Outcasts

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Two: Ninja Conflict.

I am ninja and have been trained in the art from an early age. It is a part of who I must be, not because it is the only life I know but rather because we need these skills, my brothers and I, if we are to survive in this world. Living as we do as outcasts on the edge of society. A part of it, yet always separate from it.

I accept our situation in life. Raging at it and longing for something better is acceptable at times but I have learned that it is a wasted effort for in the end it doesn't change our circumstances.

Our Master was fully aware that we would need these skills to get us through and taught us these lessons during the day, while at night and early morning he would go scavenging for whatever, he could find in the way of food, blankets, or other simple necessities.

The fact that during our training we had proven ourselves so that he asked us to restore honour to him was perhaps mere luck alone, for he could never have known how much we could do.

Our training like life itself I noticed was often full of contradictions, we used our training to protect those who might hurt us or do us some type of injury. We were all fully trained to kill and yet to value life so that it was of utmost importance to check our blows so as not to seriously harm a person, unless we had no other choice. Trained to break the law in, many numerous ways, and yet we fought to uphold the law.

One of the earliest lessons I recalled was one of our Master telling us that in all things there was a balance and we should seek the balance in life no matter where our lives went to.

Many people might fear us, or feel that we could grow unbalanced from being taught to kill while at the same time to value life.

Stop to consider this small fact however, in any martial arts training you learn control, you are disciplined to not go out and used these skills to bully but to protect. In fact ninja used to believe that if they ever used their skills for the wrong intentions they would lose them forever.

Many people who have obtained high degrees, or Dans, in martial arts fighting have the capacity to kill a person with their bare hands, but I have never heard of some one of that skills going on a murderous rampage either. No, those who lack discipline, and morals are far more likely to become a threat to society.

In almost any martial art school the pupils end up breaking boards with their hands or feet. They are simple boards of about one inch thickness. But what few realize is one tenth of the power it takes to break one of those boards can break a bone in a person's body.

No we didn't pose a threat to society and yet we needed our training because society posed a threat to us. I was willing to live and let live but I knew I couldn't shrug such things off because of what we were.

So I trained hard, harder then any of my brothers and tried to learn what I could, not because it was forced on me, or demanded of me.

My brother's trained enough so that we were capable of holding our own for long period when odds, seemed against it, but at the same time all of us together could be an extremely deadly force.

I didn't train longer and more often then my brothers because I felt I had to protect them, no they could care for themselves and I was aware of that. There were time; in certain situations they would need me to bail them out of trouble. Raph always seems to be the one most often to go off the deep end and find himself in over his head.

However I can count as many times when my brothers came to my aid when I needed it.

We are a team with not one of us any better or worse then another, but each of us playing an essential role.

Sure I spent a lot of time in the dojo perfecting my skills going over the katas, but I found peace and tranquility in the flowing motion of the movements that I had learned over the years.

I was trained for this, some people draw, or write when they need to find peace, me, I turn to my training. By perfecting my skills I know I can better protect my family if they should ever need it.

I do not begrudge the time that Don spends in his lab, for where Don was strong I knew I was weak. How often had my brother's inventions or knowledge of high tech systems and alarms, or computers, been our saving grace?

More times then I can remember. His genius and knowledge had often saved our lives and insured us a far better life in the sewers.

He trained and kept up his fighting ability so he was not a hindrance in battle. For Don knew that his body and mind were indeed his strongest weapons and with his intelligence he was a hard opponent to beat.

So it was easy to let him do his thing, and I never begrudged or insist that he had to work out more then he felt was necessary.

Mike he was creative, forever coming up with wild ideas and he had a tremendous amount of energy, he gave everything he could in everything he did including fighting. I also knew with him and Raph being good friends they often ended up doing a good bit of sparring. Or is that wrestling with one another?

So Raph usually kept Mike sharp though, sometimes that was a problem for they often tended to battle in places other then the dojo breaking our all ready broken furniture. There were times that Raph could lose himself even in a battle with us and that was a hard thing to see. The time he almost brained Mike was a sight I doubt I will ever forget.

I don't think he really lacked the control, so much as the anger sometimes made him act before thinking of consequences.

Raph seemed full of anger and wild rages, some of it might just be due to who we were and some of it due to wanting to be accepted. He wasn't happy with himself.

Yet I knew Raph worked out often only most of his workouts would happen on the streets a lot of the time with Casey.

Casey had proven himself to be a good friend over the years, but when he Raph got together I couldn't help but worry, for the two of them were too similar in nature, and attitude, and when they got together their baiting, and daring games could lead to a situation that could be dangerous for either one of them.

To me it was the classic case of the blind leading the blind.

Both Casey and Raph had this tendency to get in over their heads and make foolish mistakes. One of these days one of their buddy get together could end up with one of them dead. Put Casey and Raph together and you know you were going have trouble somewhere along the line as one would most certainly lead the other astray.

I had a lot of fears and uncertainties about that idea, but could not order Raph to avoid Casey, for I knew my brother well enough to know ordering him wouldn't do much. Casey I knew though had his own brand of honour and integrity I suppose that is why the rest of us were willing to put up with him.

I care for all my family. I don't want to lose any of them. For they are a part of me and without them I would stand alone against my enemies.

There would be no one to help me in battle or to help care for my wounds, no one to get me past things I had little or no knowledge of, for Don's specialty definitely wasn't my forte.

