Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: I would prefer it if you would kindly stay out of the locker room Can you never write anything with just a tad bit of decorum? Me: Are you kidding? The locker room scene is the best part, Lego. Legolas: For your information, this last was the worst! No one wants to read about me putting on my breeches! Me: You know something, Lego - you are absolutely right! Don't worry, I'll do better in this next one Legolas: Excellent! What will you have me doing? Brooding about my loss to that arrogant Silvan? Planning my strategy for the next competition? Me: All I can tell you, Legolas, isdon't drop the soap.

Chapter 4

The Second Event

In the locker room

Legolas and Haldir were both in the locker room, once again preparing for the day's event.

Haldir had been taking every opportunity to rub Legolas' fine Elven nose in the fact that he, the March Warden, had beaten the Prince in the first event.

"Will you just shut up about it? How many times are you going to repeat yourself? I know you won that one. It will be the only one you win, so savor the flavor, buddy," Legolas growled from his bathtub, reaching for the shampoo.

"Not likely. I won that one easily, pal you didn't stand a chance!" Haldir retorted from his tub.

"You won by barely a hair! I would have beaten you if Gimli hadn't let himself go after the Warthe little porker weighed a ton!"

"How did they ever get the Dwarves to agree to that competition, anyway?"

"I asked Elrond thatit seems that the two Dwarves are overly fond of ladies' undergarments. Elrond threatened to tell all of Arda about finding the two of them prancing about in ladies' dainties after the last Hunter's Moon Festival."

"Ouch," Haldir laughed, holding his leg up in the air and soaping between his toes. "Gimli and Thrain must have loved that! I wish I could have been at that meeting!"

Legolas and Haldir got out of the water, and began toweling themselves off. Suddenly, Haldir froze, then tapped Legolas' arm, looking at the doorway.

Seems Gimli and Thrain weren't the only ones caught in a compromising positionthe locker room had filled up with females, all staring hungrily at the two competitors.

Erestor came running at the sound of Legolas and Haldir's screams.

The Second Event

Arwen's Choice

Cross-Dressing Egg Race

Again the trumpets blared, signally to one and all that the second day of competition was about to begin. The crowd was thick, packing the bleachers, excitedly talking amongst themselves about the day's event.

Elrond waited until the judges were seated in their customary places before standing and addressing the crowd.

"Welcome one and all to the Second Event of the Rivendell Olympiad! I must take this opportunity to remind everyone that the locker room is strictly off limits, except to those who are involved in the competition, or have press passes. Today's event has been chosen by our second judge, the beautiful Arwen!"

The crowd cheered as Arwen stood and gracefully curtsied, waving her hand at them in greeting.

Elrond blew a kiss to his daughter, then signaled for the competitors to enter the field.

Legolas and Haldir strode purposely onto the field, to the screaming of the crowd. They noticed two females in the front row waving towels at them, and blushed a deep crimson. Erestor had barely gotten there in time to save them both from a very thorough mauling at the hands of all of those drooling females in the locker room.

Coming to stand before Elrond and the judges, Haldir and Legolas bowed deeply. Unfortunately, this action presented the butt end of their breeches to the audience, which renewed a frenzy of whistles and catcalls from the female portion of the crowd. They quickly stood up, throwing sour looks over their shoulders at the crowd.

"Today's event has been chosen by Arwen, and is called the Cross Dressing Egg Race. Each competitor will dress in a ladies' gown and shoes. You will each grip a spoon in your teeth, on which you will balance an egg. You will run the length of the field with the spoon holding the egg gripped between your teeth. At the opposite end of the field, you will take the egg and smash it into your forehead. Taking a new egg, you will dash back to the starting line. At any point, should you drop the egg, you must return to whichever end of the field you were last at to get a new egg. The first competitor to complete the circuit successfully wins. Is that clear?" Elrond asked, raising an eyebrow at Legolas and Haldir.

Legolas and Haldir scowled at Arwen, who was giggling madly at the judges' table. They sighed, then nodded at Elrond signaling that they understood the rules.

They walked to the starting line, each telling the other just what exactly they would like to do to Arwen should they ever get the opportunity. Legolas favored a boiling vat of oil, while Haldir preferred a pack of hungry wargs.

Two tables were set up at the starting line, each holding a dress, a pair of high heeled, pink furry slippers, a spoon, and a bucket of eggs.

Legolas and Haldir each stood behind one of the tables, and pulled off their boots and jerkins to the whistling and screams of the females in the crowd. Both blushed a bright fuschia to the roots of their pale hair. They stood straight, waiting for Elrond's signal.

Elrond raised his arms, and shouted, "On your markget setGO!"

The crowd roared as Legolas and Haldir struggled into the gowns, wriggling to get the garments down over their broad shoulders. They were neck and neck as they slipped their feet into the pink, fuzzy high-heeled slippers, and picked up their spoons. Balancing an egg in the bowl of the spoon, they both took off runningand both fell flat on their faces. Heels take some getting used to.

Legolas was up a fraction of a second faster than Haldir, and soon both had new eggs in their spoons. Both took teetering, hesitant steps down the field, eyeing each other, trying to keep ahead of one another.

Haldir's ankle turned on the high-heeled slipper, and he went down with a thud. Groaning, he rose and made his way back to the table for another egg, giving Legolas a clear lead.

Legolas quickly learned that if he jammed the heels of the slippers deep into the soft ground with each step, he could maintain his balance. Soon he was making good progress by lifting each leg high and bringing his foot down hard. His gown twirled with each step, eliciting laughter from the crowd. Nevertheless, he arrived at the far end of the field well before Haldir.

Legolas picked the egg up from the spoon, looking at, thinking he had, indeed, reached a new low point in his life. He sighed, then smashed the egg against his forehead, wincing at the gooey, slimy whites and yolk dripped down his face. He had another egg in the spoon was starting back as Haldir arrived at the table.

Soon the two egg splattered heroes were high stepping back toward the starting line. Haldir began taking much longer strides, trying to catch up to Legolas, but to no avail. Legolas reached the starting line several steps ahead.

Once again, the judges conferred, although it took a bit longer, since none of them could stop laughing. Finally, Arwen stood and faced the crowd.

'Our champions did wellone might think they have had prior experience to walking in heels!" she snorted.

The crowd erupted into laughter, and Legolas and Haldir's eyes sent daggers into Arwen from their place at the starting line.

"However," Arwen continued, "We have a clear winner. Legolas Greenleaf wins the second event of the Olympiad!"

Cheers and screams, and well as laughter and catcalls hailed Legolas as the two competitors stepped forward to the judges' table. Bowing low, they turned and walked off the field, still wearing their gowns and fuzzy, pink ,high-heeled slippers.