23. Kindling Confidence

"Blessed Valar, Indelin, please sit down!" Elladan declared as he watched the young elleth climbing up on the rails of one of the stalls.

"We can not just sit here." she retorted, bunching up her skirts in one hand as she clambered onto the top rail. He had to admit that she had very good balance but she was also showing off her slender legs in a way he found most distressing.

"Indelin, you can not climb out that window!" he insisted, "you can not reach it, and even if you could, an elfling would not fit through it."

"I am willing to try." Indelin snapped, curling her fingers around the sill and trying to pull herself up to the largest window in the stable.

"And what shall you do if you get through," he demanded in exasperation. "fall face first into the stable yard? There is no way to climb down outside!" Indelin's shoulders slumped in defeat and she leaned against the stable wall for a moment before sinking down to sit on the top rail, her feet swinging over the floor as she hung her head in despair.

"Elladan, I'm so sorry." she said softly, looking far younger than her nearly fifty years as she brushed a tear from her eye. Elladan let out a sigh, shaking his head.

"Come here, pen neth." he said gently, patting the hay beside him. Indelin slid off the rail, crossing the stable to flop down in the hay. He slipped an arm around her, pulling her against his shoulder comfortingly.

"It is not your fault." he said honestly, "We have both of us stumbled into a prank that I would guess was not even meant for us. At the very worst the stable master will come an hour or so before dawn and release us, I will swear him to secrecy and you can hurry back to your room before anyone is the wiser. Until then we must make the best of things."

Indelin nodded against his shoulder before pulling away. She drew her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and laying her head on her knees.

"Elladan, I am going with the next group to leave for Valinor." she said suddenly. He stared at her a moment, unsure what to say. There was no particular reason that her declaration should disturb him but he found it troubling all the same.

"There are other elves besides Orophin, Pen Neth." he said kindly, reaching out to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear so that he could see her face.

"Yes there are." she nodded in agreement "And none of them even know I exist."

"Indelin, you still have much time." he soothed, "you are far younger than your dear friends who have failed to snare a husband."

"Eirien has you." she pointed out, Elladan shifted his gaze uneasily at the reminder. "I do not think Meril will give up easily either." They sat in silence a moment, Elladan watching her in the soft lamplight. He could not fathom, for the life of him, why Orophin did not show more appreciation for the girl, she was lovely and sweet, innocently charming. She had many admirable qualities and he simply could not understand why some elf did not take a more serious interest in her. It was not as if Imladris were overpopulated with unwed elleths after all. She certainly showed promise as a lover. He cringed, resisting the urge to rub his forehead as he tried to erase the thought from his mind, he was supposed to be helping Indelin, not taking advantage of her.

Besides, she believed him to be in love with one of her closest friends. She heaved a listless sigh and he frowned. A question had been plaguing him for some time and now, he considered, might be a fine opportunity to get an answer.

"Indelin, I was wondering," he said presently "Elrohir has long fancied Eirien but she would have nothing to do with him, why is that?"

"Has she given some cause for you doubt her?" Indelin asked, her brow furrowing.

"Nay," he shook his head "I was simply curious about her preference for me seeing as we are exactly the same."

Indelin pressed her fingers over her mouth, stifling a giggle as her eyes danced at him mischievously.

"What?"

"You are not exactly the same." she replied with an impish grin "and if you believe so, then I must question the state of your mind."

"I have looked in the mirror every day for nearly three millennia." he said in an annoyed tone.

"Ah, but you will not see the difference there." she teased, "Elrohir is a fine, noble elf but he is nothing like you. He is melancholy and uneasy, even when he laughs, which is seldom, he still seems serious. He has none of your confidence and that is the difference Eirien sees."

Elladan was silent a moment as he considered her words. Perhaps the change had taken place so slowly that he had not been aware of it, but there was truth in it he could not deny.

"He was not always thus," Elladan said sadly, "Our Naneth's parting to Valinor weighs heavy on him, as it does on my Adar and sister. He blames himself, that he did not reach her sooner, that he could not help her when we did find her. Arwen took it badly and he bears the blame for her heart ache as well. The grief of it nearly destroyed Adar. For a time we thought he would fade and in that, most of all, Elrohir feels as if he has betrayed both our parents."

"It was not his fault." Indelin replied softly.

"No," he agreed "It was not. But that does not assuage his guilt. It is why he buries himself in books, and why we hunt for orcs, to distract him from his self incrimination."

