[b]Part 14 [/b]
After the phone call to the sheriff, he tosses and turns for two consecutive nights. By the dawn of the third day, he knows that he will not rest easy until he goes to the city. But he also knows that he cannot risk it. He is used to sleepless nights, anyway. It was rare that Pierce allowed him to lose himself in the comfort of slumber. And, after the dreams of Liz disappeared, he hardly ever slept at all.
He cannot see his friends, but the torture that they are so close, and, yet, still so far away, eats at him. It is much worse than anything Pierce put him through. Max begins to wish that he did not call the sheriff. If he did not know that they were in New York, so close to where he is holed up on the Canadian border, he would not feel this way.
On the fourth day, he is weak. He wants to go. He almost convinces himself that as long as he doesn't approach them, as long as he just sees them from a distance, they will be safe. He can go. No one will ever know. He decides that he will set out early the next day. That night he falls asleep easily.
For the first time in three years, Max dreams of Liz, and remembers it when he awakens.
In his dream, everything Pierce said he did to her comes flooding back, haunting Max; suffocating him. He tries to rescue her, but with every step he takes toward where she lies on the gurney, she moves further away. Abruptly, she is lying at his feet, blood coursing from her nose and lips. He falls to his knees beside her small, battered body, and pulls her gently into his arms, something he was never able to do in the real world.
After the bridge, he never saw her again. He only has Pierce's evil stories - along with his own vivid imagination - about what happened to her. But he has never been certain that any of it is true. That first night back in the White Room, when he regained consciousness, he knew the loss of her. It felt like something had been ripped out of his very soul. He could no longer feel her, could no longer sense the bright presence that was Liz burning in his heart. He was not even aware that she was there, from the day he healed her in the Crashdown, until, after the bridge, when she was gone.
In the dream - even after three years - it is the same. She dies, he loses her all over again, and the grief will not go away. Max stares into her bruised face, and throws his face to the heavens. He is howling his sorrow, when he feels her shift in his arms. He jerks his head down, his heart racing when her eyes open. Her gaze is suddenly piercing his soul.
"You're alive! Liz, you're alive." He bends his head to rain kisses over her face, prepares himself to heal her physical wounds. Even in his dream, he is already planning. They will heal the wounds of their soul together. They have each other again. They can live through anything, as long as they have each other.
"I'm dead, Max." She sounds sad, then closes her eyes again.
The scene changes, and Liz is before him, again alive. She is standing on the edge of the bridge where he last saw her, and she is screaming. She is screaming at him, and the words cut into his soul, like Pierce's scalpel cut into his body.
"You did this to me! I am dead because of you! He killed me to torture you! You saved me, only to bring me to this. During the day you try to forget me, but I will never let you forget. This is your punishment. I'm back and, this time, I am going to haunt you forever. I died because of you!"
He takes a step toward her, his arms outstretched pleadingly. "Liz, please..."
"You did this," she says once more, venomously. She then turns and jumps off the bridge. He grabs for her, but he is too late. He stares over the side and sees the tumultuous river below.
She is gone. Again.
Max jerks awake, drenched in sweat. The Dream Liz's accusing words ring in his ears.
The nightmare is enough to fight the instinct to go to New York. It is the only way to keep them safe. He will not allow Liz's fate to befall any of the rest of them.
It is wrong to go. He is certain that Pierce and the Special Unit are searching for him. He needs to stay in hiding. The first thing they will expect is for him to head for his friends. He needs to keep away. He is sure that they are being watched, even now. They will be easy to find. Because of Maria, their whereabouts are presently well-known.
Max now knows that the sheriff understated matters when he said that Maria had "made a nice little career for herself." She is a superstar, her album at the top of the charts. He buys it in the local mall on the fifth day. He thinks that listening to it will reinforce that they are all leading productive, happy lives; that he is right to stay away.
He listens to one song on the C.D. player he borrows from the guy behind the desk in the motel where he is staying. It is entitled "Gone" and before it is even finished he is in the bathroom vomiting. The pain that Liz's best friend still feels echoes in every word. His guilt eats him up inside. They have lost Liz because of him. And the worst part is, he knows, from Maria's song, that they do not even blame him for it.
They miss him. Even after all this time, they still want him back.
They are doing well, they are successfully leading their lives, but the sheriff is right. They have not gotten over it. They would be glad to see him.
But he knows that he cannot go. He will not put them in danger.
On the fifth night, he again dreams of Liz. Now that he is doing the right thing, Liz comes to him softly.
She is again standing on the edge of the bridge, but this time she is smiling at him.
"Liz?" He is tentative, uncertain, and, so, he does not make a move toward her. Will she jump again? Can he save her this time?
"I asked you once. I want to ask you again. Do you burn for me, Max?" She sounds pleased to see him, and it makes his heart sing.
"Always," he replies quickly. "Forever."
"You don't," she says. She doesn't sound angry, just matter-of-fact. Max frowns. "You don't, not really. If you did, you'd know."
"Know what?" He wants to grab her, wants to pull her off the ledge. His heart is beating quickly. He will not be able to bear it if she jumps again.
"I can't find my way back without you," Liz tells him, her mood altering slightly. She is sad again, and she turns, as though she means to go over the side. "To find me, you need them."
"Liz, don't!" He makes a sudden rush for her, but he is too late. By the time he reaches the edge, she is gone again. He feels the lump that precedes grief enter his throat, but the tears never come. Because this time something is different.
The river is calm.
When he wakes up, he is not upset. Instead, he is pensive. He lies in bed, staring at the white ceiling for a long time.
At nine, he is on a bus to New York.
