A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. I heard my Japanese was
weird...? I've spoken to a number of Japanese and they don't seem to
have much of a problem understanding my speech. Maybe the way I type it,
darou? Anyway, enjoy and please r & r! This is where _my_ fun begins...
Chapter 2: An Innocent Mind
Narrator: (In an extremely familiar voice) A month passes by...
Akira remains in a coma. Hikaru arranges for all his games to be
played in the hospital and rarely leaves Akira's side. He eventually
brought his Goban to the hospital, practicing kifu or reading manga
to pass time. He rarely returned home, even spending his nights in
the hospital. He soon rose to 6-dan and ascended the Honinbou
league. Yet, still his rival remained asleep. Hikaru slowly begins
to lose hope.
~Hikaru~
The three-quarter moon can be seen clearly from where I stand enjoying the cool night air at the window of Touya's ward. The last leaves fall from the sakura trees outside as autumn draws to a close and winter's chilling breath caresses the bare branches of the trees. Soon her cold white arms will embrace the earth and blanket the fields. Well, no more outdoor games like baseball during P.E. then. Speaking of P.E., I haven't been to school in a really long time. I turn to glance at the calendar on the wall across the room; 21st October... Tuesday. I almost miss my days in the Go club at Haze; they were fun. Beating Akari with a 25-stone handicap, dragging Mitani into the club, watching the club grow, training and practicing for the team tournaments at Kaiou... I sigh; those were pleasant times.
Kaiou... I shift my gaze to where my rival lies motionless on the bed. Kaiou, the team tournaments, being third captain... I walk over to him and sink into the chair at his bedside. Touya... I reach out to take his hand in mine; it is warm, alive. I let my gaze travel up his body. They removed the bandages and the oxygen mask a week ago. My lifelong rival's visage is calm, serene, and peaceful as if he were merely asleep and dreaming pleasant dreams. His breathing is deep and even, his eyes closed gently as if with total relaxation. My gaze shifts to rest on his fingers. His nails are long now, untrimmed due to the lack of necessity. It's been a month, an entire month since those nails scraped against Go stones, 31 days since I watched those slender fingers elegantly place stones on the Goban with expert precision, 31 days since I saw that mesmerising intensity in those fiery emerald orbs. I caress his hand sadly.
"Touya..." I whisper his name, my voice tinged with all the regret and sorrow I have harboured throughout the month. I squeeze his hand. "Can you hear me? It's me, Hikaru. I'm at 6-dan now, like you. I've been practicing everyday to improve my skills and grow stronger so I can surpass you. I'm waiting for you, Touya." I smile sadly. "You know, when you joined the Kaiou Go club and those bastards or bitches -whichever they were- bullied you? When I found out, my first impulse was to find them, clasp my hands around their throats and strangle the life out of them." I actually manage a soft chuckle.
"I was so totally outraged, you know?" I shake my head sadly. "I'm sorry I disappointed you, Touya..." My vision blurs. "I'm sorry you went through all that for nothing, sorry I made you wait for me..." I press the back of his hand to my cheek even as a teardrop rolls down. "I was selfish, Touya; all I thought about was that I wanted to play, that I wanted to know the difference in our strength. I never did consider your feelings, neither did I consider Sai's. Did you ever forgive me for that, Touya? You know, I actually _miss_ our arguments. Funny, isn't it, how we end up missing even the things we hated most? All those silly quarrels... Imagine squabbling over something as petty as how many times we said 'Oh, I see'! It just seems so stupid when I look back." I laugh quietly despite my tears.
"It's been a month, Touya... Thirty-one days since you started lying there with that thanatoid stillness... Seven hundred and forty-four hours that I've waited for you. Touya... Will you really stay this way forever? Can you just give up on Go like that? Just forget about the Hand of God? I'm losing hope, Touya... Can you really just let go?" I bury my face in his arm. "The Hokuto tournament, Touya... You promised we'd win it together this year... Please, Touya... Wake up, open your eyes..." I feel sleep calling me through my sobbing. I feel tired, so tired... "I want... to play... with you... again." I murmur before my mind shuts down completely.
~Akira~
Geez, why does it have to be so bright? Hmm... Feels like I've been asleep for a really long time. I crack open my eyes to glare balefully at the window. The curtains are... Wait, this isn't my room; it isn't even home... The windows at home are... Hold it, how do they look like anyway? I... can't... remember... I lift a hand to my temples. What's the date today? Could they have renovated... no, this is a hospital. A hospital? What happened? Why am I here? How long have I been asleep? Has my birthday passed? Wait, when is my birthday... how old am I? I'm... I... Who am I? Oh God... I raise my other hand and hold my head as an ear-splitting headache sears through my brain. Why can't I remember anything?
My body feels stiff and heavy as I struggle to sit up. My gaze lands on my reflection in the mirror before me. Silver-gray chin-length hair, sharp nose, long lashes, and shining emerald eyes... I reach up to touch my cheek. My fingers are long and slender, my nails too long. Too long... for what? They aren't really long but somehow, it just feels like they should be shorter; maybe I play piano or something. My skin is smooth but pale from years of remaining indoors to... do... what? I stretch gently to loosen up my tight, strung up muscles. Geez, I just discovered that sleeping can actually be worse for your muscles than playing Go continuously for an entire day. Wait, what... is... Go? I cry out softly and grip my head again as the headache returns. Damn, it feels like my head's incinerating from within.
