Losing four chapters and all my notes to a hard drive failure has pretty much killed off any enthusiasm I had for this project. I thought I would put up a summary of the story and ideas, on the off chance that anyone was interested. Keep in mind, most of the story will still in the skeletal stage, so many of the ideas are kind of rough. Please feel free to use any ideas you like.

The Setup

The setting is a standard mad scientist/dark magician world. A bunch of lunies are running around, playing with Things Man Was Not Meant To Know. Lots of things are going bump in the night. To preserve order and some sense of sanity, there are a lot of MIB-equivalents running around, covering up anything weird.

Enter the hero. Thanks to childhood trauma, he makes a promise never to ignore an injustice because it is convenient to do so, and inevitably, he spends most of his childhood rebelling against authority. Insert Chapter 1 here. This predisposition gradually turns into a disregard for the law, and he leaves home to start a career on the murkier of the economy, using his old nickname Ran. With the advantage of the Dragon Whisker (the pandimensional equivalent of the Swiss Army Knife), he spends several decades adventuring before, one day, he looks in the mirror and discovers a cynical old fart staring back. He starts doing reckless things and lands in a whole heap of trouble.

Meanwhile, his younger sister, Nodoka, shows her slightly more idealistic streak by going to work for Happosai, a near-immortal who considers the future of the human race his pet hobby. (Happosai still has his other hobbies, but they are as much smokescreen as genuine perversion.) One of the consequences of this employment is that Ran is brought to Happosai's attention. Insert Chapter 2 here. Another is that Nodoka is sent on a trip to Jusenkyou, accompanied only by her panda sidekick. (Not one of those bamboo-obsessed low foreheads you see in the zoo. Those are just the inbred spawn of the degenerates driven out during the purges. The modern Pandas, sometimes referred to as the Ogier, rarely leave their isolated enclaves, where they live in luxury and safety unimaginable by human standards. When one of them do get wanderlust, they inevitably travel in the company of reclusive scientists and martial artists, following the theory that the human world is too dangerous if you aren't backed up by ridiculous amounts of firepower.)

I go over Jusenkyou in Chapter 43, so I will skip the details of how it differs from cannon. Happosai likes to send someone there every few years, just to see if any useful magic has surfaced. On this trip, he sends along an Immortal Pill he had acquired. (I was thinking of the items that Monkey was always stealing in Journey to the West, which didn't necessarily treat immortality and never-ending life as the same thing. 'Not mortal' could mean capable of indefinite personal growth as easily as not subject to death. Perhaps I should have used a different word, but I thought it was interesting.) Happosai gambled that immortality was a yes-or-no proposition, and Jusenkyou could separate it into doses. Nodoka, who is getting on in years herself, takes one for the team and uses herself as a guinea pig.

For the remainder of the trip, she exercises her remarkable ability to piss off complete strangers. She breaks a long-standing truce between two tribe of horse breeders by passing through a annual festival and trampling the ceremonial clover. She effortlessly wins the Joketsuzoku championship after stealing the prize. She drops several packets of seeds from dangerous plants, and it contaminated the village seed stock. Soon she has a good portion of the valley out for her blood.

The worst comes when she was trying to tinker with her curse so she could hide out in her older form. (Water from a silver container will weaken/unlock a curse. Water from a container formed of a magically-charged wood such as rowan will strengthen/lock a curse.) She managed to hit the Musk prince Herb with a splash, freeing his latent dragon-form. He is happy about the sudden power-up, but pissed off that he can't fit into his own castle. When he comes back, Nodoka hits him with a laddleful of water from the springs and locks him in a female form. The guide sends her to the only person that might be able to protect her from Herb's wrath.

Kamapua'a is a Hawaiian demigod who has been bumming around China ever since his sometimes-lover Pele blew her top at him a few centuries ago. At one time, he had many powers, including the ability to assume many forms, the most powerful being a giant boar. When he first met the Musk, they wheedled out his knowledge of animal-based combat, and then they conspired to lock away his powers. Nodoka tells him that the waters of Jusendo may be able to destroy whatever sorcerous lock they cast over him. He tries her idea, and it ends badly. His once proud boar-form is reduced to a piglet, and he has no control over his powers or transformation.

Still, a deal is a deal, and he agrees to help her fight Herb. He manages to call Herb out, and challenges him to a public duel over Nodoka's fate. Being no fool, Nodoka has used the thing as a distraction and is making tracks to the nearest outpost of civilization, where she can make arrangements for discrete transportation out of the country.

