Chapter 7: Libra Falls
~Akira~
I stare at the intricate patterns of black and white on the board before me. The game's in yose and I'm half a moku short. Damn, there's nothing I can do unless he lets me with a mistake and Shindou doesn't make mistakes in yose. I resignedly place my stone on an intersection and he almost immediately places his on another. We decided to start practising for the Hokuto Tournament earlier than we did last year, which is why I'm sitting here with him in my father's Go Salon playing the evening's third game. We've dedicated our evenings to coming here whenever we could and much of our free time to playing higher-level pros more often. Well, now that my rival's the Honinbou... he has people queuing up in lines to play him anyway. He has already played three games with Ogata-sensei this week and has two with Kurata 9-dan scheduled for next week. We both gave up tutoring sessions, not that we enjoyed it anyway. I've played my father and Zama Ouza twice each this week and I have games with a few others including Ogata-sensei scheduled for next week. Meanwhile, my boisterous rival and I are spending our evenings playing each other more often than not here. The evening's current score card stands at 2-1, two for him and one for me. The week's one stands at 10-8 including today's, ten him and eight me. Unfortunately, that also means that my father's going to have to replace the Salon's roof soon. A normal game with Shindou Hikaru consists of three battles: a battle of Goban domination, a battle of vocal chord endurance, and a battle of immaturity. I personally do not know which of the last two is worse. Still, he never fails to enrage me beyond simply losing my temper and at that point, I really don't care if I look like a six-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.
"That's done it, I guess."
I look up at him blankly for a moment before realizing that he was talking about the game. I drop my gaze to the Goban and study it for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, it's over. My loss," I concede.
He grins. "Makes you regret lost time, doesn't it?"
He's gloating, the obnoxious brat. "I..."
"Don't. I was just joking, Touya. But you're not your usual self," he cuts me off before I can speak.
"Huh?" I don't feel any different than usual, so I have no idea what he means.
"You don't play like this, Touya. It's off; I know it. Something's bothering you," the youngest ever Honinbou states with a mildly concerned look on his face.
Bothering me? I... don't... I give him a confused look. Sure, there were a few hands that probably could have been better but... Off? I don't understand. "I don't feel out of the ordinary; I'm fine."
"Never mind. Shall we run the risk of bringing down the roof?" he asks playfully.
I allow a small smile. "Yeah, this hand could have been better. I should have played here," I tell him, indicating a stone and an intersection in turn.
He leaned forward slightly. "Enlighten me, to what end? It wouldn't have posed a problem anyway. Might be better if you played here, though." He indicates another intersection.
"It would not have helped, you would simply have cut here."
"Yes, but it would leave you with an opening here," he gestured at an area to his upper left.
"Right, and had I attacked you would have attacked over here and I would be forced to respond since you're better defended there than I am here."
He looked thoughtfully at the board. "Geez, you're right."
"You missed that?" I ask incredulously, voice rising.
"So? You're not perfect either!" he retorts.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ishikawa-san bury her face in her hands. "It's not about perfection! How could you miss something like this?!"
"Oh, look who's talking! Pot? Kettle? Black?" he responds sarcastically. "I can't believe you thought I'd attack the middle here! I'd need five hands for a measly seven moku and when have you ever given me a chance for any more than three?!" he nearly screeched.
"You needed seven hands to attack the upper right, Shindou!" I argue near the top of my voice.
"Oh, yeah? Half of that got me a chunk of the middle as well!!"
"Oh? Like I had to do any more than cut here to destroy your shape! By the time I connected here, this whole area was mine!!" I snap back, voice reaching a crescendo.
"Oh yeah? Whose territory on the right was nearly halved when I attacked?!" he shouts.
"Not the 'Oh yeah?'s again!! And it was NOT halved!!" I scream in reply.
"My speech patterns are so not the issue!! And yes, it _was_ halved!!" Right now, it's going at about a hundred and fifty decibels.
"WAS NOT!!"
"WAS TO!!!" He stands up violently.
"IT WAS NOT!!" I rise as well.
"YES, IT WAS!!! AND ALL BECAUSE YOU PLAYED HERE INSTEAD OF HERE, STUPID!!"
"I AM NOT STUPID!!"
"YES, YOU ARE!!" He steps away from his chair to keep from hitting the Goban or the table in his fury.
"NO, I'M NOT!!! OBNOXIOUS BRAT!!" I step away from mine to stand before him.
"SORE LOSER!!"
"ARROGANT JERK!!"
"ANAL-RETENTIVE BASTARD!!"
"MY PARENTAGE IS NOT IN DOUBT!!!"
