Chapter 41:
Jubilee woke to the sound of coins clinking against each other. She yawned, stretched, and sat up, ruefully thinking how much softer the feather tick had been when she was sleeping on it, and saw Logan sitting on the floor next to a pulled-up floorboard. On the floor in front of him was more money than Jubilee had ever seen in her life. Not even Charles's envelope had held that much.
"Papa?' she asked as she got up and pulled her silk dressing gown around her shoulders. She slid out of bed and padded on bare feet across the sanded floor. "What are you doing? Where did all this come from?"
Logan turned to her and grinned sheepishly. "Ya didn' think that all the profits from sellin' my horses was goin' to feedin' ya, did ya?" he teased, tugging on a strand of her hair. She'd started wearing it unbound and loose when she wasn't doing chores, and he liked the way the long black waves fell to the middle of her back. "Ya hardly eat enough. I kept puttin' money aside, I figured as you grew up ya'd want girls' things, but ya never asked fer none, so the money just sat here an' kept pilin' up. I'm tryin' ta see how much I got here."
"Why?" Jubilee sat down next to him and stared at the piles of bills and coins on the floor.
"I figure I'll need somethin' ta start off with up in Canada," he said quietly, not meeting her eyes.
Jubilee gasped in surprise, squealed in pleasure, and then hugged him so hard he thought his spine would crack. "You're coming! You're really coming! Oh, Papa!" She kissed his cheek repeatedly, her face alight with happiness.
He captured her chin in his hand. "Hey. Look at me." She fixed her blue eyes on his, and he saw tears of joy shining in them. His voice was incredibly soft as he said to her, without a trace of his usual gruffness, "I love you. I haven't loved anyone since Annie and Alice died; I thought that was it. But then you came, and I figured maybe my heart wasn't dead after all. Then Remy took you away, and it felt like you took my heart with you. I could actually feel a pain in my chest when I thought about you. Then you came back here, and I realized that I love you, and I can't live without you. I want to see you every day. I want to watch you get married. I want to give you away, if you'll let me. I want to see you happy. And eventually I want to spoil your kids and watch them grow up. You've become my life, Jubilee; I can't just sit here and watch my whole life walk away from me. If I did that I'd be making the worst mistake of my life."
Jubilee leaned her head against his shoulder quietly. "I love you too, Papa," she said. "The whole time I was there, up in Canada with Remy, I kept thinking how much I missed you. Every time I ate one of Ororo's apple pies I wished you were there to share it with me. Every time I lay down in bed, I wished you could feel how soft it was. Every time I went to the stables, I wished you could be there instead of Andrew. And when Andrew switched me, I wished you were there to make him stop. I wished you were there to hold me and make the pain go away when I asked the doctor to take the brand off my hip. And when I finally got my freedom papers, I wanted so badly to show them to you. I came back here because I needed to see you again. I needed to tell you that I understood why you did what you did, and that I loved you. I never got to say goodbye when I left. And it hurt."
Logan swallowed hard on the lump in his throat. "It hurt me too, darlin'," he said huskily. "My heart kept telling me to go back out there, and tell you I was sorry." His voice broke. "I never meant it when I called you a whore. It hurt so much to say it, it hurt so damn much. But I thought the only way to keep you safe was to drive you away, to make sure you thought there was nothing here for you to come back to. I'm sorry I hurt you, Jubilee."
Jubilee kissed him. "I know, Papa. I know." They sat there, side by side, as the sun rose.
"Can I ask ya somethin'?" Logan said finally.
"Anything."
"Who's this Andrew who switched ya?" The growl was back in Logan's voice.
Jubilee laughed shakily. "He's the current stable manager. He told me that until my papers came in, I was still a slave, and I still had to obey him. He took a riding crop and hit me across the back of my legs for being rude."
Logan bristled. How dare—"What did the Cajun say 'bout that?"
"He told me that as soon as I crossed the border I was free. He told me to ignore Andrew and do what I wanted to. And if Andrew threatened to hit me again, I was to tell him and Charles."
"And did he?"
Jubilee laughed. "The next time he tried to get high-handed with me I told him that I was a free person. And because I was free, that meant I could call him out for insults done to me. He backed down really fast."
Logan made a face. "I don't think I'm going to get along with him."
Jubilee giggled. "Oh, I know you won't. Nobody gets along with him. That's why, as soon as you're there managing the stables, Charles is going to let Andrew go. The only reason he's still there is because they can't find anybody else who has experience with horses. Charles figures he'll give you the stud and gelding barn, and I'll take the mares and foals."
Logan sniffed. "Yer husband ain't gonna like ya hangin' around the barn so much."
Jubilee shook her head. "Remy's okay. Of course, he said when I'm pregnant he won't want me around them as much, but otherwise he's got no problem. He says at least I'm not as scared of horses as Jean is."
"How could anyone be scared o' horses?" Logan shook his head.
"Hey, I was scared of them once," Jubilee punched him lightly on his bicep.
"Yeah, well, ya had a reason," Logan said. "What about her?"
