Chapter 20: To Begin Anew!

Author's Note: My goodness! Twenty chapters! That's unreal! I never thought this story would go this far, and I'm a bit sad to say that isn't going any further. I've loved writing this story, and it's been fantastique to see the great reviews, but all good things have to come to an end. This is the last real chapter in the story. There will be one more after this but that will be the wrap the show up that the story started with. I will write another story soon enough, as soon as I figure out a reasonable topic. Who knows? Maybe I'll add on to this, but center it on a different person (to be honest, probably not. I like my interpretation of Bijou's character too much!). Or maybe I'll stick to another show I know loads about. As for now, you get to enjoy the finale of this "show"; the "falling action"; and in the end, the resolution. Thanks for your time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hamtaro or anything of the sort. Don't be oblivious to the obvious.

Some things are better left forgotten. Bijou wanted almost every detail of her life with the Ham-Hams to be forgotten. She wanted to forget them all. But to her disadvantage she simply couldn't. She could never forget the friendship, the adventures; the changes she and her friends went on and through. She'd never forget the growth, and the sacrifice. Most of all, she wouldn't forget the romance she and a certain Ham-Ham had shared.

Try and try, she would to forget, only to fail. To fail once again in a meaningless task that seemed to lose its worth all-too long ago. Every night she'd wish for him to just disappear. She couldn't forgive. She couldn't bring herself to it. Day and day; and during sleepless nights, his insults would stick to her head, bringing her down all-the-more every time they were repeated. She'd bring herself up with self-motivation; self-encourage. It was the least she could do.

Some things in life were simply hard to forgive and forget. You'd never forget some things, right? Right, the white hamster would agree with herself.

Her little paws made their way on the moist grass as she walked towards her luscious home. It was another conflict to add on to the great pile of predicaments; what had happened that night; but yet, she felt somewhat accomplished. Bringing the truth to someone who was oblivious to it's eyes was something that would eventually have to be done, no matter how cruel. Life was cruel. Reality had too many downfalls.

It was true; she did feel the slightest bit guilty. She loved Stan. Just not in that...warm fuzzy way that she was so unfamiliar with. Perhaps if she had given it a chance it could of bloomed into that; much like the first morning daisy in the warm month of May. She frowned. Maybe she just WASN'T ready for that sort of thing. She was young still. She had plenty of time.

She'd make time.

Life didn't have to be played out in one day. No, she shook her head at the thought. Life was something that was suppose to last for a while...including some of the more rare things about it. It's what made the wait worth it. The dream of romance; the dream of finding yourself and who you really are; the dream of truly being complete...being....happy.

Was she happy?

She didn't know. These thoughts floated through her head as she continued walking home.

Was she complete?

A frown appeared on her face. No, she wasn't. She was lacking; she felt as if something was missing...as if there was still something that needed to be done.

But what?

Face it Bijou, she told herself, in those exact words. You're oblivious yourself to the truth. You forgot to do something!

She hated that feeling. The feeling that something was left undone that shouldn't have; that feeling that she totally forgot about something that was due...of more of over-due. She continued walking.

It was going to be another sleepless night; that she was sadly sure of. She nearly shut her eyes. She was almost half-asleep now. She made her way over to an all-too familiar hill and sat upon it. She rested her head on the soft green grass, when a sudden voice rang from behind her.

"Like it here, huh?" it asked, as it stepped out of the shadows and made it's way in front of her.

She gulped.

An orange and white hamster took a seat next to her, letting out a yawn as well. No black, just the regular...Hamtaro.

She rubbed her eyes with disbelief.

But there were no lies...no deceiving looks. It was him; in the flesh...almost like he used to be.

"Used to" being the most important part of the sentence.

She sat up and let out another yawn herself. "Hamtaro?" she asked, looking to the side. "I thought we weren't on good terms," she quickly said, looking away. She was too exhausted to be mad.

"We don't have to be on bad ones," was his response.

Clever comeback. She laughed a bit. "Oui, I guess you're right." She winced again. It's yes, Bijou, she instructed herself. Not 'oui'.

Hamtaro found himself laughing a bit. "So umm..." he hesitated. "This place brings back lots of great memories, doesn't it?"

"Do you want to know the honest truth?" Bijou asked, with a slight frown.

"Umm...okay," he shrugged.

"It really doesn't," she frowned a bit more.

"Why not?"