"YOU SURE ACT LIKE IT IS, TOUYA NO BAKA!!!"
"WATCH YOUR TONGUE, SHINDOU!!!"
"YOU WATCH IT!!!!" he sticks out his tongue at me in an amazing display of maturity -or rather, the lack of it-.
I can feel my blood boiling over. "I WILL NOT!! COCKY MORON!!" Is it just me or is the room kinda hazy?
"STUCK-UP IMBECILE!!!"
I feel dizzy, suddenly... and the room seems like it's spinning. "I..." I begin, lifting a hand to my head.
"TOUYA!!" I hear my rival shout from what seems like a great distance away, not with anger but with concern.
"Shindou..." I acknowledge softly before the world dims and fogs up and then... Nothing.
~Hikaru~
"TOUYA!!" I cry out, anger forgotten as my rival begins to sway and lifts a hand to his head.
"Shindou..." he whispers as he collapses and I instantly dart forward to catch him.
He falls neatly into my arms and I shake him gently. "Touya? Touya?"
"Akira-kun?" Ishikawa-san enquires curiously, coming over.
I turn to look at her. "Ishikawa-san, call an ambulance."
She pales and nods, hurrying off to the phone.
I check his pulse and breathing; he's breathing fine but his pulse is a little erratic. I cradle him to my chest as I hear Ishikawa-san's voice speaking in the background. Touya, why do you love these God-forsaken death acts so much?
* * *
Touya's on a heart monitor again. Barely more than a month and I'm sitting here with him again. Touya, please be okay. I don't want this again. I don't want another month to wait here beside you for a miracle. I don't want you to lie there motionlessly again. I don't want any of this! I can't see you on this bed again, Touya, not so soon. I take his hand in mine; it's warm, so warm. I suddenly realize how much I like that warmth that radiates ever so rarely from him and how much I like everything else, everything that is Touya Akira. I've known him for nearly four years, the last one and a half in close friendship. Sure, we bring the roof down all the time but still... it's Touya. And I sort of enjoy the quarrelling, even if it's so utterly immature and unprofessional. He's my rival, my best friend and... he's the very centre of my life. I press his hand to my cheek. Ishikawa-san's calling his parents in Beijing; they'll be here as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here with him waiting for the results of the scans and tests they did on him. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain; don't do this again, Touya. Don't you dare die on me.
~Akira~
"Akira..."
I look up as a voice calls my name. All around me I see darkness, a seemingly endless black void. I slowly get to my feet and take another look around. It appears that I'm falling through an endless space. I am standing on something, though, something black, round, and flat... something like... I believe I've been sprawled on a giant black Go stone. This is definitely a dream; it has to be. There is no other logical explanation.
"Akira..." the voice calls again, echoing into the void.
Well, being a dream and all, I guess it's theoretically impossible for anything dangerous to happen. "Who are you?!" I shout the question and listen as my voice echoes away.
"Akira..." replies the voice in that same soft distant way.
"I don't understand!" I yell back.
"You..." comes the voice again.
Me? "What do you mean?!"
For a while there is nothing, then a bright white light suddenly comes on and I spin around. It's shining on... a giant white Go stone. A dream, most certainly a dream. As the stone floats closer, I notice someone standing on it. It's... me. Well, at least it looks like me, that is. I've never met myself in a dream before. The stone floats closer still... Oh God. My other self is wearing that ridiculous outfit I bought at the mall with Shindou back when I was suffering from memory loss. In many ways, he was right in saying that the amnesia was good for me. They were, when I'm being completely honest with myself, some of the best days of my life. But I still cannot believe I insisted on buying it out of my own free will; if Shindou had talked me into it, I'd have felt a lot better about the concept but...
"Geez, man, you think too much. You know you look hot in it, you know Hikaru thinks you're irresistible in it, who cares about anything else?" the other me begins conversationally as our stones meet, touch, and stick.
So he can read my mind. I blink. "Who are you?" I ask him.
"Correction: I don't read your mind; I'm part of it. And I'm Arika, I guess. I mean, being your reflection and all... it sums up," he replies casually.
"My reflection?" Huh? I am not getting the point here.
He rolls his eyes. "Think about a mirror, bro."
"Mirror?" I still don't understand.
He smacks his forehead in a dazzling display of exasperation. "When you look in a mirror, you see your reflection, right?"
I nod.
"Well, I'm something like that. Hence the name 'Arika'. I simply turned your name around because words appear backwards in mirrors and no one ever bothers to name their reflections anyway," my other self explains.
Probably since no one meets them like this anyway; he inclines his head agreeably. "So we're exactly the same?"
"Physically, a hundred percent. Otherwise, completely different."
