Part 16
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."
Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities
***
Zan walks out into the sun, the agent firmly grasping his upper arm. He is shoved into a dark car at the curb. There is another agent behind the wheel, and he peels away without even glancing into the back-seat.
A third agent is seated next to Zan. Zan meets his cold blue eyes. He feels a shiver run down his spine and guesses that this man is the architect of Max's misery. This is the man who left Beth for dead five years before; the man who considers the most important person in Zan's life insignificant in the grand scheme of his sick obsession, except as another tool with which to torment his prisoner.
This is Pierce and he is the man Zan will kill today.
But not yet. Because the car stops just as quickly as it started. The agent driving curses.
Pierce leans forward, staring out the front windshield. "What the hell have you done?" he snaps.
"She just came out of nowhere!" the other agent replies, sounding stunned. Within seconds, both agents in the front seat are out of the car.
Zan frowns. He sees nothing. It does not take him long to understand what has happened, though. He closes his eyes briefly, dropping his head back against the seat.
He did not want to have to explain. Not yet. This would be so much easier if he did not have to explain.
Pierce glares at him before he opens the door to leave the vehicle. "Stay here. If you move so much as a muscle, I will go back there, and I will kill them all. Don't test me again, Max."
Zan shrugs. "I gave myself up, didn't I?"
This seems to satisfy Pierce, because he leaves the car. In the next instant, the driver's door opens again and Ava slides into the seat.
"No worries, Zan. I'm getting you out of here." She has her hand on the gear-shift.
"No," Zan says firmly. "I'm staying. Ava, go home."
She turns her head, glaring at him. "Zan, it's them! I'm not just letting you go off with them!"
"Ava, go home." He sees tears fill her large blue eyes. He gentles his tone. "Aves, you need to go home."
"Zan, I don't understand any of this! Why? Why is this happening?"
"Aves, you know why."
"Because of Beth?" she asks, sounding weary.
Zan nods. "It has to be this way, babe. She doesn't belong with us."
"Zan, I can't do it. I can't just let you go," she wails. "Why? Why do you have to love her? Why couldn't it be me?"
He reaches out and gently turns her chin so that she meets his eyes. "I wish it was."
He realizes that, in a small way, it is true, even though he is mostly saying it to make her feel better. He wishes that things could be different. He wishes that his destiny had not been written years ago on another planet. He wishes that he was the king, and that he could have Beth to himself.
He wishes that he loved Ava, and not Beth, and that he did not know that he would do anything to make the one he loves happy.
Because if it was Ava, he could live. But, because it isn't, this is what has to be.
"Ava, you need to go home. Tell Lonnie to come to me tonight. I need her to help me to say good-bye to Beth."
Ava presses her lips together, looks away. "Zan, I can't do it. I can't leave you here. Langley told us. He told us what they would do to us if they ever found us."
"Ava, you can and you will. You're strong." Her chin raises mutinously. "Ava, don't make me have to do it." He knows that if he makes it an absolute order that she do as he asks, she will, but he does not want to play the king card. Not now. Not when they both know he is not really the king.
She swallows. "Zan, why?" she whispers. "This isn't just about Beth, is it? It's about him. Max."
Zan decides that if she really needs to know, he will tell her. "You know how you sort of had that connection to Tess, when you met her?" He knows that it is true, because he saw the expression on her face when she met her original.
"Yeah?" Ava acknowledges. Her eyes widen. "Can you feel him?"
"Yeah," Zan replies. "Even more than you can. Because of Beth. He's suffered enough, Aves. He deserves to have his life back."
"But it's not fair!" Ava exclaims. "Zan, you deserve a life, too!"
"That's not what we're here for, Aves," Zan reminds her.
"I know," Ava replies in a small voice.
"Now, be a good girl, and go back to Lonnie. I need to see her."
"Zan, she's not going to like this. Neither is Rath."
"No, but they'll get it. Just like you get it, sweet thing." He uses the term of endearment, one he has not called her in a long while. In fact, he realizes, ashamed, that he has not called her by it since Beth came into their lives.