I raise my head slowly as the headache subsides and look around the room; perhaps I'll find something that will tell me more about myself. My gaze falls on a boy, asleep using his arms on the bed as a pillow. He has coal black hair with an interesting shock of blonde in front. I smile; so he's been waiting for me all this while. My... Who is he? I struggle to recall what it is about him that I somehow feel is important. I don't know, I feel like I should remember him for some reason... no, I _want_ to remember him but... why? Why does it matter so much? I turn my mind over but fail to find anything. I feel as if something is missing inside me that he holds the key to.
But I feel happy, somehow. I'm glad he's here, that he's been waiting here for me to wake up. His mere presence seems to light up and lighten the atmosphere of the room. It just seems... right to be with him somehow, even if I can't remember anything about us. I wonder who he is... my brother? No, we look nowhere near alike. Maybe my cousin, then or perhaps my best friend. He looks so nice, serene, and at peace in his sleep; it seems almost a sin to have to wake him up, but I'm dying to talk to him. I want to ask him so many things about myself; perhaps he can help me remember everything that I've forgotten.
I reach out and shake him gently by the shoulder. "Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga..." I call softly, feeling rather awkward. He stirs but doesn't awake. I try again, a little harder this time. "Hey... Can you hear me? Please wake up... Ne..." I call to him gently again.
"Hmm..." he protests quietly but sits up anyway. He actually looks quite adorable when he's half-asleep; I smile to myself. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and yawns before looking at me. He blinks several times and pinches himself. Then suddenly, his murky green eyes fill with tears and he dives forward to wrap his arms around me. "Touya! Yatto... mezameta'nda omae! Touya no baka!!" he cries out happily.
Touya? Me? That's my name? I blink at him in mild confusion. "Touya 'tte... boku?" I ask curiously and pout slightly. Well, okay; if I'm Touya, then... "Ja, kimi wa?"
I feel him stiffen in my arms and he slowly pulls away from me. I reluctantly release and look up at him; it just feels... right to be in his arms like that. The feeling just dies in my heart at the sight of his dispassionate visage; his eyes have gone strangely blank like murky green glass orbs, and his face is almost completely devoid of emotion. I attempt a cheerfully confused smile in response to his hollow stare but I hardly feel the expression. I don't want... to make him... feel like that. The moments seem to hang in eternity as we continue to gaze at each other. Finally, he closes his eyes and turns away; he starts off in the direction of the door.
"Matte." He pauses in midstep but doesn't turn. "Don't... Where are you going?" Don't leave me. I don't... want... you to leave. I cast his back a hopeful glance.
"...To call your family... I'll be back," he answers in a voice thick with emotion.
He opens the door, steps out and closes it behind him. As he does so, I read my name on the white door label; Touya Akira. Hm... so Touya's actually my last name. Funny, we seem close; why does he still call me by my last name? Well, I guess if he's going to call _my_ family, then it means we're not related. I shove away the voice at the back of my head that tells me to be glad that we aren't. Ah well, maybe my best friend then. I look around, my eyes eventually landing on a wall calendar. It is unmarked so I can't tell what date it is today; yet another question on my I-need-to- know list. It's only been a few minutes and I already feel his absence; it just seems perfect having him around, it feels... right, I guess... familiar. And I still don't know his name. I turn to look out the window as a gust of cold air blows in and quickly pull the sheets up around myself. The sakura trees outside are bare and covered with thin layers of frost. It's almost winter, almost time for the tournament. Wait, what tournament? I can't... What is wrong with me?! I feel a sharp stab of anger at my inability to recall anything and am really tempted to slam my head against the nearest wall and knock myself into either remembering or blissful oblivion. Why can't I remember anything? Before I can further contemplate the idea, the door opens and he walks in, eyes bloodshot and swollen like he's just cried a river. I almost hate myself; no, I already do. He hides his eyes by tilting his head down slightly and walks around to my left.
"Er..." The silence is deafening and his current state makes me really reluctant to break it. "Who are you?" Okay, that was really blunt; but I've probably forgotten the meaning of tact already anyway. Besides, how much more could it hurt?
"Shindou Hikaru," he replies flatly.
I wait for him to continue but he doesn't, so I decide to push it. "And you are my...?"
"Rival. I'm your rival." Same flat voice.
Ouch. "And we're rivals in..."
"Go," he finishes for me, gaze falling all the way to the floor.
Okay, so I know this is *really* going to hurt but I don't see a way out of it. "Er... What is Go?"
~Hikaru~
"What is Go?"
He doesn't remember. _Touya Akira_ doesn't remember what Go is. It's the most important thing in his life and he doesn't remember. It's the only thing that connects us to each other and he doesn't remember. It's what led me here to him and he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't... remember... I think my heart just shattered.
I blink back the tears that are threatening to spill again and reach out to take his right hand in my left. I tug him towards me, silently asking him to get up. I know I'm acting like a crybaby and that I really shouldn't but I just can't help it. He doesn't even remember Go. It almost hurts; no, it really does. I don't really mind if he forgets me, but Go? If he doesn't even remember Go, then I guess he's pretty much beyond help anyway. He obligingly swings his legs over and down and tries to stand but his legs are assumingly unaccustomed to supporting his weight after a month of simply lying still, causing him to fall forward on to me instead. The breath catches in my throat as his cheek connects with my chest; I think my heart skipped a beat then. I hold him just below the ribs as he attempts to steady himself, his hands gripping my shoulders for support.
