I didn't speak to Sano for three days after that. I was too scared, too terrified to face him. To be truthful, I wasn't really sure how I felt about the entire affair. I loved him as dearly as anyone I knew but deep inside me, I admitted that I could never bring myself to love him as a partner; we were family and nothing more.

Then again, I couldn't deny that my heart had raced that night when he'd locked me in his gaze. However sinful it was, I think I would have let him kiss me if I hadn't been startled by the sudden stir of birds within the forest greenery.

That posed another quandary; what was that disturbance in the forest the other night? I kept asking myself that over and over again, pondering it in my head, wondering whether its convenient timing was coincidental or not. It bothered me greatly...so greatly I decided to spend my Sunday off from the flower shop scouring the woods. I didn't really expect to find anything really; it'd been three days, whatever was there that night must have disappeared during that time period. This excursion was only to relieve the distress clinging to my mind so I would be free to focus on the flower shop and how to confront Sano.

"I'm heading out the forest to gather some flowers, okay Ojii-chan?" I hollered behind me as I grabbed a woven flower basket. Ojii-san turned and gave me a nod and a smile, shooing me off and assuring me he'd be fine with such a strong young man as Yahiko protecting him from any posing danger. I rolled my eyes but gave him a hug and headed off toward the lush greenness of the forest.

I loved taking walks in the ambience of nature; it makes me feel at ease, the breeze blowing my fears away and the bountiful colors livening exciting my eyes. I grinned involuntarily and added a jubilant spring to my step, swinging the basket to and fro at my side. I skipped like a little girl through the forest, admiring the relief it was washing over me.

I heard a small rustle in the distance and paused. Looking down, I saw a small white bunny twitching its nose within a plant growth on the side of the earthy path. I gasped in delight and kneeled down carefully next to it. It had small ruby jewels for eyes and snowy fine fur as I doted helplessly from its utter adorableness. I clicked my tongue and offered my hand to the small creature and found myself shocked and disappointed when it vanished into the bush and disappeared into the wilderness. Pouting, I brushed my knees off and stood again. When I reach for my flower basket, I felt a sliver of ice pressing into my neck; it was the steel of the blade.

"Don't move," whispered a deep voice. It was a man. A young man.

I swallowed as my throat became raspy and my heart thundered inside my chest. The sword felt precariously close to an artery, too close to even breathe. Ojii-san...I think I'm going to die...

"What are you doing here," he demanded. Even through the incredible fear in my head, I felt a familiar tinge in his voice...I haunting ghost from my dreams...

I snapped back to reality and stuttered for an answer but my tongue was numb. I breathed in and felt the blade cut into my skin and blood trickled from the wound. Surprisingly, the sword lowered.

Suddenly I felt a shaky breath upon my neck sending shivers down my spine. I gasped and the sword dropped to the ground with a clang as arms encircled my torso and bound me to this man's warmth. The air from his lips was filled with heat and I believed his grasp on me was so firm he could feel my heart beating in my chest.

"I asked you why are you here..." he whispered into my ear. My breath stopped and I could almost feel myself sinking into him.

"It's you..." I breathed. I was about to turn around to face him when he only held me tighter.

"Shh..."

I felt his fingers caress my jaw line, tipping my head to the side, allowing me a half glimpse of the image I never forgot. His fiery crimson locks were just as clear, just as vivid as the ghost of him that had haunted me, but it was evident that seeing him in person was worth a thousand nights of sleepless dreams. His lengthy hair and long lashes masked his glimmering eyes giving him the look of a spirit born in the darkness of the wilderness. My mind was not my own anymore, it was his, and I was helpless to control it as I stood motionless while his lips drew closer to mine.

Somehow this was different than the feeling I felt when Sano had tried to capture me in a kiss three nights ago. I still felt my mind was clouded with nothing but a fog of mixed feelings of fear, anxiety, and excitement, the same indescribable feeling, but with this man I hardly even knew, this red-haired stranger, I felt at home. With Sano, my feelings flowed to a certain extent until they were halted by an invisible barrier. It was this wall that told me that no matter how much it seemed we were destined to be, it would never happen; and this was the passive foreboding that I had held onto for the last few days. However, when I felt my heart thunder in my chest as this mysterious man's lips threatened to touch mine, I felt nothing holding me back.