"What did happen?" Indelin asked hesitantly, "I mean, I know but... perhaps you would not wish to speak of it." He studied her a moment, she knew of course. He did not think there was a single soul among the first born who did not. Did she truly want to hear this? He debated with himself, weather to protect her like a child or to respect her like the woman she was. He sighed.

"When Naneth's horse returned to Imladris without her, bearing signs of battle, we feared the worst." he replied finally "Ada tried to stop us but we were riding out the gates before he even reached the courtyard. We rode without rest. When we found her, there so little left of her I came apart. Elrohir has always been the better healer between us and I am glad of it. He tended her when I could not, but he did not have the skill to save her. We only barely made it back. I sat in the Hall of Fire for days and I do not know what happened during any of them, only that I did not sleep or eat. When she departed it was as if she took all our lives with her. Elrohir drank from guilt, Arwen sobbed uncontrollably. Ada locked himself in his study and would not come out."

"Elladan, I am so sorry." she breathed.

"I had failed them once, I would not fail them again." he said heavily "I placed Erestor and Glorfindel in charge of Imladris until Ada could come to terms with his grief. Imladris and Arwen only served as daily reminders of our Naneth so I dragged Elrohir into the wilderness away from the memories that haunted him. Eventually I coerced Arwen into moving to Lorien so our grandparents could see to her. I did not know what else to do. I could not see grief destroy them as it did Naneth."

"How ever do you bear it?" she asked softly, her eyes wide with sympathy and horror as if she were watching the events of five hundred years ago unfold before her. He closed his eyes. He could still taste the blood in the air, hear the shrieks of pain as the orcs tortured and violated his mother. Dear Valar, it had not faded, not even a little.

"I am sorry," Indelin said gently "perhaps I should not have asked you that."

"I do not mind the question nearly so much as you would mind the answer." he replied sharply, closing his eyes once more. He felt her small hand on his arm, and he opened his eyes, looking down at her fingers.

"I would not mind the answer." she assured gently "What could you possible say that would be worse than what you have already told me?" Elladan stared back at her, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

"I kill." he whispered "I am a killer. I do not hunt Orcs from a sense of justice, I do it for vengeance. I do not slay them as a warrior in battle. I gut them, I torture them. I let them linger in death. I inflict as mush pain and brutality on each and every one of them as I can. I bear it so that I can torture all of them. I am no better than the monsters I hunt."

His shoulders sagged in defeat and he closed his eyes once more. He did not wish to see the revulsion in her eyes. There were times when he had been sure that vengeance alone was all that was keeping him sane, but the cost to his honor and self respect had been too high. He felt her hand on his cheek and his eyes snapped open as she drew his gaze to meet hers.

"That is not the Elladan I know." she said tenderly, her eyes brimming with compassion "You have been the dearest, the most patient, the most long suffering of friends. Whatever you have done for the sake of those you love you have not done out of malice. Nothing you have done could compare to the evil of the orcs. I am ashamed, I have fretted about silly, romantic nonsense as if it were the very soul of Arda. I am honored that you would trust me with your confidence, and I am glad you have Eirien to love you. You have known enough of sorrow, I hope she will teach you joy."

"I am not certain I will ever learn it." he replied with a sad smile.

***************

Aragorn smirked at the sound of light footfalls approaching on the path behind him and he felt an unfamiliar thrill as he was nearly knocked over from behind as a delicate pair of hands covered his eyes.

"Blessed Eru!" he laughed as she giggled against his ear. "Have the Valar come for the last sons of Numenor?"

"No," she whispered mischievously, "guess again."

"Then it must be one of the Miar." he teased. "What fell purpose brings you to these shores?"

"Nay." she replied, her breath soft on his neck, "You must do better than that."

"Luthien?" he asked in a low voice, Arwen giggled merrily as she released him, taking hold of his arm.

"You guessed!" she pouted with a playful frown, causing him to laugh once more.

"Ah, but who else could be so lovely?" he asked blushing. She burst into laughter again, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze.

"You are a dear." she sighed, "Estel, why were you not at dinner?"

"I am afraid something came up." he replied, trying to hide his evil smirk.

"You are as bad as Ada!" Arwen complained with a brilliant smile, "Do you go without sleep as well?"

"It could not be helped." he defended "I am most glad I found you here though."