"You'll come back someday, though, right?" Ava asks desperately. She's already shifting to leave the car. He has won. Ava's ingrained programming to do as she is told is conquering her will to save him.
"You know it," Zan replies. He hopes that she will forgive him for lying. Someday, he knows she will. Someday, hopefully, she will love someone so much, she will understand why he is doing what he is doing. It is partly the reason he is doing this after all. So they will all be safe and free to finally live their lives out on this planet. "You know I will."
"Okay." She nods her head. "Okay, Zan. I love you."
"I love you too, Aves. Don't forget about Lonnie. And don't drop the warp until you're well away from here. They can't see you."
She finally leaves and, several minutes later, Pierce and the other agents return to the car. They are all shaking their heads, as if they have just woken up. Zan hopes that Ava has made it so that they will not remember leaving the car at all. The agent driving pulls out again, and when Pierce speaks, Zan knows that she has.
"I hope you've learned your lesson, Max." Zan does not respond, although he feels his blood boil at the sight of the agent's smug smirk. "I'm glad you came peacefully, before we had to resort to measures that would have proven unpleasant to your friends."
Zan grunts.
Pierce tut tuts, shaking his head. "So sullen. And here I was being nice." He reaches down in front of him, pulling a briefcase onto his lap. Zan tries not to appear curious as he opens it, because he suspects that Pierce expects Max to know what the black briefcase means. Pierce picks up the needle that is revealed, glancing at Zan meaningfully.
Zan frowns, uncertain how to play this. "You don't need that," he finally says. "I just wanted to make sure they were okay. I won't leave again."
Pierce stares at him for a long moment, before returning the syringe to the briefcase and shutting it with a snap. "Why did you think I hadn't? We've always been honest with each other, Max. I told you I'd leave them alone, as long as you stayed cooperative. When have I ever betrayed your trust?"
Zan stares at Pierce, his eyes wide. This man is crazy. Pierce seems to understand Zan's expression because, for the first time the mask slips and Zan can see anger burning in the agent's eyes. His hatred is naked, and Zan knows that he is doing the right thing. This man cannot be allowed to live. He will never leave Max Evans alone. Ever.
Because, to Pierce, what he has done to Max Evans over the past five years, represents how insane he really is. Zan understands that Max and Pierce have played the game that Pierce is only doing his job, but it is about much more than that.
Agent Pierce is the real monster in this car, they both know it, and Zan is making him acknowledge it by staring at him. He drops his eyes quickly.
"Why now, Max? Why did you betray me? After I stopped them from medicating you. Everything I've done has been to make you more comfortable. Even though you've given me nothing but grief for five years."
Zan shrugs. "I'll tell you when we get back."
Pierce's anger is again shielded. Now he seems interested. "Has something happened?"
Zan shrugs again, looks at the two agents in the front, then back at Pierce. He raises his eyebrows.
"So we're playing that game again, are we?" Pierce asks, beginning to sound amused. "You'll only tell me?" He shakes his head. "You are a smart one. But, the problem is, Max, I don't think you have anything left to tell me at all. I think you ran because you knew that I was just about through with you."
Zan meets his eyes. "You don't know where I've been while I've been gone."
He does not know exactly how long it has been since Max's escape, but he expects that it dates from around the time Beth's nightmares returned. He is hoping that Pierce will accept the implication that Max has not spent the last week with his friends - that, rather, they were his last stop after spending time elsewhere. That maybe he had been doing something not quite of this Earth.
"Maybe that's why I left," he repeats. "To make it worth your while to keep me alive."
Pierce narrows his eyes. "That's stupid, Max. Why do you want to live? You've wanted to die for five years."
This time Zan knows exactly what to say. Because he knows exactly why Max Evans is still alive after all.
"If I wanted to be dead, I'd be dead," he replies shortly.
Max Evans did not want to die. Zan knows this. He knows that Max lived on in order to submerse himself in his guilt. Max did not feel that he deserved the peace that death would bring. Zan knows that this is why Max thinks he lived.
Zan knows differently.
Max lived on because it was the best way to keep his friends safe. By keeping Pierce occupied, focused on him alone, he was saving them.
But now everything has changed. Because, now, Max's death is what will protect them.