Our eyes meet when he looks up at me, a slight blush colouring his cheeks. "Uh... Gomen," he mumbles, finally succeeding to stand on his own.
I blink and shake my head before helping him over to where my Goban stands on a low table by the window and seating him in one of the two available chairs. I take my place opposite him and hand him one of the Go-tsubo. My rival opens it, takes out a single black stone and looks at it thoughtfully before looking back up at me questioningly. "This is Go?"
I nod, offering him a small smile. "Play a game with me?" I ask.
"Ah... but I can't... remember how..."
"Er... Well, it's like this. In this game, black starts first. You're supposed to place stones on the intersections of the lines and try to capture territory and your opponent's stones. You capture stones by completely surrounding them with your own and you gain territory by placing your stones to guard it and make sure your opponent doesn't get it instead. Each intersection is one moku and at the end of the game, the one with the most mokus in their territory wins. You cannot capture stones when there are empty points inside," I explain, demonstrating on the Goban with my white stones as I speak. Cruel irony; I still remember Touya explaining komi and nigiri to me the second time we played slightly less than four years ago. Okay, that explanation probably sucked but it's the best I can think of presently and there are probably lots more stuff involved anyway. "Anyhow, there are a few more rules and stuff like that but I'll explain along the way as and when a situation involves it, okay?"
He looks at the Goban for a moment before finally speaking. "Well, okay. I just hope I don't bore you; I'm probably going to suck at this because I really don't remember anything about it."
I avert my gaze to look out the window. "Actually, you are... were really good at this. We're both professionals; seriously, playing this is our job. We get paid to play and win this game, you know?"
"Oh? Is this why we..."
"No, it's not the money, especially not for you. Most of us play professional Go because we love the game and desire to excel in it, win titles, and compete internationally, all while improving our own skills." I look back at him and smile sadly. "That is true for you too. You had a passion and intensity like no other for this game. In fact, you could say that you brought me to this actually."
"Oh..." He smiles slightly. "What was... I like?"
I blink at him. "Er... Well, uh... You were... quiet, calm, reserved... serious, um... annoying in the most peculiar ways, actually. Polite, determined... competitive? And about Go, proud... passionate... intense. Truth is we weren't really on good terms until recently and we still argue all the time," I answer as best I can. I was really tempted to say 'You were a bastard that wouldn't even look at me until I could live up to your exceptionally high standards by showing you my Go skills in the Meijin prelims', which isn't exactly true but positively appealing anyway. However, when I'm being brutally honest with myself, I know that the only reason I'm even here is because he was so... like that.
"Ah... Ne, Hikaru? How long have we known each other?"
"A little less than four years. Before you ask, we met in your father's Go salon when I went there once and I guess I got really interested in Go a little later after having been totally captivated by your seriousness and intensity for the game," I reply with a slight grin, choosing to allow his usage of my first name slide.
"Oh, and what are you like?"
What? I nearly drop the Go-tsubo in my hands as I blink and gape helplessly at my rival. "I... uh... Well, I... um... Really, Touya, I uh... don't know how to answer that question." I tried, I really did but I really have no idea what to say about myself; I've never really thought about it. Outgoing maybe, fun? I don't know. Not that Touya ever showed much interest in getting to know me; all he cared about was my Go skills. Why do you think I try so damn hard to improve? Of course that isn't the only reason I work hard at Go, but still...
"Well, perhaps it's best I found out for myself actually." He pauses. "Oh, by the way, what's the date today? And please call me Akira."
"The 22nd October." Doesn't look like I can really ignore the whole first name basis fad, after all. "Er... Tou-Akira, shall we begin?" As long as he can play Go like he used to, I guess it doesn't really matter if he forgets everything else. "You can start first."
"Okay," he replies, lifting a stone between his thumb and forefinger and placing it the Goban.
Tengen on the first move; already completely uncharacteristic of Touya Akira. I bite my lip, fighting the despair I'm beginning to feel, and do an upper right star komoku. He reaches for a stone without looking and unconsciously lifts it correctly. He does an upper left hoshi before staring at his fingers thoughtfully. I feel a tiny spark of hope; his fingers seem to remember what his mind doesn't, but how far does that go? I do a lower left star komoku and he proceeds to do a hoshi on his lower left. I decide to test my theory and attack his hoshi on my lower right with a tsuke, nothing that the Touya I know would have a problem with. He does respond, placing a stone just above mine; well, not something Touya'd usually do but still... I'm not going to give up hoping this early. I tsuke that, waiting to see his response; he ignores the attack and places a stone just diagonally above my upper right komoku. Hopeful... I then decide to test him a little more and do a kosomi there. He proceeds to tsuke the komoku; I respond with a kakkari. About half an hour later, the tears I've been trying to hold back are already overflowing. It's hopeless, really; I wonder why I even bothered hoping against hope. It was going okay, really, and then everything went down the drain after my sagari. My vision blurs as I do an 11-8. He responds with a 8-13; it's an extremely bad hand, really, considering the circumstances. A teardrop falls on to the Goban and he looks up at me, eyes narrowing ever so slightly with regret.
"Ne... Hikaru... Did I do something bad?" he asks tentatively.
