Chapter 8

BW2 Sorry everyone for this update being so late, but I've major assessments due, and well you know how it is . . . Do it or else! Hope you like it and sorry for uploading the same chapter twice. The computer was playing up.

Nakaru had evaded him again. Vanished like vapour, probably into one of the numerous wormholes connecting the quadrant's vast expanses. Staring at the blank sensor screen, Li kicked a console and swore. He'd almost had her! So close.

Yet he'd failed - the story of his life.

His head and shoulder throbbed, but it was no less than he deserved. Each unsuccessful attempt to capture Nakaru only served to remind him how he had failed his people when they had desperately needed him . . . especially his family . . . and Meilin. . .

He touched his forehead and winced. His fingers came away sticky with blood. The cut wasn't serious but needed tending if he didn't want to get infected. His wound from Saron had not had the time to heal completely; it probably needed to be checked as well. He set the ships coordinates for Star Base Intrepid, then headed for the lab to get antiseptic.

When he passed Sakura's chamber's closed panel, he slowed. Blazing hells. Here he was, thinking only of himself. He hadn't even checked on her since she'd fled the cockpit after takeoff. He hadn't even stopped to consider that her daring action had saved his wretched hide, or bothered to thank her. He'd been to enmeshed in self-pity.

By the Spirit, he had turned into a selfish bastard.

For all he knew, she might as well have a dislocated shoulder, after the way Brutus had wrenched her arm. Plus she'd lost her only companion, wretched creature though it was.

He knew what it was like to lose everything.

He sounded the panel toe. " Sakura, may I come in? "

Silence. He pressed the tone again. " Are you all right? "

" Go away. "

" I'm coming in. " He opened the panel.

Slumped on the floor, she leaned against the the side of the bunk with her arms around her legs. Her eyes, dry but stark with pain, stared toward the now empty plexishield case, where a half-eaten piece of bread lay on the bottom. She didn't acknowledge his prescence.

" Sakura. " he sank down beside her, not sure how to take her stoic, detached demeanor. She might be in shock. " Are you ok? " he cupped his hand against her pale cheek, then slid his fingers down against the pulse in her neck.

It was steady enough, but she felt abnormally cool, and her ashen complexion alarmed him.

" Does it hurt anywhere? "

Fixated on the case, she shook her head almost imperceptibly. Li saw the blood then, oozing through slashes in the right of her tunic. When he touched the sholder, she winced.

" Is this the same arm Brutus hurt? "

" It doesn't matter, " she whispered, her voice dull and flat.

Remorse and concern well through Li.

" It does matter Sakura. " he took her cold hands, tugging her good arm away from her legs.

" Come on. I'm taking you to the lab so I can treat your shoulder. "

She tried to pull back. " I just want to be alone. "

" Later. " he promised, grasping her waist and lifting her to her feet. " But right now,

captian's orders are you to recieve medical treatment. We'll take care of the pain too. "

" I don't need treatment. The pain doesn't bother me. " she shoved against his chest, wincing again from the pressure on her injured shoulder, then quickly hid her discomfort.

Considering her leg, pain had probably been a familar and constant companion. But Li had no intention of her suffering more than she already had, especially since he bore the blame for this situations before leaving Sakura on the ship; if he'd been more alert and insisted on accompanying Eriol to Giza's . . .

The realization that even more peole had almost died because of him burned a path of slf-contempt through his gut.

" This is not an open debate Sakura. You can either walk to the lab, or I'll carry you. Your choice. "

For a minute, he thought she would defy him. But she turned and limped slowly down the corridor. He followed behind, noting her awkward gait. She had pushed herself to her limits today - and saved his life in the process. Eriol was the only person Li would ever expect to show such heroism on his behalf.

He shuddered as they entered the lab. Spirit, how he despised this room. The equipment, the medical supplies, the antiseptic small - they all reminded him of his inadequacies. Even though he'd sworn to never set foot in a lab again, common sense had prevailed when he'd ordered the ship. He'd requested a fully equipped medical laboratory.

