Disclaimer: -sings- Oh if I owned the X-men bum-bidi-bidi-bum-bum...
(An: Sorry about the sporadic updating-ness, been a bit off my feed lately.
Jazz: In non-Wisconsiner speak, that's "I've been a bit wierd lately."
M.A.: Shut up. Mayleen: No, you can't have Logan. Pyth gets the honour of dispelling Rodna. I suppose I could always have Jazz "Trip and land on his lips", eh heh heh. Your amazing ability is to write Romys with amazing and engrossing plots and fight scenes. And uh -stammers- also to create really cool OC's! ...Alistor's holding a gun to my head.
Jazz: Alistor has a gun?
Alistor: Now I do, apparently.
M.A.: Just shut up and let me get on with this, ok?! -clears throat- Anyway, uh ETA: -gasps- No swearing! There are children here!
Jazz: Like you?
M.A.:What part of "shut up" do you not comprehend?! XKID: Okay, I've gotten bored of waiting for a response from you so I'm just going to jump the gun and put Pyth in anyway. But until you email me with her stuff I'm not going to have much of her in here, so ner. -patiently- Everyone hates Jott, jeez, how long is your attention span?!
Jazz: Shorter then yours, apparently.
M.A.: SHUT UP! But anyway, it may seem like I'm bashing Pyth but I'm going to bash everyone I know a relative amount about. That means only Ky is safe from my evil purpouses. BTHC: Actually I'm thinking something more along the lines of Logan and pheremones. -evil laughter is heard- Di: My timing is your problem. Heh heh heh. Yes, Daphine ro- HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY MOUNTAIN DEW!
Daphine: -evil laughter-
M.A.: Goddammit!!
-OC's stop and stare-
M.A.: What?! -clears throat- Aaanyway, at least I don't have Pyth to deal with yet. At least not until XKID gives me her info.
Ky: -dumps a bucket of water over M.A.'s head-
M.A.: What was that for?!
Ky: -shrugs and walks off-
M.A.: I hate you all. sighs But enough of my problems. On with the chapter!)
=THE NEXT DAY, MY POV=
There's yet another newcomer to the Institute. Her name is Pythona, the snake-girl. She has this rabid thing for Kurt.
Considering all the plotting Jazz, Kurt, and Ali have been doing, she wasn't very happy with Jazz.
I was sitting on the couch, reading up on Bayville Laws and Regulations (never know when that might come in handy) with Katie, when I heard the sounds of a fight coming from the hallway.
Pythona poked Jazz in the chest. "You can't have Kurt! He's mine!"
Jazz shrugged. "All right."
Pyth deflated a tad. "...What?"
"You can have 'im. He's waaaay too young for me in this dimension. Haven't you noticed? He's 18 and I'm almost 30!"
"Oh..."
"What are your powers, anyway?" piped up Kitty.
Jazz spoke next, for reasons unknown. "Well, according to this little sunspot here," she pointed at me, "her powers are that of a snake: Fangs, scales, is cold-blooded, and has venom, I think. Of course, the sunspot also believes that she might have some kind of character-seducing powers as well."
"..What?" asked Pyth, clearly confused.
"You explain it," said Jazz, shoving me forward.
The snake-girl gave me a skeptical look. "Well see uh," I stammered, "it's just that Kurt's obsessed with you in all of XKID's fics and Harry Potter liked you too and Spiderman seems to have a thing for you as well and so did this Spynx guy like five seconds after he met you." (XKID, can you dig the point I'm trying to make here? As for all the Pyth bashing, that's what you get for not reviewing! Sacrilige! Jazz: -perks up- Sacrilige?! Someone get the sacrilige stick! M.A.: -mouths- Sacrilige stick?)
"Yeah, that's what I kind of thought you would say which is why," I said with a glare at Jazz, "I told her not to tell you!"
Pyth shrugged and went off to stalk Kurt.
Me and Kitty went back to plotting tomorrow's distraction.
=NARRATOR POV=
Pythona got interrupted in her quest for Kurt by Logan. "Hey dad," she said casually and kept walking, not knowing the havoc that innocent comment would wreak.
=ABOUT A HALF-HOUR LATER=
Logan was depressed. First the peanut butter thing, then the indignity of the watermelon. He had gotten over those things with Rodna back.. but considering recent events, she wasn't really a comfort option anymore.
Kurt came walking into the room, looking surreptiously left and right. "Is Pyth in here?" he asked softly.
Logan shook his head.
"Good!" said Kurt, sinking into a chair with a sigh of relief. "I like the girl and all but she's just annoying after a while. (An: Look Ma, no accent!) Hey, what's the matter?"
Logan looked up from his beers. "Rodna left me."
"Again?" Logan nodded tearfully. "What happened?"
"Pythona said 'Hi dad' to me."
Kurt looked over at him. ". . .So?"