I resist the urge to yell 'Yeah, this hand really REALLY sucked and even three and a half years ago I wouldn't have done that!' at him and shake my head before completing the shicho trap with a 13-7.
The tears are flowing unhindered now as we play on. At least he didn't waste stones on the shicho, but his next move isn't any better. I respond with a de and he subsequently plays a keima. God, that is one really big dango... Finally, I just can't take it any longer; I can't hold back the despair and disappointment anymore. That tobi was the last straw for me and if I continue this any longer, I'd probably snap; and the worst thing is that he doesn't seem to see that he should have resigned by now. I stand, fighting the impulse to do it so violently that the chair would fall over.
"I... Excuse me. I... have to go." I turn and walk away, not bothering to even wipe away the tears streaming down my cheeks.
I hear him stand behind me and put down the Go-tsubo. "Wait!"
I pause midstride and he approaches me slowly, hesitantly.
"It's my fault, right? I'm sorry! I know I did something wrong... Please don't be mad..." he appeals, sounding 101% sincerely sorry and remorseful; I almost feel bad.
"I... That's not it." I'm not mad, just... despairing.
"Then what is it? It IS my fault, I know. Just tell me! I... I'll do anything! Just..."
I spin around and throw my arms around him without thinking, pulling him into a tight embrace and burying my face in his shoulder. He merely stands there frozen as I sob almost uncontrollably. "I... It's just... The Touya I knew better than anyone else, the Touya I understood best is gone... is gone and... and I... I just... feel like a part of me's gone with him... And I don't know why I'm telling you this and I know I'm probably not making sense but..." The words are just spilling forth from my lips before I can even think about what I'm babbling about.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "I'm sorry... Don't cry, okay? I don't think it's like you at all and it does make sense but you're really making me feel horrid, so..." he murmurs.
"I just... It's... I don't mean to but... I... and... Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda..." I suddenly realise what we are doing and immediately pull away. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't..."
"It's fine. Look, we'll go out tomorrow, okay? I'll buy you ramen and ice- cream and cotton candy and you can take me sightseeing -well sort of- and... aww... just don't cry anymore, alright? I really can't stand it."
Ramen, ice-cream, and cotton candy... trying to cheer me up with food; either he thinks like a kid or he's thinks that I do. Geez, I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted. Wait, ramen... ice-cream...? How did he... know...? "Why ramen and ice-cream?"
"Huh? I don't know... It's just the first thing that came to mind and so I just said it." He gives me a puzzled look, then pouts. "Why? You don't like that? Then we can have something else... sukiyaki? Or how about..."
"No, I *love* that... Ramen's my favourite food and I really like ice-cream too." Masaka... Instinct? Intuition? Could it be...? Perhaps his heart remembers... no, not even Go so with my place so much further down the list... It can't be... but still... Luck, maybe, a wild guess or something like that. That must be it.
"Really? That's great! Then you'll come tomorrow?" he enthuses so cheerfully that I just can't bring myself to turn him down.
"Aa."
"You do know how to get to my house, right?"
Does he...? "Uh... yeah, I do. I've been there once." Well, I did get lost on the way even with Yashiro AND a map but it'd be best that he didn't remember that.
"Good, 'cause I can't remember the way either so I can't help you."
I just barely succeed in keeping from slapping my forehead in exasperation. "Aa, I'll make it." I manage to make it sound less forced than it really was.
"Yay! Hikaru and I are going out tomorrow!! We'll eat lots of cotton candy and ice cream and ramen and have tons and tons of fun!" he exclaims like it's the best thing in the world, doing a kind of weird dance.
I smile despite the lingering despair in my heart. It justs seems so different... Touya doing stuff like this, getting excited about ice-cream and cotton candy. I feel like I don't know him anymore and in a way it seems like I never did, yet... why do I feel like I've just been given a second chance? A chance to see how it could have been if we weren't Go players, if we had simply met in another way, if I never met Sai and he wasn't a Meijin's Go prodigy son. Would it have been any different? I want him to remember and yet, I also want to know that other life, that reality that could have been. Perhaps we could... have been friends... We'd play video games, watch movies, eat ice-cream... be like normal kids. Could that have been possible? I excuse myself as his parents and Ishikawa-san walk in, deciding to let him explain himself. The last thing I hear as I walk off is Ishikawa-san's comment: '...Sugoku hidoi... Go desu ne...'
A/N: There! 97% in English! Happy? Anyway, the important point here is that when Hikaru and Akira were playing Go, the numeric notations and directions of the moves were from the respective players viewpoints; I know it doesn't make sense otherwise. Anyway, a short glossary for the 3% of Japanese I used:
Glossary
'Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga...' = very polite something like 'Er... excuse me but...'
'Yatto... mezameta'nda omae!' = colloquial 'Finally... you've woken up!'
'Touya no baka!' = 'Touya you idiot!' *Depending on situation, 'baka' in this case could also be taken to mean 'jerk' so take your pick.*
'Touya'tte... boku?' = something like 'By Touya, you mean me?'
'Ja, kimi wa?' = something like 'Then, you are...?'
'Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda...' = 'The Touya who knows me best, the Touya who understands me better than anyone else has disappeared... disappeared...' *'Kieta' and 'kiechatta'nda' both kinda translate as 'disappeared'.*
**I'm not explaining the Go terms. Either pay more attention in HikaGo or find out elsewhere. It's too tedious.**
weird...? I've spoken to a number of Japanese and they don't seem to
have much of a problem understanding my speech. Maybe the way I type it,
darou? Anyway, enjoy and please r & r! This is where _my_ fun begins...
