Chapter 12: Still In Love?

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the slow update. I had a serious case of Writer's Block. I'm going to try to make this story 14 or 15 chapters (because 13's an unlucky number and I wouldn't want to end a good story with that amount). As for Hamtaro and Bijou getting together, I'm not that cruel. They will...I just didn't want to spoil the ending.

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own the Ham-Hams. So there. If it wasn't the easiest thing to figure out before...

The white hamster was silent that night. She couldn't sleep though. Every time she dared to dream all she came up with was a memory. She shivered a bit as she felt a cold chill come from the window. This was odd; it was never that cold in the summer. But no matter how odd it was all the cold did was bring back more unwanted memories.

Freezing, it was. The white hamster could feel herself shivering in places she never thought she could of. It was one of the coldest days of the year and it was just her luck to be caught in it. Trying to get home before the blizzard came to a climax, the hamster fell short. She was going to literally freeze to death if someone didn't come soon. She struggled to move forward, being very weak. What was usually such a short walk home was taking forever. The snow was almost above her head as she finally collapsed.

"I can't take it anymore!" she said, panicked. She was all alone. This was the end. Or was it? She felt a warm paw take hers and drag her back to the clubhouse. The snow had blinded her eyes making it so that she couldn't see...that or they were frozen. This thought made her giggle the slightest bit.

Back in the warm clubhouse, she felt several warm blankets cover her. Who had taken the liberty to commit such kindness? She finally managed to sit up and open her eyes to see an orange and white hamster sitting nearby. Hamtaro. He was always the hero...and always such a good friend...


Bijou smiled at remembering this event. There was such compassion through it all...and love. She'd never forget what he did. He was such a hero...even if his life wasn't so perfect anymore. That wasn't the only time he had helped her; or anyone else. He was always there for people. That was...until his life took a wrong turn. She shuddered, suddenly remembering something she had tried her best to have forgotten.

Eager, that was one word to describe what she was feeling. It had been one whole summer since she saw her friends. One long summer of impatient waiting. But now all of that was going to come to an end.

Carrying a bag full of baguettes and other French goodies, a white hamster wearing a blue French beret walked happily to the Ham-Ham clubhouse. The blue beret really did accent her red hair ribbon as she seemed to be the perfect representation of the French flag colors: blue, red, and white.

She hummed a jolly tune to herself, as she finally arrive to her friends' little hideaway; any hamster's paradise. She knocked, hoping to be the slightest bit more formal then usual. She couldn't wait to see the look on her friends' face when she gave them all her goodies.

But most of all, she couldn't wait to see her one beloved; her dear boyfriend whom she had left.

"A couple months couldn't hurt," she reassured herself. "I bet he's still the same hamster I left!" Admitting this, she put on a smile. He always made her smile. Maybe that's one of the mysterious things love does.

Finally growing impatiently the white hamster opened the door to the clubhouse.

Splat!

The hamster dropped her bag flat on the ground. She rubbed her eyes a couple times. Was this real? Looking around, the white hamster tried to identify her friends.

She couldn't.

At first, she thought it was because of the long period of time she spent away from them. Maybe she had so much fun meeting some of the hamsters from France that she forgot what her friends she left at home looked like.

That wasn't true at all.

She could clearly remember what each hamster looked like, even with some of the minor details. She wasn't that forgetful. She wouldn't forget her friends. No, something was different.

Everything was different.

Almost panicking, the white hamster frantically tried to figure out who was who. She trailed over, even greeting them. "Bon jour?" she asked, hoping for a reply.

There came none.

Such rudeness, such it even happen? All this did was leave the poor hamster in a horrible state of confusion. Was it all a dream? One could only hope so. All she knew was this was defiantly something she wanted to be forgotten.

It wasn't.

Bijou would always try to forget that memory; she'd try to erase it. But you can't erase the past...and sadly, this was something she was learning right then.

How come the things you want to forget most seem to be the ones you think about most? She asked herself.

She could probably spend nights and nights thinking over that question and never come up with an answer.

Heck, Maxwell probably didn't even know.

Some things weren't meant to be answered. Everything happens for a reason. Some reasons are just much harder to figure out.

But then there was everything that had happened today. Bijou had given up all hope in Hamtaro. She had gone through heartbreak and moved on. Yet still...deep inside...she cared. Was this what some would call 'true' love?

What was 'true' love?

That Bijou didn't know. All she could think about; besides those memories, was what had happened that night. It wasn't about Boss turning on her, or about how scary it was walking home in the pitch dark. It was about Hamtaro; and what she had heard earlier.

Did he still care about her?

Did she still care about him?

She couldn't answer that. Closing her eyes, the white hamster thought hard about it. All of sudden, she rested clueless...unsure what love really was.

She understood the love she could feel for a friend; the love she could feel for a family...but that other type...she couldn't.

She didn't get how two people could love each other enough to go through marriage; she didn't get how two people could love each other enough to raise a family together; she didn't get how two people could love each other enough to be partners for life; for better or for worse.

She thought she did...but now...she didn't know.

Feeling helpless, the white hamster sat up in her cage. This confusion she defiantly did not deserve. Why all this trouble over one hamster? Why all these flashbacks and thoughts over one emotion?

How come all of a sudden all she could think about was the mysteries of love and Hamtaro? Wasn't she over him? Wasn't he over her?

Her head landed back down on the soft ground of her cage. She stared up at the ceiling, and then her gaze directed to the stars. "If there's someone up there," she said, looking up at the heavens above. "Do you think you could help me? Everything's so 't you help me figure things out? Please?" she wiped a tear. "Why is everything happening like it is? Can't you help me know? I feel so clueless....just...please? Pretty please with sugar on top?"

She frowned and let out a sigh. "What's the use?" she asked herself. "There's nothing left to have hope in...there's too much confusion in this world. And my life's tied in knots..."

She paused for a moment, suddenly realizing something. "I-I'm no different then the rest..." she looked down. "I'm no better...I-I have a problem too! I'm not the only normal one. I have just as big as a problem as Oxnard did...and now..." she looked away. "I'm afraid that this confusion will lead me to death."

The word death never comforted the white hamster. But did it do that to anyone? Scared, that was what she was. She was scared of what was ahead in life. She was afraid to die...afraid of this word 'death'. And in a sense...she was afraid of love. Suddenly, she felt more alone then ever. She was lacking something and she couldn't figure out what it was.

She couldn't live through life alone anymore. She wouldn't survive alone. Her problem...wasn't one like anorexia nervosa. It wasn't like becoming depressed; it wasn't like drugs or anything. It was a problem of emotion...it was a problem of fear.

Her problem; her once so invisible problem was a little thing called love. And deep down, as Bijou would soon realize, she was still feeling it.

Final Notes: I was getting tired of staying entirely to the story so I used some of this chapter to write flashbacks. It was fun actually. Please review! I really do love hearing your feedback. Who knows? Maybe I'll write a sequel or something to this story. But all you need to know is that it isn't over now! Oh yeah, sorry for any spelling mistakes. I looked over this once...I didn't really want to read over it again.