Part 9

When he is allowed to sleep, he dreams of her.

He has always dreamt of her, since the first day he laid eyes on her when they were children. Those dreams - of touching her soft hair; of meeting her eyes across a room and knowing that she is feeling for him everything that he feels for her; of kissing her, not once, but whenever he wants to; of falling asleep with her delicate body wrapped in his arms, feeling her heart beating steadily in time with his own; of letting her see exactly who he is, and her accepting it, and loving him anyway - came true. For several shining weeks, he lived a dream, until the day it all became a nightmare.

Until Pierce.

He would give almost anything to have those dreams back. He can not regret leaving the dreams behind when he did, can not deny that the living of them was much sweeter than the dreaming, but he would love to lose himself again in their comfort and hope.

His dreams of her now are not comforting. He cannot believe it - that any dream of her could make him more miserable - but it is what is. He can no longer live in fantasy, in "what-if." Because "what-if" has been, and it destroyed her. He is faced with this cold, hard truth every day. Because, when he is allowed to sleep, she haunts him.

He knows that he deserves it. That living the dream was what killed her. But he hates that dreams of her now force him awake in a cold sweat, his heart thudding, the harsh reality of the torture he will face in the day more welcome than a night on the dream plain with her.

Now, in the dreams, he is forced to witness every horrible way he has imagined her death. Pierce's version of it - the car accident that goes unexplained - is a common nightmare, but it is not the most terrible. His own mind comes up with far worse scenarios on its own. As though unsatisfied with the punishment that Pierce and his minions inflict on his body, his mind tortures him every night. No matter what they do, they can not torment him more than he torments himself.

In the two years since disaster befell them, he has refused to forgive himself. He could have ended his own life many months ago, but he will not allow himself that solace. He will not allow himself the joy of being with her again, even if only in death.

He continues to live because he deserves to suffer. And, so, suffer he does.

In the dreams, always, he is on the verge of saving her, but, always, he fails. And, always, she blames him for it.

Tonight is no different.

He is on the dream plain, with Liz. She is standing on the ledge, gazing at the tumultuous river below. He is standing below her, on the bridge, staring down, unable to climb up to join her.

She glances at him. "What? Are you afraid?" She sounds disdainful. "Don't you love me enough?"

"I love you," he tells her desperately. "Please come down." He reaches up to grab her, but his arms go right through her, as though she is already a ghost.

Her dark eyes meet his. A flame flickers in their depths, something new, something he does not recognize. "Will you burn for me when I'm gone?" she asks, her tone suddenly kind.

"Liz, please!" He does not understand, does not know what to say to make her stay. Because, somehow, he knows that tonight is good-bye. That if he lets her slip away this time, he will never see her again.

"Burn for me, Max."

With those final words, she turns and jumps off the bridge. He tries to climb up, tries to follow her, but he is held back by something unseen, by some fear that he cannot name.

All he can do is stare down at the river - at the raging river - and know that she is gone.

When he wakes, he knows that the haunting is over. That, after two years, she has finally, truly left him all alone.

Because, in the end, he would rather that she hate him in his dreams, than leave him altogether.

He does not dream of her again. At night, she is gone.

But, in the day, he burns for her.

***

"Why did you bring her tonight?"

Zan focuses on Tess. Ava's original has become curious because of Lonnie's lament that he never should have taken Beth to the concert.

He shrugs. "She loves her music. She hasn't been feeling well lately. I hoped it would cheer her up." He cannot admit that it was a test, that he hoped to lay his fears to rest once and for all. Because saying it aloud would mean admitting it to them - that he suspected that he was not the one she dreamed of, that she did not belong with him.

"It was more than that," Michael snaps. "You were trying to get her out of there when we found you. You knew somehow that, when we saw her on that screen, we'd recognize her."

"I didn't even know you were there," Zan replies lamely. He does not dispute that he was trying to leave with her though. Because what is the point? It is obvious.

"I'm even more curious as to why you told him not to take her," Michael continues, ignoring Zan altogether. He addresses this to Lonnie. "You knew, too, didn't you?"

Zan starts, stares at his sister. He did not think about Lonnie's warning, but now that Michael says it, he realizes that her concern might have indeed been about more than Beth's strange mood lately. His sister does not meet his eyes.

"She's been sick," Lonnie replies evenly. "I was worried."

Zan eyes her, a bad feeling taking hold in his gut. "Lonnie..."

Michael interrupts again. "You've dreamwalked her, haven't you? You've known who she was all along."

There is a long moment of silence. Zan watches his sister's face whiten. She backs up, her eyes wide. "No."

"No, you haven't dreamwalked her, or, no, you didn't know who she was?" Michael demands. He advances on Lonnie threateningly.

"Hey, buddy! Back off!" Rath finally steps forward, shoves Michael roughly. Zan is frozen, cannot move to help his sister, who is caught between them.

"Stop it!" Tess shrieks, thrusting her way into the group. "This isn't helping anything!" She grabs her Rath by the shirt and shakes him, not hard, because she is small, but enough to fight her way through the general's rage.

Kyle has grabbed Rath, and is trying to hold him back, but Rath is having none of it. He is still yelling. "You ass! Why's the hell are you even here? Go back to that shit-hole planet we come from and leave us alone! Beth belongs with us!"

"She doesn't," Zan says quietly, but Rath hears him. He freezes in his tracks, gapes at Zan. Zan feels the usual affection for his loyal, hot- headed brother. He continues gently, "She belongs with him." He glances at Lonnie for a long moment. She starts to tremble under his accusing gaze. "And you've known it all along, haven't you? She trusted you."

"Lonnie!" Ava gasps.

"I didn't see anything!" Lonnie exclaims defensively. "All I saw was you, Zan. That's all. All I ever saw was you!"