"Huh?" is the most intelligent response I can come up with.
"We look exactly the same, just like any mirror image; but in mirror images, left becomes right and vice versa, right?"
I nod.
"Likewise, we are otherwise complete opposites," he clarifies. "For instance, you play Go and I don't. I want to look hot, sexy, and drop dead gorgeous; you don't particularly. You've got a stick up your ass; I've got a great sense of humour. I'm fashionable and trendy; you've got no taste. I'm everything that you could have been had you made some choices differently in your life. Every choice made that changes you, changes me as well; so if you don't like me, blame yourself," he finishes, gesturing carelessly as he speaks.
"I do see the contrast," I muse aloud, choosing to ignore the blatant insults. "So, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to wake you from this dream," he proclaims.
"Excuse me, but I think you're the one that's keeping me here."
"No, no; you're awake, but still you dream," he replies.
"Now?" I'm confused, very confused.
"No, not now. When you're awake, that is, you're still dreaming. But now you're in my world because this is the only way we can meet."
"Your world?" I echo.
"Hm. Your subconscious," he agrees.
Right, my subconscious. "So, in what way am I dreaming?"
Arika shakes his head in despair. "Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious."
"I don't think I'm the one that needs help here."
My 'reflection' buries his face in his hands. "You need it more than you know, Aki. Very much more."
As he speaks, our stones land on a giant Goban, his on a komoku and mine diagonally above his. He hops down lightly onto the hoshi and I hesitantly join him. He gestures casually at the surroundings.
"It's time to stop dreaming, Aki. The door is right before you."
"What door?" I ask, looking around.
"The door to reality," he clarifies.
"I don't see it."
He smiles sadly. "That's because you refuse to see it. See this void?" He gestures at it. "It's your creation, not mine. I can change the realm within it but I cannot dispel it; only you can do that because you created it. See?" He waves his hand. The void shimmers slightly but doesn't shift. My 'reflection' then proceeds to close his eyes and put his hands together. A moment later, he pulls them apart and raises them; there is a blue ball of light in his hands that expands to encompass us. Suddenly, the Goban is floating on the sea and there's a beach off to one side lined with coconut trees. The sky overhead is a bright clear blue with fluffy white clouds and flocks of seagulls flying around in the distance. He opens his eyes. "You see what I mean, Aki? This is still within the void; it's still out there and the door is beyond it. I've been trying to dispel it for a long time now but I can't if you don't want me to," he continues sadly. "You have to do it yourself."
"I don't... understand." I shake my head slowly.
"Dreams work on metaphors. The void is simply one of them. You know in your heart what it represents. You need to return to reality, Aki; you'll never truly be happy otherwise."
A seagull swoops past just overhead. "Arika, what is a dream exactly?"
"It is the beginning of reality," is his answer.
I blink slowly. "Then reality is...?"
"Why, the continuation of the dream, of course," he replies. "It's time to finish the dream you started, Aki, and the end is in reality alone."
I give him a confounded look before taking in the new surroundings. "I do not appreciate Gobans in the sea," I inform him dryly.
My 'reflection' chuckles. "No, I didn't think so. I'll remember to fix that if you ever come again."
I laugh with him for a moment. "Arika, why do you care whether or not I'm happy? I mean, considering the dynamics of the situation, wouldn't you be sad if I was happy and vice versa?" I question.
He smiles gently and closes the distance between us to wrap his arms around me. "No, Akira," he whispers into my ear as I return the embrace. It feels totally weird, really, hugging myself, but not at all unpleasant. "There are two sides to the mind but only one to the heart," he continues.
Suddenly, the world grows hazy. "Arika?" I enquire, my uncertainty obvious in my voice.
He laughs close to my ear. "You're sleeping, you dolt, not in a coma. You expect to chat here all day?"
And then the world spins inside and out and everything goes black.
~Hikaru~
"Un..." I hear a soft groan escape my rival's lips and I quickly turn to see his eyelids flutter open.
"Touya?" I ask.
He blinks at me. "Shindou..." he whispers hoarsely. "What happened?"
I reach out to grab a glass from his bedside table and pour him a glass of water. "Can you sit up?"
He nods and proceeds to sit up on the bed.
I position his pillow to prop him up before handing him the glass of water. "I don't know. One minute you're yelling down the roof at me like we always do and next thing I know, you faint. The reports aren't out yet."
"Thanks." He smiles and takes the glass from me, fingers lightly brushing mine for a split second and then the feeling is gone.
I push my anxiety away for a moment to return the smile. "You're welcome."
