A/N: AkiHika FLUFF!! Anyone who wants to strangle our Go Golden Pair for
needing death to wake them up please raise your hands (raises both
hands, both feet, and both wings. Would raise tail if had one). This fic
seems to be getting a life of its own... I swear I had an entirely
different plot in mind. Blame my muses; their patron God is Shinigami,
which might be why the word's in my pen name. This author cries when
readers don't review and evil muses go on vacations without reviews to
bribe them into staying. I need a review supply to keep said evil muses
here... somebody help?

Chapter 8: Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

~Hikaru~

"Good news; the drugs are working. Scans have indicated no further increase in tumour size," Dr. Eventine announces as Akira and I finish our practice game.

I smile and squeeze his hand lightly. He returns the smile. "Can I leave? I don't like hospitals."

Translation: I don't want to spend what might be the last days of my life in here.

The British neurologist smiles. "Few do. I'll see to it. Just keep this in mind, though: no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity, and always take your medication on time." /And you make sure he wants to live more than anything,/ she adds to me in what I now understand to be mind-speech.

Akira nods.

/I will,/ I try to think back; I'm not used to how this whole telepathy thing works anyway.

His parents stand, having just arrived from Beijing yesterday evening. The former Meijin walks over to the door with his wife saying, "We'll handle the necessary procedures."

The blonde doctor smiles at me and nods before turning and walking out with Akira's parents close behind.

I turn to look at my rival. "Should we discuss it?" he asks.

I grin, lowering my head to rest it on his lap. "You heard the good doctor and I quote 'no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity'. Discussing the game fits all three descriptions."

He chuckles. "If only you didn't start those stupid arguments..."

"I did not start them; you did," I interject before he can finish.

"Yes, you did."

"I did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Brat."

"Idiot."

"Moron."

"Jerk."

"Arrogant."

"Childish."

"You're the childish one."

"Oh yeah?" I raise my head. "Wanna bet?"

He raises an eyebrow. "And how do we tell?"

I poke him in the ribs a few times in reply and am rewarded by a fit of laughter and the revelation that Akira is, in fact, extremely ticklish.

"Stop that!" he cries out between fits of laughter and tries valiantly to block my attacks with his arms.

"Nope." A few more pokes.

"And you say I'm childish." I jab him some more.

"So?" I stick out my tongue at him as I continue poking him in the ribs, knowing full well how utterly immature it was.

"Stop it! Hikaru! Stop it!!" He suddenly pulls me to him and presses his lips to mine.

I blink, too stunned to do anything for a moment. Then I slide my eyes shut and let my lips part to him, returning the kiss, our first kiss. I let him taste me for a while before taking control of the kiss, slipping my tongue past parted lips to explore his mouth. His lips are soft against mine and his mouth still tastes lingeringly of the soba he ate for lunch. I slide one hand into his hair and cup his cheek with the other, holding him in place gently. He succumbs entirely to the sensation and I give myself over to it completely. I break off with a peck to his lips sometime later and pull back slightly to meet his gaze. He looks back at me, lips still slightly parted almost temptingly. Then out of the blue, he chuckles softly.

"What?" I ask, annoyed.

"You taste like ramen." He chuckles some more.

"And you're complaining? You taste like soba!" I retort, joining in the chuckling.

"I'm not complaining. Ramen tastes nice."

"Well, soba is okay. Sukiyaki tastes better though."

"I'll bet. How was your game yesterday?"

Game? Oh, the Dan games. I had one scheduled for yesterday and almost skipped it but Akira insisted that I go. He was supposed to have his the day before but called in with a migraine because he had to stay for observation purposes. The professional Go world remains ignorant of Akira's true condition. A few like his parents, Ogata Jyudan, Waya, Isumi, and myself know the truth but have also remained silent. I had to tell Waya and Isumi because Waya kept asking me to go out with him and Isumi and I kept declining in favour of being with Akira, so I eventually ran out of excuses and Akira gave me permission to spill the beans on condition that they kept the secret. They agreed and visited the very next day. I understand the secrecy; the last thing I'd want is a pre-obituary in the Weekly Go and Akira doesn't want to sit out the Hokuto Tournament.

"Piece of cake. I won by resignation after half an hour. How else did I get back here so early?" I reply.

He gives me a half-hearted punch to the shoulder. "Cocky brat."

"Anal retentive jerk."

He grins. "Let's *not* go at this again."

I agree. "Let's not."

I straighten and begin clearing the stones on the Goban five seconds before my boyfriend's father walks in. I am so going to have to get used to thinking of him as my boyfriend instead of just my rival. The former Meijin tells Akira to change and prepare to leave. "Oh, Dr. Eventine advises against flying to Korea," he adds.

"Oh? We'll go by ferry, then," Akira replies.

His father nods and turns to go, but not before raising a greying eyebrow at the usage of the plural pronoun 'we' instead of the singular 'I'.

