Too much love will kill you
Disclaimer: I only own the computer were all this craziness comes together. That´s it. Not the show nor the character in it. I don´t own Mocking Bird by Darius Danesh either, but I did rewrite some of the lyrics to suit the end of the fic.
Author´s Note: So here comes the end. I really hope you enjoy this. Feel free to click the review button and let me know :) Oh yeah... and if you didn´t hate Chris already... you will now. Sorry.
I´ve lived three days of calvary till today. After reading his note I went straight home, to Rory´s room and tried to walk in but she had locked the door. That stroke me as odd since she never did so I braced myself for the worst. I knocked and waited for her reply.
"What do you want mother?" She asked from inside and I was hurt at her coldness.
"We need to talk."
"No, mother we do not."
"Rory please let me explain..."
"What? How you cheated on dad? How you are going to leave him to be with who knows whom? That you lied to me? Well, thank you but I think I´d rather pass."
"Rory..." I started to say half warningly but I hear her sing from inside... I could almost picture her as a four year old covering her ears and humming just not to listen when you talk to her. I waited for a while and when she gave up I spoke again.
"We will have to talk this out eventually you know."
"Again mother you are wrong because I intend to avoid you for the time you have left in this house."
"What do you mean I? We are moving out together."
"No. You are moving out... I´m staying, I´ve already told dad and he agreed. Just be thankful I never said why I didn´t want to live with you. Now leave me alone!"
I know Rory better than I know myself and I knew it was a lost case. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. I wanted to run to him and tell him everything, have him make it disappear just like he always did, but this time I had to stay.
The next days were filled with time for packing. Rory wouldn´t speak to me and Chris never did anyways so I was left to my own, with exception of my mother´s calls and visits who still demanded explanations about what was I thinking to ask for a divorce. The papers showed up the third morning and I called the movers once Chris and I had signed everything. Mom came that day and threatened never to speak to me if I went through with this... and she hasn´t since.
I decided to leave a letter for Rory on her bed explaining everything, since his father´s affair till what I considered mine, in the hopes that she would read it once she was back from Chilton and maybe one day forgive me.
I´m on the steps of my new house now. The movers just left leaving me with a bunch of boxes and a mattress on the floor. I will need to go shopping sometime soon but right now I´m just trying to decide what to do next.
----------
I´ve been in this house for over two weeks now. I wake up early, I go to work, I talk Sookie into letting me sneak out some food at night, I get home, watch some T.V and go to bed. I wake up the next day and follow the same routine again. It´s not the best of lives but at least it is mine.
I bring my hand up to my neck to find a chain around it, his ring hanging in the middle. Not a second of my day goes by without this pressing urge to run to him but I´m afraid to be awaken from this dream. As long as I don´t go to his dinner I can still believe that he was indeed asking what I thought. I can ignore the fact that maybe I had jumped and landed flat on my face. I can relive the fantasy where everything plays out just like I want it to. And I know that I´m just being a coward but I can´t help it. For the time being I´ll take my fantasy world over reality.
Two minutes later the urge strikes again but this time I make up my mind. Today I´m going to walk there and take my chances. I haven´t come this far just to wonder. I sum up all the courage I can find and march my way down there. I walk into the desolated dinner and, in a weird deja vù, hear him shout.
"We are closed."
"I´m sorry, the sign said Open." I reply and hear him drop something that sounds like casseroles. I can´t help but smile as I see him come out of the kitchen. He looks at me and for the smallest of a fraction averts his eyes. He just stands there for what seams eternity and then walks from behind the counter and hugs me, but there is no kiss when we part and I´m left hanging.
He starts asking about my life, how are things with Rory and the new house. There is something off with him, like he is trying to hide something by continuously rambling and I still can´t put my finger on it. Besides I´m too thrown off by his kiss-less greeting. Something´s wrong and the fact that I cannot figure it out is driving me insane.
And then it hits me. He met someone else! That has to be it... why else would he be acting like such a good friend? As a mindless habit I´ve developed in the past days whenever I find myself in need of strength I reach for the chain in my neck. And before I can even finish with my train of thought I have to marvel at my own stupidity. I watch him follow my every move as I unlock the chain holding his ring, slip it out and hand it to him.
