Lily spat out the pumpkin juice she had just poured into her mouth, spraying it across the table. She tried to cover her mouth with her hands, but the laughter escaping her lips made it hard to breathe, let alone control her limbs properly. James was also laughing, trying hard to make it through the rest of the story, but failing miserably as every other word was followed by peals of laughter. Punch line after punch line rolled off his tongue in this slow and amusing manner, making dinner last for two hours instead of the fifteen minutes Lily had sworn it would be. Tales of his escapades had come up rather quickly, but she was surprised to find that most of them were not nearly as offensive and vulgar as she had presupposed. Most were follies leaving her in stitches.
"Hey Prongs, there you are," Sirius said, looking strangely at the two of them, wondering at the civility displayed, but wisely choosing not to comment. "Moody's going mental so he and Peter are playing chess until I return with you. Thought we'd head out to the pitch before curfew to get out that energy us growing boys are so famous for."
He winked at James, and James knew they weren't really planning on going to the pitch. He looked back at Lily, and saw her wiping her face with her napkin, looking purposefully at the table.
He looked back up at Sirius, and with as casual of an air as he could muster, said, "No, that's alright. You lot go on without me. Lily and I were going to do a bit of studying."
Sirius looked like he had been punched in the stomach. "Oh," he said, and for a moment, looked extremely confused, as though he couldn't see the angle James was coming from, before shaking his head and sighing.
"Whatever you want, James. See you back at the tower later then," he said, before giving him one last confused look, and leaving.
James turned back to Lily. "You don't have to sacrifice your time with your friends for me. I can study alone," she said. He waited until she looked him in the eye.
"I want to spend time with you," he said and she blushed. "I don't mean like that! I mean, obviously, I like that part of it, but well, I like just spending regular time with you too. You're funny and your laugh is infectious. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. I wish I had learned a long time ago how to make you laugh more, instead of just how to yell at me."
"You don't always make me yell," she said.
"But I'm pretty good at it," he grinned, and she bit back a smile. "See! That's what I always do. You always bite your cheek when you want to laugh at me, but for some reason you won't let yourself. I think it's because you don't want to openly encourage me, but in all truth, it just makes me try harder."
She couldn't help it: the smile escaped and slid across her cheeks. He smiled back, a delirious smile that made her stomach flutter.
"So were we really going to go study?" she asked hopefully. He sighed dramatically.
"Fine," he said, and they gathered their things before heading up to the common room. She had wanted to study Arithmancy, but as James didn't take Arithmancy and they could not study for it together, they settled for Potions, as both actually needed to work on that.
Lily settled into a comfortable couch, throwing her bag over the spot next to her to save it for James, while he went up to his dorm to retrieve both of their notes. As she began to pull out the Arithmancy textbook he had given back to her at lunch, she noticed the several strange stares and whispers she received from others around the common room.
She buried her face in her book and waited impatiently for James to return. He dropped into the chair next to her, and handed her a stack of notes for the day. Sliding her Potions book into her hands as well, he grinned as he said, "You can earn this back later."
She glared over at him darkly. "Everyone is talking about us," she whispered sharply. James glanced around in an unconcerned manner.
"So what? It's not like they have any idea what's going on. That's why they're talking. It's strange for people to see us acting civil, but if they see us just sitting here studying together, then they'll realize that we're just combining our resources to perform better on our NEWTs," he said. She glowered.
"It really bothers you, doesn't it? The thought that people might think we're together?" he sounded incredibly hurt.
"It bothers me that people might think that my priorities have changed, when they haven't," she said sharply, but still in an attempt to comfort him.
"What is that suppose to mean?" he asked.
"Studying is important to me. I've always worked hard to achieve what I want and no boy, not even James Potter, is going to distract me from getting what I want," she said, glaring as though daring him to make a comment about last night. He just grinned infuriatingly.
"Well then," he drawled, "we better get started."
She nodded. "I'm not used to studying with someone else," she admitted after a moment. He grinned.
"I know," he said, and she felt slightly stung by that comment, though she didn't quite know why. "Why don't you set aside your notes and books temporarily, and I'll give you a few questions that might come up on NEWTs? If you get stuck, you can check your papers, and that way, you can see what you really need to concentrate on, and what you already have down."
"That sounds good," she said. He opened his book, flipping through pages until he settled on one, grinning fondly, she thought, almost as if lost in a memory.
"Give me the properties of wolfsbane, how it's used in potions, and why it's banned in Africa," he said. The synapses connected in her brain, bringing to mind all she knew about wolfsbane. She knew the answer, she thought with some relief and slight pride.
He kept asking her questions, each one tougher than the last, and every time, she could clearly collect her thoughts and give him a straightforward answer. She couldn't believe how much more confident she felt, and strangely how relieved it made her feel. She was practically beaming when he finally closed the book and she realized that hours had passed, the fire was dimmed, and they were the last two up.
She suddenly felt self-conscious. She knew what was supposed to happen next and whatever confidence she had been feeling bubbling up inside of her deflated. He collected his things together.