"Estel do not be silly!" she teased "I found you." he chuckled as she laid her head on his shoulder a moment. The sensation at once made him feel both elated and nervous but he shoved the emotions aside.

"Well, where shall we walk, my lady?" he asked, taking her hand in his and brushing a soft kiss on it. He was delighted to see that she blushed ever so slightly.

"Oh," she sighed, flipping her long tresses back from her shoulders with a saucy smile "I do not feel like a walk."

"If you are weary I should gladly escort you to your room." he teased, resisting the temptation to grin at her.

"If my company is so irksome then I will simply have to go." she said impishly, twisting from his grasp. Without another word she bolted for the trees, swift as a deer, pausing only a moment to flash him a wicked grin before disappearing in the wood.

Aragorn felt a wide, foolish smile creeping over his face and in another moment he was off after her, his well trained eyes tracking her path. He ran, leaping over brush in his haste to reach his quarry, his steps uncommonly quiet for a human. She was fast, every bit as fast as her brothers and nearly as hard to track. Try as he might he could not catch her. Then he saw it, a wisp of pale silk, nearly hidden by the trees. He gave up stealth for speed as he increased his pace, crashing through the undergrowth. He could hear the sound of her laughter and then her warm, teasing voice singing to him.

Where are you going

and whom are you chasing

the river is flowing

the twilight is racing

Oh, Tra la la lally

Down here in the valley

He laughed as he continued to run, his chest heaving with exertion and excitement. He would never have thought an elleth could move so quickly in a gown but his glimpses of her between the trees were rare and he never seemed to draw any closer. He dodged tree and bramble, following the sound of her laughter and then all was silence. He skidded to a stop in the middle of a small glade, his eyes darting anxiously for some sign of her passing. He had lost the trail.

Are you not knowing

or are you just straying

will you be going

or will you be staying

Oh, Tra la la lally

Down here in the valley

The familiar tune from his childhood taunted him and, breathless, he renewed his pursuit, following the sound of her voice. He saw it again, that wisp of pale silk, farther away this time. Dear Valar, she was fast.

Who are you seeking

and will you be finding

the waters are speaking

but are you not minding

Oh, Tra la la lally

Down here in the valley

He bolted through the trees with reckless abandon, the unfamiliar thrill coursing through him causing him to laugh. He broke through the trees at the very edge of the high ravine walls, approaching one of the many tiny waterfalls that dotted the valley and he doubled up, gasping for breath as he tried not to laugh. The glade was empty, he could see no sign of her and his eyes narrowed in concern. Then he saw it, a wisp of silk.

He darted to the edge of the small pool, dropping to one knee in the long grass as he scooped up her delicate gown. His eyes grew wide in confusion and he bolted to his feet, scanning the glade desperately.

"Arwen?" He called, the slightest tremor of fear in his voice. The silence was broken by the sound of splashing and he whirled to face the pool as a spray of water drenched him, running down his startled face in rivulets.

"Oh, Estel!" Arwen whined teasingly "You've gone and gotten my gown wet!" Aragorn stared at her open mouthed as she stood just a few feet out from the shore, the water reaching her waist, her thin slip clinging to her slender form. Drops of water cascading from her hair like glittering jewels.

"Are you coming in or must I swim alone?" she demanded with a giggle as she noticed his attention focussed on a part of her body other than her face. His cheeks burned red as he stripped of his tunic, averting his eyes.

"Do you plan to watch me?" he asked, a bit uneasily.

"Really Estel!" Arwen smirked "one would think you were raised in the halls of men and not in Imladris! It is not as if you have anything I have not seen before!"

She nearly laughed as the blush deepened and he shed his shirt. Indeed, she thought, it was not as if she had not seen him before. But she decided to save that particular fact for when it would be the most embarrassing.

"Just how many men have you seen in only their underclothes?" he asked, standing on one foot as he pulled off his boot.

"Goodness," she replied flippantly, tossing her hair back with a shrug "I can not remember... the last was Arathorn, I think." Aragorn gave her a look of abject horror as he lost his balance, tumbling into the grass.

"You don't mean you and..."

"Estel!" she did laugh this time, "I tended him after a battle! He took an Orc arrow in the thigh. He would not have even let me see to his wound except Ada was needed to care for one of his men and there was no one else."

"What was my father like?" he asked softly, his expression growing serious as he removed his boots.