Chapter 2: An Innocent Mind
Narrator: (In an extremely familiar voice) A month passes by...
Akira remains in a coma. Hikaru arranges for all his games to be
played in the hospital and rarely leaves Akira's side. He eventually
brought his Goban to the hospital, practicing kifu or reading manga
to pass time. He rarely returned home, even spending his nights in
the hospital. He soon rose to 6-dan and ascended the Honinbou
league. Yet, still his rival remained asleep. Hikaru slowly begins
to lose hope.
~Hikaru~
The three-quarter moon can be seen clearly from where I stand enjoying the cool night air at the window of Touya's ward. The last leaves fall from the sakura trees outside as autumn draws to a close and winter's chilling breath caresses the bare branches of the trees. Soon her cold white arms will embrace the earth and blanket the fields. Well, no more outdoor games like baseball during P.E. then. Speaking of P.E., I haven't been to school in a really long time. I turn to glance at the calendar on the wall across the room; 21st October... Tuesday. I almost miss my days in the Go club at Haze; they were fun. Beating Akari with a 25-stone handicap, dragging Mitani into the club, watching the club grow, training and practicing for the team tournaments at Kaiou... I sigh; those were pleasant times.
Kaiou... I shift my gaze to where my rival lies motionless on the bed. Kaiou, the team tournaments, being third captain... I walk over to him and sink into the chair at his bedside. Touya... I reach out to take his hand in mine; it is warm, alive. I let my gaze travel up his body. They removed the bandages and the oxygen mask a week ago. My lifelong rival's visage is calm, serene, and peaceful as if he were merely asleep and dreaming pleasant dreams. His breathing is deep and even, his eyes closed gently as if with total relaxation. My gaze shifts to rest on his fingers. His nails are long now, untrimmed due to the lack of necessity. It's been a month, an entire month since those nails scraped against Go stones, 31 days since I watched those slender fingers elegantly place stones on the Goban with expert precision, 31 days since I saw that mesmerising intensity in those fiery emerald orbs. I caress his hand sadly.
"Touya..." I whisper his name, my voice tinged with all the regret and sorrow I have harboured throughout the month. I squeeze his hand. "Can you hear me? It's me, Hikaru. I'm at 6-dan now, like you. I've been practicing everyday to improve my skills and grow stronger so I can surpass you. I'm waiting for you, Touya." I smile sadly. "You know, when you joined the Kaiou Go club and those bastards or bitches -whichever they were- bullied you? When I found out, my first impulse was to find them, clasp my hands around their throats and strangle the life out of them." I actually manage a soft chuckle.
"I was so totally outraged, you know?" I shake my head sadly. "I'm sorry I disappointed you, Touya..." My vision blurs. "I'm sorry you went through all that for nothing, sorry I made you wait for me..." I press the back of his hand to my cheek even as a teardrop rolls down. "I was selfish, Touya; all I thought about was that I wanted to play, that I wanted to know the difference in our strength. I never did consider your feelings, neither did I consider Sai's. Did you ever forgive me for that, Touya? You know, I actually _miss_ our arguments. Funny, isn't it, how we end up missing even the things we hated most? All those silly quarrels... Imagine squabbling over something as petty as how many times we said 'Oh, I see'! It just seems so stupid when I look back." I laugh quietly despite my tears.
"It's been a month, Touya... Thirty-one days since you started lying there with that thanatoid stillness... Seven hundred and forty-four hours that I've waited for you. Touya... Will you really stay this way forever? Can you just give up on Go like that? Just forget about the Hand of God? I'm losing hope, Touya... Can you really just let go?" I bury my face in his arm. "The Hokuto tournament, Touya... You promised we'd win it together this year... Please, Touya... Wake up, open your eyes..." I feel sleep calling me through my sobbing. I feel tired, so tired... "I want... to play... with you... again." I murmur before my mind shuts down completely.
~Akira~
Geez, why does it have to be so bright? Hmm... Feels like I've been asleep for a really long time. I crack open my eyes to glare balefully at the window. The curtains are... Wait, this isn't my room; it isn't even home... The windows at home are... Hold it, how do they look like anyway? I... can't... remember... I lift a hand to my temples. What's the date today? Could they have renovated... no, this is a hospital. A hospital? What happened? Why am I here? How long have I been asleep? Has my birthday passed? Wait, when is my birthday... how old am I? I'm... I... Who am I? Oh God... I raise my other hand and hold my head as an ear-splitting headache sears through my brain. Why can't I remember anything?
My body feels stiff and heavy as I struggle to sit up. My gaze lands on my reflection in the mirror before me. Silver-gray chin-length hair, sharp nose, long lashes, and shining emerald eyes... I reach up to touch my cheek. My fingers are long and slender, my nails too long. Too long... for what? They aren't really long but somehow, it just feels like they should be shorter; maybe I play piano or something. My skin is smooth but pale from years of remaining indoors to... do... what? I stretch gently to loosen up my tight, strung up muscles. Geez, I just discovered that sleeping can actually be worse for your muscles than playing Go continuously for an entire day. Wait, what... is... Go? I cry out softly and grip my head again as the headache returns. Damn, it feels like my head's incinerating from within.