"Because-" she cut herself off. "I-I really don't know." She did. "Personally, I just don't...remember much from it." Another lie. Sometimes it was better to lie.

"You know we had our first kiss here," Hamtaro acknowledged.

I'm SO glad you brought it up, Bijou sarcastically thought, staring at her ex-boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend? Was that even the right word? How about not-boyfriend-at-all? She liked it a lot better.

"We did?" she answered, acting as if she didn't remember.

"Yep," Hamtaro replied, with a slight frown. "We had our first kiss after staring at the clouds. It was really...nice."

"I suppose..." Bijou shrugged. "A kiss's a kiss, Hamtaro. It doesn't mean all that much."

He looked a bit hurt. "It meant a lot to me..."

Bijou looked down. She didn't want to seem rude, but she was trying really hard to erase the memory. "Could we please change the subject?" she politely asked.

"Bijou," Hamtaro frowned. "We need to talk; and we need to talk about everything! I'm SORRY okay? I know I hurt your feelings. If I couldn't figure it out myself, I had a whole Clubhouse of girls to rub it in my face...and now all the guys too!"

Bijou frowned. "They care that much about me?" she asked, a bit surprised.

"Yes, they do!" exclaimed Hamtaro. "I wouldn't have come out here looking for you if they didn't!"

Silence.

Bijou looked to the side. "It's really nice to have friends that care, isn't it? I have met my share of heartless hamsters and I have to say...meeting one with an actual heart is a real...relief. There's good in this world, right Hamtaro?"

"I guess." It was Hamtaro's turn to have doubts.

But Bijou didn't feel like debating. "Yeah..." she let out a sigh, looking up at the stars. Times like this just made her more uncomfortabled.

"Bijou, I-my...my feelings never changed for you," he finally admitted, looking down.

More discomforting silence.

"Hamtaro," she said, softly and slowly. "I-I'm not too sure about much anymore. My life's been lately. And sadly, I find what you just told me REALLY hard to believe."

And that was the truth. She wasn't lying this time.

"I-I'm serious, Bijou," Hamtaro said, looking down. "I know I've been really...mean lately, but that can change. I'm willing to change...for you. I want what we had back." He immediately grabbed her paws. "And it wasn't until this morning, when I saw that look on your face when you walked away that I truly realized it. You aren't giving up on us now are you?"

"Hamtaro," Bijou frowned. "This...this isn't what I want anymore. There's too much...pain from the last time we were together. I-I don't want to go through it ever EVER again. It really hurt, Hamtaro. You wouldn't know," her eyes narrowed.

"How would you know, Bijou?" Hamtaro asked. "I know it just as well as you do! You think my life's been easy for me!?"

"Non," she replied, using French again. She didn't notice that mistake. "I think all our lives are supposed to be one big enigma with the pieces being life's little conflicts. In the end we receive one big predicament to test ourselves and if we succeed...we...we go to that better place, I suppose," she pointed up to the sky.

"How do we know when the big problem comes?" asked Hamtaro, unsure of what predicament meant. He obviously wasn't there for Maxwell's vocabulary lessons.

"We don't," Bijou frowned. "But won't it feel nice when it's all over, Hamtaro?" she asked. "When we KNOW we've surpassed it."

More vocabulary he didn't know. "Yeah, I guess," he simply answered. "But you never answered my question."

Bijou frowned. "Question?" she asked. "Could you please repeat it?"

Hamtaro looked down. "Look, Bijou, remember when we were together; before you went on that vacation and everything changed?"

She tilt her head. "Hmm..." she said to herself, pretending to think. "You'll need to refresh my memory. No, I don't remember."

He bent over, about to kiss her, when she suddenly backed away.

"I didn't mean that kind of reminder, Hamtaro!" she exclaimed, surprised. "Please just...tell me. You don't have to show me."

"I want to show you. You'll never remember if I don't."

"Do you want the truth?" she paused, watching the other hamster nodded. "Well, I'll tell you. I'll be honest; I'll be true..." she paused once more. After a minute more of silence, she continued. "I do remember, but deep down I really wish I don't..."

He froze.

She looked down. "I-I'm terribly sorry," she said simply. "But that's-that's what I really needed to say to you Hamtaro. You've been on my mind too much. These memories...those memories of us being together..." she said, pointing down at the hill and then up to the sky. "They haunt me. They intrude on my every thought; bother me in every dream. You're very kind; please don't take things like it's you that's the problem. The problem is the risk Hamtaro...it's the risk I'm not ready to take. I don't want to be heartbroken anymore."

