Yay, I'm so excited!! I finally was able to update on this story. I highly enjoy writing this one. It's comical in an extremely sarcastic way. The reason it took so long was because I go through and play while writing down thoughts and such. It's a meticulous process, but even more difficult to accomplish since my bro took our N64 to college with him and I'm Zelda-less. It's excruciating. But thanks to my good friend Crystal, the person who told me to write it in the first place, she lets me play at her house.

Now I've tried to stay with the original version but if something is different, do not, I repeat DO NOT lecture me. I have put a few Master Quest things in that I liked. I have played and beaten both but it should be more like the one everyone has played. Let's see what else did I want to say? Um, nope I think that's it. Sorry for the delay on updating this, but senior year gets busier every week. I'll try to update at least once a week but unfortunately no promises.

--Saira--


The Itsy Bitsy Spider

I am entering the Great Deku Tree's mouth. No, this isn't weird at all since I didn't know trees had mouths.

Link took a deep breath and was happy to find the whole tree lit up inside. He gasped at the sight. It was huge but decay and death seemed to linger in the air. He saw Deku Babas like the ones on the path here and skulltula on the wall farther up.

Damn what happened to have caused all this?

He started walking towards the center seeing a large spider web. A Deku Baba lunged at him knocking him off his feet. Link scrambled back since he wasn't used to Babas that could move that much.

"What the heck? The others couldn't do that"

Navi hid a giggle. "That's because the Deku Tree protects the Kokiri in the village but in order to do that he can't always defend himself. Be careful"

"We maybe if my Faery guide would do a bit more guiding" he grumbled.

He stood on the web and Navi landed on his shoulder. "Look you can see all the way down to the basement below"

Link glared at her and Navi floated off a bit to get her bearings and let him cool down. He noticed vines leading up to a path and found they were rough enough to climb. Navi was above him now staring at the vines unaware of his presence below her.

"Link, look at this wall. The vines growing on it give it a rough surface. Maybe you can climb it" Navi said despite Link being halfway up already.

No I hadn't noticed the vines and the fact I've started climbing them already doesn't mean a thing because I'm not really doing it until you see me

Navi was waiting at the top. Link got up on the ledge leading up inside the tree and took a better look around.

I never thought a tree would have all this inside and where's the little glow ball. Isn't she supposed to be aiding and maybe telling me things like where I need to go?

"Navi!" Link called

"Right here" she said floating next to him. "Okay, go up the path. I saw a chest."

Link rolled his eyes. I could have figured out to go up the path. Stupid Faery. Wait a minute. Treasure chest? Well the last chest I opened provided a cool sword. Wonder what else I can get

He ran up and opened the chest. He leaned over the edge but when he pulled out his find he looked irritated at Navi.

"Big chest equals something cool, right? Then why did I get a map?" he asked angrily.

"Perhaps so you know where you're going." She said rudely

"Isn't that what you're for? Never mind. Where to now?"

"You can either climb up or go through the door," Navi said pointing up with one hand and pointing to the side with the other.

Link chose the door and the moment he entered Deku nuts were being shot at him.

"OW! Cut it out!" he yelled

"Use your shield!" Navi ordered.

Link pulled it around and blocked the attacks.

"I've never fought a Deku Scrub before. I usually run from them. What do I do, night light!?"

"I'll help you target. Make the nuts bounce back to him. He'll get confused and fall out of his hole. Got it?"

Link nodded and Navi flew over to the Scrub and Link used her to aim and just as she said the nuts bounced back and he was knocked out of his hold. Link ran up with his sword out ready to strike it.

"NO! Ow-ow-ow. Forgive me master. If I give you a clue will you let me go?" the scrub said in a squeaky voice.

"You just tried to shoot me. Why should I forgive you? Clue or not?"

Damn straight it wont hit me again. But on the other hand I kinda like this whole master business.