Zan just hopes that Pierce does not suspect that this Max has every intention of taking Pierce with him when he goes.
***
He is in a padded cell with white walls, and white ceilings. White, white, white.
He knows that they are still in the city. Pierce plans to keep him here overnight, and then move him somewhere else in the morning. He has overheard the other agents talking. The facility here is too busy, and does not have the right questioning "tools."
For some reason, Pierce does not seem to fear him running again. Because, after all, he has given himself up. Or maybe Pierce just senses that something is different this time, that Max is not going anywhere.
While he awaits the final confrontation with Pierce, Zan has been thinking about Max; about why his original has chosen now to escape. He knows that the decision is directly linked to Beth; that somehow Zan's original now knows that she is alive. Why? How? What has broken through the barrier to Max and Beth's connection; the barrier that was caused by Beth's memory loss and her commitment to Zan? What has re-established their bond?
Zan is not a stupid man, in spite of his still limited education, and eventually the truth hits him. He has been reflecting on the many lessons Langley taught about connections - about their strengths and their limitations. He feels the breath leave his body when he remembers one thing that had, before now, not crossed his mind as a possibilty. He simply can not believe that it has taken him so long to understand. There is only one answer. He absolutely should have known. But, because he has never established a connection to Beth himself - because Max was there first - he has had to use his mind to figure it out, rather than his senses to know instantly.
Finally, he understands exactly why he is doing what he is doing - why his instinct to take Max's place here has been so great. This is about more than just making Beth happy, about more than taking Max's place in the White Room.
"You are the replacements, the duplicates, the back-ups. You have no destiny unless their destiny is compromised. Only then will you take their place."
Langley's words come back to him again. He is the back-up. The replacement. Max Evans has been damaged in the White Room and Zan has fulfilled his destiny for him. He has done his duty.
And, now, to safeguard the result, he will die.
He wishes that he could speak to Max, just once, just to be sure that what he leaves behind will be accepted by his original. But, finally, he realizes that he does not need to meet Max. Because he knows what he would do, if he were in Max's situation. He knows what he did do.
He kept Max's most precious love safe and secure for three years. He knows that Max will do the same.
The ease with which he falls asleep that night reinforces that he is doing the right thing. He is not scared, nor is he uncertain. This is his destiny, his path, and he is embracing it, just as he knows that Max Evans will embrace his when he meets it.
When Lonnie comes to him later that night, he tells her everything. She weeps, but she promises that she will keep Beth away, that she will allow what is meant to be, to be.
"But, Zan, are you sure?" Lonnie demands, before leaving him. "If he's damaged...how can he protect them?"
"This will be what heals him, Lon. This is what he needs. He needs a future to shape, so that he can forget the past."
In the dream, Lonnie takes both his hands and meets his eyes. "Zan, you know that if Beth knew, she'd stay with you. She'd never go back to him, if she knew."
Zan sighs. "Maybe I know it, but I don't want her like that, Lonnie." He looks away from his sister's penetrating gaze. "Plus, he's the one she needs. He's the one who can heal her."
"It's not fair," Lonnie says quietly.
"But it is what is," Zan replies.
His sister does not say good-bye. He knows that she cannot do it, and he does not ask it of her. He knows that she will be all right. Lonnie is strong. She will do as he asks, because they have always understood each other well, he and his sister. She knows that he will not be able to live without Beth - that he cannot live knowing that she is with another.
In the end, this is not so much about destiny after all. It is about what is. He loves Beth. She does not love him in the same way, and he can accept it, but he cannot live with it. She may have chosen Max over him, but she would feel it forever. The guilt would make her miserable. He does not want that for her. Because he wants his love to actually mean something, he is going to give her the gift she never could have taken for herself.
He is giving her freedom.
He realizes now that, in spite of all reflections to the contrary, he is not being driven to do what he will do. This is entirely his choice. Lonnie grasps this even more quickly than he does, and it is why she accepts his decision. It is also why she will not blame Beth, and it why Lonnie will be there for her beloved when she needs her.
They will stay a family, and they will be safe when he is gone.
"Get up, Max."