A shadower's occupationinvited danger, and while he had little respect for his own safety, Li refused to put innocent people at risk. If Eriol or a bystander suffered injury because of him, he wanted to have the tools for thier treatment.

Sakura stood listlessly in the middle of the room, apathy dulling her expression. Taking a thermal blanket from the linen cabinet, Li laid it on the table.

" Take off your pack and your tunic. You can get under the blanket. " he placed his hands into the wall sterilizer.

The serilizer beep off, and he turned back to find her clutching the tunic tightly. This promised to be a battle the entire way. He didn't know if her reluctance to disrobe in front of him came from feminine modesty or shame from her scarred leg, or both. If she only knew how many nude bodies he had examined - Li exhaled his pent-up breath. Besides, he'd already seen all of her, although he wouldn't point that out.

" I can't treat those cuts through the tunic. " he picked up the thermal blanket and handed it to her.

" Now, slip off the pack and your tunic and wrap this around yourself, but keep your shoulders bare. I'll get the supplies. "

He turned toward the medication cabinet. At her soft gasp, he spun around. Sakura clutched the pack that had carried the lanrax. Tufts of golden fur clung near the top. She stared at the fur, her hands trembling, her face deathly white. " Kero, " she whispered. " Oh Kero. "

Her anguish tore at Li. He strode over and slid his arm around her. She raised stratled but dry eyes to his.

" It's ok to grieve Sakura. It's all right to cry an even scream, if that helps. "

Her eyes reflected the depth of her torment, but no tears. " I never cry. It's useless and weak. "

She looked so vunerable, so fragile, her body rigid with the effort to maintain her composure. But she hardly appeared weak. In fact, Li admired her courage.

Even with her physical handicaps, even after losing her parents, breaking down in space, getting caught up in a battle not hers to fight, she'd persevered. Even sustaining new injuries and then losing her only companion, she dispayed amazing fortitude.

No, he'd never see her as weak.

" Put on the blanket. " he said, turning away.

Sakura remained silent while Li helped her onto the exam table andsterilized the gouges left by Kero, then bandaged them. She shivered with cold, dispite the thermal blanket, and he lowered a heatwave light over the table. Her shoulder had not been dislocated or her arm broken; both were only bruised.

His medical scanner picked up a virus, the same one present the first two times he'd checked her. He didn't recognise the viral structure, but thousands of viruses existed in the galaxy, the vast majority harmless. Probably a cold incubating - although it was going to be a nasty one, if the proliferation of the cells were any indication.

He gave her a combination injection for shock, infection, and pain. The warmth and the medication would drain away her tension and pain. He watched as she quickly surrendered to exhaustion, falling asleep on the table.

Li left her there, placing more blankets over her. He cleaned her tunic, although it was badly torn and would have to be replaced at the first opportuntity. He placed the tunic beside her, but folded the pack, slipped it into a airtight plastic bag, and then put it in a cabinet. He'd sneezed enough repeatedly while he was treating Sakura because of that damn pack, and he'd been tempted to disintegrate it. But he decided that might upset her further. If she asked for it, he would return it to her.

After he took care of his own injuries, he returned to his cabin. He shed his torn and ruined clothes and took a long shower. Then he collapsed on his bunk and slept, awakening several hours later.

He went to check on Sakura and found her leaving the lab, dressed in her tunic.

" Hello. " he said.

She gazed at him, her eyes huge orbs of distress in her small face. Her colour had improved some-what, but dark hollows lurked beneath her eyes. She dropped her gaze and started past him. He blocked her path.

" How are you feeling? "

" Better. " she raised her emerald gaze again. " Arigato for taking care of my shoulder."

Li steered her towards the gallery.

" It was the least I could do. Arigato for saving my life. "

Sakura tugged against his grip.

