That night, neither group of friends slept once they got up to their dormitories, male nor female.

(( James's POV))

James lay staring at the ceiling for quite a while, waiting for either Remus or Sirius to comment on and/or ask him pieces of information he didn't particularly want to dispense.

About ten minutes later, Sirius finally gave in and broke the silence. "James," he said, choosing his words carefully, "I was just wondering...how you really felt...about Lily."

Hard to say, James thought. You'll have to ask me about, oh, every other minute. It's sure to be different every time.

"Not sure," he finally said. "Mixed feelings, I guess." Even he could tell he was lying. He was never good at acting.

"C'mon, James...you and us both know that's not the most truthful answer in the world," Remus chimed in.

Tell them the truth, said one voice in the corner of his mind.

No, don't tell them, they might tell her. Or, worse, make fun of you, countered another voice. Ignoring the one that told him not to tell them, he said reluctantly, "I guess...I guess..."

"Yes?" said Sirius patiently. Whoa, thought James. Sirius can be PATIENT! It's a miracle!

"...I guess I sorta like her," Thank GOD you told them...said another little voice in his head. It's EXCRUCIATING keeping something like that from everyone.

"'Sorta' meaning..." Sirius asked, some of the playfulness back in his voice.

"Head over heels for her?" finished Remus, his voice coming from the foot of his bed.

I laughed but didn't answer. "Yep, he's in love," said Sirius, amusement evident in his voice. "Now James...you had better treat that girl right. Or me n' Remus are gonna beat the livin' crap outta you."

"Yeah, fella, you mess wit' our lil' sista and we'll know why," Remus suddenly went gangsta' on James.

I just laughed again and thought, It's good to finally tell someone.

((Lily's POV))

"Lily? Are you awake?" whispered Alex. Lily opened her eyes and Alex was standing directly over her, her blonde hair hanging in Lily's face, blue eyes wide.

"Holy shit, Alex, gimme some warning next time," I said, hand over my rapidly-beating heart. She giggled. How nice. Please, feel free to interrupt the only time during the day I have to rest.

"Lily, Maria's asleep but I need to talk," she said, her eyes concerned.

"What is it, Al?"

"Lily," she said, obviously being careful of what she said. "Did you hear what I said earlier? Before you came up here?"

"Yeah..." I said hesitantly. For some reason, this gave me the feeling she wanted to discuss some things I didn't especially want to talk about.

"Well, I've been thinking about it. And I think that you're in love."

"With who?"

"James Potter." Flat out. Just like that. I thought she was going to dance around the idea for another hour at least.

"I...I...I think...," I stuttered, surprised, and suddenly the words started tumbling out of m mouth. "...I think you might be right." and suddenly all the things that happened all day, all the emotions, just flooded me and I started to cry. Big, fat, baby tears. Not a sound came out of my mouth, but a waterfall started streaming down my face.

Alex pulled me to her and gave me a huge bear hug. "Alex...what do I do?" I asked desperately. "I just said I didn't even want to be friends with him, I said all those awful things. My temper just took ahold of me and wouldn't let go."

Alex giggled a little and said, "I noticed. But seriously, Lil, I think you hurt him. Bad. You're going to have to apologize...and probably not tell him for a while, at least."

"Alex, I don't even know if I can handle being more than friends."

"Babe, I don't know if I could handle you two being more than just friends."

((James's POV))

I'll never get to sleep, I thought restlessly, but I was wrong. As soon as we stopped talking about Lily, I was straight to sleep and the next thing I knew, it was dawn.

I got dressed in clean robes and grabbed my glasses and my wand. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep any longer, I went down to the common room and recalled the strangest dream I had had last night.

Dreaming

I was running through Hogwarts' grounds. Past the pond, the Whomping Willow, and suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Lily chasing me. Her eyes sparkled as she giggled, and she kept running. I sped up, for reasons unknown. Soon, however, I was out of breath and I stopped to rest for a minute. She caught up with me quickly and said in a voice he had never heard before, "James...you know how I feel. I may not be able to show it, but don't lose heart."

End Dreaming

That was weird, he thought. That wasn't even her voice...

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from the girls' dormitories' stairs. I looked up and saw Lily. I caught her eye and she looked surprised.

She looked beautiful, as always. Her shining red hair was curly and out of control, framing her oval face and huge, green eyes. As if possessed by another person, she smiled a friendly smile she had never let me see.

She came over and sat in an armchair across from mine. Am I still dreaming? I thought confusedly. Is this the real Lily Evans?

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, James avoiding making eye contact and Lily struggling with how to start. "Lovely day," she finally said, and James simply nodded.

"Not a cloud in the sky," he said, sounding so hurt he even surprised himself.

((Lily's POV))

I can't do this, I can't do this...she thought desperately. If I say any more, I won't be able to control my words...Oh shit, he's staring at me...

"James..." I began, startling the both of us. "I...I need to apologize. I said things I didn't mean yesterday...I'm incredibly sorry. I do want to be friends. I haven't any idea why I said that."

James still looked hurt. Oh no...I thought, frightened. What if he can't even be friends?

((James's POV))

As much as I wanted to be her friend and so, so much more, I didn't think I could. Hearing all the things she thought about me when she was mad...well, that just broke my heart. She made me so angry with her and myself both. Mad at myself because even though she insulted me so badly, I still loved her with all my heart. And mad at her because she didn't forgive me when I tried to apologize.

I don't know if I can do it, I thought to myself. I can't do this. I can't. Not now.

"Lily..." I said, finally. "I'm sorry. I forgive you. But talking to you...like friends...well...I don't think I'm done being angry yet...and...it's...just so – complicated."

I saw the pain in her eyes for half a second, but then the froze over, she was emotionless. "I see," she said, her voice polite but cold. "If you'll excuse me." Without waiting for an answer, she got up and went over to meet her friends that were waiting on the sidelines. The three of them sat down, and I saw Lily put her head in her hands, and Maria started rubbing her back as Alex started consoling her with words I couldn't hear.

I leaned back, frustrated with myself. I saw Remus and Sirius come down the stairs, looking groggy. Peter tagged along behind, keeping a safe distance from them, seeing as neither of them were morning persons.

I got up, said a quick "Hi," to them, then walked out of the portrait hole, heading down to breakfast. On the way down, I saw Mrs. Norris, that filthy cat, annoying as hell. She came up to me and clawed my leg.

"OI!!!" I yelled as she pierced my skin. Usually, in a better temper I would have just run away, but today was different. I kicked that damn cat out of my way then stormed down the stairs. That would probably earn me a detention and a meeting with Professor Dumbledore, but all the same, it felt good.

"Hey! James!" I heard Sirius call me. I turned around and waited for him to catch up. "What the FUCK, mate, you're going to get seriously nailed. Filch is in love with that cat."

"I don't care," I said angrily. Sirius looked frightened and concerned all at once.

"James...what did you do?"

I sighed heavily. "Sirius, I'm such an idiot."

"James..."

"I told her I didn't want to be friends when she came to apologize this morning. I can't do it. I just can't," I said, my voice pleading.

Sirius's mouth was so wide I'm sure I could've stuck a watermelon, whole, in his mouth. "James-stupid-you-god-you-GOD," Sirius stuttered angrily. "WHY WOULD YOU DO AN IDIOTIC THING LIKE THAT???" Didn't take long for him to recover.

"Sirius..." I stopped walking, and seeing me, he stopped as well. "It's not easy to be friends with someone you're in love with, both of you knowing it couldn't be anything else even if you both wanted it to. That's why I did it."

I started walking away and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius wide-eyed with understanding, and then suddenly run back to Gryffindor tower.