"Oh, father?" he starts, sliding off the bed to his feet.

He pauses and turns back to face his only son.

"Can Hikaru stay over sometimes to practise with me for the Hokuto Cup?"

The corners of the old man's mouth twitch upwards slightly at that. "Every night if it's fine with his parents. He can even move in with us if you want," he answers, with an extremely amused expression on his aging visage.

Akira has the good graces to blush at that before answering. "Thank you, father."

I proceed to offer my thanks with a small bow as if on cue.

He waves it off saying, "Akira, if it's only about the tournament, I am not your father."

Akira simply reddens further and doesn't reply as his father leaves the room without waiting for one.

"Boy, are we transparent," I comment.

He goes tomato-red, proceeding to change out of his hospital gown.

"I wonder why?" I observe dryly. "How many people do you change in front of, Aki?"

He -if possible- blushes even more. "None," he admits.

"If I didn't already know, I'd ask you 'to what do I owe the pleasure?'."

I put the cover on the Go-tsubo. "I'd much rather you asked why I didn't do it before," he mutters under his breath, pulling on a pair of brown _jeans_.

"I already know that too," I tell him to show that I heard. "You know, I've never seen you in jeans," I observe as he pulls on a peach sweater with orange patterns.

"Well, now you have." He turns and grabs a thick viridian jacket.

"Aki, get the stick out of your ass. It's a metre long," I tell him rhetorically.

"That's what you fell for, remember?" he asks, zipping his small brown shoulder bag, shouldering it and making for the door.

"So I am reminded everyday." I roll my eyes and follow him out, carrying his Goban.

~Akira~

I walk out of the Japanese Go Institute behind my rival and boyfriend at half past twelve in the afternoon. We couldn't think of an excuse to both miss this Go convention; there's only so many migraines a person can have and it would be way too coincidental if Hikaru got sick on precisely the same day I did. The truth is, of course, out of the question. Besides, being history's youngest ever Honinbou and title-holder, the organizers were practically begging for his presence. The person in question is busy rambling on about how painfully agonizing Go conventions were and how many games of Shidougo one had to play consecutively. Of course, being the Honinbou and only title-holder at the Shidougo corner meant people standing in lines to play him. He paused at the curb and looked up at the pale winter sky.

"It's going to snow again today."

I come to stand beside him. "Yeah," I agree. "And we'll be caught in it for sure. We've got an exhibition game coming up later."

He groans at the thought of trudging home through thick snow. "Yeah, but at least it's you."

He had insisted on my being his opponent, practically threatening to leave or not show up at all otherwise. "I know you love being the Honinbou," I tell him sarcastically. "I'm going to crush a title-holder today." I grin, watching Hikaru bristle at the notion.

"We'll see about that," he returns smugly.

I roll my eyes, making for the ramen stand across the street. The scorecard of all the games we've ever played still stands in my favour but the balance is quickly shifting. Suddenly, he grabs my arm and yanks me back. I turn to face him. "What's wrong? I know you want to live in there."

He shakes his head and with an amused expression replies, "Not unless you're the chef."

"I play professional Go, not cook professional ramen," I inform him.

"Not too late for a change in occupation, you know."

What if it *is* too late? I push the thought away. "No thanks, I'd be running a loss feeding my boyfriend alone."

"I'm not _that_ bad, Aki. And not today."

I raise an eyebrow. "What? A paradigm shift?" I enquire in disbelief.

He shakes his head again, no. "What would _you_ like to eat?"

Me? I blink. Since when... Oh. I feel my eyes start to sting and resolutely fight down the wave of emotion. He's letting me decide because I might not have much time left to enjoy the things I like. God, if we weren't directly in front of Nihon-kiin, I'd hug him, kiss him even. Ask me just one week ago, and 'sweet' would *not* have been in that part of my vocabulary entitled 'Words To Describe Shindou Hikaru'. Well, I guess a week can do wonders to change a person's outlook on life. Especially when 'life' could mean a fortnight.

"Oi. Aki. Lunch. Hungry. Running out of time. What do you want to eat?" He waves his hands in front of my face to get my attention.

I have been lost in thought for quite a while. I ponder over lunch for a moment. "Unagi Donburi," I tell him with a grin.

He grins back at me. "I haven't eaten that in a long time. Let's go." He starts walking off down the road.

I quickly fall in step behind him. "That's because your diet consists of ramen, ramen, and more ramen. It's in the stage called 'extremely unhealthy obsession'."

He grimaces at that. "Not true. I like other stuff too."

"Like?"

"I like sushi, konnyaku jelly, ice cream, sukiyaki, sashimi... this." He pulls me close abruptly.

I settle into his arm. "Yes, but you've still got an extremely unhealthy ramen obsession."

"It's not unhealthy. At least my life doesn't revolve around ramen the way yours revolves around Go."