I raise my head slowly as the headache subsides and look around the room; perhaps I'll find something that will tell me more about myself. My gaze falls on a boy, asleep using his arms on the bed as a pillow. He has coal black hair with an interesting shock of blonde in front. I smile; so he's been waiting for me all this while. My... Who is he? I struggle to recall what it is about him that I somehow feel is important. I don't know, I feel like I should remember him for some reason... no, I _want_ to remember him but... why? Why does it matter so much? I turn my mind over but fail to find anything. I feel as if something is missing inside me that he holds the key to.
But I feel happy, somehow. I'm glad he's here, that he's been waiting here for me to wake up. His mere presence seems to light up and lighten the atmosphere of the room. It just seems... right to be with him somehow, even if I can't remember anything about us. I wonder who he is... my brother? No, we look nowhere near alike. Maybe my cousin, then or perhaps my best friend. He looks so nice, serene, and at peace in his sleep; it seems almost a sin to have to wake him up, but I'm dying to talk to him. I want to ask him so many things about myself; perhaps he can help me remember everything that I've forgotten.
I reach out and shake him gently by the shoulder. "Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga..." I call softly, feeling rather awkward. He stirs but doesn't awake. I try again, a little harder this time. "Hey... Can you hear me? Please wake up... Ne..." I call to him gently again.
"Hmm..." he protests quietly but sits up anyway. He actually looks quite adorable when he's half-asleep; I smile to myself. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and yawns before looking at me. He blinks several times and pinches himself. Then suddenly, his murky green eyes fill with tears and he dives forward to wrap his arms around me. "Touya! Yatto... mezameta'nda omae! Touya no baka!!" he cries out happily.
Touya? Me? That's my name? I blink at him in mild confusion. "Touya 'tte... boku?" I ask curiously and pout slightly. Well, okay; if I'm Touya, then... "Ja, kimi wa?"
I feel him stiffen in my arms and he slowly pulls away from me. I reluctantly release and look up at him; it just feels... right to be in his arms like that. The feeling just dies in my heart at the sight of his dispassionate visage; his eyes have gone strangely blank like murky green glass orbs, and his face is almost completely devoid of emotion. I attempt a cheerfully confused smile in response to his hollow stare but I hardly feel the expression. I don't want... to make him... feel like that. The moments seem to hang in eternity as we continue to gaze at each other. Finally, he closes his eyes and turns away; he starts off in the direction of the door.
"Matte." He pauses in midstep but doesn't turn. "Don't... Where are you going?" Don't leave me. I don't... want... you to leave. I cast his back a hopeful glance.
"...To call your family... I'll be back," he answers in a voice thick with emotion.
He opens the door, steps out and closes it behind him. As he does so, I read my name on the white door label; Touya Akira. Hm... so Touya's actually my last name. Funny, we seem close; why does he still call me by my last name? Well, I guess if he's going to call _my_ family, then it means we're not related. I shove away the voice at the back of my head that tells me to be glad that we aren't. Ah well, maybe my best friend then. I look around, my eyes eventually landing on a wall calendar. It is unmarked so I can't tell what date it is today; yet another question on my I-need-to- know list. It's only been a few minutes and I already feel his absence; it just seems perfect having him around, it feels... right, I guess... familiar. And I still don't know his name. I turn to look out the window as a gust of cold air blows in and quickly pull the sheets up around myself. The sakura trees outside are bare and covered with thin layers of frost. It's almost winter, almost time for the tournament. Wait, what tournament? I can't... What is wrong with me?! I feel a sharp stab of anger at my inability to recall anything and am really tempted to slam my head against the nearest wall and knock myself into either remembering or blissful oblivion. Why can't I remember anything? Before I can further contemplate the idea, the door opens and he walks in, eyes bloodshot and swollen like he's just cried a river. I almost hate myself; no, I already do. He hides his eyes by tilting his head down slightly and walks around to my left.
"Er..." The silence is deafening and his current state makes me really reluctant to break it. "Who are you?" Okay, that was really blunt; but I've probably forgotten the meaning of tact already anyway. Besides, how much more could it hurt?
"Shindou Hikaru," he replies flatly.
I wait for him to continue but he doesn't, so I decide to push it. "And you are my...?"
"Rival. I'm your rival." Same flat voice.
Ouch. "And we're rivals in..."
"Go," he finishes for me, gaze falling all the way to the floor.
Okay, so I know this is *really* going to hurt but I don't see a way out of it. "Er... What is Go?"
~Hikaru~
"What is Go?"
He doesn't remember. _Touya Akira_ doesn't remember what Go is. It's the most important thing in his life and he doesn't remember. It's the only thing that connects us to each other and he doesn't remember. It's what led me here to him and he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't... remember... I think my heart just shattered.
I blink back the tears that are threatening to spill again and reach out to take his right hand in my left. I tug him towards me, silently asking him to get up. I know I'm acting like a crybaby and that I really shouldn't but I just can't help it. He doesn't even remember Go. It almost hurts; no, it really does. I don't really mind if he forgets me, but Go? If he doesn't even remember Go, then I guess he's pretty much beyond help anyway. He obligingly swings his legs over and down and tries to stand but his legs are assumingly unaccustomed to supporting his weight after a month of simply lying still, causing him to fall forward on to me instead. The breath catches in my throat as his cheek connects with my chest; I think my heart skipped a beat then. I hold him just below the ribs as he attempts to steady himself, his hands gripping my shoulders for support.