Suddenly, the door opens and Ishikawa-san enters, followed closely by a golden blonde woman with twinkling eyes of midnight blue in a lab coat carrying a small stack of documents. "Akira-kun! You're awake!" Ishikawa- san exclaims. "I was so worried! But then, I guess I couldn't beat Hikaru- kun at it. He was as white as a sheet with worry." I blush at that. "Your parents are returning from Beijing on the next flight here."
Touya nods, his hand suddenly reaching for mine. I blink down at where his hand is gripping mine tightly but remain silent as the blonde lady smiles knowingly and begins to speak.
"Good evening. I'm Iria Eventine and I'm a neurologist and neurosurgeon. I have seen the scans and results of the test we performed on... Touya-kun?"
He nods.
"Um... I'm afraid to say you have a brain tumour."
I feel Touya's grip on my hand tighten even while his expression remains impassive and I tighten mine on his.
Dr. Eventine looks up at us, her eyes shifting from one of us to the other. "It's small, but it appears to be growing. We don't know if it's cancerous yet; we'll have to perform a biopsy to figure that out. But either way, we're going to have to surgically remove it. I hear he's had a concussion from a previous accident, yes?"
We nod simultaneously.
"That might have triggered the unusual cell-growth."
I feel the colour drain from my face. The room suddenly feels very cold and I think my heart has stopped beating. The concussion. The accident. It's my fault. Touya's going to die and it's all my fault. It was always all my fault. If only I wasn't there, if only...
"What are the chances of success?" Touya asks quietly, bringing me out of my reverie.
"The surgery? Truthfully, about thirty percent max. The tumour is located at a very delicate part of the brain where there is an extremely high density of blood vessels. I have great confidence that I can remove the tumour but very little that I can keep you from dying of blood loss," she replies sadly.
I collapse into the chair behind me as Touya asks, "You'll be performing the surgery, then?"
The surgeon nods.
"Can it wait?" I turn to stare at my rival. Wait? For what?
"Well, there are some drugs that can slow or even stagnate the growth of the tumour but the treatment is not permanent and we will, ultimately, have to remove it. It could delay the operation for a week or so, though."
"I'll take the medication, then."
I blink at him. What the...
"Very well, but we'll have to keep you here for observation purposes at least for the first few days of drug-usage."
He nods and turns to me. "We can practise here."
Practise? Oh, the Hokuto Tournament. You idiot, is Go worth even more than your life? "You..." I start.
"Anyway, you'll have to decide whether or not to undergo surgery in the end."
"I thought his parents..." I begin.
"Yes, his parents sign the documentation but they can't make him go for it against his will, can they?"
I nod.
"What happens if it isn't removed?" my rival enquires.
"It'll grow and then it'll start to obstruct the blood flow and eventually cut off blood supply to parts of the brain. When that happens, you'll die. That's what caused the faint. Blood pressure was high in the area near the tumour and the tumour got in the way of circulation so you lost consciousness." She comes over and disconnects the heart monitor. "You won't be needing this at the moment.
He doesn't reply. In the background, Ishikawa-san is sobbing as quietly as she can.
"So you can discuss it and tell me later." She turns to leave and pauses. "I don't know what the Hokuto Tournament is really about, but I'm pretty sure it must be important enough to put off the operation. I hope you guys win it."
"How did..." my rival and I begin at the same time.
"My life revolves around the mind, both physically and otherwise. It is my playground and my work. I'm a telepath, that is to say I read minds." She smiles. "Oh, and Ishikawa-san?"
The other woman looks up. "Can I discuss the other details with you? I'd do it with his parents but they're still in China, so..."
She nods and hurries out after the doctor, leaving us alone together in the empty room.
"What's wrong with you?! You got a priority problem?! It's your life at stake here and you want to wait until after the tourney?!" I rant immediately.
He looks at me calmly. "I promised we'd win it together this year, Shindou." He pauses. "It's what you want, isn't it?"
What I want? I feel my eyes sting as the tears come unbidden. Don't do stupid things like this for me, you idiot! "No!!" I throw my arms around him without thinking and hold him close, burying my face in his pillow. "It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you," I sob. "You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!"
~Akira~
"It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you. You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!" my rival cries out between tears, his arms around me tightly.
"You're awake, but still you dream... Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious... You need to return to reality..." I hear Arika's words from my dream in my head.
The obvious... I smile as I return Shindou's embrace. He was right; I have been lying to myself for a really long time. "Shindou," I say, closing my eyes.
"It's Hikaru, you idiot; it's Hikaru," he sobs.
"Hikaru, don't let me go."
I feel him shake his head. "Never, Akira. I promise."
I smile and tighten my embrace. I want to stay like this, just like this, forever.
