Chapter 40:
"…and Jean was so nice, and she's so pretty, she's got long red hair down to her waist and the brightest green eyes I'd ever seen. She's married to Scott, and Scott and Remy are like brothers. Charles and his wife raised both of them together after Charles brought Remy north from a slave auction in Louisiana…"
Logan listened with half an ear as he watched her putter around the cabin. His eyes were full of her. Her liveliness lit up the room, and her eyes sparkled with laughter and high spirits.
Desperate to hear her talk, to hear her voice, Logan had asked her to tell him about the places she'd been, and the people she'd been with. It had taken two days of almost nonstop chatter for him to fully understand the feelings behind the torrent of words. While she went around, unpacking her bag and storing her things in the old chest, she'd prattled on happily about the mansion and its inhabitants, leaving Logan to speculate about what she didn't say.
These people living in this place Remy had taken her to were rich. Logan's heart sank in despair when he heard her describe her room, the feather bed she'd slept on, and the size of the property. There were more comforts there than there were here on his little ranch. What did she have here? Rough food she had to cook herself, a lumpy straw mattress; hard work, rough clothing she had to make herself. He saw the dresses she'd unpacked; they were of a material finer than anything she'd ever worn, and the package of white handkerchiefs she'd given him were much better than anything he could buy here in town. She had lived a life of hardship as a slave; so why wouldn't she want to return to the fancy mansion? The people there loved her, and she loved them, to judge from the way she talked. Logan knew deep in his heart that Jubilee hadn't come back to stay. She was going to go back to Canada.
Maybe he could go with her? Logan stared around the cabin that had been his home for fifteen years. He had built it all by himself, had cut every log, hewn every board, driven every nail with his own two hands. It was a strong, sturdily-built cabin. Anyone would buy it in an instant from him. And his horses; due to his selective, careful breeding, his horses were in demand as the finest, fastest horses in Missouri. He could sell every single one of his horses, and added to the sum he had hidden under his floorboards, would be more than enough to get him started in Canada. He could buy a small house somewhere, and Jubilee could come visit when she wanted to; living in the same country as she was would give him the chance to see her more often than if he stayed here.
He had tried living without her already; and he knew he needed her. Needed to see her every once in a while; needed to see her, if only to allay the loneliness in his heart. He'd lived alone before she came; and he'd been, if not happy, at least content. Then she had come, and it was as if she had brought back light that had been missing in his life. When she left, the world had gone dark; he knew he'd die inside if he had to stand there and watch her leave again. Because he knew she was leaving. There was a tiny circle of gold on her finger that hadn't been there when she left, and that plus the way she spoke the Cajun's name, in those soft, caressing tones, told him volumes.
"You an' that Cajun gettin' married, hey?" he said abruptly, interrupting her cheerful chatter.
Jubilee stopped racing around the cabin. She had been avoiding the topic, unsure how to tell him without breaking his heart, and also trying to figure out how to tell him about Charles's offer. Sighing, she went over to the kitchen table, plunked down in the chair, and twisted a strand of her hair as she regarded Logan quietly as she gathered her thoughts. "He asked me to marry him, yes," she finally said.
Logan's heart sank. So he was right. She wasn't going to stay. "I hope ya two are nice an' happy," he said abruptly, getting up.
"Papa, wait, I…" but he was gone, out the door and heading off to the horse corral. She quietly finished unpacking her things, then went outside to find him.
He was talking to a soldier outside, and her heart sank., It was one of the men who had used her so long ago. Well, she was a free woman now. He had no right to touch her. No one could touch her now without her consent. And she had citizenship papers from Canada, so the law couldn't touch her. She smiled brightly as she went over to Logan. "Papa, I'm taking Shadowcat out for a turn on the lunge line."
The soldier stared at her. "Isn't this…" he broke off. 'You, girl!"
Jubilee said, sweetly, "Please don't refer to me as 'girl', sir," she said. "Miss will be fine."
"How dare you tell me what I can or can't do! You're a slave!" The soldier's face flushed with his indignation.
"Actually no, sir," Jubilee said, smiling at him maliciously. "I'm a free woman, sir. I have papers. And I'm also a citizen of Canada, which means you can't order me to do anything. Your laws don't apply to me." She reached into a pocket of her apron and produced the papers.
The soldier stared at them, his face red with anger. But the documents were signed and sealed, and bore the stamp of the Canadian government; there was absolutely no way he could refuse to acknowledge them.
He grunted, finally, in anger, and threw the papers at her, then turned his horse and rode out of the gate. Jubilee quietly closed the gate, locked it, and then leaned against it and laughed. "It'll be all over the fort by tonight," she said. "I may have to produce the papers again for others' edification, but after that I won't have to bother."
Logan grinned at her, a little weakly. "Ya grown a bit since I seen ya last," he said. "Got a lotta confidence, don't ya?"