Our eyes meet when he looks up at me, a slight blush colouring his cheeks. "Uh... Gomen," he mumbles, finally succeeding to stand on his own.
I blink and shake my head before helping him over to where my Goban stands on a low table by the window and seating him in one of the two available chairs. I take my place opposite him and hand him one of the Go-tsubo. My rival opens it, takes out a single black stone and looks at it thoughtfully before looking back up at me questioningly. "This is Go?"
I nod, offering him a small smile. "Play a game with me?" I ask.
"Ah... but I can't... remember how..."
"Er... Well, it's like this. In this game, black starts first. You're supposed to place stones on the intersections of the lines and try to capture territory and your opponent's stones. You capture stones by completely surrounding them with your own and you gain territory by placing your stones to guard it and make sure your opponent doesn't get it instead. Each intersection is one moku and at the end of the game, the one with the most mokus in their territory wins. You cannot capture stones when there are empty points inside," I explain, demonstrating on the Goban with my white stones as I speak. Cruel irony; I still remember Touya explaining komi and nigiri to me the second time we played slightly less than four years ago. Okay, that explanation probably sucked but it's the best I can think of presently and there are probably lots more stuff involved anyway. "Anyhow, there are a few more rules and stuff like that but I'll explain along the way as and when a situation involves it, okay?"
He looks at the Goban for a moment before finally speaking. "Well, okay. I just hope I don't bore you; I'm probably going to suck at this because I really don't remember anything about it."
I avert my gaze to look out the window. "Actually, you are... were really good at this. We're both professionals; seriously, playing this is our job. We get paid to play and win this game, you know?"
"Oh? Is this why we..."
"No, it's not the money, especially not for you. Most of us play professional Go because we love the game and desire to excel in it, win titles, and compete internationally, all while improving our own skills." I look back at him and smile sadly. "That is true for you too. You had a passion and intensity like no other for this game. In fact, you could say that you brought me to this actually."
"Oh..." He smiles slightly. "What was... I like?"
I blink at him. "Er... Well, uh... You were... quiet, calm, reserved... serious, um... annoying in the most peculiar ways, actually. Polite, determined... competitive? And about Go, proud... passionate... intense. Truth is we weren't really on good terms until recently and we still argue all the time," I answer as best I can. I was really tempted to say 'You were a bastard that wouldn't even look at me until I could live up to your exceptionally high standards by showing you my Go skills in the Meijin prelims', which isn't exactly true but positively appealing anyway. However, when I'm being brutally honest with myself, I know that the only reason I'm even here is because he was so... like that.
"Ah... Ne, Hikaru? How long have we known each other?"
"A little less than four years. Before you ask, we met in your father's Go salon when I went there once and I guess I got really interested in Go a little later after having been totally captivated by your seriousness and intensity for the game," I reply with a slight grin, choosing to allow his usage of my first name slide.
"Oh, and what are you like?"
What? I nearly drop the Go-tsubo in my hands as I blink and gape helplessly at my rival. "I... uh... Well, I... um... Really, Touya, I uh... don't know how to answer that question." I tried, I really did but I really have no idea what to say about myself; I've never really thought about it. Outgoing maybe, fun? I don't know. Not that Touya ever showed much interest in getting to know me; all he cared about was my Go skills. Why do you think I try so damn hard to improve? Of course that isn't the only reason I work hard at Go, but still...
"Well, perhaps it's best I found out for myself actually." He pauses. "Oh, by the way, what's the date today? And please call me Akira."
"The 22nd October." Doesn't look like I can really ignore the whole first name basis fad, after all. "Er... Tou-Akira, shall we begin?" As long as he can play Go like he used to, I guess it doesn't really matter if he forgets everything else. "You can start first."
"Okay," he replies, lifting a stone between his thumb and forefinger and placing it the Goban.
Tengen on the first move; already completely uncharacteristic of Touya Akira. I bite my lip, fighting the despair I'm beginning to feel, and do an upper right star komoku. He reaches for a stone without looking and unconsciously lifts it correctly. He does an upper left hoshi before staring at his fingers thoughtfully. I feel a tiny spark of hope; his fingers seem to remember what his mind doesn't, but how far does that go? I do a lower left star komoku and he proceeds to do a hoshi on his lower left. I decide to test my theory and attack his hoshi on my lower right with a tsuke, nothing that the Touya I know would have a problem with. He does respond, placing a stone just above mine; well, not something Touya'd usually do but still... I'm not going to give up hoping this early. I tsuke that, waiting to see his response; he ignores the attack and places a stone just diagonally above my upper right komoku. Hopeful... I then decide to test him a little more and do a kosomi there. He proceeds to tsuke the komoku; I respond with a kakkari. About half an hour later, the tears I've been trying to hold back are already overflowing. It's hopeless, really; I wonder why I even bothered hoping against hope. It was going okay, really, and then everything went down the drain after my sagari. My vision blurs as I do an 11-8. He responds with a 8-13; it's an extremely bad hand, really, considering the circumstances. A teardrop falls on to the Goban and he looks up at me, eyes narrowing ever so slightly with regret.
"Ne... Hikaru... Did I do something bad?" he asks tentatively.
