Daisuke smiled at the possessive tone and nodded. "Yes, your Satoshi. My Satoshi."
Ours. We share him, my friend.
Satoshi who had been such a private child, who had pulled away from crowds, and who now was on display, having someone's hand almost down his pants.
Daisuke had to smile more when he noticed the jealousy rise in the other's eyes, noticing the tension. He wondered what Krad would have done if he and Satoshi had just now found together, after they had gotten back their demons. Would he have tried to keep Satoshi for himself? Would he have shared? Krad was and always would be possessive of the young man who was his host, and it was understandable. The reason behind the behavior was understood and accepted.
"Apparently he was bar hopping," Daisuke said, pushing that thought away, "picking up guys or let himself get picked up. Not a nice thought… but I had to admit I never gave it any thought whatsoever. I mean what being gay would mean for him. But it gets even better – because I didn't even remotely imagined my reaction…"
--Mesmerized Daisuke watched the man's hand in his roommate's crotch,
rubbing teasingly, watched Satoshi close his eyes, the expression on his
face, his hips twitching into the other guy's hand before he took the man's
wrist and pulled the hand away. The older guy took his face into his hands,
kissed Satoshi and whispered something into his ear. Satoshi answered –
it looked like a declination – and the man let his hand wander down his
body once more, rubbing over the obvious erection again. Satoshi pulled
it away again, harder this time – Daisuke found himself almost jumping
from his seat and caught himself in time. What the hell was he doing? Satoshi
seemed to argue with the other guy and he nodded, nipping at his earlobe
which made Satoshi shudder. Then both men grabbed their jackets and Daisuke
tried to sink into his drink, not wanting Satoshi to know he was here and
had seen the entire encounter. Both men left, and Daisuke sipped at his
drink, thoughtful. He didn't need much imagination to know what would follow
- and something curled inside of him at the very thought.
And it wasn't a nice feeling.
Riku appeared at his side, smiling at him and stealing a little
kiss. Daisuke smiled back, looking into those deep brown eyes of his girl
friend, eyes he could drown in – but he saw only sharp blue ones.
What was going on here?
Why did he feel… jealous?
And why did he want to run after Satoshi and push the other man
away?
Coming home that night Daisuke was surprised to see the apartment
lit – his roommate wouldn't have brought his entertainment home, now would
he?
"Satoshi? You home?" he called when entering the hallway, just to
be on the safe side.
"Of course I am. Who did you expect?" his roommate answered from
the living room.
Daisuke had to keep himself from staring, looking at the way the
other man was sitting on the couch, typing on his laptop, looking as if
butter wouldn't melt in his mouth – whatever he might have done with that
mouth tonight…
Oh hell, get a grip, Niwa Daisuke! You knew Satoshi's preferences,
for goodness sake, so why make a fuss over it now?
"Didn't you want to go out tonight, too?" Daisuke asked as levelly
as he could muster.
Blue eyes regarded him curiously.
"No, not really. Had a little talk with a friend who was passing
through tonight, but I cut it short. Why do you ask?"
"No specific reason. Man, I'm hungry. Wanna share a pizza?"
"Sure."
Daisuke grinned and got the portable, speed-dialing their favorite
pizza place for delivery. He was aware of the eyes on him, of the strange
expression, but Satoshi didn't ask, nor press the matter.
Ten days later he visited Riku in her new home. It was the time they
both came to the conclusion that their relationship wouldn't last. In the
last three months things had changed between them and while they had still
gone out together, it didn't feel right any more.
'Let's be friends' had ended the two and a half years of being lovers.
And Daisuke planned to remain friends. He didn't want to lose either
of the twins as such because he liked them, but it still hurt a little
bit.
Coming home, he found Satoshi had gone out. A post-it note told
him so. Oh well… a beer, some leftovers from the freezer, a good movie,
and he would have a great weekend by himself. Maybe he would go out and
see if he found some of his own friends at the usual hang-outs. Maybe he'd
just hole up here and play couch potato.
Daisuke let his hands wander down between his legs, breath hitching
in his throat when he closed his fingers around himself, and started a
slow well-known motion, teasing himself a little, wanting to draw this
out. Closing his eyes he let his mind wander, waiting for the images his
imagination usually provided him with – shapely curves, tiny bits of underwear…
blue eyes, long light brown hair, an expression of rapture, his hands touching
soft skin under the shirt, hearing the rich voice moan in his throat… moaning
himself as hands did wonderful things to him…
Daisuke's eyes flew open, his hand away from his crotch, and he
gasped in shock.
What the hell… ? Since when was he having wet fantasies about his
gay roommate and best friend of five years?! Who was sleeping in the next
room, on top of that, for crying out loud!
Images of Satoshi getting it on with the older guy in the bar popped
up in his mind, images of what they for sure had done later, letting Daisuke
feel a mixture of shame for peeping and - jealousy?
It shouldn't have been a nameless older guy who put that look on
Satoshi's face, a little voice whispered in his mind, it should have been
you.
Now where was that coming from?
Daisuke pondered the thought for a second, reminded by little Daisuke
that he indeed didn't have anything against the very thought. Well, only
one way to find out.