"Please forgive me, master!" it begged. "I'll never do it again! If you spare me I'll teach you something cool. You'll never beat my bros up ahead unless you punish them in the proper order. The order is 2…3…1. 23 is number 1. Do you think I'm a traitor?"

Link motioned for the scrub to scat. Then he noticed it left a pinkish colored heart shaped thing behind.

"Navi, what's that?"

"It's known as a heart. It has magical properties that heal cuts and bruises. They're all over Hyrule. You should go ahead and use it on the bruises you got from letting yourself get his so many times"

"Let myself! I didn't let myself!" he yelled as they went through the next door. The door immediately shut and locked behind him.

There are too many locks in here. Link jumped down but quickly regretted such a move when he realized there was no way back up. Greeeeaaaat. He then saw there were more vines leading up to another ledge. He climbed up and found another big chest.

"You going to open it or stare at it"

"I haven't quite decided yet. I think I'll open it then lock you in it so the chest doesn't get lonely" he said smiling mischievously at her. She replied by sticking her tongue out.

Link opened the chest but this time found something much more to his liking. A Faery slingshot. He pulled the string back and aimed at Navi who was looking around trying to figure out how to get out.

One hit, that's all I need.

Navi turned back at him and he quickly turned around and examining it hoping she didn't notice what he'd been doing.

"Okay we need to figure out two things. How to get back up on that ledge and how to unlock the door."

Link looked around and finally noticed something hidden behind some spider webs. Is that a ladder? He pulled out a Deku seed and placed it in the slingshot before aiming and releasing. He hit his target and several seconds later a ladder fell perfectly into place allowing him a way to get up.

"I solved problem number one. It's your turn now" he said.

"Hmm, well the only thing I can see to do is that the other torch isn't lit. You could try lighting it."

Link shrugged before pulling out the Deku stick Navi had told him to keep and lit it with one torch before running to the other one. It burst into flame and in accordance the bars on the door lifted and he could leave. He blew out the fire on his stick and put it away.

He left that room and then decided to go climb the viney walls that led up to the next level. Skulltulas were blocking his path so he brought out his latest find and shot them all down. When their bodies dissipated things were left behind like seeds, rupees and the little heart things Navi told him about. They were quite useful keeping him healthy as they went.

Once on the next level he began walking around with a strange feeling that something was about to jump out. Something finally dropped down when he neared the edge. He was strewn back as a Skulltula twice his size came down. Navi flew close to help him. He pulled out his sword and struck but the bony back just knocked it from side to side.

Oh great. They're like frickin turtles. Wait, turtles are vulnerable on their underside.

To Link's advantage the Skulltula turned around and he made a jumping attack killing it instantly. A heart thing was left behind and he used it to heal the minor cut he'd gotten from being knocked back.

"You're getting better." Navi commented.

"No thanks to you. Why do you make me figure out everything?"

"If I just give you the answers then you wont learn anything."

Link scoffed and rolled his eyes in the classic boyish way. He ignored the other big Skulltulas that dropped down and headed for the only door on this level. He went inside and like the other room bars dropped down and he was trapped. He cursed under his breath and then looked around. A funky switch thing was on the ground to the right and two torches.

"I'm betting the torch will get you out again," Navi said

"What's the switch do?"

"I don't know"

"Liar" Link said before stepping on it. The ground rumbled and then three platforms rose from the ground. Link smiled at his triumph and jumped across to the farthest ledge where he saw another chest. He was about to open it when the platforms when back down.

"Hey! Navi?!" he yelled

"What? It must be timed"

Link shook his head angrily before opening the chest and pulling out another gift so to speak. A compass. Wow. That's the best they could do?

He pocketed it and jumped down. He noticed another opening to his right and vines ahead. He climbed up and pressed the switch one more time before jumping platform to platform until he reached the crevice. What he found there intrigued him. It was a gold plated Skulltula.

Never seen a gold one before. Wonder how much I can get for it. Link shot it down but like normal Skulltulas it dissipated. No!! Stupid Link, stupid! He thought until an odd token was left behind. He picked it up. It's not gold but I'm sure it's worth a little something. Link climbed the vines again since the platforms had gone back down and lit the torches to get out.