"I do believe tradition states that you are supposed to be one to slide that into my finger and I would hate to curse us with a tradition-challenged engagement."
He grabs the ring, kneels in front of me and asks:
"Lorelai, will you marry me?"
"Yes!" I scream at the top of my lungs and he gets up to kiss me senseless for the second time since I´ve known him. When we part for air he slips the band into my finger and his eyes linger on it for a while before he looks at me once more.
It doesn´t take me that long to realize somethings wrong. I start to panic, thinking that maybe coming here wasn´t such a good idea after all and even thought the notion is crazy I start to wonder once again if he has found someone else. I decide not to feed those fantasies and ask.
"Hey, what´s wrong?"
"Uh... nothing´s wrong, why do you ask?" He tries.
"Luke..."
"Ok. But this is going to sound really stupid..."
"What could be worst than the time I ironed a fax? C´mon, you are talking to the Queen of Stupidity."
"It´s just that... I wish I had time to really and actually date you before we got married. That´s all."
I smile broadly at him. He can be the cutest most sweet thing in the world sometimes... and he is all mine.
"Luke, would you like to go to the movies or dinner tomorrow night?" He looks up into my eyes and I can see realization hit him as he smiles. We can be engaged for sometime and date, quite frankly I believe that is for the best. Even though this is completely different, I don´t want to rush into another marriage.
"I´d love to." He replies. Then leans closer and kisses me once again. I´m about to deepen the kiss when I hear the door bell´s tingling followed by a very familiar voice.
"Mom?" Deja vù strikes me again and I panic as I believe I´m about to re live one of the worst scenes in my life. But when I turn Rory is still there. She walks shyly but surely toward us but instead of talking to me she holds out her hand to Luke.
"I believe we haven´t been introduced before. I´m Lorelai Leigh Hayden Gilmore but you can call me Rory." She says solemnly.
"Lucas Danes but you can call me Luke." He replies shaking her hand.
"With that said I beg you forgive me, I have something to do." She turns into my direction and I have yet to decide what to do or say. I´m still half expecting her to run away but she doesn´t, she hugs me as tightly as she can while beginning to cry.
"Mom, I´m sorry! I didn´t mean any of the things I said. I was just angry and confused and I´m sorry... please say you forgive me."
"Sh... babe. There´s nothing to forgive." She parts from me and starts speaking again.
"Yes there is... I was awful. I didn´t even let you explain and I refused to talk to you and I was so disrespectful... I´m sorry mom. I was so confused. I know you and dad didn´t get along, I´m not stupid, but I guess somewhere in my heart I still hoped you would find a way around it, even after you filed for divorce. And then when I saw you kissing him all of my hopes were crushed and I couldn´t deal with it."
"Oh honey..."
"No, please... let me just finish saying this. When I got home from Chilton the day you left and found your letter, I was going to burn it, but I never could. At the time it was my last bond with you and even though I was still mad at you then I couldn´t bare to be completely away from you. It took me all this time to build up the courage to read it. And then last night I did. At first I couldn´t believe you... I mean, dad having an affair for so long, so I went to his office today to confront him and that´s when I overheard a conversation they were having. She is pregnant mom, and he actually insinuated she got an abortion! I... I... I was so disgusted, I just left. I´m sorry mommy..."
"It´s OK. babe I´m here now... it´s ok." I say while rubbing her back. "I´ll tell you what, how bout we walk back home and you can take a look at your new room? We can stay up discussing how to decorate it."
"I think I´d like that." She replies still half sobbing.
While leaving a hand on Rory´s back, I turn around to talk to Luke who has gone to the back while we were talking to give us some privacy. I find four take out coffees on the counter and a loving smile across his face. I mouth a thank you to him, grab the containers and start guiding Rory outside.
As we walk in silence I wonder. I´ve been afraid to leave, afraid to lose, afraid of living... but I turned to him and found myself. I felt my heart, my pain and my anger. I´ve fought my fear and found my answer and as a cat held upside down, I´ve landed feet on the ground.
Author´s Note: DONE! So? What ya think??
