Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha. Just this fanfic.
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A Little Fall of Rain
by Chione
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There are only two times in my life when I've been honestly, truly jealous. The first was my tenth birthday. My childhood friend, Yuka, and I happened to have been born on the same day. We'd always celebrated our birthdays together, one big party for the two of us.
But that year was different. It was kind of a tradition for the our fathers to escort us into the party at the very beginning. Sort of like what fathers do in western weddings. That year, as Yuka's father took her arm, gently, laughing at her excitement, I was forced to settle for Mom's hand on my arm, an apology in her eyes.
My father was dead.
And that was the first time I really understood what that meant. The first birthday without both parents.
I got over it. I moved on, missed my father but accepted that he was gone. I don't get jealous about having a father anymore.
The second time was--well, that should be obvious. The Inuyasha-Kikyou kiss I'd been so lucky to witness. I got over that too.
I'm not really a jealous person. I like to think I'm not overly emotional either. Okay, so I'm happy a lot, and sad too, but I don't think anyone could call me moody.
Except maybe Inuyasha, who has an obscure knack for getting on my nerves.
I don't know quite what I expected when my eyes were finally back under my control, and I opened them to the outside world. I guess a little more than what I saw. Maybe I was hoping to see Kikyou huddling next to Inuyasha, the fire not providing her with enough warmth. I think I would've been jealous. Maybe I wanted to be back at Kaede's, and this whole experience have been a long, horrible dream. I would've been happy with that. Maybe I just wanted to see all my friends gathered around me, somehow knowing I would wake, all smiling and all of them happy at last. That, I know, would've made me ecstatic.
Instead I got a big eyeful of spun gold, burning in the evening light and shifting with a variety of emotions--most of which I could put a name to. Inuyasha held his head barely a foot away from mine, gazing down at me, not quite smiling, but not sad either.
That made me feel warm, sort of jittery.
Only him. Only for him.
I wanted suddenly to see all those things I missed while dead. To feel the water of a river or bath or hot spring, the wind in a large, open field of grass with nothing to obscure the sensation. I welcomed the strength returned to my arms, wishing I could leap upon my hanyou's back and race through the forest without a care. No more Naraku. No more Shikon shards.
I grinned up at him, exalted and buzzing; still, my soul was weary, weighing my body down just enough to make sitting up a challenge. Not that Inuyasha let me. The moment he recognized my actions, his hands forced me back down by the arms, my head resting once more in his lap. I wanted to ask about the others. About Kikyou too, though I never really would.
Where is everyone? I asked, hesitant to find out. They were fine when I kil--purified Naraku, but were they still? Had something happened in the meantime?
Sleeping. You've been out for two days.
Two days?
He never took his eyes from me. They were neither soft, nor hard, and for once, I couldn't decipher his expression. What happened?
I diverted my eyes. I died. Your mother, father, and Shippou's parents somehow brought me back. My nose burned, eyes drowning in tears of regret. I wanted so badly for Inuyasha to see his mom again. She loves you, very much.
He was silent. Again that unknown look came to his face, and I tightened my grip, just noticing his hand in my own. I must have terrified him, with my death. He never holds my hand, unless I initiate it. Actually, he never does anything affectionate unless the other person starts it.
Or unless he's frightened of losing them.
I didn't pretend for a moment I couldn't understand his question. The broken, trembling tone was enough. After three years, I knew him better than anyone. Including Kikyou, who honestly only knew him for a season. A single, lonely season in which they fell in love with the idea of the other.
I still wasn't not clear with my feelings on that subject. Best to avoid it. I was too tired to argue, to start another shouting match that would only serve to anger and drive us both away.
I don't want you do die. I didn't then, and I would do everything all over again. I said, meeting his eyes to push my point into his head, which had an awful habit of forgetting I have free will. Don't reprimand me. Please, I'm tired. I don't want to argue now, and I shouldn't have to explain myself. You do plenty of stupid, reckless things that only chance kept you from dying.
Keh, I'm a hanyou! I can take it, you can't! His initial response seemed more from routine than anything. Immediately, he scooped me up with his arms, forcing me up against the rough fur of his haori; it brushed my cheek as he breathed, chest rising and falling rapidly. Don't you ever, ever do that again, hear me bitch? Don't. I was worried about you, damn it! I don't want you to die for me. Not ever. His voice grated over the sobs in his throat, not escaping his lips but wearing themselves out in the back of his mouth. Now that I was safe, he couldn't cry for me. Not aloud, not openly.
Inside I could feel him wracked with sorrow and relief.
I'm sorry for worrying you. That's all I could say. I wasn't sorry for dying, not to save him. But I also couldn't breathe. His claws clung to my back, my breasts squashed up against him, and his nose buried in the crook of my neck. Each breathe seared the delicate skin there, and I wished he'd let me go and silently begged him not to. I was alive. His arms were around me and I was safe from the world.
Red clad legs came up from their crisscrossed position to pin me against him with his knees at my back and side. The raking heartbeat in his chest pounded into mine, both the same frantic pace. He was terrified. Still. I could only weave my hands through his hair, occasionally reaching up to trace the edges of his ears lightly. Anything to reassure him.
he breathed, three syllables that sounded so perfect with his gruff voice. He so rarely called me that tenderly.
Somehow I knew he'd be saying it a lot more often.
Thank you.
I buried my nose in his crook of his shoulder, happy to know he appreciated what I'd done.
Are you happy? I asked. I had to know. This breath in my lungs, was a gift. A precious gift that I would never again take for granted. So for the rest of my life, however long, I was going to do my damnedest to accomplish those things I wanted as I died. Naraku is dead. The Shikon no Tama is complete. Kikyou is alive, relatively, though I kept that to myself, and you can become a youkai if you wish now. Or a human, if that is what you chose. Our journey is over. Are you happy?
Every muscle in his body tensed. Just as the shiny silver of his hair seemed to coil in his abrupt strain. I ran the very tips of my fingers across the base of his little, fuzzy ears. Like all those relaxing exercises in my theatre class--the one I was never there for--his whole body melted. From the twitching muscles in his ears, flowing down as a wavering shudder passed all the way to his claw-tipped toes.
Are you happy, Inuyasha?
Not yet. I almost protested, but his own lips sank down to mine in a brief, gentle kiss, and he continued, not an inch's breadth from my face, But I will be.
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OKay folks, that's all for now. I've finally decided what to do with this, so just know that this is not the end. There will be approx. two more chapters till the end. And I went back and revised last chapter's ending cause a lot of people seemed to think Kagome died again. She didn't she was just exhausted physically, spiritually and mentally. But all will be explained in the last two installments of this.
Feedback makes the world go round and chapters come out faster. All is welcome, though flames are discouraged for the simple fact that they are disrespectful. If you don't like this, please tell me but tell me why and be polite. That's all I ask.
THANK YOU READERS AND REVIEWERS! I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! YOU ARE SIMPLY DIVINE!