Happosai now had three problems he had to solve: How could he help out his old drinking buddy Ran? Where was he going to hire someone cold-blooded enough to neutralize Nodoka's problems, but cheap enough to hire for how ever long it would take for all of them to show up? Could he salvage the old Tendo project, now that he knew that locked forms could be passed from generation to generation?

There was a single, elegant solution to all these problems. Sure, Ran would be pissed off about the girl curse for a while, but he was getting renewed youth and extended life in the bargain. Given the pseudonym Nodoka was using, Ran could easily be passed off as Genma's daughter, Ranma. Insert Chapter 4 here. The only problem is that, despite decades of infighting experience, Ran can't pass as a martial artist. His fighting style is very utilitarian: find the easiest way to win, using fair means or foul, or if the opponent is too good, dodge until he get away.

Happosai has a quick fix. He has Ran use the Naaban mirror (which, despite whatever those barbarians he stole it from may think, only offers transport into a construct of the users mind) to transport them and a cat to "the ideal home for a cat." Even Happosai is disturbed at the sight of the cat shredding several dancing mice, birds, and disembodied nylons. They leave the cat there, as Ran will be subconsciously aware of it, can will absorb any admirable traits such as good reflexes and balance. Still haunted by the sight of bloody, tattered pantyhose trying to pull itself away from the cat, Happosai leaves Genma in charge of Ran's crash course in martial arts.

Genma puts Ranma (using new name from now on) through some real bizarre training to competency in a month. There are still some serious holes in his knowledge, but between his new reflexs and Genma's help, they figure they can pull it off. Insert some wise martial arts mumbo-jumbo to show Genma has hidden depths.

Here's Ranma

The day of arrival begins. Genma wakes Ranma up early, as he remembers something about a drunken promise he doesn't want to talk about, and wants to clear it up with Soun before something stupid happens. They have to walk so that they can develop that itinerant martial artist look, i.e. a healthy layer of dirt. They reach the front entrance of their hotel, only to find that it is raining. Ranma is locked in girl-form for the duration of the job, and Genma is used to his panda form, so they take off anyway. Genma immediately turns into a panda, and his backpack is shredded by his massive ursine shoulders. They repack everything they can fit, consisting mainly of some useful gadgets and tools they want along, into Ranma's pack, and they are on their way again.

They run into the first of the people after Nodoka, the horse tribe. The first faction just want to kill the girl and the panda, so they attack. The second faction shows up a few seconds later, and they kidnap Ranma, who is caught between two groups of riders and a massive backpack.

Ranma wakes in the cabin of a boat, and using the Dragon Whisker to cut those pesky locks, she riffles the room, stealing some nifty red and black clothes and a sizable amount of money. The owner deserves to lose the clothes after kidnapping a poor defenseless young girl, and as for the money, well, a girl needs to accessorize, right? The leader finally shows up, and explains that, due to some obscure prophesy and about a woman with the name and spirit of the horse, she is destined to be at his side as he leads his people to greatness. He foolishly spreads his arms to block the door, so she dislocates his kneecap and nose. While kicking him a few times, for good measure, she decides she can't kill him now without hunting down every man in his troop, and she doesn't have the time to dispose of that many bodies. She slips off the boat while everybody is busy (or trying to appear busy) loading the horses on board.

She finds Genma part way down the pier, eating an ice cream cone. Her outrage is casually deflected by his stack of (prewritten) signs quizzing her on the state of her innocence, and did she need Prince Charming to come save her. On his last sign, he admits that he was giving her the time it took to eat one cone to get herself out, and then he was going to go in after her. Forgetting how heavy the pack would seem to a normal human, the panda tosses the backpack to her, knocking her out.

The little side trip to the wrong side of Tokyo costs a lot of time, so they don't get to the dojo until the afternoon.

Ranma wakes up to a face full of wet panda fur, and thrashes around until she is set down. It takes an inordinate amount of time for Ranma to be introduced to anyone, so she has some fun making up names. Soun, as per Chapter 4, is Unstable Killing Machine. Akane, because of the gi, is Martial Arts Barbie. Nabiki has on a sort of stylish kimono, so she is Fashion-Sense Barbie. Kasumi is Girl-Next-Door Barbie.

After the "100 female" groping incident, Nabiki takes on a series on names including Groper Barbie and Sqeeze-Action Barbie.

Soun collapses. Kasumi gets him down the hall and into a comfortable position, earning herself the name Housewife Barbie. Ranma takes the chance to look the place over. Molester Barbie changes into a simple shorts and shirt combo. ("Now that she has made it to second base, she doesn't feel the need to impress me any more.") They end up clustered around Soun as he regains consciousness. Some more embarrassment. Akane saves Ranma from Nabiki, and they go off to the dojo.