"My life does _not_ *revolve* around Go."

"Yes, it does. You eat Go, drink Go, sleep Go, live Go. If that's not revolving around Go, I don't know what is."

"I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"DO NOT."

"DO TO."

"DO NOT."

"Remember the doctor's advice: no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity."

"Oh, shut up, Hikaru. Just shut up."

* * *

"Not here. Here," I tell him, gesturing at the black and white patterns on the board between my rival and me.

"No, that would leave this side too weak. It would have been too easy for you."

"Have you ever made anything easy? No, if you played here, it would have given you a chance here."

"For what? Five moku?"

"Yeah, but it would have kept me from playing here because playing there would be a sente. I'd have to respond."

"Right, but not unless you didn't bother and went on here, which you would have. I know you, Aki; you would have ignored a threat to five moku to attack this side without much thought."

"Well, what about this side? Why didn't you try to stop me here earlier?"

He offers a sheepish grin in reply. "Truth is, I sort of miscalculated."

"Miscalculated," I echo incredulously.

"Yeah... I didn't realize how much I had to lose there initially. By the time I did, it was too late."

"You didn't realize?!" I nearly screech. "Just how do you intend to win the tourney like this?!"

"I am not perfect, Aki, and neither are you! You missed the threat to this side entirely too!"

"I did *not* miss it, Hikaru! I just let it go in favour of here!"

"Screw your pride, Aki! You're telling me you just gave up twenty moku like that?!"

"No! It was not twenty moku to begin with!" We are currently disintegrating the roof and windows of my house.

"Yeah, so you miscalculated too! Who are you to judge?!"

"We're discussing the game, Hikaru! I'm supposed to tell you!!"

"Arrogant jerk!" He sticks out his tongue at me.

I bristle. "Cocky moron!" No one who was watching this would have ever mistaken us for professionals of any kind, let alone a title-holder and a rising star of the professional Go world.

"Anal retentive idiot!"

"Immature fool!"

"Childish dummy!!"

"Stupid kid!!"

"Get the stick out of your ass, Aki!! It keeps growing longer!!"

"Why don't you use your brains for a change instead?!"

At the mention of the word brains, he pauses and blinks. Suddenly, he gives me an ear-splitting grin. "Aki, remember the doctor's advice," he tells me, waving a finger in my face like a mother scolding a child for being naughty. "No stress, no anger, no..."

"Shut up, Hikaru."

"...strenuous activity," he finishes.

"Just shut up," I tell him.

"Have you taken your medicine today?" he asks sweetly in a sugarcoated voice. Hikaru knows I hate taking the medication even if it keeps me alive. It really tastes awfully awful. I take it anyway because I don't want to die, but I still dread the times of the day when I have to take it. One of which is now.

I groan. "No. I'll go eat it now." I stand. "Clear the board?"

He nods. "But you're supposed to have it with meals," he reminds me.

I glance at the clock; it's past dinnertime. I don't want to know how he knows more about my medication than I do. Well, it's not as if I don't already know. "Yeah," I agree. "I'll eat something. Cookies, maybe." I turn to leave my room.

"Wait."

I turn. "Hm?"

"I'm hungry; let's go out for some supper. You can take the drugs then." He starts clearing the board.

I smile and kneel to help him. "Un," I agree.

He returns the smile and sweeps the rest of the stones into their respective tsubos. I clamp the covers down on them and we both stand, the coordination of our movements a clear indication of how often we do this. I grab our coats and we quickly put them on. Then he puts an arm around my waist and leads me out of the room. I simply settle into his arm and snuggle closer as we exit.

* * *

I yawn, dropping onto my bed gracelessly. I flop back and watch as Hikaru moves the Goban out of the way and walks over to unfold his futon. He is halfway through when I impulsively call him. "Hikaru?"

He turns. "Hm?"

I simply pat the bed beside me. "It's cold tonight," I murmur softly.

His face splits into a wide grin. "You don't need an excuse to get me in bed with you, Aki," he informs me mischievously.

I feel the colour rising in my cheeks at that and resolutely fight down the blush. He refolds his futon and comes over to lie down beside me. I throw the blanket over both of us and snuggle closer to him as he wraps an arm around me. "I don't want to die, Hikaru," I whisper to him softly. I have no idea where that came from; it just rolled off my tongue.

"So don't," he replies. "I don't want you to either."

I simply bury my face in his hair and drift off in reply.

~Hikaru~

I look up at the clock on the wall of Akira's room. It's eleven on Thursday morning. We need to leave at twelve to get to the train station. We're taking the train to Fukuoka and from there, a ferry to Pusan where we'll catch a train to Seoul. We'll reach the Hyatt Hotel in Seoul, where the tournament is to be held, on Saturday night if everything goes off without a hitch. Akira's still asleep. In the last few days, I've discovered that my boyfriend likes sleeping in even more than I do. Not that I've never slept over at his house before this, but he always woke up before me even then. Well, time to wake him up then. I cross over to his bed and shake him gently. He groans in reply and rolls over. I grin and jab him in the ribs.