Zan finds himself waking up on the floor, having been knocked there by Pierce. "Good morning to you too," he mutters after the agent's retreating form.
Pierce stops in his tracks. Zan grimaces. A mistake? Has Max never challenged his captor? Zan cannot believe it.
But why would Max have challenged the punishment he felt he deserved? Of course, he has not, and Zan has made an error. He is finding it more difficult to impersonate his original than he thought he would.
"My, my. Aren't we feisty?" Pierce says. He is amused. Zan clenches his jaw. He is barely refraining from putting his plan into motion right now.
This man deserves to die.
But, not yet. Not here. Not where Pierce might be saved if all does not go smoothly. Zan knows that they will soon be back on the road - that this facility is not their final destination. He heard the agents talking, knows that they want more sophisticated "questioning" tools before they press Max for information about where he has been. They need privacy for what they plan to do to him, and Zan realized from the moment they arrived here that this facility does not provide it.
As he is pushed into the back of a car, Zan knows that he cannot afford to play this out much longer though. Pierce is becoming suspicious. He can feel the agent's eyes on him, curious, assessing. But he wants to be as far from New York as possible before moving ahead. He feels that everyone will be safer that way. He wants the Special Unit away from his family and from the originals, so that it does not cross their mind that they may have played a role in what he intends to do to Pierce.
But that is not the only reason. He is not quite ready to die. Not yet. It is not yet time.
He wants to know that Max has found Beth. He wants to know that it has happened before he dies.
He does not question why he is sure that he will know when they find each other. He does not question anything anymore.
There is no longer time to question. He is aware that the rest of his life can be measured in hours. He is not afraid. Not of that, anyway.
His only fear is that they may not find each other. He fears that Beth might be left alone.
It is not a true fear though. He knows what fate intends. It could not be so cruel again. He refuses to believe that what he is doing - what feels so right - could be for nothing.
Hours later, when they are driving through the flat fields of Ohio, a sense of relief and completion washes over him, and he knows that he is right.
For the first time, he feels a true connection to Beth, as her connection to Max flares back to life. It is through his bond to his original that he, for a moment, understands what he will miss. For a moment he experiences what exists between them. For a moment he mourns what might have been his.
And, then, he smiles.
"Stop the car." He addresses to the driver, who glances in the rear-view mirror, surprised.
Pierce turns his head, eyeing him languidly. Zan barely refrains from doing it right then. Pierce's relaxed attitude more than demonstrates how little he understands what he will soon be dealing with. "You're not giving the orders here, Max."
For a moment, Zan wishes he really was Max, and not just because of Beth. For his original's sake, he wishes that Max had the chance to do what has to be done. Because, now that Max knows that Beth is alive - now that, in his own mind, he no longer has to be punished - this privilege should be his.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Zan replies sullenly.
Pierce rolls his eyes. "Fine. Stop the car."
Zan leaves the car, then simply stands on the side of the deserted highway - they have been taking back roads - staring off over the field.
"Get back here, Max."
"I need to talk to you," Zan says. He does not look back.
"Now is not the time. Get back in the car or I'll make you regret it."
Zan glances over his shoulder. "You won't do anything to me until I tell you where I've been for the last week. I want to tell you now, and then you can just end this once and for all. We both know I'm not going to live anyway."
Pierce comes. Zan is not surprised that the agent is so careless. Even after Max's escape, he still feels in complete control of this situation. Zan has seen it in his eyes, and now he sees it in the tolerant expression as Pierce joins him.
"What is it?" Pierce demands, impatient.
"I found out who I am. You've been wrong about me," Zan replies quietly.
"Tell me," Pierce insists, almost panting with anticipation.
Zan takes a step closer to the monster, leans forward, places his hands on Pierce's shoulders and whispers into his ear. "I don't heal, you sick bastard."
Before any reply can be formulated, Zan places his hand on Pierce's chest. He burns a hole right through the place where Pierce's heart should have been.
Moments later, Zan is shot down by the other agents. He is aware of the younger of the two staring down at him as he closes his eyes.
"I bleed," he murmurs.
The connection is strong now. In the moment before death, he feels his child for the first and last time, and he knows that he does not bleed in vain.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."
Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities
***
Zan walks out into the sun, the agent firmly grasping his upper arm. He is shoved into a dark car at the curb. There is another agent behind the wheel, and he peels away without even glancing into the back-seat.
A third agent is seated next to Zan. Zan meets his cold blue eyes. He feels a shiver run down his spine and guesses that this man is the architect of Max's misery. This is the man who left Beth for dead five years before; the man who considers the most important person in Zan's life insignificant in the grand scheme of his sick obsession, except as another tool with which to torment his prisoner.
This is Pierce and he is the man Zan will kill today.
But not yet. Because the car stops just as quickly as it started. The agent driving curses.
Pierce leans forward, staring out the front windshield. "What the hell have you done?" he snaps.
"She just came out of nowhere!" the other agent replies, sounding stunned. Within seconds, both agents in the front seat are out of the car.
Zan frowns. He sees nothing. It does not take him long to understand what has happened, though. He closes his eyes briefly, dropping his head back against the seat.
He did not want to have to explain. Not yet. This would be so much easier if he did not have to explain.
Pierce glares at him before he opens the door to leave the vehicle. "Stay here. If you move so much as a muscle, I will go back there, and I will kill them all. Don't test me again, Max."
Zan shrugs. "I gave myself up, didn't I?"
This seems to satisfy Pierce, because he leaves the car. In the next instant, the driver's door opens again and Ava slides into the seat.
"No worries, Zan. I'm getting you out of here." She has her hand on the gear-shift.
"No," Zan says firmly. "I'm staying. Ava, go home."
She turns her head, glaring at him. "Zan, it's them! I'm not just letting you go off with them!"
"Ava, go home." He sees tears fill her large blue eyes. He gentles his tone. "Aves, you need to go home."
"Zan, I don't understand any of this! Why? Why is this happening?"
"Aves, you know why."
"Because of Beth?" she asks, sounding weary.
Zan nods. "It has to be this way, babe. She doesn't belong with us."
"Zan, I can't do it. I can't just let you go," she wails. "Why? Why do you have to love her? Why couldn't it be me?"
He reaches out and gently turns her chin so that she meets his eyes. "I wish it was."
He realizes that, in a small way, it is true, even though he is mostly saying it to make her feel better. He wishes that things could be different. He wishes that his destiny had not been written years ago on another planet. He wishes that he was the king, and that he could have Beth to himself.
He wishes that he loved Ava, and not Beth, and that he did not know that he would do anything to make the one he loves happy.
Because if it was Ava, he could live. But, because it isn't, this is what has to be.
"Ava, you need to go home. Tell Lonnie to come to me tonight. I need her to help me to say good-bye to Beth."
Ava presses her lips together, looks away. "Zan, I can't do it. I can't leave you here. Langley told us. He told us what they would do to us if they ever found us."
"Ava, you can and you will. You're strong." Her chin raises mutinously. "Ava, don't make me have to do it." He knows that if he makes it an absolute order that she do as he asks, she will, but he does not want to play the king card. Not now. Not when they both know he is not really the king.
She swallows. "Zan, why?" she whispers. "This isn't just about Beth, is it? It's about him. Max."
Zan decides that if she really needs to know, he will tell her. "You know how you sort of had that connection to Tess, when you met her?" He knows that it is true, because he saw the expression on her face when she met her original.
"Yeah?" Ava acknowledges. Her eyes widen. "Can you feel him?"
"Yeah," Zan replies. "Even more than you can. Because of Beth. He's suffered enough, Aves. He deserves to have his life back."
"But it's not fair!" Ava exclaims. "Zan, you deserve a life, too!"
"That's not what we're here for, Aves," Zan reminds her.
"I know," Ava replies in a small voice.
"Now, be a good girl, and go back to Lonnie. I need to see her."
"Zan, she's not going to like this. Neither is Rath."
"No, but they'll get it. Just like you get it, sweet thing." He uses the term of endearment, one he has not called her in a long while. In fact, he realizes, ashamed, that he has not called her by it since Beth came into their lives.
"You'll come back someday, though, right?" Ava asks desperately. She's already shifting to leave the car. He has won. Ava's ingrained programming to do as she is told is conquering her will to save him.