Even at the late age of 18, I'd never kissed anyone before. Our town was a modest countryside village and consequently, it preferred the strict rules of purity before marriage. It was uncommon to ever see an unmarried couple holding hands in the midst of public speculation let alone show an affectionate kiss here and there. But at the moment, I didn't really care much for whether this was my first kiss or not; in fact, I cared for nothing except for him.

His lips felt surprisingly soft against mine, giving the feeling that his mouth was melding into me. The kiss was far from passionate; it was gentle, hesitant, and innocent as our lips brushed across each other in rhythm with our beating hearts. I was tasting heaven.

He finally withdrew from me leaving my head spinning from what I'd just done. I'd kissed a man I'd only known for a moment, but in that single touch of our lips, I'd fallen in love with him. And soon I found that I didn't only desire a first kiss from him, I wanted a hundred kisses from him, no, a thousand. Nothing could explain how my heart was stolen so fast.

A twig cracked loudly and I snapped my head toward the sound. There in the thickness of the woods, Sano stood stricken and unbelieving with shock riddled in each pore of his face. I froze speechless.

"Jou-chan?" he questioned, shakily. "What are you doing?" Sano's eyes fell on the man behind me, trailing his gaze down to the arms that were bound around my waist and his eyes widened. He immediately lowered into an offensive stance.

"What are you doing with Jou-chan?" He threatened gravely.

"Sano, wait, I can explain—" I was cut off but the sudden tightening of the grasp on my middle. I could see Sano's eyes narrow.

"Who are you and why are you here?" Sano spat at the man.

"That's something I'd like to know as well," He said, his chin resting protectively on the nape of my neck. I looked at them both in alarm.

"Stop playing with me, if you won't let her go, I'll take her from you!" With that, Sano lounged at what seemed, to my horror, like a direct hit for my face. I drew back on instinct. Wind rushed past my ear and I could feel the hold around my torso loosen and Sano's arm take its place. Terrified, I clutched my hammering heart and looked behind me hoping desperately that the man who'd stolen my first kiss was still alive, ironically ignoring my own safety.

He was shockingly unwounded, save for a tiny cut on his right cheek, hardly deep enough for blood to be drawn. I breathed out heavily, thank god. Sano stared in disbelief.

"That's quite a punch you have," replied the crimson-haired man, grinning and stroking his face.

"How-how did you dodge that?!" cried Sano, "That was practically point-blank range!"

"I suppose I'll have to get her back again now." He bent down and picked up his fallen sword. Sano released me and charged forward. He was going to attack him while he was down, and he was going to kill him! I knew as well as anyone Sano was the strongest man in a million miles, there was no way an ordinary human being could survive a direct blow from his fist.

"Sano, stop!!" I screamed in horror.

In a blood-red blur, the stranger had taken up his sword and leapt out of the path of Sano's attack and slammed the blade into Sano's side, sending my childhood friend pummeling toward a forest tree. I winced as I heard Sano's bones crack and watch his body fling lifelessly to the ground. I ran to his side, yelling his name in desperation.

"He's not dead," said a voice, as I heard the sound of a sword returning to its sheath.

Sobs bubbled out my throat as I hugged Sano's unconscious body. "I'm so sorry, Sano, I'm so sorry..."

The ruffle of clothes sounded and I turned and saw violet eyes staring sadly into mine. A pause of silence. "Do you choose him then?" he asked.

No words came to my mouth. Choose Sano? Over him? How could I...but then again, it made no sense. I'd known Sano all my life, everyone in my village predicted we would wed, I believe Ojii-san even volunteered to arrange our marriage. But I felt I was missing a part of me that left me hollow...and I'd found it in this stranger. I felt as if for my entire life I'd lived inside a cage and now I'd been released, free to taste the fresh air and dance in the open fields. But leaving everything I loved behind me...Ojii-san, Yahiko, Sano...that I could not do.