Ranma has no good excuse for turning down a spar. The original plan called for Ranma to only spar with Genma, so they could make it look good. Ranma decides to just dodge, as that will give Akane a extremely inflated view of Ranma's overall skill level (due to cat).

Between Akane's "I'm just glad your not a boy" routine and everything else that had happened today, Ranma starts to get in a bad mood. She lets Kasumi lead her to the bathroom, and decides there would be little harm in taking a few, last, private moments in male-form. A splash from the silver cup, which was brought for unlocking the girls doll forms, returns Ranma to boy-form. He is ready to return to girl-form, when Akane walks into the room.

Meanwhile, Genma has been speaking with Soun. Yes, Genma had a son, but you know how horrible, horrible things can happen during training. Certain pieces went missing, and perhaps it would be better if everyone pretended Ranma was always a girl. The path of a true martial artist is fraught with peril.

Then, everything falls through, and Ranma ends up engaged to Akane. Later, Genma pulls Ranma aside and tells him that it was his own fault, and if he hurts any of Soun's kids, then he will go through a more painful type of emasculation. For the rest of the story, Genma is struck trying to make it look like he is pushing the relationship, while at the same time he is trying protect the various girls from getting too attached to Ranma.

General Themes and Running Gags

This Ranma is a lot less powerful of a martial artist than cannon Ranma. Having fought alongside and against a lot of different styles, he probably knows as much or more about fighting, but he has never had the commitment to martial arts that would allow studying past what he considers the point of diminishing returns. His basic style would be more like something taught in a military: extremely competency in solid moves that don't get too rusty if he doesn't practice for a couple weeks.

He starts to pick up more skills over the course of the series due to boredom, self-preservation, and Genma's nagging, but he is never really at the level he seems. Part of this is due to the fact the Genma is covering for Ranma, using skills of the Umisenken to hide the interference. Much is accomplished through outright cheating, but none of those involved feel to guilty, as they consider most of the contests Ranma gets involved with completely asinine.

This doesn't mean that Ranma is harmless in a fight. Any time he can lead the fight away from the public eye, he is free to use his own methods. Lots of modern weapons and gadgets come into play. Anyone who attacks or kidnaps one of the main characters for a stupid reason is in severe danger of being put out of everyone's misery. Remember, Ran isn't a martial artist, so he doesn't have to follow the same rules as Ranma.

Ranma does a half-assed job in school, as it is very boring the second time around.

Ranma iniitially has a lot of trouble unlocking the Tendo sisters' doll forms, leading to many misunderstandings. Eventually, he finds that Nabiki and Kasumi's forms are useless. (Kasumi is something like a human-sized doll house; how do you exchange information with that? Nabiki is a hi-tech toy with lots of little pieces that Ranma would never get back together if he tried to take it apart.) Despite a bunch of humiliating debacles involving the bathroom and bedroom, Ranma doesn't manage to hit Akane with the unlocking water. Then one day, Akane is hit with some hot tea at the dinner table. She immediately turns into a small doll.

Apparently, this isn't the first time this has happened. Soun just zones out. Kasumi goes a little psycho and threatens the Saotomes. (The last person to find out was Tofu's secretary Betty, who had to be disposed of with extreme prejudice. Tofu has never really be the same since.) Nabiki just sighs and comments that now they know why Akane and Ranma were meant for one another. Even Akane doesn't know, and her sisters have been protecting her for years.

The Saotome's promise to keep the secret, and proceed to do raid Akane-dolls's head for the minerature scrolls it contains. Hyjinx ensue as they try to determine how the contents relate to her personality. They play around with adding information, and the Battle Dogi and Vengeful Doll stories are examples of things that go wrong. Eventually they succeed, and Happosai uses the knowledge to create a harem girls that go around fighting demons in short skirts.

I did have an ending planned out, but it would be meaningless to just spelled it out without a story leading up to it. I am keeping it in reserve, just in case I ever try to write something else.

Characters and Events

Genma - He was once a proud member of Umisenken School, which combined the mystical study of ki manipulation with the modern study of psychology to for the ultimate Art of Subliminal Advertising. One day, he was going through the rather routine exercise of making an anti-drug commercial that was so trite that kids would be forced to take up drugs just to escape the drudgery, when one of the Masters asked him to adjust the result to fit with the new Hello Kitty campaign. Suddenly, Genma realized exactly how dishonorable his life was. He immediately made a vow to find a nobler path, such as panty theft—just as long as the panties weren't Hello Kitty prints. He eventually became a student of Happosai.