"You know it," Zan replies. He hopes that she will forgive him for lying. Someday, he knows she will. Someday, hopefully, she will love someone so much, she will understand why he is doing what he is doing. It is partly the reason he is doing this after all. So they will all be safe and free to finally live their lives out on this planet. "You know I will."
"Okay." She nods her head. "Okay, Zan. I love you."
"I love you too, Aves. Don't forget about Lonnie. And don't drop the warp until you're well away from here. They can't see you."
She finally leaves and, several minutes later, Pierce and the other agents return to the car. They are all shaking their heads, as if they have just woken up. Zan hopes that Ava has made it so that they will not remember leaving the car at all. The agent driving pulls out again, and when Pierce speaks, Zan knows that she has.
"I hope you've learned your lesson, Max." Zan does not respond, although he feels his blood boil at the sight of the agent's smug smirk. "I'm glad you came peacefully, before we had to resort to measures that would have proven unpleasant to your friends."
Zan grunts.
Pierce tut tuts, shaking his head. "So sullen. And here I was being nice." He reaches down in front of him, pulling a briefcase onto his lap. Zan tries not to appear curious as he opens it, because he suspects that Pierce expects Max to know what the black briefcase means. Pierce picks up the needle that is revealed, glancing at Zan meaningfully.
Zan frowns, uncertain how to play this. "You don't need that," he finally says. "I just wanted to make sure they were okay. I won't leave again."
Pierce stares at him for a long moment, before returning the syringe to the briefcase and shutting it with a snap. "Why did you think I hadn't? We've always been honest with each other, Max. I told you I'd leave them alone, as long as you stayed cooperative. When have I ever betrayed your trust?"
Zan stares at Pierce, his eyes wide. This man is crazy. Pierce seems to understand Zan's expression because, for the first time the mask slips and Zan can see anger burning in the agent's eyes. His hatred is naked, and Zan knows that he is doing the right thing. This man cannot be allowed to live. He will never leave Max Evans alone. Ever.
Because, to Pierce, what he has done to Max Evans over the past five years, represents how insane he really is. Zan understands that Max and Pierce have played the game that Pierce is only doing his job, but it is about much more than that.
Agent Pierce is the real monster in this car, they both know it, and Zan is making him acknowledge it by staring at him. He drops his eyes quickly.
"Why now, Max? Why did you betray me? After I stopped them from medicating you. Everything I've done has been to make you more comfortable. Even though you've given me nothing but grief for five years."
Zan shrugs. "I'll tell you when we get back."
Pierce's anger is again shielded. Now he seems interested. "Has something happened?"
Zan shrugs again, looks at the two agents in the front, then back at Pierce. He raises his eyebrows.
"So we're playing that game again, are we?" Pierce asks, beginning to sound amused. "You'll only tell me?" He shakes his head. "You are a smart one. But, the problem is, Max, I don't think you have anything left to tell me at all. I think you ran because you knew that I was just about through with you."
Zan meets his eyes. "You don't know where I've been while I've been gone."
He does not know exactly how long it has been since Max's escape, but he expects that it dates from around the time Beth's nightmares returned. He is hoping that Pierce will accept the implication that Max has not spent the last week with his friends - that, rather, they were his last stop after spending time elsewhere. That maybe he had been doing something not quite of this Earth.
"Maybe that's why I left," he repeats. "To make it worth your while to keep me alive."
Pierce narrows his eyes. "That's stupid, Max. Why do you want to live? You've wanted to die for five years."
This time Zan knows exactly what to say. Because he knows exactly why Max Evans is still alive after all.
"If I wanted to be dead, I'd be dead," he replies shortly.
Max Evans did not want to die. Zan knows this. He knows that Max lived on in order to submerse himself in his guilt. Max did not feel that he deserved the peace that death would bring. Zan knows that this is why Max thinks he lived.
Zan knows differently.
Max lived on because it was the best way to keep his friends safe. By keeping Pierce occupied, focused on him alone, he was saving them.
But now everything has changed. Because, now, Max's death is what will protect them.