"A good bit like you." she replied with a wistful smile "A good man, noble, brave, selfless... and thoroughly embarrassed to have a female healer yanking an arrow out of his bare leg." her teasing smile made him laugh a bit self-consciously as he stood to his feet and he quickly shed his leggings, diving into the water.

"Sweet Eru, it's cold!" he shouted as his head broke the surface. Arwen let out a melodic laugh.

"Estel, you look positively wretched!" and he did, drenched and shivering, his hair plastered to his face as his teeth chattered.

"Thank you, my lady." he replied, hoarse with cold. Arwen shook her head, biting her lip as she reached for his hand, taking it in both of hers. She murmured in the ancient tongue of the Noldor as her fingers closed around his and at once he felt healing warmth return to his body.

Arwen sighed, scolding herself for being so foolish as her hands moved up his wrist and over his well muscled arm. As a healer she had seen first hand the terrible toll cold could take on a mortal and she regretted deeply that she goaded him into something that could prove so dangerous.

"Estel, I am sorry," she said softly as her healing touch moved to his other arm, "I did not notice the cold and I did not think, it was cruel of me." he stared at her a moment, distracted by her caress on his bare skin.

"It is all right." he forced out, swallowing hard as he tried to pull away from her, "It is much better now, thank you."

"Hush," she soothed, firmly drawing him back, "let me finish, you are still shivering."

He was shivering and as her hands moved to his shoulders and down his chest he was horrified to discover that he was, in fact, trembling. Her soft, warm hands glided over his skin, leaving fire trails over his bare chest. He gritted his teeth as her hands caressed the flat plains of his stomach. The bitter cold seemed to have no effect on his body's response to her soft caress. This was wrong, he should not have these feelings for one of the Eldar, much less for the daughter of his own foster father. But he could not hold back the gasp as Arwen's arms encircled him so that she could brush her hands up and down his back.

She was so close to him now that Aragorn could breath in the delicate scent of her hair as her hands moved over his body. He nearly groaned as her breast brushed his chest and he felt her nipples through the fin fabric of her slip. He closed his eyes, willing himself to ignore the thrill that pulsed through his body at her touch. He could feel her soft breath against her face and he prayed desperately to every Vala he could remember that she would not move any closer.

Arwen, pulled back from him, studying his face as her hands came to rest on his shoulders. She was pleased to see that his lips were no longer blue and there was a definite hint of color in his face.

"I am sorry Estel," she said contritely, brushing a quick kiss in his cheek "I could warm your feet and legs as well."

"No," he replied, his voice breathy, as he swallowed hard. "I am fine."

"Are you certain?" she asked innocently, "I do no mind. You still sound as if you are freezing."

"Quite certain." he rasped.

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Adar (Ada) - Father (dad)

Naneth (Nana) - Mother (mama)

pen neth - little one

meleth - love

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AuthorÕs Note - I know it was a little angsty, but IÕm having an angsty week. I never promised you an angst free story.

Arwen's song is based on the greeting song sung by the Rivendell Elves in 'The Hobbit' The meter and the last two lines of each verse were borrowed.

[TV announcers voice] - Will Aragorn get lucky? Will Indelin get an elf? Will Elladan get a spine? tune in next week for the unfolding drama of - Days of our Immortal Lives

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Historical Note - ElrondÕs wife, Celebrian was captured by orcs in the Misty Mountains, returning from a trip to visit her parents in Lorien. She was raped and tortured before she was rescued and in order to save her life Elrond was forced to send her to Valinor. Rape is virtually unheard of among elves, as is infidelity and few elves even have the strength to survive such an assault. Such an event would likely have been devastating to the entire family.

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Yavanna - Twisted enough for you?

Converted - I was a counselor at a co-ed summer camp in college *every* summer was like this... only without elves.

dragonfly - Hmm... do you think?

L Nimrodel - HeÕs Baaaack...

d o f - Um... guess!

TSS - still think so?

Cerridwen - I agree, just peachy.

dancetdplc - talk about too much drama...

grumpy - howÕs that for groping? Well, not exactly groping but still...

jesla - Elladan IS a hypocrite! He doesnÕt have a problem groping some faceless elleth in a stable, he doesnÕt care who heÕs feeling up as long as it isnÕt someone he cares about. Just a few chapters back he was sorting girls like socks. He was about to take advantage of a complete innocent and, quite frankly, thatÕs repulsive.

lilian - I donÕt know... donÕt you think Glorfindel seems lonely?

Kath - Oh yeah, hard evidence... hard as mud.