"So that got Rodna upset! She started on this spiel about old girlfriends and even though I tried, really I did, to explain that she was just made from my DNA, she wouldn't listen! She took her kids, the waffle iron, the blueberries, my cowboy hat, but most of all she took my heart, my heart!" He broke down sobbing.
"Uh.." He was spared having to reply to this when Jazz walked in. Calm as you please, she dropped a large purple pill in his beer. Logan didn't notice. When you're experiencing a mental breakdown, people drugging your drink just doesn't bother you like it should.
Logan took a lusty drink of the stuff, choking down the pill like it was nothing. He grinned crazily and yelled "HEY! THAT'S GOOD STUFF!" and collapsed. Jazz grinned evilly.
"Mind puttin' the badger in the DR Kurt?"
"Uh, sure." Kurt shrugged and bamfed him there and came back. "What was that all about?"
Jazz gave him a long, steady look. "You don't want to know. This was Alistor's idea. Speaking of Ali, where is he? I have to tell him I planted the aphrodesiac."
"The what?!"
"Never mind." Jazz walked out.
"I don't want to know, I don't want to know," Kurt whispered.
Pythona came in. "Hiya cutie! What's wrong?" Kurt whimpered and curled up in a little ball in his chair. "Oooh, I'll kiss it and make it better!" Kurt sighed and let Pyth drag him off.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion, Ororo was calmly watering her plants when she was ambushed by Ky, who Ali had gotten to come to X-geek manor. He needed to exploit her power of invisibility, you see. She dumped a large tub of what smelled like pheremones over her. In other words, every guy within twenty feet of 'Ro had to take a veeeery long cold shower. She then ditched the place, muttering something about "cleansing the smell of good" from herself and "doing penance for such sacrilige." (Jazz: Sacrilige stick! M.A.: What in bloody hell with bats is a sacrilige stick?!)
In Hank's lab, he too was slipped a large purple pill. How he got it, we'll never know. Alistor won't tell. And yes, he too was dumped in the DR. Another thing we'll never know, unless someone figures out how to slip truth serum in Alistor's beer.
Somehow, Alistor and Jazz managed to pry Kurt from Pythona, promising "they'd give him right back"(and I think also by promising to let her use Storm's curious arrangement of S&M thingys). They managed to convince Kurt (probably involving Jazz's telepathic powers) that 'Ro would make out with him if he bamfed her into the DR and then bamfed right out back to Pyth.
As for what happened to the professor, he was rendered immobile by a DVD with every single bloody this-damn-show-won't-bloody-DIE episode of Pokemon EVER released. That means the ones still in Japan, you silly neener-heads. (An: Jazz: -mouths- Silly neener-heads? M.A.: SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP WOMAN!)
So Ororo was attacked-mentally-scarred-for-life-maimed-raped-by-pheremone-crazy-animalistic-guys in the DR. (An: Alistor: I have a tape of it right here, don't ask how I got it but I do, selling it out, fifteen bucks a watch. -holds up tape- Everyone else: -is somewhat grossed-out but curious- Jazz: ...Give me that.)
=A FEW HOURS LATER=
After the pheremones and the aphrodisiacs wore off, a very embarassed Logan and Hank stumbled out of the DR. Ororo couldn't move by herself. She was rolled out of the DR instead, stuck in what appeared to be a permanent fetal position. She was whimpering something about foot-long hotdogs. Gee, I don't see any context to that.
The practice went well enough, nothing to comment on there.
Meanwhile, no one noticed Katie and M.A. laughing evilly on the couch.
=THE CONTINUING JOURNIES OF APOCAROACH=
Today we're reporting from Mardi Gras! Wahoo!
Apocaroach and Mesmeroach sprang from their wormhole in their never-ending quest for world domination, Sue Anna (tm), or at least cockroach-sized designer shoes.
They were almost immediately nearly squashed by a line of people with large cups of beer wearing half-masks and feathers chanting "Mardi Gras Mardi Gras Mardi Gras" over and over and over yes indeed you better believe it. They were then nearly drowned by a large droplet of said beer.
"Back in the wormhole!" shouted Apocaroach. Of course, through the beer in his mouth, it sounded more like "Grgack gign glub blblehole!" (Well, have you ever attempted to write gargling?)
Of course, Mesmeroach got the idea.
Tune in next chapter for the ever continuing "Journies of Apocaroach!"
(Ok, I need help. I need some ideas for "The continuing journies of Apocaroach." The distractions I can handle, but that's got me screwed. Please review with suggestions. Zany quote: "I considered bringing the sour prize inside to complain, but the last time I voiced displeasure against this particular deli, the storeowners suddenly forgot English, made a bunch of duck noises and kept pointing to bags of sunflower seeds. Hmm. It would've been interesting to see if they always respond to complaints like that. Next time.")
