trying to steady his thoughts. They sat like that for a moment before Julie spoke again.
"It's okay...It isn't your fault. It's not like you asked for it, and you definitely didn't deserve it. I just wish that you could be happy now that it's over; there's no need to beat yourself up over it," she said, rubbing his shoulder gently as she closed her eyes.
"But I did deserve it; if I couldn't stop it myself, then I didn't deserve the help. I should have stopped it," he said, hoping his voice didn't shake.
"You're right about one thing; you should have stopped it, but that doesn't mean you deserved it. You DID stop it, Charlie. However Jesse helped, he couldn't have done it without you telling him. The fact that you're here at all should stand for something," she said, keeping her voice soothing.
"But-" he began to protest.
"No," she said, pulling away to look at him. "I want you to listen to me. It wasn't your fault, and I don't think any less of you because you got dealt a bad set of cards. It wasn't your fault, and I know it. Coach knows it. Fulton and Adam know it. Everyone else would feel the same if you would tell them," she said, but he shook his head 'no.' "Charlie, I care about you. I really do, and I hate seeing you like this. It's been hard, and I want you to know we're here for you. I'm beginning to think you really don't believe that, but it's true. We were worried sick every second of those two weeks you were gone, but I won't even ask you where you were. Maybe it's best I don't know, but I think it's important that you know how scared that I was that I would never see you again. That the last chance I had to see you had passed me by."
Charlie stared back at her when she finished talking. "But..." he started, images of being rejected jumping to mind. What if Julie didn't know what she was talking about?
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing," he answered automatically. When she asked again, he shook his head. "It's nothing, really."
"Charlie, if I've learned anything from this, it's that when it comes to you, 'nothing' can mean 'everything.' So you might as well just tell me," she persisted gently.
He felt his heart drop slightly, not wanting to have to tell her his fears. To appear that more vulnerable. It was bad enough as it was...he didn't need more added to the list.
He shook his head again.
"Charlie," she said, catching his eyes by chance. "Please."
The boy just stared back, the words leaving him. How could she possibly care that much?
"Julie..." he said, pausing a moment before continuing. "Why does it matter so much to you?"
She seemed taken aback. "Umm..." she started, trying to think how to answer. "You're, um, my friend. Friends care about these things."
"Then why are you the only one who's made any effort for me? Why do you bother to stick around? Why not give up like everyone else?" he asked quietly, though the tinge of bitterness spoke volumes.
"Because..." she started, forcing down the thoughts that surfaced. "Because..."
He waited for an answer, not quite sure what he wanted to hear.
She locked eyes with him and suddenly couldn't find the words. Not that she exactly had the words anyway.
'Because I care about you more than I could ever explain or imagine,' she thought to herself, swallowing the dryness of her throat nervously.
"I don't know."
He felt breath come back to him, though he hadn't been aware he was holding it. The boy nodded, but couldn't explain the deflated feeling in his stomach.
"What happened that day we...kissed? What was that? Was it a mistake?" he asked, suddenly unsure an unable to control the words tumbling out of his mouth.
"I don't know. Did you think it was?" she asked, countering the question back at him nervously. She wasn't sure of how she felt, much less how he did. No...she knew how she felt. She was just afraid of how he felt.
A still quiet came over them as they sat silently.
Charlie felt his heart pound in his chest, and he was sure she could hear it. He licked his lips with a jittery nervousness as they both just stared at each other.
"I asked you first."
Julie felt a pounding in her ears as she sat, mesmerized and unable to speak. What should she say?
It seemed the void in speech would go on forever before she spoke again. It was difficult for her to force her mouth to move. Could she really put her heart on the line? What if she was just confused?
It didn't matter.
"No," she said softly, swallowing and sucking in a small breath.
They both sat there in unmoving silence, just staring at one another. The word had been hardly audible, and Julie wasn't sure if he had even heard her. He hadn't responded.
Just as she was about to say it again, he spoke.
"Good."
Before she had time to respond, he leaned in and pulled her into a gentle kiss. It wasn't any mind-blowing, passion-filled kiss. It was just enough to send a message.
Julie's hand trailed its way behind his neck as she closed her eyes, returning the gesture.
When they parted, Julie's eyes fluttered open to reveal his blue eyes looking back at her.
"So...we're good?" he asked with nervousness, his voice cracking slightly as his voice remained quiet.
"Yeah..." she replied just as softly, mind in a haze. "We're good."