A tear trailed down my cheek and he stretched his hand forward and brushed it away with his gentle fingers. I closed my eyes in desperation; I could never deny to myself that I longed to be with this person more than anything. I could not decide what to do and desperation streamed from my eyes.

"Forgive me...I'm foolish for thinking you could come with me." He turned his head and his fingers slid away from my face as I looked on with widened eyes. He was leaving me; I was watching my first love walk away from me helpless to chase after him, watching him escape my fingers like water. My mind screamed to me, pulling and tugging at my body, only to find that I was paralyzed. I could do nothing as I stared after his fading figure blend into the background, just like three days ago on that day filled with rain, but this time I cried. I'd lost him forever. Something inside me said there was no way I could meet him again; I had my second chance and it blew away with the wind.

A couple hours afterward, Sano was in the tender care of the village doctor and was last heard recovering very well. The wounds were surprisingly minor: a handful of cuts and bruises and one fractured rib. The doctor chuckled and estimated a week or two until Sano would be healthy and running around with his remarkable stamina.

Myself, on the other hand, had remained silent ever since the incident. People constantly inquired about what exactly had happened in the forest; they had a good reason to. With a reputation for the art of fighting like Sano's, anyone would be thoroughly alarmed if there was a person capable of giving him a beating like that. But my lips never moved. My mind was fogged with thoughts floating around my head that I couldn't dismiss; the amethyst-eyed stranger to be exact. Ojii-san was the most concerned for me, only seconded by Yahiko: they both tended to my every need, hoping to press a word from me here and there. Although I felt incredible guilt for worrying them so, I couldn't bring myself to account to them the events that had rendered me silent. I could only look on in sorrow as they busied themselves over me.

The village people questioned me at every chance they had, to my great and utter annoyance. Until Sano regained consciousness, I was their only source of truth about the incident and they tried their best as the curious majority to squeeze the information out of me. I disliked leaving my home because of that, but it never stopped me from paying regular visits to Sano throughout the days. During those silent visits, I sat next to his hospital bed and pondered, hoping to clear the cloud of dismal thoughts floating about my mind.

After three days of comatose, Sano awoke. The whole village rejoiced and sent him mountains of gifts in their fervor, ranging from fresh fruits to my very own handpicked flowers. I headed for the hospital the minute I heard of Sano's awakening, bustling through the mill of people gathered near the entrance, walking briskly to avoid the usual daily questionings. There was a nurse pushing back visitors with an extremely annoyed temperament, arguing heatedly with a few middle-aged women holding gifts of delectables.

"You CANNOT all visit him at once, the least you will do is terrify him until he falls faint again!" The nurse yelled angrily at the masses.

"All we wish to do is give him our blessings! What are you to keep us from our heartfelt love for out fellow villager?" screamed a young woman. The rest of the crowd roared in agreement. I gave them all an incredulous look. It seemed more like they all wanted to hear Sano's story of the incident rather than listen to my cold shoulder. I reached the front of the crowd and was confronted by the nurse.

"More people? How many times do I have to say this, no visit—" the woman stopped short.

I gave her a congenial smile. "How are you, Megumi-san?"

"Kaoru," she breathed with joy and gave me a friendly embrace. "You have no IDEA of what kind of hell I've been going through this last half hour. I think I've just grown a handful of gray hairs." She released me and gave a good look at my face.

"But goodness, you just spoke to me! I heard from your Ojii-san that you'd become a mute," she tucked a strand of raven black hair behind my ear in worry.

"I'm fine, but I must see Sano," I begged.

Megumi blanched at my imploring tone, only to be pelted with the raging shouts of others. "If you let her in, you'll have to let us all in!" Megumi closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. She gave my hand a squeeze and pushed me into the hospital hallway until turning and screaming back at the furious crowd.

"Alright! I've had enough of you bastards! Why don't you all just tell me the REAL reason why you're here?" Megumi yelled, her voice ringing with annoyance.

"We're here to give Sano our humble gifts!"

"God will condemn you for your lies! All you want from him is fantastical stories of forest spirits and beasts! How many of you do you think Sano considers a friend?"