After the phone call to the sheriff, he tosses and turns for two consecutive nights. By the dawn of the third day, he knows that he will not rest easy until he goes to the city. But he also knows that he cannot risk it. He is used to sleepless nights, anyway. It was rare that Pierce allowed him to lose himself in the comfort of slumber. And, after the dreams of Liz disappeared, he hardly ever slept at all.
He cannot see his friends, but the torture that they are so close, and, yet, still so far away, eats at him. It is much worse than anything Pierce put him through. Max begins to wish that he did not call the sheriff. If he did not know that they were in New York, so close to where he is holed up on the Canadian border, he would not feel this way.
On the fourth day, he is weak. He wants to go. He almost convinces himself that as long as he doesn't approach them, as long as he just sees them from a distance, they will be safe. He can go. No one will ever know. He decides that he will set out early the next day. That night he falls asleep easily.
For the first time in three years, Max dreams of Liz, and remembers it when he awakens.
In his dream, everything Pierce said he did to her comes flooding back, haunting Max; suffocating him. He tries to rescue her, but with every step he takes toward where she lies on the gurney, she moves further away. Abruptly, she is lying at his feet, blood coursing from her nose and lips. He falls to his knees beside her small, battered body, and pulls her gently into his arms, something he was never able to do in the real world.
After the bridge, he never saw her again. He only has Pierce's evil stories - along with his own vivid imagination - about what happened to her. But he has never been certain that any of it is true. That first night back in the White Room, when he regained consciousness, he knew the loss of her. It felt like something had been ripped out of his very soul. He could no longer feel her, could no longer sense the bright presence that was Liz burning in his heart. He was not even aware that she was there, from the day he healed her in the Crashdown, until, after the bridge, when she was gone.
In the dream - even after three years - it is the same. She dies, he loses her all over again, and the grief will not go away. Max stares into her bruised face, and throws his face to the heavens. He is howling his sorrow, when he feels her shift in his arms. He jerks his head down, his heart racing when her eyes open. Her gaze is suddenly piercing his soul.
"You're alive! Liz, you're alive." He bends his head to rain kisses over her face, prepares himself to heal her physical wounds. Even in his dream, he is already planning. They will heal the wounds of their soul together. They have each other again. They can live through anything, as long as they have each other.
"I'm dead, Max." She sounds sad, then closes her eyes again.
The scene changes, and Liz is before him, again alive. She is standing on the edge of the bridge where he last saw her, and she is screaming. She is screaming at him, and the words cut into his soul, like Pierce's scalpel cut into his body.
"You did this to me! I am dead because of you! He killed me to torture you! You saved me, only to bring me to this. During the day you try to forget me, but I will never let you forget. This is your punishment. I'm back and, this time, I am going to haunt you forever. I died because of you!"
He takes a step toward her, his arms outstretched pleadingly. "Liz, please..."
"You did this," she says once more, venomously. She then turns and jumps off the bridge. He grabs for her, but he is too late. He stares over the side and sees the tumultuous river below.
She is gone. Again.
Max jerks awake, drenched in sweat. The Dream Liz's accusing words ring in his ears.
The nightmare is enough to fight the instinct to go to New York. It is the only way to keep them safe. He will not allow Liz's fate to befall any of the rest of them.
It is wrong to go. He is certain that Pierce and the Special Unit are searching for him. He needs to stay in hiding. The first thing they will expect is for him to head for his friends. He needs to keep away. He is sure that they are being watched, even now. They will be easy to find. Because of Maria, their whereabouts are presently well-known.
Max now knows that the sheriff understated matters when he said that Maria had "made a nice little career for herself." She is a superstar, her album at the top of the charts. He buys it in the local mall on the fifth day. He thinks that listening to it will reinforce that they are all leading productive, happy lives; that he is right to stay away.
He listens to one song on the C.D. player he borrows from the guy behind the desk in the motel where he is staying. It is entitled "Gone" and before it is even finished he is in the bathroom vomiting. The pain that Liz's best friend still feels echoes in every word. His guilt eats him up inside. They have lost Liz because of him. And the worst part is, he knows, from Maria's song, that they do not even blame him for it.
They miss him. Even after all this time, they still want him back.
They are doing well, they are successfully leading their lives, but the sheriff is right. They have not gotten over it. They would be glad to see him.
But he knows that he cannot go. He will not put them in danger.
On the fifth night, he again dreams of Liz. Now that he is doing the right thing, Liz comes to him softly.
She is again standing on the edge of the bridge, but this time she is smiling at him.
"Liz?" He is tentative, uncertain, and, so, he does not make a move toward her. Will she jump again? Can he save her this time?
"I asked you once. I want to ask you again. Do you burn for me, Max?" She sounds pleased to see him, and it makes his heart sing.
"Always," he replies quickly. "Forever."
"You don't," she says. She doesn't sound angry, just matter-of-fact. Max frowns. "You don't, not really. If you did, you'd know."
"Know what?" He wants to grab her, wants to pull her off the ledge. His heart is beating quickly. He will not be able to bear it if she jumps again.
"I can't find my way back without you," Liz tells him, her mood altering slightly. She is sad again, and she turns, as though she means to go over the side. "To find me, you need them."
"Liz, don't!" He makes a sudden rush for her, but he is too late. By the time he reaches the edge, she is gone again. He feels the lump that precedes grief enter his throat, but the tears never come. Because this time something is different.
The river is calm.
When he wakes up, he is not upset. Instead, he is pensive. He lies in bed, staring at the white ceiling for a long time.
At nine, he is on a bus to New York.