Jusenkyou Guide - Despite Jusendo's relative importance, the guide is paid peanuts by the government. He is happy to keep Happosai updated on anything important that happens, for a price.

Ran's Past - A secret shared by two people is no secret. Ranma can't stand to just give up the resources of his old life, but every time he tries to solve a problem this way, he just creates a bigger mess. A vicious cycle.

Mousse - One of those rare individuals that knows why a house seems bigger on the inside, Mousse found the respect amongst the smuggling community that he was unable to find in his home village. The only tie he retains to the Amazons is his crush on Shampoo, who he tells everyone about...at great length. Ranma and Genma encounter him early when Genma is trying to find ways to communicate in panda form. When events bring Mousse to Nerima, he knows more it going on than meets the eye, but he prefers to play his cards close to his chest. He wants Shampoo, but he keeps his options open on all other accounts.

Kunos - Principal Kuno is a firm believer in the progressive education. Students learn better when they are challenged, and a good student is strong in mind and body. So, he created Martial Arts Teaching. Even after Furikan achieved the highest test scores in decades, the school board sent him on indefinite sabbatical due to some of his paticular forms of motivation: the Fire-Breathing Tiki Maze of Mathematics, the Exploding-Pinnapple Trebuchet, the Conjugate and Shark Relay, and the Cumulative Luau. Luckily, nobody knew about his robotic weapons against deliquency, Tatewaki and Kodachi. As the existence of magic is illogical, the entire Anything-Goes School has been classified as technology that much be assimilated for the greater good.

Ryouga - Kamapua'a comes looking for Ranma (Nodoka), because she didn't show up for the fight with Herb. Ranma doesn't recognize this person accusing him of being a coward, and makes up the story of Ryouga Hibiki and his non-existent direction sense. The newly-named Ryouga gives him the benefit of the doubt and plays along. When Ranma still pretends to not know what he is talking about in private, he starts using the convenient alibi Ranma had given him to show up at weird times to cause trouble.

Shampoo - Ranma is surprise when the subject of Mousse's infatuation shows up. After she leaves the first time, the Guide informs Happosai of her new form.

Cologne - Despite a little bluster, Cologne is way out of her league in this case. She is used to being the head schemer in a providential village; now she is coming in contact with people that plan to remake the world. She is canny enough to know there are greater forces at work, but she can't figure out their motives. After backing down from fights with both Ranma (in the Neko-ken) and Happosai (Hiryu Shouten Ha Arc), she starts working through pawns and catspaws. Ranma really puzzles her. She gets conflicting readings on his skill level, and every time she thinks he has met his match, he comes back victorious.

Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken - You think grabbing chestnuts will improve your reflexes? Try catching mice!

Neko-Ken - This is a complete put-up job. Because of the power-up Happosai gave Ranma using the Naaban Mirror, Ranma can act like a cat, but it gives little benefit, and it is completely under control. Ranma and Genma make it look better through shrewd use of the Dragon Whisker, the Umisenken, and a few gadgets, and then they spread around the story where Cologne would hear about it. This gives Ranma a trump he can play on Cologne. She isn't willing to admit she has never heard of such a powerful technique, and she won't confront such an unpredictable opponent if she can avoid it.

Hiryu Shouten Ha - Another put-up job. Happosai is wondering how many more ancient Amazon secrets they can get out of Cologne, so they come up with a bogus story about the Ultimate Weakness Point. After Cologne tries to confront Happosai and sees a fraction of his power, she backs off and teaches Ranma a powerful technique in order to save face.

Mouko Takabisha - After failing to reproduce Ryouga's Shi Shi Hokodan, Ranma uses the Dragon Whisker to fake it.

Ukyou - Ranma needs some information, so he calls up his old pal Ukyou, an information broker. Unfortunately, Ukyou is dead, but his daughter Usagi, the one with the old childhood crush on Ran, has taken over the business. She has also taken over her father's identity, because it is hard for somebody to take an Usagi seriously in the business. Hyjinks ensue.

Herb - Ranma owes Herb for locking him in girl-form. Ryouga owes Herb for a loss of power and a humiliating defeat. Mouse owes Herb a beating just for being Musk. It's a good thing that they are all honorable martial artists that would never stoop to treachery or murder.

Nodoka - Eventually, Little Sister will get back from wherever Happosai sent her, and she will find out all the trouble the menfolk have been going through to save her from her own foolishness. Ranma may have a few reasons to be upset himself. Let the lies and recriminations begin, starting with a certain contract.