He sits up. "Don't." He glares balefully at first me, then the sunlight streaming in through the windows.

"It's eleven," I inform him and walk off to check my bag. Satisfied, I zip it close just as someone walks right into me.

"Sorry," Akira mumbles, looking unscrupulously cute rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I see no reason not to kiss him awake, so stand and whirl around abruptly to place my lips over his.

"Un," he grunts incoherently in mild protest but responds anyway.

I break off some time later. "Go get ready. We leave at twelve." I laugh.

He just gives me a murderous glare and trudges off wordlessly to the bathroom.

* * *

"You're sleeping in that?" I ask incredulously as my rival and boyfriend unfolds a sweater and a pair of slacks after bathing. This train just happens to have a few showers for the long journeys it makes.

He turns to Look at me. "Yeah, why?"

"You can sleep in that?" I question in disbelief.

"Yes, I can. What's wrong with that?" he sounds to be getting annoyed.

I cross over to my bag. "Geez, man, are you even human?" I rifle through my belongings and finally find what I want. I pull it out and hand it to him. "Here, wear these."

He stares at the white T-shirt and knee-length blue denim overalls in his hands. He blinks slowly. Twice. Thrice, in fact. "You want me to wear these?" he echoes, incredulity lacing his voice.

"Yeah, who's going to see you? We're on a train, you dolt! And it's too warm in here to sleep in sweaters!"

He decides not to pursue the argument. "Fine," he agrees grudgingly.

Five minutes later, I am nearly hysterical with laughter just looking at him. He looks like a really cute kid in that get up and the fact that he's so put off at the idea only adds to the hilarity.

"I know you made me wear these deliberately, Hikaru," he accuses, glaring at me so murderously it almost scares me. Almost.

I laugh some more. "Come on, Aki; you look so cute in that! Maybe you should wear that at the tourney; you'd win for sure 'cause your opponent won't be able to concentrate on the game just looking at you."

"That is NOT *funny*!!" He starts to take it off.

I stand and move to wrap my arms around him from behind. "Don't."

"You will not stop laughing at me and no one would ever forget seeing me in this and I look stupid."

"No, you don't. Fine, I won't laugh; I promise. Keep it on, please?"

He does not reply.

"I like you in this. It's cute!" He tries to take it off again. "And it's mine," I add.

He stops. "You won't laugh?"

"No, I swear. Cross my heart. Happy?"

"Okay," he grudgingly agrees.

I peck him on the nose as he turns around. "But seriously, Aki, you really do look unscrupulously adorable in it," I inform him with an ear-splitting grin.

He pouts, looking cuter than anyone had the right to. "You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I'm not laughing," I point out.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Are to."

"Am not."

"Are to."

"Am not."

"Are to."

"Am not."

"ARE TO."

"Remember what the doctor... oof."

He covers my mouth with his own to cut me off. I return the kiss and pretty soon I'm on top of him on the bed in our small train cabin. We break off to meet each other's gazes. We stare at each other that way until I think the very air around us is about to self-combust from the tension and finally I grin at him.

"French dinner?" I offer.

He pauses to consider the idea, then nods. "Un, give me a sec. I'll change..."

"No, don't bother. It's just dinner. Let's go." I drag him out the door with me amid protests and he finally decides to be rational and walk there himself instead of being dragged like the difficult child he presently looks like. He plods down the corridor to the dinner hall behind me glaring balefully at my back all the while.

* * *

"It's beautiful," Akira breathes, taking in the view.

"I know," I tell him softly.

We're on the ferry to Pusan and it's seven on Friday night. When we get to Pusan, we'll take a train to Seoul and then a cab from the station to the Hyatt Hotel near Itaewon. Right now, we're standing on the deck of the ship looking enjoying the night view and the sea breeze. I taste the salty spray on my lips as the ship rocks gently upon the waves and Akira leans on the railing. The half moon is high in the sky by now and the stars are glimmering brightly like jewels in the sky. The night is cold and we're both wearing coats and scarves and sweaters. I don't take ferries often enough, I decide. I've been missing out on this cool fresh ocean breeze and clear starry sky. I rarely see the stars back in Tokyo; the view's usually blocked by skyscrapers and occasionally smog. It's when we're standing here looking up at all these jewels in the sky sometimes that we realize how rich we really are. We spend so much of our lives running around looking for material riches that we end up forgetting that the best things in life are free. Like smiles, like the stars, like the seasons, like the breeze, like love. I return my attention to my boyfriend leaning silently on the railing in front of me. Suddenly, I remember this song I heard on the radio a few years back, a song from a movie I watched back then. I smile as the lyrics flow through my mind unbidden.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever

"Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure..." I sing out the words softly to myself on impulse. Akira turns to look at me as I go on.