"That was incredible Lily. If you can keep that up and stay focused like you were, there's no way you won't be able to get 'O's in all of your NEWTs. And you said you were bad at Potions. I'd hate to see what you're like in Charms, if this is you at your worst," he said.
She blushed, feeling that little bit of confidence peak out from its hiding place. I wonder how good of a kisser he thinks I am? The sudden thought came from absolutely nowhere and struck her with a heavy force. She shook it harshly from her mind. "You're flattering me," she said dismissively.
"No," he said seriously. "You're brilliant. You always have been. It's one of the things I admire about you the most actually."
"You mean besides my yelling and ability to have you under twenty hexes in under a minute?" she said saucily. Somehow he had moved steadily closer to her during the course of the conversation, so that the idea of kissing him suddenly wasn't so uncomfortable. His breath fanned across her cheeks.
He grinned, and they were so close she had to glance down at his lips to see. "Yeah, besides that. It's like I've always said Lily: you're completely faboo."
It was strange because he had never kissed her before when they weren't arguing. He brought his lips close to her, but waited patiently for her to start it. It was so much slower and softer than any of their others that hot fire slid through her veins like torture a hundred times faster. It was agony and bliss at the same time. His hand came up and slid into her hair, and it was the first time she allowed her hands to move and touch him at all, though they only slid up behind his neck.
He twisted to face her more fully, and she arched away from the couch back to find a more comfortable position for her neck. He let her pull away slightly, kissing her jaw line with lingering kisses that evoked hidden thoughts to come leaping to the forefront of her mind about where else he might kiss her if she asked, if she wanted, if she let him.
When he kissed her again it was more demanding, and she didn't mind. The slower pace seemed to be killing her, but she was terrified of asking for any more than she already was. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea, but she couldn't clearly remember what the wrong idea was when he was so close that their bodies seemed to breath in rhythm and her heart sounded like a hummingbird's must.
She felt as he began to push her slowly down on the couch, but it wasn't until her back finally rested on the cushion and his arms braced him barely above her that she realized just what position they were in. Her eyes shot open wide, and her arms and legs pushed against him. He moved immediately, pulling himself back into a sitting position and looking away from her. She sat up as well, their ragged breathing loud in their ears.
"I'm sorry," he said, and she knew his jumbled thoughts were sincere. "I didn't mean for it to go that far. I didn't mean to scare you. I wouldn't ever…I mean you know that I would never…it's just that when I'm kissing you I…I lose control and I want to keep…just tell me when to stop. Whatever you want. It's fine. I'm fine with it. With whatever you want. I won't be angry about it, I promise. Whatever you want."
"James?" she said softly. He turned to her, guilt in his eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him, before slowly pulling away. "Goodnight," she whispered.
"Goodnight," he said, and swallowed hard. She picked up her things and left, very conscious of his eyes watching her leave.
She laid in bed, replaying what had happened in her mind. Everything was so confusing. For him it was just a game, she knew. Why else would he keep it a secret from everyone if not to torture her that much more into knowing that for the time being she was his?
She thought about the kiss, her fingers coming up to trace her lips, and she couldn't help the blush on her cheeks. It had been incredible, she admitted reluctantly, though she had always known there was chemistry between them. She had just never imagined it was that kind of chemistry.
It wasn't until he had lain her down that any thought about anything entered her mind. She liked that blissfully clear haze her mind settled into whenever they kissed. All she had room for was the vague idea of his body and the intense mixed emotions he made her feel, but when he had laid her down she panicked. It had been a very forward move on his part though she knew he hadn't meant it in a suggestive way. It had felt natural at the time and she reasoned that that was probably the reason he did it, but it had scared her all the same. Mostly because it was so comfortable.
She half-wondered, knowing logically that it wasn't plausible, what would happen if he would somehow come into her room in the night and kiss her like he had, lying down—she pushed the thoughts sternly and horrifically from her mind. This was James Potter she was thinking about. She didn't even like James Potter. He was—he was…he made her laugh so hard she cried. She couldn't ever remember a time when she had done that before. She roughly shook the thoughts from her mind, fighting back the hot tears in her eyes. It was too much to handle all at once, so she resolutely turned on her side and shut her eyes, clearing her mind of all thoughts of dark haired boys and their distracting qualities. As it was nearly three in the morning and she really was incredibly tired, she fell into a deep asleep.
AN: well this is turning into downright smut. I don't know whether or not I'm more pleased or ashamed of that. This is only going to be a few more chapters as it is not a serious fic, but I write what is fun to write and beautiful contradictions is being a pain in the butt currently, so I am working on other things to get my energy up. I make no guarantee that this will be updated again before bc is finished. Sorry to those who prefer this one, but I write in my spare time for fun and when I labor to perform, I never end up happy with the result. This does not mean I do not greatly greatly appreciate my reviews. They make my day. Speaking of which, cookies for all who reviewed last chapter! I still can't believed this little vignette racked in 50 of um. It really means a lot to me, so if you've read this, please review it! At the very least, you're getting a free cookie out of the deal. (I know, I know: I'm shameless. What did you expect? I'm a fanfic author.)
