Satoshi hadn't gone out to get him.
And the Niwas had accepted the decision of their latest family addition to be alone. Emiko had cast a few glances toward the dark garden, but she hadn't asked or walked out there to get Krad inside.
It was time to go now and Daisuke shot Dark meaningful looks, finally giving him a little push and muttering, 'Go, damnit!'. The kaitou had hesitated once more, then gone.
Now he stood in the cold night, feeling no more discomfort than in a sweltering day. It paid to be a magical being sometimes. Krad had chosen a spot outside the direct line of sight from the house and Dark approached him silently. The demon almost merged with the darkness despite the blond hair and the light clothing. Golden eyes glowed a little in the starlight of the clear night, looking at Dark with no expression at all.
They gazed at each other, silent, neither one moving. Finally Dark smiled a little.
"We missed you in there."
Krad's expression didn't change.
"I missed you, too," Dark added softly.
The inhuman eyes wavered and the demon looked away. "I was here," he murmured.
Dark stepped closer, beside him, eyes drawn to the star-speckled sky. It was a wonderful night.
"It's beautiful," he whispered. "So… silent. Like another world. No worries, no expectations… just you and the universe."
Krad glanced at him and Dark shot him a grin. The demon twitched a smile.
"I was more thinking along the lines of no one fussing over me. I… I'm not used to that."
"It can be overwhelming," Dark agreed.
"Satoshi said the same."
"Well, you two are alike in that way."
Krad glanced at him again, then exhaled softly. But he didn't say anything. The silence grew.
"Krad…" Dark started, reaching out for him, then hesitated.
He didn't want to enter Krad's personal space. Too much had happened between them and too much was still happening.
"Can we... talk?" he probed carefully.
"What about?"
"Us."
Dark held his breath and waited. Krad's brows dipped a little deeper and he glanced at the kaitou.
"Krad? Please... I just want you to know... explain..."
"I'm not sure you can."
Dark stared at his hands. "I don't want to lose you, Krad. I don't want anything bad between us."
"We had only bad things between us for three hundred years," Krad remarked.
Dark's eyes widened a little. "Krad... it's the past. We can't forget it, but we also shouldn't return to it. If you want to hit me for what I did, do it. If you want to scream at me, be my guest. Just... talk to me? I can't take this..."
Golden eyes stopped him mid-sentence and Dark felt himself falling into them. When had those eyes turned from alien and predatory, lethal and dangerous, to warm pools that he wanted to sink into? When had he started to think of ways to make the other smile?
"I don't know what you expect of me, Dark."
"Let me be your friend."
There was a long second of silence. "Is that all?"
The kaitou inhaled deeply. "It's a start, right? I feel more... you know that. If you're not sure or don't want it... it's okay."
"I'm not sure what I want, Dark. Everything is so confusing."
Dark wanted to reach out, take the demon into his arms like he had done before in the mind realm, but now it seemed wrong. Krad's eyes held his again.
"You feel good, Dark. Your presence... and when you touched me... but I don't know if what you expect of me is what you'll get."
Dark's fingers touched the closest arm and when Krad didn't pull away, he felt encouraged.
"I just want you to be yourself, Krad. I want us to be together..."
Krad looked at the fingers touching him and Dark pulled his hand away, only to have it snatched by a strong grip.
"How can you trust me, kaitou?" he asked, voice intense. "How can you trust me not to hurt what you feel? I did it before."
Dark blinked, then shook his head. "It wasn't your mistake alone. I was... unrational. I don't want that between us, Krad. Please... don't hide from me. Don't ignore me. It hurts. Everywhere. I... really need you."
The demon was still holding his wrist, staring at him as if he had lost his mind, and Dark was hard pressed not to just lean forward and kiss him again. Krad touched his face and Dark held his breath.
"I don't want to hurt you," the demon whispered.
Dark kissed the fingers brushing over his lips and Krad inhaled sharply. The golden eyes flared a little.
"You won't."