"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing."

Oh, right. Now I remember, it's called I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith from the movie Armageddon.

"What song is that?" my boyfriend enquires curiously. "I've never heard it before."

"That's 'cause you're cut off from civilisation. It's the theme song from the movie Armageddon," I reply.

"Never watched it." He turns back to face the open sea and leans back against me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"You don't watch _any_ movies, Aki," I remind him. "Why do you ask?"

"It's nice... sweet." And we stay that way for a very long time before returning to our cabin to catch a few winks.

* * *

Saturday night and we wearily lumber over to the reception desk of the Seoul Hyatt Hotel. It's a really nice hotel and I'd normally be impressed and into exploring but with all the travelling and my boyfriend's impending death, I'm rather hard-pressed for the mood. Even the receptionist's cheerful and polite greeting does nothing to improve my disposition.

"Good evening, sirs. How may I be of service?" she asks in Korean.

I decide to let Akira, who -like me- is back in his usual suit and tie, do the talking; his Korean -and his manners, I grudgingly admit- is better. "Anyong hase yo," he greets back in flawless and unaccented Korean. "We're here for the Hokuto Tournament. Japanese representatives Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru."

I understand what is being said perfectly. I learned the hard way that you can't be in Korea and not know Korean. Most Koreans don't speak much else and you wouldn't even be able to buy a bottle of water if you didn't speak the language. I still don't speak it like Akira does though, so perfect and fluent. Thus, I leave the talking to him.

"Well, sirs, we've unfortunately run out of rooms with double beds. I'm terribly sorry but would you mind a queen-sized bed instead? We'll upgrade you to a suite with no extra charge for our mistake but all the suites available have only queen-sized beds too," she says, looking ardently apologetic.

I hide a grin as Akira replies, "Certainly, we're fine with that." He is trying equally hard not to show his obvious glee; we would have requested a queen-sized bed anyway had there been any double bedded rooms left. Now we get a suite and won't have to announce to the general public that we're gay; if that's not good news, I don't know what it is.

She smiles with relief and hands us the key cards to the room. "The sixteenth floor, sirs. The elevators are that way." She indicates a corridor.

"Thank you." Akira and I turn around and begin walking in the indicated direction grinning from ear to ear.

"A suite, how sweet," I remark, the obvious pun adding to the hilarity of the situation.

"Right. A queen bed with nothing said," he returns, joining in the rhyming fun.

"Tonight I'll beat you nice and neat," I challenge.

"Let's see for who are those words true," he responds smugly.

We take the elevators up to the sixteenth floor and enter our room. We leave our bags at the foot of the bed and I immediately take my Goban out and place it on the small round coffee table. I discard my tie as we sit down opposite each other and Nigiri without hesitation. I win and play a komoku on my upper right corner. He responds with a hoshi on his upper left corner. I smile, playing a komoku on my lower left corner. He in turn does a hoshi on his lower right corner. The corners taken up, we move on to the sides and I end the hoshi take with the Tengen, allowing him to begin the attack. He attacks my upper right komoku and I respond, beginning a very long, very tough, and very complicated battle for the corner and for the rest of the board after that.

"Half a moku. My loss," Akira concedes an hour later.

I grin. "Told you I'd beat you tonight."

"It's only half a moku, Hikaru. Quit being so arrogant about it."

"It's not arrogant, Aki; it's smug," I reply.

"Let's discuss it."

"Let's not. Remember: no stress, no anger..." He shoots me a warning Look. "Okay, alright. But it's late," I tell him, glancing at my watch; it's twelve midnight.

He looks at his watch. "Right. Fine, let's unpack and get to bed." He stands and crosses over to where we left our bags at the foot of the bed. I rise and join him.

"I guess we'll be seeing Young-ha and Su-yon tomorrow. Yashiro should be asleep in his room by now."

"Aa," is all the reply I get.

"I'm going to kick Young-ha's natural jerk ass this year, you just watch," I tell Akira, my face a mask of determination.

"Yeah, knowing you, you'd never give anyone the pleasure of beating the Honinbou in anything but the title match," he agrees. "You take too much pride and pleasure just wearing the crown."

"Yup, and I'm going to make sure Su-yon keeps his losing streak against me," I add.

My rival and boyfriend just rolls his eyes in response to that. So far, Su- yon hasn't quite won a game against me yet. We're good friends now, but he's still not going to be beating me anytime soon if I get my way. We stow our things in one side of the cupboard each and put our wallets, passports, and identification in the safe provided before brushing our teeth and flopping back together onto the bed without even changing.

"I'm exhausted," Akira declares as if to the ceiling.

"Really," I respond dryly.

"Yeah, I've never had to travel such a long way for such a long period of time before."