I knew I would be able to manage without my family for a time but the loneliness of being the last, the isolation of the tunnels without Splinter's gentle words, Mike's distractions, even Raph's anger or Don's quiet yet gentle way that reminded me a great deal of our Master, without all that, the lair wouldn't be a home.

Instead it would be a cold empty place full of echoes that rattle eerily from room to room. It would be a place to avoid and not a thing that I could look forward to.

The streets above, the humans who inhabited topside, even the sewers can be a cold and unforgiving place.

These were the sort of things that made up my nightmares. Only my brothers could understand the emptiness that awaited the last survivor of our small team. Our Sensei would be the first to go and while I would hate to lose him and his insight.

I know that it was just another part of life and all the lessons and wisdom he imparted to us would always be a part of us. To lose our Master will hurt and be painful for all of us, and yet in it we must still find the strength to pull together.

Losing him meant we would lose a great deal of ourselves and who we are and without him it might be natural to start to drift in opposite directions, which was all the more reasons for the rest of us to stay close, and help one another as he has taught us to do over the years.

Sometimes though I wondered if I would lose Raph first and the thought of losing him while he was so young seemed too wrong. It chafed and irritated me, in ways that I shouldn't let it.

It was those times I would go after Raph arguing about his need to be more responsible and to control his actions before he got us all killed. In my depth of not wanting to lose Raph I think I often pushed him away.

But I couldn't seem to find the right way to explain to him that I needed him!

It would be one thing to lose our Master who was old, at least it would be easier to accept then it would be to accept the death of someone like Raph we were too young.

Yet I was fully aware that young people died all the time, sometimes like Raph they were doing something foolish, and other times their life was taken through no fault of their own other then being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In our lifestyle death was something we had to accept, and not live in fear of it. I didn't fear death for myself but I did fear being all alone with no one else to understand or accept me.

We were outcasts, the only ones we could fully depend upon was each other. Not all of us may appreciate the fact or even accept the fact of the matter, but we were as much outcasts as we were ninja. We couldn't walk away from being ninja either.

One can not let go of who or what they were, they could not change or walk away from the fact that they have lived and breathed a certain life for a certain period of time. You can't just turn your back on it and say no more. Because it is habit and it is second nature.

It is very hard for an addict to stop cold the addiction they have built over the years. One who has trained in martial arts could not just walk away form a life of katas, exercises and training. We might as well try to leave our shells behind as leave our ninja training behind us.

True we all had different opinions and views but in trying to see the view point of others I open myself to a better understanding of my family and possible choices that we could take if I could only think it through. There are many paths a person may walk in life.

Yet I knew no matter how many paths, or choices that were ahead of us we would always be outcasts.

Humans I knew had far too many fears and prejudice to believe we would ever be accepted, I used to read books in hopes of finding some clue that would provide us some hope for our future.

All I found was that humans were a wary suspicious lot, they had a hard enough time accepting someone of a different race, culture, or religion never mind what they would think or do to the likes of us if they ever knew we existed.

Splinter was right to train us in the way he did. He knew that humans would forever be a threat to us. He was aware that if even one of them were to see us, or know about us that we could end up in what could only be a dangerous position for ourselves.

Then everything we fought for would be gone and over in so little time, we would lose our home, our freedom, and our rights even because of what we were.

I found it so hard to trust humans; to me every human was a potential threat. A danger to our lives and our existence, and with greed being so powerful among them the need to sell us out would be strong even in those who acted like they were our friends.

It took me ages to trust April; I doubted her sincerity and friendship to us for many years. She was a reporter for the news and we could have been the biggest story she ever gave. Can you imagine the trouble she could have cost us if she had done a report on us? After all some reporters would feel that the public had a right to know about radioactive chelonians who were trained to be assassins and carried weapons, living right under their streets. Can you imagine the panic and outrage at such a report?

I often wonder if she was ever at any time tempted to sell us out.

I don't dare ask her though, for if her answer is yes, it will only waken old doubts, and she has helped us far more then even Casey has. She has lost more due to us to.

We are a threat to our friends for we can bring trouble to them, even when we long to keep it away. The Foot clan is always on the lookout to find someone they can use against us.

We have little but our skills to give to our friends and often feel to proud to accept the gifts they bring in the name of friendship or because they know we need it so badly. Honour tells us we should refuse such gifts and yet because they are friends it would be an insult to reject it. Yet another conflict in our lives.

Sometimes I wondered if having friends was worth it. Sometimes I think it would be much better to keep away from humans entirely as it seems we can protect them from harm or lead them into it.

In the end human's knowledge of our existence would always be a threat to us and we would never be safe.

We had to remain forever outcast, forever ninja if we were to survive.

TBC

Lenni: Who knows give Raph enough hugs and he might cheer up.

Raphael lover: Years of reading and watching turtles in almost every aspect you can think of helps a great deal. Seeing things through the character's eyes helps. Then of course there is always a pinch of author creativity, which doesn't hurt either.

Reinbeauchaser: That I believe is a lot of Raph's problem resenting and yet longing all at once. Whether I can maintain that feel through following chapters remains to be seen.

Buslady: Casey is Casey, he is one of the guys and he is great for guy stuff. April is different and I think most the boys realize that fact and therefore won't go lumping the two into one category.