Jubilee shrugged. "I don't know. She's never said anything." She stood up. "Speaking of horses, I'd better go and get them fed and watered." She rummaged around in her chest for her dress, and Logan returned to his counting, keeping his head bent so he wouldn't see anything he shouldn't.
"Which horse are you taking?" Jubilee asked him later when he joined her at he paddock fence and watched the horses. "Where's Dark Star?"
"Killed by a wildcat 'bout a month after ya gone," Logan told her quietly.
She looked up at him. "Oh, Papa!"
"Hey, don't worry, Jubilee," Logan said, ruffling her hair. "He was an old horse anyway. And yer horse Thunder's a better mount anyway."
'What about Storm?"
"Buffalo an' I never did find that big horse of his, so I gave him his pick of my horses to compensate him fer the loss. Turns out Storm was the only one I had tall enough to carry him."
"Oh, Papa! And it was my fault, you should have given him Thunder, my horse, because I was the one who lost Buffalo's horse!"
"Thunder was your horse," Logan said softly, staring at the stallion in the middle of the field. "He was all I had left of you. Him and yer damn wolf. I couldn't give him away. Besides, it wasn't yer fault he got away. If Walbrook hadn't…stopped ya…you'd have found him yerself."
Jubilee shuddered. "I've tried to forget…but every time I think about it, I feel sick. Oh, God, Papa, it hurt so much, I passed out and he kept waking me back up…" She placed a hand to her mouth, going pale, then she turned and ran for the back of the barn. Logan followed her, and held her as she retched her breakfast up in the dust. "See what I mean about getting sick?" she said weakly, rising from her knees and heading off toward the well. Logan kicked some dirt over the mess and went to the well, drawing up a bucketful of water and holding it for her as she cupped her hands in it and drank, then washed her hands and face.
"Don't think about it anymore, darlin'," he said comfortingly. "Come on. I want to get some work done with a couple of them before tomorrow."
They sat down at noon for a quick, hurried dinner, then went back out to prepare the horses. The soldiers from the fort would be coming out the next day to claim them; Logan wanted to make sure each one was as well-trained and looking as healthy as possible. The judicial order had said that the owner of the horses would be paid fair market price for each horse taken by the army. The better the horse looked, the better the price he would get. He and Jubilee spent as much time as possible currying and brushing the horses. As the sun began to set, they went into the cabin, and Jubilee started to make supper.
Logan saw how tired she was, and frowned. "Sit down," he said to her, taking her shoulders. "Rest. Ya been away from all this work for too long, ya ain't used ta it yet. I'll make supper for both of us." She went to lie on her bed without comment, and he frowned. Why was she so tired? And she had thrown up earlier…It wasn't Walbrook, because she hadn't thrown up at all the few weeks she'd been in bed recovering from the horrific whipping, and she'd talked about it with him and Remy. A niggling suspicion grew in his mind, but he didn't say anything. She dropped into bed, tired, as soon as supper was over, and was almost instantly asleep. He took the dishes out, washed them, then put them away in the cupboard. He'd leave them here. If some traveler wandered by and wanted the cabin, they were welcome to it. He was glad he hadn't gone out hunting in a while; there was little food left in the cellars, and his salt, flour, and sugar supplies were pretty low too. He'd give the soldiers his chickens, pigs, and the cow and bull too. They could probably use the extra food supplies.
He went to bed, still wondering about her sudden tiredness and her sickness spells, and was awakened by her scrambling out of bed the next morning. She raced outside still in her nightgown, but never made it to behind the barn. She fell to her knees and heaved dryly there in the dust by the back door. Logan got her a cup of water from the well, and she leaned against him as she drank it. "I think I'm sick," she said finally, as she leaned against him weakly.
Logan helped her into the cabin and pulled his shirt over his head. He normally slept in pants, so getting up in the morning was quicker. "When did you start feeling bad?" he asked her, rummaging around in his medicine cupboard. He knew what was wrong with her; he just needed to find out when she'd started feeling ill.
"Soon after I left the mansion," Jubilee said, frowning. "Maybe a week after I left. I rode to the nearest town that had a railway station, and got on the train there. While I was there I started feeling sick after I ate. One of the other passengers told me that sometimes people get sick on trains, especially if it's their first time, so I didn't think much about it."
"Ya ain't sick," Logan said grimly, locating the packet of medicine in his cupboard. He swore, looking at it. He'd have to get more of this stuff. A lot more. He measured out a spoonful of the herbs into a cup, stirred it, and then handed it to her. "Drink that. It'll settle your stomach." She took it, sipped, and grimaced at the taste. "It tastes odd. What is it, Papa? Why do I feel this way?"
Logan grinned. "Yer gonna make me a grandpa."
Jubilee stared at him. "I'm…I'm…"
Logan grinned. "Yep. Looks like you an' the Cajun been busy!" He laughed at her uncomfortable look. "Let's get ya up ta Canada an' tell that Cajun he's gonna be a Papa."