"Remind me," I reply, not losing the dry edge to my voice.

He turns to face me. "You know, Hikaru, the song on the ship?"

I turn as well. "Song? Oh, the one from the movie?"

He nods.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Can you sing the rest of it for me? I like it," he requests softly.

I hesitate, then remember that he might only have a week left to live. I fight down the sorrow that comes with the thought but fail to keep my eyes from growing moist. I nod and start the second half of the song as he slides his emerald green eyes shut.

"Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing And then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever Forever and ever.

"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing.

"And I don't wanna miss one smile And I don't wanna miss one kiss Well, I just wanna be with you Right here with you, just like this I just wanna hold you close Feel your heart so close to mine And just stay here within this moment for all the rest of time...

"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep..." I choke softly on the wave of emotion washing over me.

"'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing..." I brush the tears out of my eyes violently with the back of my hand.

"'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do..." Akira opens his eyes to look up at me, his own eyes brimming with tears.

"I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing."

He pulls me down to kiss me and I part my lips to him, kissing him back gently. I don't want to lose this... it's all I ever wanted with him and it's not fair for it to end so soon. It just isn't fair. We break off and I hold his gaze with my own. He reaches up to brush away a tear on my cheek. Suddenly, I recall something very important. I jump up and hurry to my luggage.

"What?" he questions, sitting up.

Translation: What the hell is it that's more important than me?

The answer: Nothing.

"Just give me a sec." I ransack my bag for it and smile when I finally find it. I take a medium-sized flat square box wrapped in a simple grass green wrapper decorated with yellow butterflies. "Here." I hand him the box, coming over to sit beside him on the bed.

"What's this?" he asks, genuinely curious.

I wrap an arm around his slender waist. "Happy birthday, you dolt."

He blinks for a moment, then... "You remembered..." he whispers.

"Of course I did. I'm not like you. You can't even remember your own birthday and the last birthday present you gave me not too recently was to try really hard and nearly succeed to get yourself killed," I reply dryly.

A teardrop falls onto the box, wetting the wrapper slightly.

"Hey, don't! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to remind you..." I start.

He shakes his head, no. "It's not that I can't remember. I used to remember perfectly every year." He wipes away the tears with the back of his hand. "It's just that no one else really cares about birthdays anyway and the most we'd have since I was four is a family dinner. Sometimes, Ogata-sensei and Ashiwara would turn up and I'd only get presents from my parents and them. It's not that I couldn't invite friends over and have parties; I could but I wouldn't really have enough guests for a party, that is to say, I'd have none. I'm a social pariah, Hikaru; I don't have friends. I probably paid the price of spending each and every day playing Go for hours and hours; I acquired all the Go skills I ever wanted to have but it left me socially impaired." He rests his head on my shoulder. "I've never gotten a present from anyone else until now."

I pull him closer still. "Well, stop crying and be happy for once. It's your birthday; open your present," I order as cheerfully as I can.

He nods and offers me a crooked smile before carefully peeling the cellophane tape off the wrapper. I almost smack my forehead in exasperation; he's really got a seriously obsessive neat streak. I watch as he slowly and meticulously removes each piece of tape and unwraps the gift, leaving the wrapping paper perfectly intact.

"You know, it's traditional to rip the wrapper apart," I inform him.

"It's nice. I'd like to keep it."

I roll my eyes. "You're just too neat a person."

"It reminds me of you," he whispers.

I don't reply as he finishes with the wrapper and opens the dark red box. He smiles as he pulls out the clothes. It's an emerald green sweater with yellow green patterns and a pair of viridian slacks complete with thick murky green socks and a dark green scarf.

"Try it on," I tell him.

He smiles cheerfully and nods, jumping up to change. I watch as he dons the sweater and pulls on the slacks, then makes neat cuffs with the socks and wraps the scarf around his neck.

"It really does suit you," I comment with a smile.

He nods happily. "Thanks. It's really nice."

"Truth is, I bought it for you last year. I saw it at this shop and the first thing I thought about was strangely, how well it would suit you. So I bought it on impulse and had it wrapped up. I brought it to the Go Salon with me on your birthday last year but you just started jabbering off about Go and challenging me to a game as usual, so I thought you didn't care about birthdays. Then we started arguing as usual and I ended up not giving it to you, obviously. But still, I don't know why but I never opened it and used it myself. I just left it at a corner of my cupboard at home and when I was packing to come here, I found it and decided to give it to you now. It was kind of big then but it fits perfectly now, so I guess I made the right choice after all," I confess ruefully.

He nods. "Thank you. I really like it." He bends down and takes off the socks, folding them neatly and putting them back in the box before folding his scarf and doing the same.

"You're welcome, Aki. Happy birthday."

He puts the box on the dresser and returns to flop back gracelessly on the bed. I lie back on my side beside him and put an arm around him. We remain that way in silence for a very long time. Just when it seems like we'll be staying that way forever, he breaks the silence. "I'm sorry."