The audience paused ever so slightly and Megumi continued on with her speech. "You're absolutely correct! NO ONE! Now return to where you belong! If I see anyone even set ONE foot in this hospital, I'll make sure you'll STAY here laying in a bed for months!" Megumi stormed back into the hospital, huffing and muttering, but smiling to herself all the same. She heard the voices of the crowd dispersing and congratulated herself wholeheartedly.

I took a peek from behind the corner of the door into Sano's hospital quarters. Sano was indeed awake, but he seemed idle, gazing thoughtlessly at the ceiling and twirling a flower that he'd picked out from the vase placed next to his bed. I stepped as quietly as I could, but he still gave a sudden start upon seeing me.

"Jou-chan!" he gasped. He attempted to sit up and greet me only to cringe from the strain. I quickly rushed to his side and pressed him gently back onto the bed.

"Shh...you'll aggravate your wounds," I whispered gently.

He looked back at me with a pained expression and turned his face away. "I was afraid you'd visit me."

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"For you to see me like this is humiliating." He glanced frustratingly at his bandaged body.

"How so?" I said, stroking his hair, trying to keep Sano in a calm tranquil mood. He remained silent and refused to look at me until suddenly he reached up and gripped my hand.

"Who was that man," he demanded flatly, blatantly showing his anger through his tone of voice. "Who was that man you kissed in the forest?"

I was speechless and tried in vain to pull my hand away from Sano's concrete grasp. I looked around frantically for Megumi to save me from this pressing situation. He squeezed my hand tighter, sending an uncomfortable cringe up my arm. I glanced back at Sano to find him staring back at me, his eyes ablaze with confusion, fury, and most of all, frustration.

"Jou-chan...who was he." His voice was like the cold steel of the sword that had pressed against my skin three nights ago.

"I-I don't know who he is...Sano, please settle down, your wounds—"

"I don't give a damn about my wounds, who WAS he, Kaoru?" he exploded, raising his voice and pulling my hand toward him, making sure that I could catch every word. I cowered under his murderous expression. Although I was in full health compared to Sano's broken body, he was by far more advantageous in a fight; I had no doubt that he could break my wrist with his lethal grip.

Tears welled up in my eyes. "I don't know..." More tears poured down my face. Those tears weren't from fear; they were from the fact that what I said was true, that even though I loved that man I couldn't even call his name when he slipped away from me. It was a pain that was unbearable, intolerable, insufferable, but I held onto it; if I couldn't have his name, then I would gladly grip the pain of not having it.

Sano halted at the sight of my watering eyes and released my hand. "Kaoru, I'm sorry, but I just...I don't know what to think. I guess you don't have to tell me if you don't wish to, but please just answer me this: Why won't you tell me?"

I stopped and stared at him, unable to unearth a response.

"I saw you kiss him Kaoru," he said while turning his head away, his voice cracking slightly. "And you're saying you don't even know who he is?"

My head drooped to the ground, hopefully hiding my distressed face. I touched Sano's hand and he flinched and glared back at me. "I know you don't believe me," I breathed slowly, lifting my head to catch his gaze. "Even I don't know whether to believe myself, but I know one fact about what happened. I know that...that I love him."

I squeezed Sano's hand ever so gently as he kept his face hidden underneath his mass of dark hair streaming around his face and his pillow. A helpless grin curled upon his cheek, sending an ache to my heart. He released a soft chuckle.

"...I must be really horrible...to lose to someone like that..."

I bit my lip in desperation. "Sano, please don't say that," I begged.

"It's okay really. I don't really mind that you've fallen for someone else. In fact, I'm happy for you," he said gently, squeezing my hand. I noted painfully that he still refused to face me. "But-" I scooted forward in my seat, unwilling to lose a word he was whispering, "what I don't understand is why you refuse to tell me."

My heart was paralyzed with shock, and a bit of anger. He didn't understand anything...why couldn't he understand?

"If you're afraid I'll seek him out and take revenge, I won't. I'm not as low as that, I thought you'd know, Jou-chan. All I ask for is his name."

I unwillingly let a tear fall on his hand, the hand that was entwined with my own. I paused and gave him the only answer I could, "...I don't know..."