Zan just hopes that Pierce does not suspect that this Max has every intention of taking Pierce with him when he goes.
***
He is in a padded cell with white walls, and white ceilings. White, white, white.
He knows that they are still in the city. Pierce plans to keep him here overnight, and then move him somewhere else in the morning. He has overheard the other agents talking. The facility here is too busy, and does not have the right questioning "tools."
For some reason, Pierce does not seem to fear him running again. Because, after all, he has given himself up. Or maybe Pierce just senses that something is different this time, that Max is not going anywhere.
While he awaits the final confrontation with Pierce, Zan has been thinking about Max; about why his original has chosen now to escape. He knows that the decision is directly linked to Beth; that somehow Zan's original now knows that she is alive. Why? How? What has broken through the barrier to Max and Beth's connection; the barrier that was caused by Beth's memory loss and her commitment to Zan? What has re-established their bond?
Zan is not a stupid man, in spite of his still limited education, and eventually the truth hits him. He has been reflecting on the many lessons Langley taught about connections - about their strengths and their limitations. He feels the breath leave his body when he remembers one thing that had, before now, not crossed his mind as a possibilty. He simply can not believe that it has taken him so long to understand. There is only one answer. He absolutely should have known. But, because he has never established a connection to Beth himself - because Max was there first - he has had to use his mind to figure it out, rather than his senses to know instantly.
Finally, he understands exactly why he is doing what he is doing - why his instinct to take Max's place here has been so great. This is about more than just making Beth happy, about more than taking Max's place in the White Room.
"You are the replacements, the duplicates, the back-ups. You have no destiny unless their destiny is compromised. Only then will you take their place."
Langley's words come back to him again. He is the back-up. The replacement. Max Evans has been damaged in the White Room and Zan has fulfilled his destiny for him. He has done his duty.
And, now, to safeguard the result, he will die.
He wishes that he could speak to Max, just once, just to be sure that what he leaves behind will be accepted by his original. But, finally, he realizes that he does not need to meet Max. Because he knows what he would do, if he were in Max's situation. He knows what he did do.
He kept Max's most precious love safe and secure for three years. He knows that Max will do the same.
The ease with which he falls asleep that night reinforces that he is doing the right thing. He is not scared, nor is he uncertain. This is his destiny, his path, and he is embracing it, just as he knows that Max Evans will embrace his when he meets it.
When Lonnie comes to him later that night, he tells her everything. She weeps, but she promises that she will keep Beth away, that she will allow what is meant to be, to be.
"But, Zan, are you sure?" Lonnie demands, before leaving him. "If he's damaged...how can he protect them?"
"This will be what heals him, Lon. This is what he needs. He needs a future to shape, so that he can forget the past."
In the dream, Lonnie takes both his hands and meets his eyes. "Zan, you know that if Beth knew, she'd stay with you. She'd never go back to him, if she knew."
Zan sighs. "Maybe I know it, but I don't want her like that, Lonnie." He looks away from his sister's penetrating gaze. "Plus, he's the one she needs. He's the one who can heal her."
"It's not fair," Lonnie says quietly.
"But it is what is," Zan replies.
His sister does not say good-bye. He knows that she cannot do it, and he does not ask it of her. He knows that she will be all right. Lonnie is strong. She will do as he asks, because they have always understood each other well, he and his sister. She knows that he will not be able to live without Beth - that he cannot live knowing that she is with another.
In the end, this is not so much about destiny after all. It is about what is. He loves Beth. She does not love him in the same way, and he can accept it, but he cannot live with it. She may have chosen Max over him, but she would feel it forever. The guilt would make her miserable. He does not want that for her. Because he wants his love to actually mean something, he is going to give her the gift she never could have taken for herself.
He is giving her freedom.
He realizes now that, in spite of all reflections to the contrary, he is not being driven to do what he will do. This is entirely his choice. Lonnie grasps this even more quickly than he does, and it is why she accepts his decision. It is also why she will not blame Beth, and it why Lonnie will be there for her beloved when she needs her.
They will stay a family, and they will be safe when he is gone.
"Get up, Max."