Dark leaned forward and touched his lips against Krad's. He wasn't trying to kiss him, just initiate the contact. When his counterpart didn't move away, he kissed him gently. His arms came around the slender form and he pulled him close, just wanting the embrace, nothing more. He had to go slow. For Krad's sake and for his own. Despite Krad's apparent reservations, Dark had no more experience in these matters than the demon. His hosts had shown him what to do, but himself he had never done it. Never. It felt right, though. It felt good and relaxing.
Together, he mused. In a completely new way.
"Krad, I… I want to be close to you," Dark whispered. "I want…" He stopped and sighed. "Maybe that's the problem. It's only me… I want something. What do you want?"
Hope swung in his voice, hope and fear. He didn't want to lose Krad in any way. He wanted him so badly, to be close… and to touch him.
Golden eyes closed and Krad exhaled slowly. "I don't know, Dark."
Dark felt something inside of him twist with fear.
"I never had a life," Krad went on. "I never had freedom. I never had… choices."
Suddenly the hand Dark was covering turned and Krad entwined their finger, looking at the small union. Dark held his breath, while inside he was crying with happiness at the gesture.
"I want to make choices. I want to live," the demon continued softly. "Everything is too confusing right now."
"I don't want to force you into anything, Krad. It's the last thing on my mind."
"I know." A genuine smile crossed the handsome features. "Thank you, Dark."
The fingers entwined with his squeezed his hand.
"Uh… Daisuke and Satoshi are leaving for home," Dark said after a moment. "I think we shouldn't keep them waiting."
Krad nodded, not letting go of the hand. They only parted when they neared the house and Dark shot his other half a little smile, walking in first. Krad followed into the warmth of the Niwa home.
Two days had passed since Christmas and relationships between Dark and
Krad were advancing. Daisuke and Satoshi were keeping keen eyes on their
demons, noting the small steps, the little gestures when the two were out
of their hosts, and it gave them hope. Still, there was hesitation on Krad's
part and Daisuke thought he knew why. What he was pondering was a huge
step in his life, a decision that could change everything.
And it was a decision he was afraid of making. Niwa knew how that felt.
He had been troubled by such a decision himself a few years back. So maybe
he was the one to help.
Daisuke found Krad at his favorite place in the attic. Sitting in the
triangular window, the demon looked outside and let his pen glide over
the paper before looking up again. A small frown formed on his forehead.
Daisuke couldn't resist risking a peek over the demon's shoulder.
"Wow," he murmured as he saw the rough sketch.
While it wasn't finished yet, it looked very good. Just the wintery
landscape outside, just the trees and the snow, but it was wonderful.
"That's not wow," Krad muttered with disgust. "Something's wrong."
Daisuke tilted his head. "Hm, I know what you mean. You have the angle
wrong here… and here. If you change this…"
He took the pencil, showing him what he meant, and Krad nodded in surprise.
Krad was silent for a moment, then nodded. "You're right. That was
wrong."
"Maybe it's because you try to sketch it how you've seen it – from
above. But that's a really interesting view. You're a Hikari after all."
"I'm not a Hikari," was the soft reply. "I don't bear that name."
"You do. You never had any other. You are Krad and you're a Hikari,
just like Dark's a Niwa."
The demon looked at him, golden eyes filled with mixed emotions. He
put the sketchbook away, while Daisuke snuggled into the large couch chair.
He regarded Krad thoughtfully. The entity had lost all his 'demonic' attire
lately. Since they had moved into their new home, Krad had even changed
his preferred colors. He wasn't wearing white all the time – and damn,
if those washed-out jeans didn't look good on him. Like Dark he was sex
on legs if he wanted to. Dark flaunted his assetts, he loved the looks
he got, while Krad just wasn't used to that kind of attention. Maybe that
was part of the problem, too? So much was cascading down on him and he
was so ill-equipped to deal with it.
Daisuke studied the silent demon. If it weren't for the eyes… he could
be doubling for a human, just like Dark.
"Krad?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"Hm?"
"Say… you can control the energy your form is mainly made of, can you
not?"
Krad shot him a quizzical look.
"I mean… you can grow out your hair, change the current style back
to the old one if you want to?"
"Sure."
"Can you change your eye color?"
Krad gazed at him for a second and blinked. "Like this?"
"Whoa…"
Daisuke almost fell off the chair the moment he looked into the suddenly
human blue eyes of the demon. Not unlike Satoshi's in intensity, but not
as dark. The effect was astounding… and something inside him happily announced
that if not for Satoshi, damn, this guy would interest him.
Shit. Down, boy! he chided himself.
"Holy… Krad, you… you look great."
Krad blinked again and the eyes were restored to their usual feline
golden color.
"And you should wear jeans more often, they really fit you. Makes you
look… real nice."
"Are you implying something, Niwa?" Krad asked dryly.
Daisuke grinned widely. "Well, I'm usually much more reserved when
it comes to complimenting a guy who has tried to strangle me once… but
hey…"
Krad gave him a sarcastic smile. "So I'm lucky, huh?" He turned
away, eyes gazing out the window again.
Daisuke didn't reply. Instead he watched the demon staring out into
the evening. It had started to snow once more.
"I think you are, Krad," he said after a while, voice soft and warm.
Krad didn't look at him. "I don't know what you mean," he muttered.
"It's not easy, though, is it? You don't know how to handle this."
He kept staring out of the window, still ethereal in a way, still not
completely human despite his almost human appearance. But he was so much
more human than Daisuke could ever have pictured him in his mind. He loved
and he hated, he felt like them, he had all the emotions; emotions with
which he had just started to get acquainted with.
Finally Krad sighed almost inaudibly.
"Your room – it's empty except for the bed. Why don't you choose some
furniture, pictures, whatever?" Niwa wanted to know.
"I don't need all these things. I… wouldn't know what to do with them."
"You never had something for your own?"
Krad glanced at him and shook his head. There was a strange expression
in those alien eyes. Confusion, need to know, embarrassment, hunger, despair…
You never had any possessions. Not even freedom. Your life was not
your own. Your existence was not your own. You had a name, a function…
that was it. But you wanted Satoshi to be your possession, Daisuke thought
sadly. You wanted him for yourself. His body. His soul. What would you
have done if you had reached your goal? You never had a real plan, right?
You only took it one step at a time, trying to find an identity… a reason
to live.
"You do now. Something very precious, too. You are holding his heart,
Krad."
"What are you talking about?" The demon looked away defensively.
"Let me tell you something, Krad. About my life… Satoshi's life… how
those lives entwined even more than they already had after you and Dark
had vanished into the Black Wings. He and became friends, I was with Riku,
he was with Risa for a short time, then they parted. Much later he told
me why. It was when we became roommates at the University."
"Why did he go back?" Krad asked quietly. "He already had a degree."
Daisuke smiled slightly. "Yes, but back then he had been a kid among
older students. He was always alone, he did what had been expected of him…
he had had no childhood and so on. We talked about him coming with me to
university and I was a bit surprised that he wanted to. What didn't really
come as a shock was that he was gay. In a way I had known all along. I
didn't mind. He was my best friend. Well, and then Riku told me she and
her family would move. I still remember the last night we had together…"
"Daisuke, I really don't need to hear about your love life…" Krad growled
softly, brows drawn together over annoyed golden eyes.
Daisuke gave him a very much Dark-like, cheeky smile. "Oh, but I think
you do… "
--Daisuke looked aimlessly around the dark bar when his eyes were
caught by a movement in a near by booth. The two people sitting there were
definitely having a good time – and both were absolutely male. But what
really caught his eye the most was the long blond hair of one participant,
bound in a pony tail.
It looked so much like…
No… not here…
The other man, at least ten years older than the blond, just from
the looks of it, tried to perform a tonsillectomy on his partner, while
strong male hands were wandering over the body in - for Daisuke's
eyes - an almost possessive way. His partner didn't seem to mind,
carding his hands through the thick black hair of the other.
Daisuke felt warmth coil in his lower regions, but at the same time
couldn't turn his gaze away from the couple. The black haired guy meanwhile
had worked himself down the neck of his partner, and his hand was... Daisuke's
eyes widened as thee followed the path of that hand downward, and then
land between his partner's legs. Daisuke couldn't see much but the movement
was crystal clear. Hot damn… his partner seemed to like it, too, because
he threw his head back and moaned silently.
Daisuke almost spilled his drink.
He didn't just look like Satoshi.
It was Satoshi.--