Daisuke closed his eyes, picturing Satoshi as he knew him, had seen
him many times before, coming from the bathroom, freshly showered, long
hair not yet tied in his usual pony tail, dressed in nothing but a towel…
his hips twitched and Daisuke gasped with the sensation of heat curling
in his groin again. Intense blue eyes looking at him, expression unreadable,
making his heart hammer in his chest – Satoshi had been able to do that
since he was fourteen, with just one look. Holy…
Daisuke moaned, picking up speed. Hands roaming over his body, lips
at his neck, and god, they were far from female, and then Satoshi's fingers
closing around him, blue eyes sparkling with an inner fire he knew so well,
Satoshi moving… caressing him…
Daisuke had to bite into the pillow to muffle his scream as he came,
as hard as he hadn't in... well, never.
By thinking of his best friend…--
"You were turned on by Satoshi? That much you…"
Krad made a slight gesture. Daisuke had to grin at the nice shade of
pink the demon's face had turned into. He was actually blushing.
"I sure was… still am, if you want to know."
"Too much information," was the muttered reply, but Krad's eyes glinted
a little.
"I had only been with girls before and it was confusing me like hell,
all these emotions. But there was a friend…"
--"Hmm, it's a shame to let such a great behind go to waste."
Emmett almost purred, watching Satoshi leaving the room. Daisuke
glowered at the young man, almost bristling. Emmett was one of Satoshi's
rare friends, from the USA and studying at the University for some semesters
– and he was as gay as they came.
"Emmett," Daisuke growled.
"What?" the other man laughed, running his fingers through his shoulder
length blond hair in an almost affected gesture. "Don't you think he has
a gorgeous behind?"
"That's not the point."
"Oh, but I think it's exactly the point," Emmett grinned, then suddenly
grew serious. "Dai-chan, how long do you plan on letting him wait?"
"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Daisuke." Emmett looked at him intensely. "Don't tell me you don't
know. Satoshi is a fine young man – and I don't mean the body; most guys
would die for a body like this. Especially in their arms… no, don't glower.
Satoshi is waiting for you, idiot."
"And how would you know that? Besides I'm not gay."
"Suuuure. Neither am I. Honey, you're soooo in denial, it bites
you in the – uhm, nose. How would I know? Easy, sweetheart – he told
me."
Daisuke almost spat out his coffee.
"He did what?!" he coughed, trying his best to ignore the hand clapping
his back.
"Not in that many words. Well, it was like this… we had this
absolutely divine encounter – and let me tell you, you're missing something
here, that guy can make the earth move …"
Daisuke shuddered. And glowered. Emmett grinned.
"I'm joking, don't bite me. No, we never have, and believe me, not
because of a lack of trying on my part. I never got to see that nice behind.
Well, I was allowed to touch… okay, not what you want to hear, I got it.
The significant part is, we talked. Long. I mean, look at him and look
at me – don't tell me you never asked yourself why he befriended me. See,
that's what I thought. That night, he needed someone to talk and ended
up with me. He was not crying his heart out, that's not Satoshi's style,
but he was trying to drown his sorrows, and I picked him up. He told me
about everything, about his friend he fell in love with four years ago
when he first laid eyes on the guy, and so on. He didn't exactly mention
your name, but the way he talked about the guy, it could only be you. So,
Daisuke honey, if I were you, I'd make my move before he gives up waiting."
Daisuke didn't get the chance to reply because Satoshi chose that
moment to return.
"What were you guys talking about?"
"Why, Sato-chan, about that absolutely fabulous rear end of yours,
of course. What?" Emmett cried laughing as a paper landed on his head.
"Only telling the truth, you do have a fabulous… hey!"
Satoshi had placed the paper with absolute precision.
"Okay, you don't, better? Now, ladies, if you'll excuse me, I just
spotted someone I don't know yet … hel-looo … "
Daisuke stared after Emmett trying to charm a well-built brunette,
shaking his head.
Whirlwind Emmett.
But he had got him thinking.
The days that followed the meeting with Emmett Daisuke found himself
watching his best friend more closely – and feeling more and more confused
about the feelings that evoke.
One day he barely caught himself before he would run his fingers
over Satoshi's arm as he explained something to him. Or the way he found
it absolute natural sitting together with him on their balcony at a late
Sunday breakfast, pouring him some coffee – all he would have to do was
lean a bit more forward and brush their lips together. And he would have
done it – almost.
"Daisuke? Everything all right?" Satoshi asked, his face mirroring
a little worry.
Of course he would notice, Daisuke berated himself, he wasn't exactly
acting normal lately.
"I'm fine," he murmured.
Satoshi nodded. He had never tried to pry, and Daisuke was thankful
for it. On the other hand – he had been a police officer …
"You know you can talk to me, Dai," Satoshi said conversationally,
picking up his newspaper.
"Yeah, I know. It's just… I have some processing to do on my own
for now, okay?"
"Whenever you're ready."
"Thanks."--
"You're really dense sometimes, you know that, Niwa?" Krad chuckled.