I give him a questioning look. "For what?"

"I'm sorry we realized this so late." His eyes cloud over again. "If we only realized how we felt sooner, we'd have more than seven days left. I'm sorry there's so little of this left, Hikaru; I don't want it to end." He blinks back the tears furiously.

"Don't. It won't end. And there's no use crying over spilt milk. What's done is done. We can't change the past."

He nods. Out of the blue, he takes my hand and guides it beneath the sweater. My fingers brush smooth bare skin, warm and silken. He looks up at me. "Hikaru, for the first and the last... please." The first teardrop falls and trickles down his face.

"It won't be the last, Aki," I tell him with a vehemence even I find startling.

Indeed he blinks, then reaches up to unbutton my shirt. "Then for the first," he whispers and I take him in my arms, pressing my lips to his. I feel the passion rising in his willowy frame beneath my touch and pull him closer, discarding pieces of clothing as we move against each other gently. I trail kisses down his throat and he tilts his head back to give me better access.

"I'd never let you die, Aki, not if I can help it. There's too much to lose," I promise, my fingers caressing his inner thighs lightly.

He moans softly at the sensation and trembles at the strength of his desire. "I don't want to lose you," he whispers hoarsely.

"You won't," I tell him firmly and we lose ourselves in the passion and heat of simply being intimately close together.

~Akira~

I snuggle closer to Hikaru beneath the blankets after what must have been the best night of my life. We're still warm in the afterglow of all the lovemaking and I've never felt better. Just when I feel so alive, just when I want this life so much, it's going to be taken away from me. I want to live more than I've ever wanted to before because now I have so much more than I've ever had before and I'm going to die soon. It's not fair; it just isn't. My lover turns to face me and wraps his arms around me. I return the embrace, smiling happily. I don't want to die; I won't die, I know, because I want to live on... live with this, with him. So I'll make it; they can't take this away from me... I won't let them.

"Aki?" he calls, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Hm?"

"Remember what I said one year and eight months ago?"

"One year and eight months?" I rack my mind for the incident in question.

"The Meijin preliminaries," he reminds me.

"Oh, right. What about it?"

"I said I'd tell you everything someday, right?"

Oh. Sai. I feel a tingle of anticipation. I'm finally going to know the answer to the mystery; I'll finally know who Sai is and how he is related to Hikaru. I'm finally going to find out.

"You still want to know the truth?"

"Of course!! I've been waiting forever for you to tell me!" I exclaim.

"Now?" he asks.

"If you like; if it's okay with you," I tell him.

"Alright... Well, Sai's..." He struggles for the words. "...A ghost," he finishes.

A ghost. I blink at him. You have got to be kidding me.

He probably catches the look of disbelief on my face. "No, wait. I'm not crazy; let me explain."

I nod, indicating that he should continue.

"It's like this. I found an old Goban in my grandfather's attic when I was in the sixth grade. I saw tearstains and bloodstains on it but Akari, who was with me, didn't see anything. So I kept trying to clean it off because I wanted to sell the Goban for some pocket money..." He catches my disapproving look and grins. "Then I heard this voice asking me if I could see the stains and when the voice realized I really could, this person materialized in front of me and took over a part of my mind. That was Sai. He was a Go player from the Heian Dynasty but he was wronged and falsely accused of cheating at Go when his opponent cheated instead and was banished. He committed suicide but his soul couldn't pass on because he wanted to play more Go. You know, I can really imagine you in that situation?"

I give him a glare but say nothing.

"Well, anyway, his soul took shelter in that Goban I found. Sai _was_ Honinbou Shuusaku, Aki."

"Huh?" I don't quite understand.

"Torajiro found the Goban Sai was in and Sai took over a part of his mind much the way he did with mine and Torajiro let him play. It was Torajiro placing the pieces with Sai telling him where to place them. Torajiro was the body and the face while Sai was the mind of Honinbou Shuusaku."

I nod slowly. I think I understand.

"Well, as you know, back when I just met Sai I had no interest in Go. But he wanted to play so much that I took Go classes to learn the basics in the end. I still let him play, of course; I just needed to know what he was talking about so I could place the stones for him. And then he kept bugging and finally I agreed to take him to actually play Go and that's how I ended up in your father's Go Salon and meeting you." He smiles.

I return the smile. "So, that was Sai who beat me then?"

"Yeah, both times."

"What about the Internet?"

"That was Sai too. You see, he was such a strong player that his strength kept drawing undue attention to me. But he still wanted to play and he was... a friend; I couldn't really be selfish and say no. Then we heard about Internet Go at this convention and I decided to let him play online since no one would really know who it was that was playing."

"So, it really was you!" I accuse.

