Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: NO! No, no, no, no. no! You did not make me put on a dress and high-heels. Tell me you did NOT do that! Me: I also put you naked in a bathtubdon't forget that! Legolas: I despise you, woman. I truly despise you. Me: Awww, I like you too, kiddo.

Chapter 5

The Third Event

In the locker room.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Haldir was beating his head against the locker, despite Legolas' best efforts to stop him.

"They made me wear a dress! They made me wear pink fuzzy slippers! They made me smash an egg on my forehead!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Pink, fuzzy, high-heeled slippers" Legolas corrected, patting Haldir on the shoulder.

"ARGHH!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"I'll never live this down. Not ever! Rumil and Orophin will hold this over my head for all eternity" Haldir moaned, sitting down on the bench and holding his head in his hands.

"Hey, I had to wear them too, you know. You don't hear me whining!" Legolas said, putting his hands on his hips and staring down at Haldir.

"Why aren't you complaining? What does that say about you, Legolas?"

"It says that I won the event - that's what it says" Legolas stated, folding his arms over his chest. "I beat you."

"Yeahokay, I admit it. When it comes to wearing a maiden's clothing, you beat me hands down."

"Hey! It was an event! I didn't dream it upArwen did!"

"You used to spend a lot of time with Arwen before she got marriedmaybe she just picked something she knew you were good at!" Haldir retorted, snorting.

"I am going to wipe the field with your sorry Silvan ass today, Haldir!" Legolas stormed, incensed at the slur on his Elfhood.

"Only if they let you do it in a dress, Lego-lass" Haldir laughed.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Legolas continued hammering Haldir's head into the locker until Erestor showed up to escort them to the field.

The Third Event

Glorfindel's Choice

Middle Earth Squares

The crowd that filled in the bleachers on the day of the third event had their curiosity piqued by a structure that had been erected overnight at one end of the field by Elven laborers. The structure had three levels and was divided into nine squares. In each square a figure sat, waiting for the event to commence.

Once again, the trumpets heralded the beginnings of the Games.

Elrond waited until the judges were in their customary places, before standing and addressing the throng of Elves, Men, Dwarves, and Hobbits in the bleachers.

"Welcome one and all to the third event of the Rivendell Olympiad! Today's event is Glorfindel's choice, and is a competition of knowledge!" he shouted, as Glorfindel rose from his seat and stately waved to the crowd.

Elrond gestured for the competitors to enter the field. Legolas and Haldir walked out onto the field with their heads held high. Rather, Legolas held his head high as he walked out onto fieldHaldir's head was weighed down by an enormous bump and an icepack.

Legolas and Haldir came to stand, yet again, in front of the judges and Elrond. They bowed, then stood waiting for Elrond to speak.

"Today's event is a test of knowledge. The structure at the end of field holds nine visiting dignitaries from the far reaches of Arda. Each competitor will pick a square. I will ask a question of the dignitary in that square. The competitor must decide if the dignitary has given the correct, or incorrect answer to the question. If the competitor is correct, he wins that square. The first competitor to get three squares in a row, wins. Do you understand the rules?" Elrond looked down at Haldir and Legolas.

"Yes, Lord Elrond, I understand," Legolas answered, holding his fist over his heart and bowing again.

"Argh, my head!" Haldir said, waving a feeble hand at Elrond, and trying to nod.

"Legolas, you won the coin flip before the ceremony beganyou will pick first," Elrond said, gesturing toward the structure.

"UmI will take Frodo, in the center square," Legolas said.

"Frodo Baggins, of the Shire! Welcome, once again, to Rivendell!" Elrond said graciously.

"It is very nice to be back, Lord Elrond. Hello, Legolas! Hello, Haldir!" Frodo replied, waving his hand at the Prince and the March Warden. Legolas and Haldir waved back at the Hobbit.

"Now, Frodo, here is your questionwe all know that you fought Gollum in Mt. Doom. For the square, which finger did Gollum bite off?" Elrond asked.

Frodo looked down at his left hand. "I believe it was the thumb, Lord Elrond."

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Haldir blurted out, looking dumbfounded. "His hand is right in front of him!"

"Do NOT question the questions, Haldir," Elrond growled, narrowing his eyes at the big Elf. Turning to Legolas, he continued, "So, Legolas - do you agree or disagree with Frodo?"

"I believe it was his ring finger, Elrond. YesI can see it from here. It was definitely his ring finger. I disagree with Mr. Frodo."

"You are absolutely correct! It was his ring finger. Legolas gets the center square," Elrond shouted to the cheers of the crowd.

"Haldir," Elrond said, "it is your turn. Please pick a square."

"I'll take Orophin in the top right hand corner," Haldir decided.

"Orophin, Warden of Lothlorien! Welcome. Your question is, 'what is Haldir's middle name?" Elrond inquired of the March Warden's brother.

"Sue," answered Orophin, grinning broadly at Haldir from the relative safety of the upper right hand square.

"That's ridiculous! I don't have a middle name, you moron! I disagree with my idiot brother, Lord Elrond," Haldir scoffed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Haldir, that is incorrect. You're middle name is Sue."

"What? No it isn't! I do NOT have a middle name, and if I did, it certainly wouldn't be Sue!" Haldir cried, incensed.

"For the last time, Haldir, do NOT question the questions!" Elrond thundered at the March Warden, who looked up at him bug-eyed.

"Legolas gets the square. Legolas, it is your turn again. Please pick a square."

"Lord Elrond, I'll take the Gollum in the lower left hand corner to win," Legolas said.

"Gollum! You look, erwell for having been toasted in the fires of Mt. Doom," Elrond said to the slimy, slightly blackened creature sitting in the lower left hand square.

"Thankses, Lord Elrond," Gollum answered.

"Gollum, this is for the win. Your question is, "how did you lose the precious?" Elrond asked.

"I didn't loses it! Filthy little thief! Sneaky little hobbitses! He stole it from us! The nasty thief stole our preciousss!"

"Right, well, Legolasdo you agree or disagree with Gollum?" Elrond asked the Prince.

Legolas rocked back and forth, one foot to the other, biting his lip as he considered his answer. He thought he remembered Frodo saying something about a "birthday present," but, as far as Legolas knew, the only thing Gollum had ever freely given away was venereal disease.

"I'll need an answer, Legolas," Elrond said impatiently.

"I'll agree with Gollum," Legolas answered, holding his breath.

"You are correct! Bilbo stole the ring, and later gave it to Frodo!" Elrond shouted as the crowd went wild.

The judges conferred for a moment, then Glorfindel stood, "Legolas is the winner of the third event!" he said, gesturing toward the Elf.

Legolas and an obviously pissed off Haldir bowed to Elrond and the judges and walked off the field.

Elrond addressed the crowd again. "This concludes the third event of the Rivendell Olympiad! I would like to thank all of our dignitaries for participating today." He turned and left the field with the judges.

Gollum's voice carried out after the departing Lord of Rivendell, "Where is our fishes? He promised us! Give it to ussss raw--and wwwriggling!"

Frodo could be heard to yell at gollum, "You stupid buggerdidn't I kill you once already? Shut up! You're giving me the willies."

Gollum's voice became low and threatening, "That's okayI'll sssettle for a finger sandwich"