See, I always wind up writing a guy's POV. Why is that? I mean, is it that the guys get shot down more or that they're more readable, or what? Seriously. Anyways, uh, here's a one-parter, rather dull. This is a kind of depressing fic, but they always are, aren't they? Anyways, uh, don't own One Tree Hill. Speaking of which, why is it called One Tree Hill? Is it because there's one family tree, or because it's like a story... You know, "And we were stranded there... In that one Tree Hill." Seriously? Anyways, review if you feel like it. It's in Keith's POV. One sided K/K? Whatever...
You hate being that guy. You know, the one who always does the right thing but never gets anything out of it. The guy who pines after his best friend for years without saying a single word. You hate that.
But you're him and he's you and sadly, it's been that way for about fifteen years now. Or has it been longer? You can't remember not being him. This is a sad thought, but at least, back then, when she didn't know, you had something to hope for.
You don't have anything to hope for now.
I mean, everyone's afraid of rejection. But in the movies, it always turns out that That Guy was wrong, that the girl he loved really did love him.
It didn't turn out that way for you.
Which makes you wish that you hadn't told her. But you did, and if you didn't tell her, then you'd never know how she felt. You know that the pain will pass, but you probably will still be That Guy, even after you're gone.
Tree Hill doesn't feel like home because you don't feel like you've got a home anymore. You don't really have a family. Sure, you've got a younger jerk of a brother, a sister-in-law, parents, and two nephews. But you don't have children of your own or a wife.
You don't have anything anymore. Not even your old auto-shop. You have a house and a ring, but you pawned the ring a while ago, after you had that last conversation with Karen. You're going to sell the house soon, anyways.
And then you'll leave.
Drifting from town to town, state to state, but you won't find what you're looking for. You'd need to know what you're looking for to do that.
You want someone to care about you, something you can call your own. Will you ever even find something to call your own?
It's impossible to attempt to try a relationship with someone else because it just won't work. Your heart's stubborn like you and it couldn't even attempt to love another. A relationship like that wouldn't be fair to anybody.
Most likely, you'll end up like some kind of crazy cowboy, traveling from town to town, doing odd jobs here and there, sleeping and drinking your way through life. Sure, you'd show up in Tree Hill every now and again, but it won't be permanent. You'll stay for maybe a week and then be on your way because it'll hurt too much to be back. You don't want to end up like that, but you've never been able to control your destiny.
Life's dealt you a rough hand of cards, and you're just going to have to deal with it, because there's nothing you can do to change it. You tried, at least you made an attempt. You didn't wind up like one of those guys who died without telling her.
Unfortunately, at least they didn't have to deal with this crushing rejection, right? But which is worse, always thinking of what might have been or being dissatisfied with the outcome?
You don't know, but the only thing you do know is sadness now. An all-consuming bitterness and a heart snapped in two. Rejection has ruined you, but Denial would have killed you.
- Loren ;