" I'd like to go to my cabin now. "

" A stop in the gallery first. You need some nourishment. Then you can go to your cabin and rest. "

She remained withdrawn and distant as she drank the simple broth prepared. Neither of them spoke until she rose from the table. He rose with her. " Let me take you to your cabin. "

She offered no arguement and he opened the panel, to her chamber, stepping in behind her. At the sight of the plexishield case her body went rigid. Her hands clenched by her sides, she trembled visibly. Li cursed himself for not thinking to remove all reminders.

" Here, let me get rid of this. "he moved around and grabbed the case.

" No . . wait. " she stepped forward and lifted the lid. Reachin in, she picked up the half-eaten bread. " He loved your bread. " she whispered. " He'd never had fresh bread before. "

By the Spirit. Li set down the case and turned to her.

" It's ok to cry Sakura. Really. It's not a weakness. "

" I don't cry. " she insisted. Her fingers stroked the bread. " I shouldn't have left him. . . . What if he was still alive? What if he was frightened and needed me? "

He patted her good shoulder. " He couldn't have survived the force of hitting that wall. He never knew what happened. He didn't suffer. We had to leave when we did. "

Sakura looked at him solemnly. " You had to try to catch Nakaru. "

Her voice held no recrimination. She could have blamed him for forcing her to leave her beloved pet behind. She could have railed at him for allowing his obsession with Nakaru to take her only companion from her. But she didn't. Instead, she'd apparently accepted the harsh realities of a world that had never dealt her a fair hand.

Again, remorse at his own selfishness swept through Li.

" I should have never left the ship. " Sakura's voice shook. " If I hadn't been so stupid, Kero would be alive now. " Her voice broke completely, and he gathered her against him.

" You didn't know. " he soothed, although he knew he should be reading her the riot act for leaving the ship. But he didn't have the heart in the face of her guilt. He had enough guilt of his own to judge anyone else.

" It wasn't your fault, Sakura. "

" It was. " a small sob escaped. Then another.

" Spirit, but I never cry. "

Li pulled her closer.

" Then now is a good time to start. Go ahead and cry, Sakura. It's ok. "

The floodgates burts then, and she sobbed against his chest. wrenched by waves of grief and anguish. He swept her into his arms and sank onto the bunk, cradling her against him.

He just let her cry, holding her tightly and murmuring reassuring words. He suspected she cried for mor than Kero's loss; perhaps for her parents, or the destitute circumstances. If the duration of the flood was any indication, she been stockpiling tears for a long time.

Finally, the storm spent, she burrowed against him quietly. Her hands clutched his shirt as if it was a lifeline. Li stroked the damp curls around her face, an immense tenderness welling up inside him. He hadn't been needed like this, hadn'tresponded to another's suffering in a long time . . a very long time. " Are you ok? "

She raised her tear-streaked face to his, her eyes dark, but no longer haunted. He found himself drawn into their emerald depths as she slowly nodded. He caressed her cheek, soaking up the dampness there. Spirit, but she had the softest skin, like the petals of an Elysian starflower.

Of it's own violation, his hand slid along her neck, feeling the erractic pulse there, then to her shoulder. Wondering if she was that soft all over, he slipped his fingers beneath her tunic and stroked her shoulder and the back of her neck. Velvet. His pulse quickened. Her sharp intake of breath told him she wasn't uneffected by the contact either.

" Li. " she whispered. His gaze dropped to her lips - lush and trembling.

He shouldn't do this, he told himself. He shouldn't. Leaning down, he touched his lips to hers. She didn't pull away.

Stop this now. You've both suffered tremendous stress, Li's rational side argued valiantly. She's vunerable right now - and very innocent.

But her tentative, sweet foray with thetip of her tongue, the sensuous feel of her, drove all rational thoughts from his head. Hormones took over, and he deepened the kiss. His hands slid down thr outside of her tunic, cupping her breast. She pressed against him and he was lost. Tearing his mouth away, he kissed the softness of her neck, the moved his lips lower.