His hand crushed mine and his head snapped back to face me in a angry frenzy. He gripped my arm mercilessly in his tantrum, causing me to gasp and attempt to pry him off to no avail.

"This is exactly what I mean! You insist on lying to me! Am I so despicable that you have to feed me these lies? What I have I ever done to you to deserve this?" He shook me with all the anger churning in his body, and even with a broken rib riveting his body, he gave me a painless glare.

I gritted my teeth at the searing discomfort, but faced him nonetheless. If this was what he wished to do with me, I did not care. If he was satisfied with bruising me, who was I to stop him? I was certain that what I had done to him emotionally surpassed anything he could have done to me physically.

However, his assertion that I had lied to him awakened me.

"Sano, I'm not lying," I said meekly, but articulate enough for him to hear.

"Then you are telling me that you love a man whose name is lost to you? I may be dim, Jou-chan, but for you to assume such stupidity out of me hurts me more."

I clenched my jaws and gripped his wrist. "Sano, I do not know his name! I have kissed him, I have fallen in LOVE with him, and I still do not know his name!" I knew telling him was inevitable, but it still pierced my soul with too much pain. Tears fell down my cheeks once more, but I ignored them.

"Perhaps you don't believe me, I don't even believe myself, but to accuse me of LYING to you...I thought that I could trust you, of all people, to catch even a hint of how I feel." I immediately covered my tear-stricken cheeks with my forearm, ashamed at myself and at what I had confessed.

Sano's grip loosened and I felt him draw away from me. He was attempting to regain his composure, the composure that all men have, and the composure he had lost. Unlike him, I had long cast away my dignity and let it rot in the noonday sun when I kissed the red-haired stranger.

"You're right, Kaoru," he spoke slowly. I blinked at the change of name.

"You're right...I don't believe you."

I froze. My breath ceased and my heart fell into the pits of my stomach. Of all the people, I could depend upon...if Sano didn't believe me, I was sure no one would. I was indeed a fool...I had taken Sano for granted and I hadn't even noticed. It never even crossed my mind that Sano would even consider discrediting me for a liar and a whore. I gripped my dress and pushed the breath in and out of my lungs with difficulty. It was an impalement of my heart that I justly received; there was no retaliation that I could give. There was nothing.

Without a dignified reply for him, I shakily stood from my chair and departed. I never felt it so hard to walk before; I swore it was a miracle I did not fall. With each leg like the weight of ten bricks, I found my way out of the hospital, without even bidding Megumi farewell. The heaviness in my legs did dissipate after a time, but the heaviness on my head was incurable. I had lost half of my life. Sano was the world to me and my foolishness had cast him away.

I walked to my room in silent, deaf to the greetings of Yahiko and Jii-san. With a swift gesture, I reached for the large carrying bag in my closet. It was dusty from misuse and I patted it crudely then began to fill it. When Sano had disowned me, I had lost my ties to this life; there was nothing left for me here in the village. But, I chuckled piteously under my breath, that was all I needed. Tonight, I would leave my home and my village. Tonight, I would begin my search for Him.

AN: dun dun dun dundundundundundun DUN DUN!!!! Daddadadadadad dundund un ddudnudnududndunudnudnudn BA dum dum DUUUUUNNNNN!!!! Okay, I'm stopping.

DAAAmmit. I promise next chapter will be better. I hope. Geh. dies

I love pretty reviews. Don't you love pretty reviews??

OMG OMG OMG OOOMMMMGGGG we should all go to a DRINKING party!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA no. my parents would kill me. haha...ha...BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO TASTE SMIRNOFF!!!! Everyone says it's so effing good!! So...so...I wanna have some!!!!!

What are your takes on pre-college drinking? Good, bad? Here's my friend's philosophy: it's good to drink at least ONCE in high school because then you know what's going to happen and you won't get caught off guard in college. You'll have the experience and you'll know what you're tolerance level is.

Is it bad to wanna go drinking?

If you know me in real life, I'm hunting you down. In fact, I'm probably standing behind you RIGHT NOW with a knife poised over your head. I saw you look just now. That's right, BE afraid.......-insane glare-