"Yep!" Jubilee agreed happily, taking his arm. "Papa, I wanted to ask you something before you walked out of the cabin."
'Yeah?" Logan said gruffly, wondering what it was going to be.
She hesitated. "Um…how attached are you to the cabin and the horses and the land?"
Logan stopped walking and turned to face her. "Why do ya ask?"
She shook her head. "I asked you first."
Logan snorted. "I love this place, an' I love the horses. Looks like they ain't gonna be mine much longer, though."
Jubilee sucked in a breath and ran after him as he turned and headed for the paddock. "Papa, why?"
Logan opened his fist and smoothed out the paper he'd crumpled after that damn soldier had given it to him. "Read that," he said.
Jubilee read it quickly, her eyes skimming the fine print. "Oh, Papa!" She gasped. "They're not taking all our horses?!"
"Yeah," Logan growled. "Every single one of them. They said with the war breakin' out every spare horse's gettin' bought by the army as spare mounts fer them soldiers. They comin' next week ta take the horses."
"But…Papa…Thunder…"
"They says they leavin' ridin' horses for you and me, but everythin' else's goin' with them. I tell ya somethin', Jubilee, I don't know what I'm gonna do. All I know how to do is handle horses and fire a gun. Maybe I'll go join the damn army too. Ain't nothin' else ta do roun' here."
"Papa, no!" Jubilee dropped the paper and launched herself at him, hugging him so tight his ribs creaked. "NO! You can't! What if you…you get shot…or…killed…or something…" She trailed off, and hugged him harder.
Logan hugged her back, his eyes filling with tears. She loved him so much she'd come all the way back here to tell him she understood why he'd done what he did. "Jubilee," he said gently, untangling her arms from their stranglehold on his neck. "Yer grown up. Yer gonna go back up ta Canada an' get married. Ya don't need me anymore. Nobody else wants ta hire me. Least I can do is go join the army, fight for the freedom of the other slaves like you."
"Papa, no," Jubilee wailed. "You could die! I don't want you to die! And Charles said he'd hire you if you wanted to come back with me!"
"What?" Logan narrowed his eyes.
Jubilee flushed and twiddled with a strand of her dark hair. "Charles needs a good stable manager. Before I left he asked me to ask you if you'd consider coming back north with me. You could take over the stables for him, and get paid wages, and I'd be able to see you all the time, every day if I wanted to! Please, Papa. I love Remy, but I love you too. I'd rather have both of you. I don't want to have to choose between you and him." Her eyes were filled with tears, and she looked pleadingly at him. "Please, Papa. Please!"
Logan was stunned. He'd never considered living with her. "This Charles…he'd do that?" he asked her, wonderingly.
"Yes! Papa, he even gave me extra money to get both of us plus our horses back to Canada! We could ship Thunder and Shadowcat back on the train East, and then to Canada. He really wants you to come, Papa, please say you will!"
"I'll think 'bout it," Logan said gruffly. "Hey. That black mare of yours is waitin' fer ya. Go on." He gave her a shove in the direction of the corral. She looked back at him, reluctantly, then went toward the gate where Shadowcat was waiting. He returned to the cabin, and the chores. He didn't want to think about leaving. He liked it here.
But later that night, as he lay awake in bed, he heard a soft sound coming from her side of the room. Sitting up, he saw her curled up on her bed, breathing evenly. In the light from the cabin's one window (he'd put that in shortly after she'd gone) her face was flushed, and her lips were moving. Thinking she was having another nightmare, he tiptoed to her bedside…just in time to hear her breathe the name "Remy…" She rolled over on her back, and the edge of her nightgown slipped up. Her privates were covered by her drawers, for which he was thankful, but in the pale light, he saw the patch of red, burned skin where the brand had been. She'd had the brand removed just to come see him.
His heart contracted with the thought of how much pain that must have involved, then swelled with pride at the thought of the courage it must have taken for her to submit to that painful procedure. She had guts, his little girl. And knowing the price she had paid to see him again, could he really tell her she had to go back alone?
What did he have here, anyway? His cabin, his horses, his things. But were these things really worth losing her forever? Would moving to Canada be so bad? The horses would be gone in a few days; and with them would go his livelihood, for however long the war lasted, which, for all he knew, could go on for years. What would he do, what would he live on? His flippant remark to her earlier about joining the army was just mere talk. He couldn't see himself killing another man because his commanding officer told him to. The cabin could serve as home to someone else; he could build another one when he got to wherever they were going.
And as that thought crossed his mind, he realized his mind was made up. He would go with her. He had lost a wife and daughter to Fate; he would be an ass now if he lost another daughter to his own stupidity and unwillingness to move. The preceding months of loneliness had shown him that. His home wasn't here; his home was wherever Jubilee was.
He returned to his bed, suddenly tired. His mind was made up; they'd leave. Now he would have to figure out how to get to Canada.
Well, there was time enough for that tomorrow.