" Sakura, Sakura. " he muttered against her. Need bolted through him; need so sharp he felt as if he'd been hit by a laser blast. He clamped his mouth on the soft mound, frantically tonguing the nipple through the rough fabric. She cried out in surprised pleasure.

More. He needed more.

Breathing harshly, he yanked her tunic open. Her breats were beautifully rounded. He cupped one breast, rubbing his thumb over the nipple. She gasped again.

" This is also part of mating Sakura. " he murmured hoarsely. " Do you like it? " he moved to her other breast and fondled it. " Do you? "

She arched against him. " Hai. Ara, hai. " She wanted this too. At least her body did.

Li knew with certainty that if he slipped his hand beneath her tunic, he'd find her female core wet and hot, ready for his male invasion. He also knew he should slow down, iniate her leisurely into this new realm of sensuality.

But then she grabbed his hair and pulled his face up to hers. Her mouth found his as she kissed him hungrily. He tasted the salt of her tears, the desperation of her need. With a groan, he rweturned her kiss, tasting deeply, invading her mouth. Her soft moans, her frantics movements against him, urged him onward.

He pulled her upright, slipping her tunic off and down her arms. She released him long enough to shake away her tunic, then pressed herself against him. Keeping their mouths sealed together, he pushed his hands between them, and undid his shirt. She murmured a protest when he broke the kiss to stand and yank of his boots and then his pants.

He came down upon her again, kising her eyes, her neck, her breasts, finally latching onto a nipple and drawing it into his mouth. " Li! " she cried, thrashing beneath him.

He moved his hand down her slender thigh.

" Open your legs, sweetheart. " Mindlessly, she obeyed, and he stroked the soft flesh of her womanhood, reassuring her when she almost surged off the bunk.

" It's ok Sakura. " he whispered, kissing her neck.

Sinking back, she allowed his intimate touch, moaning softly when he slid a finger inside. He lifted his head to watch her face as he moved his finger in and out. She was tight, viginal, as he had known she would be.

He felt her wetness increase around his finger, heard her panting helplessly while she instinctively opened her thighs woder and arched into the pleasure of his strokes, he couldn't ait any longer. He slid in a second finger and she moaned again. Stars, she was tight, but she was ready for him.

He whispered reassuringly to her as he positioned his body over hers. " Relax. "

She raised her hips as he pressed his manhood against her. As gently as possible, he began the push inside her, slowly, so slowly, he didn't kow if he'd survive. She cried out, arching in pain now, instead of pleasure. He pressed through the barrier, then all the way in, and stoppd. " Sakura? Are you ok? "

" Iie. " she gasped. " No more. " He had lost her. The pain of penetration overwhelmed the need of passion. She didn't utter another sound, but her nails digging into his shoulders and the tenseness of her body indicated her suffering.

He should withdraw, but all she'd ever knwn is pain. If he released her now, with only the memory of pain and not the pleasure, she'd never let him near her again. Somehoe, he couldn't bear that happening.

" Relax, Sakura, relax. "he urged against her ear. " The pain will ease, I promise. Then there will be pleasure. "

She shook her head violently, and he held himself till, straining with the effort. Brushing her hair from her face, he pulled back enough to kiss her gently, coaxing her tongue to dance with his. He touched her, caressing her breasts and stroking the sensetive nub between her legs. He waited, continuing his sensual assalt, until she moaned again, this time with pleasure.

Then he moved inside her, with painstaking, torturous movements of mating, increasing the tempo, until she responded, lifting her hips to met his. He broke control then, and he thrust hard and fast, urging her to go on with him. But as the momentary oblivion descended with the explosive release of his body, he knew she hadn't reached the summit.

He held Sakura close while his breathing returned to normal. She lay passiv and silent in his embrace. He regretted that she hadn't shared the euphioria of climax.