I resist the urge to yell 'Yeah, this hand really REALLY sucked and even three and a half years ago I wouldn't have done that!' at him and shake my head before completing the shicho trap with a 13-7.
The tears are flowing unhindered now as we play on. At least he didn't waste stones on the shicho, but his next move isn't any better. I respond with a de and he subsequently plays a keima. God, that is one really big dango... Finally, I just can't take it any longer; I can't hold back the despair and disappointment anymore. That tobi was the last straw for me and if I continue this any longer, I'd probably snap; and the worst thing is that he doesn't seem to see that he should have resigned by now. I stand, fighting the impulse to do it so violently that the chair would fall over.
"I... Excuse me. I... have to go." I turn and walk away, not bothering to even wipe away the tears streaming down my cheeks.
I hear him stand behind me and put down the Go-tsubo. "Wait!"
I pause midstride and he approaches me slowly, hesitantly.
"It's my fault, right? I'm sorry! I know I did something wrong... Please don't be mad..." he appeals, sounding 101% sincerely sorry and remorseful; I almost feel bad.
"I... That's not it." I'm not mad, just... despairing.
"Then what is it? It IS my fault, I know. Just tell me! I... I'll do anything! Just..."
I spin around and throw my arms around him without thinking, pulling him into a tight embrace and burying my face in his shoulder. He merely stands there frozen as I sob almost uncontrollably. "I... It's just... The Touya I knew better than anyone else, the Touya I understood best is gone... is gone and... and I... I just... feel like a part of me's gone with him... And I don't know why I'm telling you this and I know I'm probably not making sense but..." The words are just spilling forth from my lips before I can even think about what I'm babbling about.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "I'm sorry... Don't cry, okay? I don't think it's like you at all and it does make sense but you're really making me feel horrid, so..." he murmurs.
"I just... It's... I don't mean to but... I... and... Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda..." I suddenly realise what we are doing and immediately pull away. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't..."
"It's fine. Look, we'll go out tomorrow, okay? I'll buy you ramen and ice- cream and cotton candy and you can take me sightseeing -well sort of- and... aww... just don't cry anymore, alright? I really can't stand it."
Ramen, ice-cream, and cotton candy... trying to cheer me up with food; either he thinks like a kid or he's thinks that I do. Geez, I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted. Wait, ramen... ice-cream...? How did he... know...? "Why ramen and ice-cream?"
"Huh? I don't know... It's just the first thing that came to mind and so I just said it." He gives me a puzzled look, then pouts. "Why? You don't like that? Then we can have something else... sukiyaki? Or how about..."
"No, I *love* that... Ramen's my favourite food and I really like ice-cream too." Masaka... Instinct? Intuition? Could it be...? Perhaps his heart remembers... no, not even Go so with my place so much further down the list... It can't be... but still... Luck, maybe, a wild guess or something like that. That must be it.
"Really? That's great! Then you'll come tomorrow?" he enthuses so cheerfully that I just can't bring myself to turn him down.
"Aa."
"You do know how to get to my house, right?"
Does he...? "Uh... yeah, I do. I've been there once." Well, I did get lost on the way even with Yashiro AND a map but it'd be best that he didn't remember that.
"Good, 'cause I can't remember the way either so I can't help you."
I just barely succeed in keeping from slapping my forehead in exasperation. "Aa, I'll make it." I manage to make it sound less forced than it really was.
"Yay! Hikaru and I are going out tomorrow!! We'll eat lots of cotton candy and ice cream and ramen and have tons and tons of fun!" he exclaims like it's the best thing in the world, doing a kind of weird dance.
I smile despite the lingering despair in my heart. It justs seems so different... Touya doing stuff like this, getting excited about ice-cream and cotton candy. I feel like I don't know him anymore and in a way it seems like I never did, yet... why do I feel like I've just been given a second chance? A chance to see how it could have been if we weren't Go players, if we had simply met in another way, if I never met Sai and he wasn't a Meijin's Go prodigy son. Would it have been any different? I want him to remember and yet, I also want to know that other life, that reality that could have been. Perhaps we could... have been friends... We'd play video games, watch movies, eat ice-cream... be like normal kids. Could that have been possible? I excuse myself as his parents and Ishikawa-san walk in, deciding to let him explain himself. The last thing I hear as I walk off is Ishikawa-san's comment: '...Sugoku hidoi... Go desu ne...'
A/N: There! 97% in English! Happy? Anyway, the important point here is that when Hikaru and Akira were playing Go, the numeric notations and directions of the moves were from the respective players viewpoints; I know it doesn't make sense otherwise. Anyway, a short glossary for the 3% of Japanese I used:
Glossary
'Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga...' = very polite something like 'Er... excuse me but...'
'Yatto... mezameta'nda omae!' = colloquial 'Finally... you've woken up!'
'Touya no baka!' = 'Touya you idiot!' *Depending on situation, 'baka' in this case could also be taken to mean 'jerk' so take your pick.*
'Touya'tte... boku?' = something like 'By Touya, you mean me?'
'Ja, kimi wa?' = something like 'Then, you are...?'
'Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda...' = 'The Touya who knows me best, the Touya who understands me better than anyone else has disappeared... disappeared...' *'Kieta' and 'kiechatta'nda' both kinda translate as 'disappeared'.*
**I'm not explaining the Go terms. Either pay more attention in HikaGo or find out elsewhere. It's too tedious.**
