STARGATE SG-1: Bed of roses

Summary: It's Sam's turn to do some reflecting.

Pairing: Jack/Sam, Sam/Joe

Spoilers: 2010, 2001.

Season: Future (about 2006, after meeting the Aschen in 2001).

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the show! So don't sue me!!

Author's Note: OK, well, I've decided to turn this into a series. This chapter's following Sam (and has nothing to do with the song used in chapter 1 - or any other song). Hope you enjoy it! I'd also like to say a big Thank you to the female apophis for all the help she gave me in thinking up the rest of this story. Couldn't have done it without you!! Please R&R as always. Thanx! Enjoy!

Bed of roses: Chapter 2 - The Beginning.

Have you ever read Wuthering Heights?

I had to study it in 10th Grade for English. I never understood why Cathy married Edgar instead of Heathcliff. Why settle for nicety when you know such immense passion exists? And not only does it exist, but someone feels it for you!

I worked it out last month. Heathcliff's passion was what drove Cathy over the edge. Edgar was the one who grounded her when all around her was chaos.

I'm not saying I settled for Joe, or that Jack would have driven me mad. I'm just saying . . . well, put it this way. I'm content.

It's a little over five years since this all began. We met the Aschen on P4C-970 and the whole team was in accord that this is what we'd been searching for all these years. They had everything: Technology, Medicine, Weapons, Knowledge. And they were willing to share it. How could we ever turn that down?

So we jumped at the chance to save the planet. Jack said it himself: 'The Goa'uld are coming.' Apophis was about to launch his fleet. There was no way we could have defended against that.

And so they saved us. And I've never looked back since. But something in Jack changed. He was paranoid, scared even. I'd never seen anything like it. One day he just seemed to flip, and everything was wrong to him.

I remember, one day coming into my lab - when I still had a lab - and finding him sat there, looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"Sir?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything for a moment. Just carried on staring at his hands.

"D'you think we did the right thing?" he asked, seriously. It was strange. I'd never heard him sound so grave before.

"Excuse me sir?" His tone had distracted me from his question and I wasn't quite following what he was asking.

"The Aschen. Did we do the right thing trusting them?"

I was even more taken aback by his response than I was to his initial question. We'd only met the Aschen six months ago and already we'd obliterated the Goa'uld and the scientific advancements I was learning from Mollem were amazing. How could he doubt what we were doing?

"Of course we did, sir," I answered in all honesty.

Jack seemed to flinch as I spoke. He shot me a tense, half smile as he stood up.

"Just thought I'd check," he said leaving the room.

Only a week later, he left the SGC.

Part of me was delighted with his decision to leave. We both were, in fact. I even agreed to go out to dinner with him at one point - this was long before Joe and I were anywhere near being serious.

It was a lovely restaurant that he took us to. Not at all what I expected of him. It was quiet, romantically lit and set about half way up one of the hills around Colorado Springs. From our table by the window, we could see Cheyenne Mountain. It looked fairly small from there, but that was the least of my concerns.

As the evening drew on, I began to notice something in Jack. He grew quieter and more withdrawn as the time passed, until the point at which he was just sat staring blankly at the base.

I observed him for a moment.

"Do you remember the people we met on one of the Confederation Planets?" he asked, not taking his sight off the view in the window.

I didn't say anything; just let him carrying his train of thought.

"There was something about them that, I don't know . . . they just seemed a little subdued."

I knew what he was talking about. The Taionian people had been fairly stoic as far as alien cultures go. Some of them even made Teal'c look animated but that, to me, was no cause for alarm. So what if they weren't so chatty as he was? Look at what the Aschen had achieved and they don't have much in the way of a sense of humour.

"There was something about the way they looked at me," he said in an eerie monotone, that I usually associated with Teal'c. "I couldn't place it but it was like they were trying to tell me something."

"Jack it was nothing. Don't worry about it," I said trying to reassure him, but he was having none of it.

"I know what I saw!" he snapped, finally taking his eyes off the window and looking straight at me.

"OK, so what was it?"

Jack was still for a moment. He fixed my gaze in his, making sure he had my full attention before he continued. "Defeat," he said plainly.

I was confused. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know! But it's got to be something, right?" I could feel my forehead creasing as he continued.

"I mean, how long had the Aschen been running that place? Ten years did they say? Why, if these were the great saviours everyone takes them to be, why would these people look so defeated? Wouldn't they be revelling in the fact that they had no more war or anything because of them?"

I should have realised then that something wasn't right with him. But what can I say? I'd known him for so long now and what I felt for him made me think it was nothing. There was no way he'd let himself be so paranoid. I guess I was wrong about that.

I seemed to lose contact with Jack for a while after that. With him retired and me still running around preparing to make the Stargate public knowledge to the world and break the news of the Aschen at the same time, it was almost impossible for me to find time to see him.

That's when Joe started to take an interest in me - in a more personal way.

It took a while for Joe to persuade me to take him up on his offer of dinner. Part of me was holding out for Jack. I suppose part of me always will be. But I did give in to Joe eventually.

I initially went along because I felt sorry for the guy. I'd known him for eighteen months and in that time, I'd seen him just about every day around the base - what with him being the official earth representative in negotiations with the Aschen. And just about once a week he would ask me to join him for dinner.

So, as you can imagine, his hope of me agreeing was dwindling when I finally caved.

My first date with Joe was a completely different experience to my date with Jack. For one thing, he wasn't so cryptic about his views of the Aschen. In fact, the Aschen never came into the conversation. Joe was more interested in everywhere else I had been with SG-1. Once I got over my initial nerves of actually taking the first step to starting a new relationship, I felt much more relaxed in his company, but it took time.

The one thing that really stays with me from that first date is Joe walking me home. He was just such a gentleman, in every respect.

"I'm glad you finally took me up on my offer," he said through the slightly awkward silence as we walked through the town.

"Me too," I answered. He could tell it was only half-hearted, though.

I had enjoyed myself, yes, but there was something missing from the evening. That certain spark that made everything seem brighter and more vibrant. Made me feel more like myself.

We drifted back into silence again as we kept walking. I kept wanting to say something to him. I wanted to assure him that I'd really had a wonderful time, but something held me back. Finally we reached my house and I couldn't put it off any longer.

"Joe," I started, but he stopped me.

"Sam, I know that you don't feel much for me, more than friendship, I mean. But I want you to know that'll never change what I feel for you. If you don't want to pursue this any further than tonight, I understand, so don't feel pressured into anything you don't want." He paused for a moment before carrying on. "Having said that, I would like to take you out again, Saturday night."

An involuntary smile spread across my lips as he finished. There was something in what he said (that to this day I haven't been able to pin down) that made me care for him that extra bit more. It wasn't the explosive spark I was looking for, but it was enough.

"I'd like that very much," I replied, still smiling like a teenager on her first ever date.

It didn't take long after that for us to become more serious in our relationship, but I still wasn't fully 'There' for some reason.

Jack was still holding me back. Still holding onto my heart and not letting go. And it was a long time before I would let him. Just over two years to be exact.

******

Author's Note: There it is! Let me know what you think of it. There is more to come, so watch this space!