~Akira~
I stare at the intricate patterns of black and white on the board before me. The game's in yose and I'm half a moku short. Damn, there's nothing I can do unless he lets me with a mistake and Shindou doesn't make mistakes in yose. I resignedly place my stone on an intersection and he almost immediately places his on another. We decided to start practising for the Hokuto Tournament earlier than we did last year, which is why I'm sitting here with him in my father's Go Salon playing the evening's third game. We've dedicated our evenings to coming here whenever we could and much of our free time to playing higher-level pros more often. Well, now that my rival's the Honinbou... he has people queuing up in lines to play him anyway. He has already played three games with Ogata-sensei this week and has two with Kurata 9-dan scheduled for next week. We both gave up tutoring sessions, not that we enjoyed it anyway. I've played my father and Zama Ouza twice each this week and I have games with a few others including Ogata-sensei scheduled for next week. Meanwhile, my boisterous rival and I are spending our evenings playing each other more often than not here. The evening's current score card stands at 2-1, two for him and one for me. The week's one stands at 10-8 including today's, ten him and eight me. Unfortunately, that also means that my father's going to have to replace the Salon's roof soon. A normal game with Shindou Hikaru consists of three battles: a battle of Goban domination, a battle of vocal chord endurance, and a battle of immaturity. I personally do not know which of the last two is worse. Still, he never fails to enrage me beyond simply losing my temper and at that point, I really don't care if I look like a six-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.
"That's done it, I guess."
I look up at him blankly for a moment before realizing that he was talking about the game. I drop my gaze to the Goban and study it for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, it's over. My loss," I concede.
He grins. "Makes you regret lost time, doesn't it?"
He's gloating, the obnoxious brat. "I..."
"Don't. I was just joking, Touya. But you're not your usual self," he cuts me off before I can speak.
"Huh?" I don't feel any different than usual, so I have no idea what he means.
"You don't play like this, Touya. It's off; I know it. Something's bothering you," the youngest ever Honinbou states with a mildly concerned look on his face.
Bothering me? I... don't... I give him a confused look. Sure, there were a few hands that probably could have been better but... Off? I don't understand. "I don't feel out of the ordinary; I'm fine."
"Never mind. Shall we run the risk of bringing down the roof?" he asks playfully.
I allow a small smile. "Yeah, this hand could have been better. I should have played here," I tell him, indicating a stone and an intersection in turn.
He leaned forward slightly. "Enlighten me, to what end? It wouldn't have posed a problem anyway. Might be better if you played here, though." He indicates another intersection.
"It would not have helped, you would simply have cut here."
"Yes, but it would leave you with an opening here," he gestured at an area to his upper left.
"Right, and had I attacked you would have attacked over here and I would be forced to respond since you're better defended there than I am here."
He looked thoughtfully at the board. "Geez, you're right."
"You missed that?" I ask incredulously, voice rising.
"So? You're not perfect either!" he retorts.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ishikawa-san bury her face in her hands. "It's not about perfection! How could you miss something like this?!"
"Oh, look who's talking! Pot? Kettle? Black?" he responds sarcastically. "I can't believe you thought I'd attack the middle here! I'd need five hands for a measly seven moku and when have you ever given me a chance for any more than three?!" he nearly screeched.
"You needed seven hands to attack the upper right, Shindou!" I argue near the top of my voice.
"Oh, yeah? Half of that got me a chunk of the middle as well!!"
"Oh? Like I had to do any more than cut here to destroy your shape! By the time I connected here, this whole area was mine!!" I snap back, voice reaching a crescendo.
"Oh yeah? Whose territory on the right was nearly halved when I attacked?!" he shouts.
"Not the 'Oh yeah?'s again!! And it was NOT halved!!" I scream in reply.
"My speech patterns are so not the issue!! And yes, it _was_ halved!!" Right now, it's going at about a hundred and fifty decibels.
"WAS NOT!!"
"WAS TO!!!" He stands up violently.
"IT WAS NOT!!" I rise as well.
"YES, IT WAS!!! AND ALL BECAUSE YOU PLAYED HERE INSTEAD OF HERE, STUPID!!"
"I AM NOT STUPID!!"
"YES, YOU ARE!!" He steps away from his chair to keep from hitting the Goban or the table in his fury.
"NO, I'M NOT!!! OBNOXIOUS BRAT!!" I step away from mine to stand before him.
"SORE LOSER!!"
"ARROGANT JERK!!"
"ANAL-RETENTIVE BASTARD!!"
"MY PARENTAGE IS NOT IN DOUBT!!!"
"YOU SURE ACT LIKE IT IS, TOUYA NO BAKA!!!"