Li starred down at her closed face and watched her as she gained control of her breathing. " Are you ok? "

She nodded, her usual answer to everything. He layed back and watched her. He'd relinquished control to the odd attraction that had drawn him to her from their first meeting. Even worse, he'd hurt her, more than just physically. Lasting relationships would never exist for him. He couldn't offer her what she desperately needed; permanence, stability and Love. Sakura deserved to be cherished and loved.

He was no longer capable of Love - only hatred. And at this moment, he hated himself. He stroked down and along her body. He could span her tiny waist with his hands. He frowned when he saw the scars on her abdomen. Odd, but he hadn't noticed them before. Leaning forward, he studied the two scars, tracing his finger along theit raised edges.

Tensing suddenly, Sakura tried to push his hand away. Anger rocketed through him. He knew what those scars were. The result of sterilization - by an incredibly barbaric and crude method. Livid, he raised his gaze to her. " Who did this to you? "

" I don't want to talk about it. " she shoved against him and rolled from the bunk.

Grabbing her wrist, he swung upright and pulled her back. " Who did this? "

Her eyes finally came to life, myriad emotions sweeping through them. " Please. I've had enough."

Li stared at her, feeling the tremors in her arm. He released her wrist and she fled to the lavatory. She had retreated from him, mentally as well as physically/ Her words drilled into his conscience. She's had enough.

Of pain, of isolation - of him, he was certain. He hadnt' even made sure that she enjoyed her first sexual encounter. She'd suffered the discomfort, but not the enjoyment. If her reaction proved any indication, she wouldn't be anxious to repeat the experience.

The image of those scars jumped into his mind. He was beginning to wonderif Sakura had ever known any kindness. Her experiences had made her mentally tough, yet despite the obvious hardships she'd faced, she displayed an innate gentleness and concern for others. But noe . . would she ever let another man touch her?

Probably not, and the blame rested with him. How many nad already suffered needlessly because of his incompetence? Disgusted with himself, Li rolled from the bunk. Seeing the blood on the covering, he wanted to kick himsefl. He yanked off the blanket. No sense in letting Sakura see it.

He wouldn't come near her again. She deserved a real man, a capable man, who had something to offer. Not him. He didn't intend to hurt her any more than he already had.

Sakura leaned against the shower wall, letting spray wash over her. If only it clense away her disgrace, her embarrassment . . the memory of the shocking things Li had doen to her. And the astonishing, incredible sensations . . and the way she'd enjoyed it - until he'd hurt her so badly. The information she'd read on mating had never mentioned the pain.

If it was like that everytime, she couldn't understand why people wouldmate, except for the necessity ofbearing offspring. Children. One thing she'd never have to worry abaout.

A searing ache filled Sakura's chest and she clutched her abdomen. She'd always harbored a fondness for children, always dreamed of having little ones who would return her love, even if she was a freak. That choice had been denied her. At least she couldn't pass on her physical defect to an innocent child.

It amazed her that Li had even chosen to mate with her. He wouldn't want to again, she felt certain. She thought of Madison, with her stunning beauty and perfect body. She remembered how she and Eriol had looked at each other, their lingering touches. Surely Li would prefer that, prefer a woman who was beautiful and whole; one who had something to offer.

Not a deformed female who had even been spurned by her own people. Li's mating with her had been a mistake. He was too intelligent to repeat his mistakes. Sakura wouldn't risk further humiliation or pain.

She would avoid Li the remainder of the trip.

To be continued . . .

BW2 Just some things I'd like to put in here so you get what's going on here. Sakura is not an ugly creature, in fact she is beautiful, but it's all hidden under all the pain and shame she's been harboring all these years of her horrible life. Can you blame her for thinking that she isn't pretty? But don't worry, Li will eventually make her see, as she will with him. ;)

Hope you like this chapter though it is a little ' dark '. See you again soon with the next installment.