"Yes and no. I didn't play a single game online; it was always him. And then at the end of the holidays, we stopped because I didn't have the time to go to the cyber café. Then I met Kishimoto at a bookstore and heard about the Insei and your becoming a pro. So I promptly went and became an Insei. I played with Sai every night and tried really hard to enter the Young Lion's Tournament. I managed it in the end; I promised Ogata Jyudan I'd be in anyway and I heard that you'd be there." He grins widely. "Did Ogata tell you he invited me to join your father's study group?"

I shake my head, no. "And?"

"And I refused, of course. I declared that I wasn't about to study with you because we were rivals."

"Arrogant idiot."

"Anal retentive jerk."

"Don't. Get on with the story."

"Right. And then I took the pro exam and became a pro. He helped me along the way; he was nice. I was really sad when he left. That's why I kept missing my games at first. He left and I thought it was because I didn't let him play, so I stopped playing because I wanted to see him again. Then Isumi-san came and insisted I play a game with him; I couldn't say no and in that game, I realized that the only way I could see Sai again was to play Go because he is in my games. That's when I ran to see you and started playing again."

"He played for you in the pro exam?!" I ask in disbelief and anger. "How could..."

He clamps his hand over my mouth. "Did I say he played for me, Aki?" he asks seriously.

I blink at him, then shake my head.

"I played all those games myself, Aki. He helped by practising with me every night and getting me prepared for the games." He laughs. "I still remember him insisting that exercise clears the mind and making me go out of the Institute to do stretching exercises. We were standing behind Nihon- kiin on the grass stretching and going 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 and looking so ridiculous!!"

I laugh with him.

"The Beginner Dan Series?"

"Against your father? That was Sai. He insisted and I couldn't refuse him when he even agreed to handicap himself so as not to draw attention to me. Then I made that Internet appointment with your father for him because I know he wanted to play your father so badly and I just wanted him to be happy. I'm sorry your father retired after losing the game. I shouldn't have let him say that."

"No, retirement's good for him. Mother says so too. He's better than he's ever been and the cardiac problems are improving. He's happy playing for the Beijing team," I tell my lover insistently.

"That's good. I'm glad." But I know the guilt won't really ever go away.

"What about the team tournament?"

"Kaiou, against you?"

I nod.

"Half and half. He played at first. Then I realized how much I wanted to play you and I took over and everything went down the drain from there and you left."

He left out the fact that I left so disappointed and angry that I immediately signed up for the pro exams. "So the Meijin prelims was you?"

"Yeah, everything after the Beginner Dans Series was me. The Dan Games and all, that was me. He was already gone by the Meijin prelims, Aki, remember?"

I nod as he caresses the turn of my hip.

"So, no mystery now. What do you think? Does this change anything?" he asks lightly.

It doesn't fool me, though. He's asking if I still feel the same now that I know. Stupid Hikaru. You know the answer, you idiot; you know the answer! I plant a kiss at the base of his throat. "Stupid Hikaru," I murmur. "It was always you, don't you know? There was never anyone else for me. It was always you. And now I realize, that it was never really about Go in the end. It was always you, just you. Go, Sai... That was just the missing link in a long chain that had always been there. It was always about you," I tell him softly.

He gives me the sunny smile I like so much. I'm going to miss that smile if I die, so I don't want to die and I won't. "Yeah, it was always you too. I wouldn't even be playing Go if I didn't meet you. Sai alone could never have convinced me to play what I thought was an awfully boring game at that time. Even now, it isn't half as good without that fire in your eyes every time I look across the Goban." He gives me an ear-splitting grin. "You know, I swear that game face of yours alone could cause an air-conditioned room to self-combust given enough time."

I glare vindictively at him and he laughs heartily.

"No, it's part of your charm, Aki. It's all part of your charm," he drawls, laughing hysterically.

I merely give him a dirty Look and bury my face in his shoulder to sleep.

A/N: Bear with me!! Did you get a toothache reading this? I got one
writing it! Too much fluff and sugar and pink! I knew I shouldn't have
let my Fluff Muse, Candy, hang around while I was writing this! (Wails)
I'm sorry, I'll keep it down in the next chapter. I don't know how this
chapter got so long anyway. Probably because Seraph (my Romance Muse),
Storm (my Angst Muse), and Venus (my Yaoi Muse) have been working
overtime on this. Don't get the wrong idea, though; all my muses are
bishounens! And they're all chibi and really cute. Seraph looks like
Raiha from Flame of Recca with white angel wings, Storm looks like Naoe
Nagi from Weib Kreuz Glühen sitting on a floating black stormcloud,
Venus looks -incidentally- like Touya Akira wearing a lacey flamingo
pink baby dress (crossdressing) floating around in a bubble, and Candy
looks like Sakuma Ryuuichi from Gravitation sitting on a levitating wad
of cotton candy. I love my muses even if they ARE evil because they are
so adorable... Anyway, sorry for the late updates and please review...