"WATCH YOUR TONGUE, SHINDOU!!!"
"YOU WATCH IT!!!!" he sticks out his tongue at me in an amazing display of maturity -or rather, the lack of it-.
I can feel my blood boiling over. "I WILL NOT!! COCKY MORON!!" Is it just me or is the room kinda hazy?
"STUCK-UP IMBECILE!!!"
I feel dizzy, suddenly... and the room seems like it's spinning. "I..." I begin, lifting a hand to my head.
"TOUYA!!" I hear my rival shout from what seems like a great distance away, not with anger but with concern.
"Shindou..." I acknowledge softly before the world dims and fogs up and then... Nothing.
~Hikaru~
"TOUYA!!" I cry out, anger forgotten as my rival begins to sway and lifts a hand to his head.
"Shindou..." he whispers as he collapses and I instantly dart forward to catch him.
He falls neatly into my arms and I shake him gently. "Touya? Touya?"
"Akira-kun?" Ishikawa-san enquires curiously, coming over.
I turn to look at her. "Ishikawa-san, call an ambulance."
She pales and nods, hurrying off to the phone.
I check his pulse and breathing; he's breathing fine but his pulse is a little erratic. I cradle him to my chest as I hear Ishikawa-san's voice speaking in the background. Touya, why do you love these God-forsaken death acts so much?
* * *
Touya's on a heart monitor again. Barely more than a month and I'm sitting here with him again. Touya, please be okay. I don't want this again. I don't want another month to wait here beside you for a miracle. I don't want you to lie there motionlessly again. I don't want any of this! I can't see you on this bed again, Touya, not so soon. I take his hand in mine; it's warm, so warm. I suddenly realize how much I like that warmth that radiates ever so rarely from him and how much I like everything else, everything that is Touya Akira. I've known him for nearly four years, the last one and a half in close friendship. Sure, we bring the roof down all the time but still... it's Touya. And I sort of enjoy the quarrelling, even if it's so utterly immature and unprofessional. He's my rival, my best friend and... he's the very centre of my life. I press his hand to my cheek. Ishikawa-san's calling his parents in Beijing; they'll be here as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here with him waiting for the results of the scans and tests they did on him. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain; don't do this again, Touya. Don't you dare die on me.
~Akira~
"Akira..."
I look up as a voice calls my name. All around me I see darkness, a seemingly endless black void. I slowly get to my feet and take another look around. It appears that I'm falling through an endless space. I am standing on something, though, something black, round, and flat... something like... I believe I've been sprawled on a giant black Go stone. This is definitely a dream; it has to be. There is no other logical explanation.
"Akira..." the voice calls again, echoing into the void.
Well, being a dream and all, I guess it's theoretically impossible for anything dangerous to happen. "Who are you?!" I shout the question and listen as my voice echoes away.
"Akira..." replies the voice in that same soft distant way.
"I don't understand!" I yell back.
"You..." comes the voice again.
Me? "What do you mean?!"
For a while there is nothing, then a bright white light suddenly comes on and I spin around. It's shining on... a giant white Go stone. A dream, most certainly a dream. As the stone floats closer, I notice someone standing on it. It's... me. Well, at least it looks like me, that is. I've never met myself in a dream before. The stone floats closer still... Oh God. My other self is wearing that ridiculous outfit I bought at the mall with Shindou back when I was suffering from memory loss. In many ways, he was right in saying that the amnesia was good for me. They were, when I'm being completely honest with myself, some of the best days of my life. But I still cannot believe I insisted on buying it out of my own free will; if Shindou had talked me into it, I'd have felt a lot better about the concept but...
"Geez, man, you think too much. You know you look hot in it, you know Hikaru thinks you're irresistible in it, who cares about anything else?" the other me begins conversationally as our stones meet, touch, and stick.
So he can read my mind. I blink. "Who are you?" I ask him.
"Correction: I don't read your mind; I'm part of it. And I'm Arika, I guess. I mean, being your reflection and all... it sums up," he replies casually.
"My reflection?" Huh? I am not getting the point here.
He rolls his eyes. "Think about a mirror, bro."
"Mirror?" I still don't understand.
He smacks his forehead in a dazzling display of exasperation. "When you look in a mirror, you see your reflection, right?"
I nod.
"Well, I'm something like that. Hence the name 'Arika'. I simply turned your name around because words appear backwards in mirrors and no one ever bothers to name their reflections anyway," my other self explains.
Probably since no one meets them like this anyway; he inclines his head agreeably. "So we're exactly the same?"
"Physically, a hundred percent. Otherwise, completely different."