"You won't!" Hamtaro exclaimed, squeezing her paw a bit. "I promise, I won't let you!"

"You don't get it Hamtaro." Bijou simply said. "I'm not ready for us to start off like this again. We need a fresh beginning. We need to start over. From the beginning; more then the beginning. I want to forget everything that happened to us before this moment. Please, Hamtaro, if you really...love me," she nearly choked on the words. "Then...then you'll do it. You'll have patience and help me get through this..." Tears poured. "It's a really harsh world, Hamtaro."

She started to cry.

Sometimes tears came natural. Sometimes crying was the best answer. She extended her paw to wipe the tears...only Hamtaro's did it for her.

"I'll always be your shoulder to cry on," he said simply. "Don't forget it, Bijou..."

"You said that when we were together," she said, in between her sobs. "Hamtaro...please..." she bit her lip, wiping her eyes.

"Please what?"

"I want to start over. I can't take this anymore. We-we can start off as friends, Hamtaro." She frowned, and looked away. "Simply...friends..."

"Friends?" Hamtaro frowned. "But is there a chance that...we'll ever be more?"

"I can't say," Bijou frowned, glancing over the orange and white hamster. Tears started to roll down his own eyes. "Only time'll tell." She looked down. "This isn't supposed to be a sad thing, Hamtaro. It isn't like I'm going to France again," she laughed a bit. "We're acting like fools...crying like this..."

Hamtaro wiped a tear and laughed a bit. "Yeah, I guess..."

Bijou shook her head.

He frowned. "Bijou," he said softly. "Before we start over can I just...kiss you one last time? You know...we can't be too...sure I'll get the chance again."

She sighed. "D-d-do you really...want to?" she asked softly, discomforted once again.

"Yeah," he looked down. "It could be your favor for me." He put on a small smile and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. Time seemed to freeze for him.

But for Bijou it had a bit of the opposite effect; she couldn't wait for it be to over. "Hamtaro," she said, softly after.

"Do we really have to start over Bijou?" he nearly whined. "I love you too much! I don't want to forget what we had!"

She nodded. "Please Hamtaro," she looked away. "I could never treat you like I should if we didn't. I could never treat you with respect, Hamtaro. I could never...forgive."

He nearly choked, after hearing what she said. "Okay..." he said softly. "If this is the only way..."

Bijou smiled. "Well, then," she said, rather cheerfully. "Let's start over." She shut her eyes for a minute and then opened them. "Bonjour, monsieur! I'm Bijou!" She didn't care about the French this time.

"Hi Bijou, I'm Hamtaro!" the orange hamster put on a small smile. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would be...

The two let out another laugh.

"To forgive is not to forget; it's to let go of the hurt."

Everyone has a unique way of forgiving each other. For some it may be a simple apology; for others, it may be something along the more creative lines. But for Bijou Ham-Ham, who seemed to be the one "normal" one of the problem-filled bunch, it was a new beginning; a fresh start.

To begin anew.

Final Notes: I read this over once. I decided to add more. I really hope the ending didn't seem too rushed in this chapter. I added more so it didn't seem too rushed to me.

There are also a lot of "cliff hangers" in this story. They were little twists in the plot that I didn't conclude. What will happen when Bijou testifies in court? What ever did happen to Cappy? I decided to end the one main conflict of this story; the one I've been emphasizing. The main conflict of this story, so I decided, was forgiving the unforgivable event; getting over your first heartbreak. It's been fun writing this "emotional drama". But now it's done...well...almost. I'll add the "Real Thing" TV show ending soon.

I suppose that all of you readers thought Hamtaro and Bijou would end up together, didn't you? Well...they didn't. Surprise for some, wasn't it? So close...yet so far away.

I like surprise endings, don't you...even though some of this wasn't much of a surprise at all. Please mind my bad grammar and spelling if there was any. An author can not catch all of their mistakes. I did the best I could. Thank you for all your time and wonderful reviews! You were my motivation; you kept me going! Maybe I'll write a sequel to this...I'm really not sure what I'm going to write next. All I know is that I finally wrote an ending to this story. Or at least most of one. Your reviews for this chapter are appreciated. But most of all, thanks for reading.