Disclaimer: Marvel does not belong to me. Oh sadness.
(An: Ah yes. The Morlocks. How I detest them. If you are a Morlock fan, turn back now mere mortal! Mwa-hahaha! I happen to think that the Morlocks are dumb. Instead of asking Professor X for some nice holo-watches, they go live in the sewers. So yeah. I hate 'em, and I strongly strongly dislike Evan (I can't say I hate him, because he was a major char in too many eps and I already hate Jean and Scott so then I'd die in a fiery explosion. Why, you ask? Long, complicated, and stupid reason, savvy?) So anyway, I'm going to leave off torturing Jott for a short period (about 2 chapters, y'all can wait that long) to concetrate on the Morlocks. And yes, this chapter does count in that. As for the way Apoc. speaks: I've never seen his eps, and I wanted to up the comedic value by making him more menacing then Pheonix. Therefore, it's underlined!)
=SOMEWHERE IN EGYPT =
"MWA-HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! No, that's not right. BWE-HEHEHEHEHEH! Wrong AGAIN!"
"It goes like this, you idiot. MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- gasp- BWOAH-HOAHOAHOAHAO- GASP- MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And then some evil-sounding snickering for good measure," said Apocalypse.
"Well, how was I supposed to know that?" asked Mesmero. Apocalypse shrugged.
"Not my problem lackey. Why were you laughing evilly anyway? That's usually MY job."
"Well, sir, I just found the weapon."
"What weapon, oh mind-controlled tool of mine?"
"Not just any-"
"Hey. Talking in italics is MY job."
"Ok, whatever. I found the weapon that'll let us-" Apocalypse glared at him, "- I-I mean YOU defeat the X-men!" There was a pause.
"So? What is it?"
"Oh. Right." Mesmero whipped a sheet off of a table. Beneath it was the strangest thing Apocalypse had ever seen, and that was saying something.
It appeared to be made up of a strange green bendy stick with some kind of bug-thing on the end, perched on four of those cat toys with the weasels that chase the balls. Stuck on the green thing was a squishy blue ball on a stretchy rope (a.k.a. a water yo-yo). Trailing behind it was a bone-shaped stick with a bag on the end. (All of these things DO exist; except for the weasel on a ball I own them.)
"What is THAT?!?"
"What do you mean, 'what is it'?"
"Ppfht. Hired help. Let me try this slower: What. Is. It?"
"It's a doomsday device, Mr. Apocalypse guy sir," said someone.
"Ack! What was that?!?"
Forge stepped out of a shadowy corner. "Relaaax, Jive Turkey. It's just me." Apocalypse gave him a blank look. "Forge. The inventor guy? Bionic arm? Super genius from the 70's? Middleverse? Shado-"
Suddenly there was a bamf, and Kurt and Sam appeared. Sam slapped his hand over Forge's mouth.
"Don't say any more," said Sam. "Otherwise the creepy author will lock you up in her basement."
"Yeah," agreed Kurt. "For us, it's even worse. She likes-"
"HEY! I'M the only one who can talk in italics!"
"Er, vhatever. Just don't say anymore pal. The author likes me too, and just- oooohh, the memories!" Kurt shuddered and broke off, whimpering.
"She has rats in her basement. Big, dead ones.And duck tape. Lots of duck tape. The kind made from ducks."
Forge gave Sam and Kurt strange looks but nodded anyway.
Kurt and Sam bamfed away.
"Okaaaaaay," said Forge.
Apocalypse tapped his foot. "WELL, wierd-inventor-person-who-I've-never-heard-of? How will this.. this... this arcane THING help me defeat the X-men and take over the world?"
"Um, because the X-men are weak, and you are really really really strong and this thing'll make you even stronger?"
"COOL! Uh, I mean.. That will be good, er, Forge, right?"
"Sure, I come up with the idea, but the inventor gets called by his name," muttered Mesmero, making sure Apocalypse wouldn't be able to hear him.
"Yeah. So, how do I get payed, then?"
"Payed?" asked Mesmero. "I thought you said you were doing this for free."
Forge stared at him.
"Ok. What do you want?"
"How about Canada? Nobody's using it, anyway," suggested Apocalypse.
"Ok. Oh yeah, can I also get the rights to all those 70's tv shows and the world's supply of disco balls?"
"Done and done," said Apocalypse, holding out his hand to shake.
Forge handed him a remote control. "Just face this baby at the X-men and push that button."
"We agree. Now get out of here," said Mesmero.
Forge walked out.
Apocalypse inspected the.. thing. "Good work minion."
"Uh, sir, it's Mesmero, not minion."
"Yeah, sure whatever. They both start with 'M', don't they? Leave me and.. Sue Anna in peace, ok?"
"Er, 'Sue Anna'?"
Apocalypse indicated the device. "Yes, yes, Sue Anna. Now get out of here, before I - we, fry you, got it?", he said, flapping a hand at him.
Mesmero gulped. "Yes oh great one." Apocalypse glared, and began to glow. "Gone!" Mesmero made his way out.
(Yes, I am aware of it's shortness, but it's well funny anyway, right? Next chapter: Lost, or Morlock torture is an art form.)