"Okay, now what?"

"We need to go down"

"Down? How do you propose we go down? It's blocked by a thick spider web"

"Jump on it"

"Jump on it?"

"Yeah maybe you can get enough force to break it"

Link climbed back down to the first level and fearlessly jumped down but he was tramolined into the air. This is kinda fun he thought in the midst of it. He tried from the second level a bit more cautious though. It didn't work there either.

"Try jumping from the highest level," Navi suggested.

"Little bit, I tried from the first two levels and just got trampolined into the air but now you want me to commit suicide by jumping from way up there? No way"

"How else you propose breaking it then?"

Link couldn't think of anything groaning as he climbed to the top. He looked down from where he was and his stomach churned.

I can do this. No I cant! What am I saying? I'm going to die if I jump off this. But if I don't then I'm a coward and then the Deku Tree will die because I didn't get through a stupid web. Agh! Okay, here goes!

Link closed his eyes and ran full speed remembering when to jump so he wouldn't have to open his eyes. Once airborne he did and screamed hoarsely as he hurtled down. Panicking he pull out his sword but it was a good thing he did because the web nearly sprung him back up but the force of his fall and the blade of his sword let him fall through. He landed with a large splash in the basement.

WHOA!!!! WHAT A RUSH!!!!

Link swam out of the pool of water and onto a lower bit of shore. He found a switch and pressed it making a torch light up. He was about to use a Deku Stick and get rid of another web where a door was behind but he heard a weird clicking sound behind him. On the wall beside him he found another gold skulltula. He shot it down and took another token happily. Then he set to burning the web. As he expected the door was locked shut by metal bars and he was trapped in the room until he found a way out.

"How many times do you think we've been locked up?" he asked Navi who was floating beside him

"Too many. I don't like it. The Great Deku Tree never mentioned any of this," she pouted.

"So how do I get through the door?"

"Shoot the eye"

"What?" Link looked up and saw a silver eye in the center of a diamond above the door. Never in my life did I think I was gonna hear 'shoot the eye' and the person be serious.

Link aimed and the eye closed opening the barred door. The door slammed shut behind him as he expected and then he gazed about the next room. There was a large pool of water separating him from the other side with a bit of land floating back and forth. Only a spiked log was in the center. Great, I always wanted to cross a bit of water where a spiky log was in my way. How am I supposed to get across that with ending up with more holes than I need?

You know I've decided bars blocking rooms equal bad stuff on the other side requiring the need of bars so from now on lets go through the door with no bars.

But instead Link walked toward the ledge and looked around.

"Link! After you get into the water, you can dive. I bet there are some interesting things underwater" Navi said even though Link hadn't wanted to get in the water.

Why doesn't she just come right out and say 'there's something in the water that could hurt you but will possibly help you if you get it' and stop dancing around.

Link found a switch in the water but he assumed it was a timed one because it looked just like the one he used to raise the platforms. It lowered the water and he was able to cross without any new holes. The door was out of reach though and only a block was there to help him.

"Stand next to this block and grab hold of it. You can push or pull it" Navi said standing on it.

No really. He thought sarcastically "Stop telling me things I already know. I want useful information I can't figure out on my own"

Link moved the box and entered the next room. This one was much easier to figure out because there was one lit torch and two unlit ones. He was in and out and reached a rather large room.

"There's something wrong about this room," Link thought aloud. Suddenly three slimy pearly colored things fell from the ceiling. "What the hell are those?"

"I don't know" Navi said disgusted once the things broke open revealing armored monsters of some sort. One jumped at Link and he swung wildly again until he killed it. The other he shot down with his slingshot but the other one was too quick. It tackled him and had him pinned. He kicked it off and stabbed it as it tried to run.