Zan finds himself waking up on the floor, having been knocked there by Pierce. "Good morning to you too," he mutters after the agent's retreating form.
Pierce stops in his tracks. Zan grimaces. A mistake? Has Max never challenged his captor? Zan cannot believe it.
But why would Max have challenged the punishment he felt he deserved? Of course, he has not, and Zan has made an error. He is finding it more difficult to impersonate his original than he thought he would.
"My, my. Aren't we feisty?" Pierce says. He is amused. Zan clenches his jaw. He is barely refraining from putting his plan into motion right now.
This man deserves to die.
But, not yet. Not here. Not where Pierce might be saved if all does not go smoothly. Zan knows that they will soon be back on the road - that this facility is not their final destination. He heard the agents talking, knows that they want more sophisticated "questioning" tools before they press Max for information about where he has been. They need privacy for what they plan to do to him, and Zan realized from the moment they arrived here that this facility does not provide it.
As he is pushed into the back of a car, Zan knows that he cannot afford to play this out much longer though. Pierce is becoming suspicious. He can feel the agent's eyes on him, curious, assessing. But he wants to be as far from New York as possible before moving ahead. He feels that everyone will be safer that way. He wants the Special Unit away from his family and from the originals, so that it does not cross their mind that they may have played a role in what he intends to do to Pierce.
But that is not the only reason. He is not quite ready to die. Not yet. It is not yet time.
He wants to know that Max has found Beth. He wants to know that it has happened before he dies.
He does not question why he is sure that he will know when they find each other. He does not question anything anymore.
There is no longer time to question. He is aware that the rest of his life can be measured in hours. He is not afraid. Not of that, anyway.
His only fear is that they may not find each other. He fears that Beth might be left alone.
It is not a true fear though. He knows what fate intends. It could not be so cruel again. He refuses to believe that what he is doing - what feels so right - could be for nothing.
Hours later, when they are driving through the flat fields of Ohio, a sense of relief and completion washes over him, and he knows that he is right.
For the first time, he feels a true connection to Beth, as her connection to Max flares back to life. It is through his bond to his original that he, for a moment, understands what he will miss. For a moment he experiences what exists between them. For a moment he mourns what might have been his.
And, then, he smiles.
"Stop the car." He addresses to the driver, who glances in the rear-view mirror, surprised.
Pierce turns his head, eyeing him languidly. Zan barely refrains from doing it right then. Pierce's relaxed attitude more than demonstrates how little he understands what he will soon be dealing with. "You're not giving the orders here, Max."
For a moment, Zan wishes he really was Max, and not just because of Beth. For his original's sake, he wishes that Max had the chance to do what has to be done. Because, now that Max knows that Beth is alive - now that, in his own mind, he no longer has to be punished - this privilege should be his.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Zan replies sullenly.
Pierce rolls his eyes. "Fine. Stop the car."
Zan leaves the car, then simply stands on the side of the deserted highway - they have been taking back roads - staring off over the field.
"Get back here, Max."
"I need to talk to you," Zan says. He does not look back.
"Now is not the time. Get back in the car or I'll make you regret it."
Zan glances over his shoulder. "You won't do anything to me until I tell you where I've been for the last week. I want to tell you now, and then you can just end this once and for all. We both know I'm not going to live anyway."
Pierce comes. Zan is not surprised that the agent is so careless. Even after Max's escape, he still feels in complete control of this situation. Zan has seen it in his eyes, and now he sees it in the tolerant expression as Pierce joins him.
"What is it?" Pierce demands, impatient.
"I found out who I am. You've been wrong about me," Zan replies quietly.
"Tell me," Pierce insists, almost panting with anticipation.
Zan takes a step closer to the monster, leans forward, places his hands on Pierce's shoulders and whispers into his ear. "I don't heal, you sick bastard."
Before any reply can be formulated, Zan places his hand on Pierce's chest. He burns a hole right through the place where Pierce's heart should have been.
Moments later, Zan is shot down by the other agents. He is aware of the younger of the two staring down at him as he closes his eyes.
"I bleed," he murmurs.
The connection is strong now. In the moment before death, he feels his child for the first and last time, and he knows that he does not bleed in vain.