"Huh?" is the most intelligent response I can come up with.
"We look exactly the same, just like any mirror image; but in mirror images, left becomes right and vice versa, right?"
I nod.
"Likewise, we are otherwise complete opposites," he clarifies. "For instance, you play Go and I don't. I want to look hot, sexy, and drop dead gorgeous; you don't particularly. You've got a stick up your ass; I've got a great sense of humour. I'm fashionable and trendy; you've got no taste. I'm everything that you could have been had you made some choices differently in your life. Every choice made that changes you, changes me as well; so if you don't like me, blame yourself," he finishes, gesturing carelessly as he speaks.
"I do see the contrast," I muse aloud, choosing to ignore the blatant insults. "So, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to wake you from this dream," he proclaims.
"Excuse me, but I think you're the one that's keeping me here."
"No, no; you're awake, but still you dream," he replies.
"Now?" I'm confused, very confused.
"No, not now. When you're awake, that is, you're still dreaming. But now you're in my world because this is the only way we can meet."
"Your world?" I echo.
"Hm. Your subconscious," he agrees.
Right, my subconscious. "So, in what way am I dreaming?"
Arika shakes his head in despair. "Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious."
"I don't think I'm the one that needs help here."
My 'reflection' buries his face in his hands. "You need it more than you know, Aki. Very much more."
As he speaks, our stones land on a giant Goban, his on a komoku and mine diagonally above his. He hops down lightly onto the hoshi and I hesitantly join him. He gestures casually at the surroundings.
"It's time to stop dreaming, Aki. The door is right before you."
"What door?" I ask, looking around.
"The door to reality," he clarifies.
"I don't see it."
He smiles sadly. "That's because you refuse to see it. See this void?" He gestures at it. "It's your creation, not mine. I can change the realm within it but I cannot dispel it; only you can do that because you created it. See?" He waves his hand. The void shimmers slightly but doesn't shift. My 'reflection' then proceeds to close his eyes and put his hands together. A moment later, he pulls them apart and raises them; there is a blue ball of light in his hands that expands to encompass us. Suddenly, the Goban is floating on the sea and there's a beach off to one side lined with coconut trees. The sky overhead is a bright clear blue with fluffy white clouds and flocks of seagulls flying around in the distance. He opens his eyes. "You see what I mean, Aki? This is still within the void; it's still out there and the door is beyond it. I've been trying to dispel it for a long time now but I can't if you don't want me to," he continues sadly. "You have to do it yourself."
"I don't... understand." I shake my head slowly.
"Dreams work on metaphors. The void is simply one of them. You know in your heart what it represents. You need to return to reality, Aki; you'll never truly be happy otherwise."
A seagull swoops past just overhead. "Arika, what is a dream exactly?"
"It is the beginning of reality," is his answer.
I blink slowly. "Then reality is...?"
"Why, the continuation of the dream, of course," he replies. "It's time to finish the dream you started, Aki, and the end is in reality alone."
I give him a confounded look before taking in the new surroundings. "I do not appreciate Gobans in the sea," I inform him dryly.
My 'reflection' chuckles. "No, I didn't think so. I'll remember to fix that if you ever come again."
I laugh with him for a moment. "Arika, why do you care whether or not I'm happy? I mean, considering the dynamics of the situation, wouldn't you be sad if I was happy and vice versa?" I question.
He smiles gently and closes the distance between us to wrap his arms around me. "No, Akira," he whispers into my ear as I return the embrace. It feels totally weird, really, hugging myself, but not at all unpleasant. "There are two sides to the mind but only one to the heart," he continues.
Suddenly, the world grows hazy. "Arika?" I enquire, my uncertainty obvious in my voice.
He laughs close to my ear. "You're sleeping, you dolt, not in a coma. You expect to chat here all day?"
And then the world spins inside and out and everything goes black.
~Hikaru~
"Un..." I hear a soft groan escape my rival's lips and I quickly turn to see his eyelids flutter open.
"Touya?" I ask.
He blinks at me. "Shindou..." he whispers hoarsely. "What happened?"
I reach out to grab a glass from his bedside table and pour him a glass of water. "Can you sit up?"
He nods and proceeds to sit up on the bed.
I position his pillow to prop him up before handing him the glass of water. "I don't know. One minute you're yelling down the roof at me like we always do and next thing I know, you faint. The reports aren't out yet."
"Thanks." He smiles and takes the glass from me, fingers lightly brushing mine for a split second and then the feeling is gone.
I push my anxiety away for a moment to return the smile. "You're welcome."