"Yuck!" Link said as he wiped off some of the slime. Link had everything figured out quick this time and burned through the web blocking the door in no time and before he knew it he was back in the main basement room but on the ledge he couldn't reach. There was only one place to go now and that was through another webbing leading down to another basement. "There's no place to jump this time. Maybe burning it will work"

Link pushed a block down so that he could reach the ledge from down below. The only torch was on the lower level. He lit a stick and burned through it quite easily. Fearlessly he jumped down landing in another pool of water. He found three heart pieces in the water and healed a few cuts he'd acquired before climbing out. He saw three Deku Scrubs and before one got a hit he whipped his shield around.

"Oh crap what did that little scrub say?" Link begged to Navi.

"You mean '23 is number one?"

"Yeah!" he said happy she gave him something useful for once. "Go to the middle one first." Navi obeyed and instead of him jumping out though, the scrub turned purple and froze. He told her to go to the right one and it did the same thing but the last one to the left jumped out of his hold and Link ran over.

"How did you know our secret?" it squeaked irritated "It's so annoying that I'm going to reveal the secret of Queen Gohma to you. In order to administer the coup de grace to Queen Gohma, strike with your sword while she's stunned. Oh, queenie. Sorry about that" the scrub ran off.

"How do I stun her?" Link asked Navi.

"Try Deku nuts. The flash might work," she suggested.

Okay so she's not so bad after awhile

Link went through the last door he hoped. Once inside though a huge slab of stone locked Link in with no possible or visible means of escape. Oh that cant be good

He heard a shifting sound above him so he looked. Up on the ceiling he met gazes with a terrifying creature. It was an armored arachnid but in a much larger scale version than the little beasts he'd tackled before.

"See, you need to warn me of the giant spider, not whether I can see through a web below me!!" Link shrieked mainly because he was terrified. "But then again that's not a spider. Oh no. You have put me against a Cyclops with massive armored parts and 10 times uglier!!!"

The thing dropped down and Link nearly dropped the Deku nuts and his sword. Navi pinched him to keep him focused and when she advanced he thrust the nut down and the queen fell to the ground stunned. Link then ran forward and did a jump attack giving him more force than if he simply swung. She shrieked painfully and ran to a column up to the ceiling. It hung its tail like body part down and it started pulsating making strange sounds.

What the…?

Three of the pearly while egg sacs dropped down.

"Okay that's got to be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen" Link said.

"Kill the eggs before they hatch!" Navi yelled.

Link didn't hesitate and slashed them up.

"Nowhere did the Great Deku Tree say I was going to be trapped with mommy and her baby freaks. He asked if I had courage…." Gohma dropped down in front of him. "…Well I just ran out," he added with his voice cracking.

"Too late now"

Link repeated the same strategy until the queen gave one last horrific cry and was defeated. Her body burst into unnatural flames until nothing remained.

Thank the goddesses. He thought before plopping down. Then he noticed something shining where the queen had been. It was like the hearts but this one seemed incased in glass. What the…?

"Night light, what is this?"

"My name isn't 'night light'" she shot back refusing to answer his question.

He rolled his eyes. "Navi, what is this?"

She smiled and then spoke "It's like a heart but better. If you have one of these it boosts your ability to resist physical and magical attacks from other beings. One wont do a lot but if you collect many you could be nearly invulnerable."

Cool. Then an ugly cycloptic spider would be no problem.

"C'mon Link. Time to go"

"Huh?" he turned and saw a blue light stretching from the ceiling to the floor. "Why should I trust you to go in the blue light? After all you guys have to trap me with a giant freak spider to get me to fight because you think I'll run"

"You almost did even though we trapped you" Navi said

"No, I said I would, doesn't mean I did" Link pointed out before stepping into the light. He was transported out of the tree only to land right in front of him

WHOA! What a rush!


Okay, what'd ya think? I'm trying to slowly show Link maturing. But no too much. As you can see he has a few brief shining moments where he is not the sarcastic boy we know and love but dont worry he reverts pretty quick. Anyway, hope you liked it and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible.