What follows is my entry for Mrs. Kristine Batey's "The Ultimate Inu-Yasha Fanfic." (with edited l33t) It took me two hours because I absolutely refused to exceed 800 words and cut certain key adjectives. The contest also ends today (July 1 2004), so don't even bother with your own submission (daniel hopes to win by default). Anyway, I was also going to include a list of all the cliches in here, but I gave up.


"Summery:" Acronyms: IY/YYH IY/Kag/Kur WAFF WMD. Exactly 800 words. "Summary justice" for grammer errors. Cookies to anyone who spots cliches. Extra lardy cookies for reviews. Daniel doesn't even own his pants. Read-- or else.

Daniel's Ultimate Inu-Yasha Fanfic

1: The Plot Emerges, Only to Thicken! (Dun Dun Duuuuun!)

Inu-Yasha had just gotten off the plane from Zurich. Being five centuries old, he was fabulously wealthy.

He stood in front of Sariashi High School, schedule in hand.

"Hi Kagome." He said. 500 years of holding the torch ends now!

She stiffened. "Inu-Yasha!?"

"Yeah!" He said. "I waited 500 years to ask: will you be my girlfriend?"

"What about Naraku?"

Inu-Yasha scratched his head. "Lemme tell you about that..."

2: Naraku's Death, Via Flashback! (Baachan will D.Q. now...)

Inu-Yasha swung his sword at Naraku!

Naraku threw the Shikon no Tama at him!

Inu-Yasha threw down his sword to catch the jewel!

Naraku picked up the sword and held it to Kikyo's throat!

Mikoku, Sango, and Shippo watched passively with great interest.

"Pick, Inu-Yasha--what will you do now!?" Naraku sneered.

"I'll kill you!"

So he did--it was easy with the jewel!

"So," Miroku said, "what now?"

"Braaaaaaaiiiiins...." Kikyo groaned, "Braaaaaaaiiiinssss!"

"I wish Kikyo was human!" Inu-Yasha said.

So she turned into a human--that was 67 years old--because she was!

Later, Kikyo had a heart attack and died! (bcuz kikyo suxx!)

3: High School Angst ("angst" means "anger," right?)

"So I figured I might as well wait for you!" Inu-Yasha said, "my old shard detector!"

"Shard detector shard detector shard detector!" Kagome screamed. "Is that all I am to you?"

"No." Inu-Yasha pursed his lips. "You're also my bitch."

"What!?" She screetched.

"You know, us chauvinistic inuyoukai use 'bitch' to describe our women!" He explained. "And Kikyo could have said 'shard detector' three times way faster than that!"

"AAAARRRGHH!"

"I stayed the exact same for 500 years just for you!" Inu-Yasha said.

"Sit boy!" Kagome screamed.

"Except for that." Inu-Yasha amended. "I got rid of that."

4: You're Under Arrest! (Otaku joke...)

As Kagome and Inu-Yasha continued making a big scene, a mysterious stranger in a green suit appeared. His identity is a secret. For now...

"Not so fast!" shouted Yuske Yurameshi.

"Who the hell are YOU!?" Inu-Yasha growled.

"I'm the spirit detective--Koenma wants you arrested for using magic to manipulate stocks to get insider advantages!"

"So that's why I'm so rich..." Inu-Yasha mused. "But that's not against the law--in Switzerland!"

"It is now!" Yuske cleverly retorted, running to attack Inu-Yasha.

5: Knowledge is Power (now, fighting!)

Inu-Yasha and Yuske fought with a lot of... fighting.

It was like a dance. Except they were trying to hurt each other. And they didn't care about grace or beauty. And they kept announcing their attacks.

"Spirit Gun!"

"Iron-reaver Soul-stealer!"

They paused. Yuske snorted. "You actually shouted your crappy Viz dub!?"

Inu-Yasha fehed expressively. "Impressive... I should say. But the original Japanese of your attack uses an English word!"

Yuske frowned. "Which word?"

"Gun."

So Yuske fell over, unconcious. His inferior linguistics had cost him the battle!

6: Expository Dialogue Advances Plot (warning: 'Megatokyo' reference)

Yuske stood up.

"How can I defeat such a powerful demon?"

The answer came to him in conversation--with himself!

"Fight him when he's weak!" said a Little Voice.

"Of course!" Yuske said, slapping his palm with his fist. "But how?"

"Go back in time and defeat him there!" the Little Voice said. It was psychic!

The Little Voice guided him to Souta. "Hey kid, how do I go back in time?"

Souta looked up. "d00dz 7h47 w4n7z 2 tr4v3l fr00 t!m3 g07z 2 uz3 th3 w311!!!"

"Does anyone speak l33t?" Yuske asked.

"j00!" Largo said.

7: Sesshoumaru = Unferth? (Maybe Baachan got that...)

Sesshomaru brooded. Despite being sexy, he was a cold fish who was only interested in nonchalantly killing his brother.

But first he needed reliable babysitting for his Rin-chan.

Yuske came through the well. "Where's Inu-Yasha! I'm gonna kick his tail!"

Sesshoumaru took exception. "This Sesshoumaru--and his tail--are the only ones allowed to kill Inu-Yasha!"

"Oh yeah!? Try and stop me!"

So Sesshoumaru did. "Dokkasou."

"Oh, I'm melting!" Yuske screamed. "What a world, what a world!"

In the future, Inu-Yasha wooed Kagome with expensive gifts, like French chocolate. He was succeeding.

Until...!

8: Denoument (in English, 'Happily Ever After!')

Kurama left the school, his flame-red hair catching the sunset unlike any Japanese since Himura Kenshin.

He spied a girl that possessed midnight-black-raven-lustery hair and ocean- sky-#0000FF-blue eyes; the very epitome of classical Japanese beauty!

(Kurama likes adjectives. And German).

Next to her was a man with golden eyes, white hair, and dog-ears. Kurama passingly wondered if the man was related to him.

"Hey baby, lose the zero and get with the hero!" He catcalled.

Kagome, who apparently had taste like Helen of Troy, and violent boyfriends, also like Helen of Troy, agreed.

Kurama and Kagome lived happily ever after.

The End.

"NOOOOOOO!" Inu-Yasha and Kouga chorused.


I hate how FF.net cuts formatting when I upload... sigh.

BTW, for those of you who don't get l33t, "d00dz 7h47 w4n7z 2 tr4v3l fr00 t!m3 g07z 2 uz3 th3 w311!!!" means, literally, "dudes that want to travel through time gots to use the well!"