Suddenly, the door opens and Ishikawa-san enters, followed closely by a golden blonde woman with twinkling eyes of midnight blue in a lab coat carrying a small stack of documents. "Akira-kun! You're awake!" Ishikawa- san exclaims. "I was so worried! But then, I guess I couldn't beat Hikaru- kun at it. He was as white as a sheet with worry." I blush at that. "Your parents are returning from Beijing on the next flight here."
Touya nods, his hand suddenly reaching for mine. I blink down at where his hand is gripping mine tightly but remain silent as the blonde lady smiles knowingly and begins to speak.
"Good evening. I'm Iria Eventine and I'm a neurologist and neurosurgeon. I have seen the scans and results of the test we performed on... Touya-kun?"
He nods.
"Um... I'm afraid to say you have a brain tumour."
I feel Touya's grip on my hand tighten even while his expression remains impassive and I tighten mine on his.
Dr. Eventine looks up at us, her eyes shifting from one of us to the other. "It's small, but it appears to be growing. We don't know if it's cancerous yet; we'll have to perform a biopsy to figure that out. But either way, we're going to have to surgically remove it. I hear he's had a concussion from a previous accident, yes?"
We nod simultaneously.
"That might have triggered the unusual cell-growth."
I feel the colour drain from my face. The room suddenly feels very cold and I think my heart has stopped beating. The concussion. The accident. It's my fault. Touya's going to die and it's all my fault. It was always all my fault. If only I wasn't there, if only...
"What are the chances of success?" Touya asks quietly, bringing me out of my reverie.
"The surgery? Truthfully, about thirty percent max. The tumour is located at a very delicate part of the brain where there is an extremely high density of blood vessels. I have great confidence that I can remove the tumour but very little that I can keep you from dying of blood loss," she replies sadly.
I collapse into the chair behind me as Touya asks, "You'll be performing the surgery, then?"
The surgeon nods.
"Can it wait?" I turn to stare at my rival. Wait? For what?
"Well, there are some drugs that can slow or even stagnate the growth of the tumour but the treatment is not permanent and we will, ultimately, have to remove it. It could delay the operation for a week or so, though."
"I'll take the medication, then."
I blink at him. What the...
"Very well, but we'll have to keep you here for observation purposes at least for the first few days of drug-usage."
He nods and turns to me. "We can practise here."
Practise? Oh, the Hokuto Tournament. You idiot, is Go worth even more than your life? "You..." I start.
"Anyway, you'll have to decide whether or not to undergo surgery in the end."
"I thought his parents..." I begin.
"Yes, his parents sign the documentation but they can't make him go for it against his will, can they?"
I nod.
"What happens if it isn't removed?" my rival enquires.
"It'll grow and then it'll start to obstruct the blood flow and eventually cut off blood supply to parts of the brain. When that happens, you'll die. That's what caused the faint. Blood pressure was high in the area near the tumour and the tumour got in the way of circulation so you lost consciousness." She comes over and disconnects the heart monitor. "You won't be needing this at the moment.
He doesn't reply. In the background, Ishikawa-san is sobbing as quietly as she can.
"So you can discuss it and tell me later." She turns to leave and pauses. "I don't know what the Hokuto Tournament is really about, but I'm pretty sure it must be important enough to put off the operation. I hope you guys win it."
"How did..." my rival and I begin at the same time.
"My life revolves around the mind, both physically and otherwise. It is my playground and my work. I'm a telepath, that is to say I read minds." She smiles. "Oh, and Ishikawa-san?"
The other woman looks up. "Can I discuss the other details with you? I'd do it with his parents but they're still in China, so..."
She nods and hurries out after the doctor, leaving us alone together in the empty room.
"What's wrong with you?! You got a priority problem?! It's your life at stake here and you want to wait until after the tourney?!" I rant immediately.
He looks at me calmly. "I promised we'd win it together this year, Shindou." He pauses. "It's what you want, isn't it?"
What I want? I feel my eyes sting as the tears come unbidden. Don't do stupid things like this for me, you idiot! "No!!" I throw my arms around him without thinking and hold him close, burying my face in his pillow. "It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you," I sob. "You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!"
~Akira~
"It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you. You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!" my rival cries out between tears, his arms around me tightly.
"You're awake, but still you dream... Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious... You need to return to reality..." I hear Arika's words from my dream in my head.
The obvious... I smile as I return Shindou's embrace. He was right; I have been lying to myself for a really long time. "Shindou," I say, closing my eyes.
"It's Hikaru, you idiot; it's Hikaru," he sobs.
"Hikaru, don't let me go."
I feel him shake his head. "Never, Akira. I promise."
I smile and tighten my embrace. I want to stay like this, just like this, forever.