"You saw him," Zan replies. "And you knew it, didn't you? That's why you told me not to go."

Lonnie presses her lips together, swallows convulsively. "I don't know what the hell I saw! I thought it was you!" she repeats mutinously.

"Lonnie..." He is losing patience with her. He does not know what he will do to make her admit the truth, but he knows that they must have it.

She senses his resolve, and wilts. "She called you Max in the dreams," she whispers. She steps forward, her hands outstretched, pleading. "Zan, I was trying to protect you."

Because he knows it, now that she has admitted it, he can no longer feel angry. All he feels is empty, to have it confirmed.

She has never dreamt of him.

"I know," he says, willing to comfort his sister, even though he will never find solace himself.

It has all been a lie, every last bit of it, but he cannot blame Beth. She is innocent, could not know that she was allowing herself to love the wrong person. She has no memory of before. Yet, all along, they have both known that something was wrong.

Her connection to him - to the other - is deep. So deep that, even living with his double, she knew something was amiss. When she was distant, when she pulled away, her heart was trying to warn her that she was making a mistake.

His poor, loving Beth.

Silence has fallen, as the others absorb what has been revealed. But the quiet is broken by the ringing of a cell phone. Zan blinks, glances at his sister. Lonnie is the only one who owns one. He wonders if it is Beth. But she would call the land-line, not his sister's cellular phone. If she wanted to talk to him. Which he is sure she does not.

Everyone else is looking at Kyle, who fumbles in his pocket, pulling out a small phone. He glances at the call display, then frowns. "It's my dad," he tells Tess and Michael. "What do I tell him?"

Zan looks at Michael, who grimaces. "Crap. I don't know! Just see what he wants, then decide."

Kyle rolls his eyes, aggrieved, but he answers the phone, trying to sound casual. Trying to sound like all of their worlds have not completely changed in one evening. "Hey, Dad." The two originals wait tensely.

Zan looks at Tess, not understanding why this is a big deal. "Kyle's dad is the sheriff in Roswell. He was really involved in the investigation into Max and Liz's deaths," she explains quietly.

Zan feels his heart start to beat more quickly. He wonders at it. It is just a phone call. There is no way for this sheriff to know that Beth has been found. And, even if he does, no one here has committed a crime. He and Lonnie have suspected the truth, but they did not know. They have not kept Beth with them against her will.

The silence is tense. Kyle has not spoken since his original greeting. Zan watches his eyes widen as he listens. Finally, Kyle speaks, but all he says is, "Holy shit. She was right."

His father obviously asks, "Who was right," because after a pause Kyle says, "Liz. Dad, she's alive, too."

"Too?" Michael demands. "Too?"

"Dad, Michael's right here. Talk to him," Kyle says, when it seems that Michael might just rip the phone out of Kyle's hands anyway.

"Sheriff, what's going on?" Michael barks impatiently. Zan frowns, beginning to recognize Michael's ferocity as the same defense Rath uses. Michael is frightened. Zan watches him tense even more as he listens. He then glances at Zan, and turns away, starting to speak in a low tone, urgently.

But Zan does not need to listen any longer. Kyle's blue eyes are looking at him strangely, and Zan suspects that the other man is eager to tell him what is going on. That this phone call affects Zan, and Kyle is not trying to hide his satisfaction. Zan senses that Kyle is not a vengeful person, but that he does not like Zan, nor does he trust him. Zan can not blame him for any of it.

"What is it?" Zan asks patiently, ready for the bomb that he knows is about to drop.

"My dad got a phone call last night. It's taken him a day to figure out what to do about it, but he finally decided tonight that he only has one choice, and he needs all of us in on it."

Zan does not speak, just continues to wait, knowing that Kyle is nowhere near finished.

"Liz was right. Max Evans is alive. And my father needs us to help him find him to convince him to come home."

"Why doesn't he want to come home?" Ava asks, sounding scared. Zan does not look at her though. Instead, he closes his eyes, and continues to wait.

"Because he has spent the last five years being tortured by the Special Unit of the FBI," Kyle replies grimly. "But now he's escaped, and he thinks if he comes home, then those bastards will come after us."

"Is he right?" Ava's voice is trembling. Because, after all, this is their worst nightmare. Before he left, Langley's most strident command was that they must stay away from the FBI at all costs. Because Langley knew exactly what the FBI would do to them, if they were caught. Langley had lived it.

"He's right," Michael answers for Kyle. He has now finished talking to the sheriff, and has hung up. "But I don't give a shit. My brother has been alone for five years. That ends - now."

Zan meets Michael's eyes, and knows what the other man is thinking. And you are not going to do anything to keep him away from the only person he really needs.

"God, Michael! The sheriff was so sure he was dead!" Tess exclaims. Her expression is a mixture of joy and sorrow. "Five years with Pierce! If we'd known..." She trails off, tears spilling from her blue eyes. "Michael, we stopped looking!"

Zan watches as Kyle moves to comfort her, then closes his eyes again, wondering if the pain of it will ever stop, for any of them.

Because, in spite of Michael's bravado, Zan understands his original's fear. Now that he is aware of Max again, now that Beth is no longer blocking the bond that exists between them, Zan knows exactly what Max has survived. He also knows exactly how much Max is willing to give up to make sure that the people he loves never live through what he has.

He is willing to give up those he loves to save them. Zan senses that Max would even be willing to give up Beth, if he knew that she was alive. If Max knew that he would be putting her in danger, by allowing himself to be found, Zan knows that his original would manage to stay hidden forever.

Because, they are the same, and Zan knows that it is exactly what he would do.

And, to Zan's eternal shame, for the first time since Beth's nightmares returned, he feels hope.