STARGATE SG-1: Bed of Roses

Summary: Jack realises he is on his own and has to take matters into his own hands.

Pairing: Jack/Sam, Sam/Joe

Spoilers: 2010, 2001

Disclaimer: I don't own it!

Author's Note: Sooooo sorry this took so long to post; coursework will do that to you sometimes! Anyway, thanx to everyone who's reviewed so far and especially to Cathain for suggesting the song for this chapter. Please R&R as always. Thanx. Enjoy!

Bed of Roses: Chapter 5 – Please Forgive Me

Jack slammed the door shut behind him with so much force that all the windows in his house shook. He was so far past irate, though, that he didn't care.

Why was everyone so blind?! Something wasn't right with the Aschen, and he was damn well going to find out what it was.

His only problem was, he didn't have much to go on. All Hammond had said on the phone two years ago was that he had been right all along and that it was the Anti-Aging Vaccine.

Though, exactly what was the Anti-Aging Vaccine had remained a mystery, as the phone line had been cut off and the next day, Hammond was dead.

Jack had known there and then that something had to be done, but he'd left it. He had to. There was no way he could have launched his Anti-Aschen campaign again then – not after the way he had treated her.

The night after Hammond's funeral was still the main focus of Jack's unconscious wanderings each night – and a good few of his waking hours too. Although, during the day, he tended to fixate on how much of an idiot he had been the next morning. It was no wonder she had married Joe!

Thinking about it, he would have been surprised if she ever forgave him at all for what he did to her. And in his mind, he didn't deserve her forgiveness. He didn't even deserve the memory of that night with her.

But then, that added to his torture – knowing what his life could have been like with her and knowing how quickly and foolishly he had thrown it away.

The silence in his house drifted even more eerily through him than it usually did these days. Ever since her wedding day, the whole place seemed to throb of emptiness. It was unbearable to him. And after several shots of whisky failed to deaden his senses to it, he flicked the radio on, hoping to find some sort of solace in the life it would give to his deprived senses.

In reality, its effects were the opposite. Seconds after the small black device had found a station, the lyrics it called out tortured Jack even further.

Please forgive me
I know not what I do
Please forgive me
I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me
This pain I'm goin' through
Please forgive me
I can't stop lovin' you

Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, Jack ripped the radio out of its mooring in the wall and hurled it at the opposite side of the room. The second it hit the wall, it shattered into hundreds of pieces – shards of jagged plastic and metal scattered on the floor and over the furniture.

Jack shoved his hands through his hair and tried to breathe steadily, but he couldn't help his heart beat from quickening with uncontrollable rage.

Rae at everyone for not listening. Rage at Sam for shutting him down. But mainly rage at himself for letting her go.

He began to pace about the living room, becoming more and more riled up as the seconds ticked by in his once again silent house. For a split second, he caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the window. It was only faint, but it was enough.

He was still in his Air Force dress uniform – just as neat and tidy as it had been when the SGC was in full operation. It was a small reminder of the man he had been – the calm and collected, though somewhat glib Air Force Colonel who saved the world on a regular basis.

His face, on the other hand, told a different story.

It was etched with hard, aging lines that hardened his features and gave away the truly crippling nature of his experiences. His eyes were dull and no longer held the mischievous glint that he was so characteristically known for.

He wasn't fooling anyone – least of all himself. His clothes may have stayed the same, but he was so far altered from the man he was, that he barely recognised himself.

Finally, he broke and was engulfed by a wave of anger and shame.

All of a sudden, he didn't care about anything anymore. He picked up the nearest chair and hurled it at the window, shattering his reflection. His heart rate quickened once again as his anger grew.

Finding the only release he could, Jack soon found himself hurtling any piece of furniture he could around his living room. Within minutes, the whole room was wrecked beyond recognition.

The only item of furniture that remained in tact was the coffee table with its single picture on top of it. As tears of frustration began to tumble down Jack's face, he lited on the picture and was stopped in his tracks.

It was a picture of SG-1, in better times (everything seemed like a better time these days – even Iraq). Jack's main focus was on the image of Sam in the photo. She was smiling at something Daniel had said – that much he remembered. And in the instant the photo had been taken, she had caught his eye and they had shared one of their brief moments of recognition, as they so often did.

Cautiously, as if it would crumble all of a sudden, Jack picked up the picture and traced his finger down Sam's face.

In the two years of his isolation, he had forgotten just how beautiful she was – until he saw her at her wedding that is. But seeing her as she was then seemed to pull him back to reality.

He realised she couldn't be his – he'd known this for a long time now but was only now coming to terms with the fact. He knew, as well, that the future she hoped to have without him wasn't going to be much of a future if things carried on as they were. And even though he wasn't included in her future, he couldn't sit by and watch them throw her life away.

Whether she forgave him or not, he had to do something. Even if that cost him everything he had left. Which, without her, wasn't much at all.

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Author's Note: If that seems a little short, then don't worry, because it's really just a 'stepping stone' chapter before Chapter 7. I can guarantee that Chapter 6 will be much longer, as there's a lot to get into that one... should be fun to write too!!! Anyway, enough of me! Time for you to REVIEW!