"Sure. But I didn't want to hurt Satoshi by trying something, and then
telling him, sorry doesn't work out, let's be friends again. That would've
hardly been fair. So I … "
--"Now, now, Dai-chan, what an honor. What brings you to my humble
abode? Come in, come in, no need to stay in the hallway."
Emmett opened the door wide and made a flourishing gesture. Daisuke
hesitantly stepped into the little apartment. He had been here once before
and the overall impression he had gotten was – gay. Plush. Pink. Overwhelming.
All Emmett, in one word, like the guy himself. Emmett guided him to a couch
covered with a pink – of course – flokati-like blanket.
"What can I offer you? Coffee, tea, me? Since it's too early for
Martini anyway."
"A tea would be fine, thank you."
Emmett changed his stance and started to list. "Okay, then you can
choose between Earl Grey, Assam, Broken Orange Pekoe first flush, green
tea Gunpowder, Redbush vanilla… "
Daisuke couldn't help it – he had to grin. Just Emmett.
"What if I had said coffee?"
"Well, dummy, what do you think: Arabica, South-American blend,
Cappuccino, Latte Macchiato – with Amaretto flavor, I may add – Espresso…"
"And what if I had chosen you?"
A broad grin split Emmett's face.
"Be still my beating heart… there's hope! With or without whipped
cream, cherry on top – or if you like the stronger kind, plain black leather...
I can offer high heels?"
"Thank you sooo much for that image. A plain green tea will do for
now."
"Just give me a minute."
A little while later, Daisuke sipped at his surprisingly good tea.
"Now, Dai honey, what can I do for you?"
"Uhm … "
"Oh, oh, let me guess – a matter of the heart? Or rather the body?
Whatever it is, talk to uncle Emmett."
"Emmett!"
"You were thinking about what I said, hm?"
Emmett's voice had lost its playfulness. Daisuke felt the other
man's eyes rest on him thoughtfully.
"Yeah, I did. And I… I don't know what to do."
"Whatever your heart says, honey," Emmett answered quietly.
"Emmett, I've never been with a man, I've never even given it a
thought. And now I look at Satoshi – my best friend. We've been through
a lot together, believe it or not, and it was the foundation of our friendship.
I don't want to risk something like that for a… a fling, just because I'm
curious. I don't want to hurt Satoshi. He has been hurt enough in the past."
"That he has," Emmett agreed.
"He told you?"
"Not everything, just mentioned one or two things, enough for me
to guess. He wasn't a happy kid, was he?"
Daisuke shook his head.
"Not really. His stepfather – abused him. Not physically, but no
less painful. He had to grow up before his time, had no chance to be a
kid. He's bearing scars, I don't want to add another."
"Do you love him, Niwa Daisuke?"
Daisuke looked at Emmett, saw a seriousness in the other man he
hadn't spotted before, and suddenly he understood why he and Satoshi were
friends. Emmett bore scars of his own.
"I… I think so, yes. "
"Okay, you think so. Let's play twenty questions, will you? Do you
want Satoshi to be different in any way? More open, or reserved, whatever?"
"No."
"That was spontaneous, very good. Now, can you imagine a life
without Satoshi in it?"
"No."
"You're doing great here. Are you feeling disgust when you imagine
touching him?"
Daisuke hesitated. Disgust, no. Embarrassment yes. He told Emmett
so.
"And what about him touching you?"
"Uhm, Emmett… isn't this a little personal?"
"Not at all. See, if you can't touch him or stand the image of him
touching you, the entire discussion is futile."
"It's a fantasy of mine," Daisuke murmured, blushing.
"Uh, you did make progress, huh? Daisuke, let me tell you one thing
about Hikari Satoshi – he doesn't sleep with men."
"Huh? He's gay… "
"So? He… needs a little human contact every now and then, that's
when he goes out, meets special people. I'm one of them. But let me tell
you, he rarely kisses, and he doesn't sleep with others. He just touches."
Emmett leaned forward and held his gaze, face serious, voice too.
"Daisuke, Satoshi is already lonely. He's waiting for you to make
up your mind. He loves you. He has for five years, has waited for five
years, and quite certainly will wait another five or more. And then what?
You've seen the scene, it's a cold world. It's rare to find love, especially
when you're getting older. We're still young, but in ten years, in fifteen?
How do you think Satoshi will end up? As an elderly gay man cruising bars
every few weeks when he needs someone to hold him, and he will end up picking
some young handsome face for a cold fuck in a hotel room, if he's lucky.
If he's not it will be an alley, or the back of a car. If you love him,
go to him. If not…" Emmett shrugged. "Maybe then you should let him go
on."
Daisuke stared at the other man, wide-eyed and horrified with the
emotionless picture he had drawn. Was it true? Would Satoshi… become like
his father, cold, detached, lonely, a little voice whispered, and Daisuke
shuddered.
"… no…"--
Krad regarded him steadily, silent but very attentive to his recollections.
"That was some wake-up call," Daisuke sighed. "But Emmett hit bull's
eye. I couldn't let him go… and I couldn't accept his feelings, or the
feelings I had developed for him. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't.
So I did the same as you."
"As me? Niwa…"
Daisuke grinned.
