Part I; Atlas Fractured

He was sitting in a bar in Knockturn Alley. The place was a popular watering hole for thieves, cut throats, con wizards and smugglers. If you wanted something illegal this was the place to come. An even mix of regulars and strangers made the place easy to disappear in to for a while. With the exception of a few suspicious glances no one ever took notice of the thin pale man at the table near the back he often occupied. Being a man who valued little the company of others, he liked the solitude provided him.

The bar itself was a dimly lit collage of ugly faces and grim. A rank smell of stale tobacco mingled with last week's spilled beer, now a sour scented stain on the walls and floor, road the air. The few people visible through the heavy clouds of pipe smoke that rolled through the still air were not easy to look upon, scared and dirty as they were. Few voices were raised above a whisper filling the tightly packed room with the clicks and hisses of bitter tongues speaking wicked words.

Occasionally a brawl would break out, often turning into a murder. No one ever paid much heed to these outbursts, preferring to retreat further into the dimly lit corners like the rats he knew they were. When the duel was done business resumed as though nothing had happened. The patrons of this nameless crack in the wall valued only their own lives and well beings. If one of their fellow rodents fell before them, well, all the more room for them.

It was here that the news found its way to the ears of Severus Snape.

As he was drinking the last drops of his pint the ancient witch at the table next to the door released shrill burst of laughter that sliced through the smoky, foul scented air. His bitter reverie disturbed, he lowered his mug with a frown. He was about to suggest they take their drunken regaling elsewhere when four words turned his blood into ice.

"...they got the Potters", the old crone said with another wicked cackle.

The room around him swayed and blurred in a nauseating pattern.

Poor fractured atlas...

Severus stood up abruptly and stared at the decrepit woman as she continued telling the bald, toothless man seated across from her the news.

"Lestrange jest told me about it when I wes on me way here", she said with another screech of laughter, "Turns out their secret keepa' was on our side all along! Word h'is the Dark Lord dealt wiv' 'em pe'sonally!"

He gripped the back of his chair to steady himself. His throat was suddenly dry and painfully tight. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. The large greasy bar tender looked up at him and motioned with the nub that was once his right hand to Severus's empty mug.

"Will ye' be havin' anoother 'un, young master Snape", he asked.

Severus nodded and sat back down at his table. He ran a trembling hand through his lank hair, now damp with nervous sweat. He laid both white hands on the table before him, discovered they were quivering and placed them hastily into his lap. Here was no place to show weakness.

The bar tender came around to his table, set another frosted mug of ale before him, and inquired if he would like anything else.

"What's the strongest thing you've got", Severus asked, pleased that, even though the world had just come to a great crashing halt, he could muster a calm voice.

"Well, it ain't precisely whatcha' might call legal, ye' understand", the bar tender started.

Severus waved a dismissive hand in the air and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, bring me a double shot and be quick about it. I wish to be on my way."

The bartender frowned then smiled again, revealing his brown teeth and bowed, "Right away, young master."

The door swung open, letting in a burst of crisp spring air. A man roughly Severus's age strode through the door. His eyes took a brief sweeping survey of the condition and the occupants of the bar and then he pulled his long, white linen trench coat closer about him as if to keep the grim and lowlifes as separate from himself as possible. A manicured hand pushed his finely combed white-blonde hair away from his face.

Severus sighed miserably when he recognized the other man. He accepted and downed the shot the bartender had brought him.

No matter what, he told himself solidly, do not lose your temper and above all else, your control. Now rise and greet your superior.

"Lucious", Severus said in his usual drawl. "How good to see you this evening. Won't you have a drink with me?"

The blonde man gave the barest of nods in greeting and strode over to the table, standing by the chair and waiting for Severus to seat him. When Severus did not move, he seated himself with a satisfied grin, and Severus sat down after him.

"Ever the haughty mud blood, Severus," Lucious said examining the slip of parchment lacquered to the table that served as the bar's menu. "You do know that it is customary to seat your superiors, don't you?"

Severus did not rise to the bait. "What brings you here, Lucious? I would not have thought this to be one of you usual haunts."

The corner of the blonde man's lip curled in disgust as he looked around the bar once again with a sniff. "Certainly not. This place is disgusting. Suits you nicely, though. Death Eater or no, you'll always be a mud blood. I assume it's only natural for one of such low birth to be drawn to a place of filth. I am here looking for you. I've received orders from our master. I suppose you've heard the news?"

Severus nodded stonily, his throat almost to tight to speak. He took a drink of his beer and nearly choked on it. "The Potters? Good riddance."

"Yes, well, apparently it has been the undoing of the Master."

Severus felt his heart leap into his throat. "Do what?"

"That bastard child of there's, Harry. When the Dark Lord tried to kill him the brat somehow survived the curse, causing it to back fire."

"The Dark Lord," Severus hesitated, closed his eyes slightly, and finished, "is dead?"

"Don't be a fool, Snape! You can't kill a wizard as powerful as the Dark Lord", Lucious snapped. But it wasn't just anger in that statement, Severus noted, Lucious was scared and with good reason. Lucious settled back in his chair and gave a false, self-assured smile. "You may be sure the Master will make his return in no time. Which brings me to the matter at hand: the child."

"What of him", Severus asked.

"Isn't it obvious? The child must be disposed of and quickly before word spreads around that the Dark Lord has been defeated by a babe-in-arms. You're the closest operative we have to where the baby is now. According to one of our insiders, it will be two more hours before Dumbledore has any of his people on the scene, and that bungler of a Minister, well, we have time to get to the baby before any one else. So what we want you to do is--"

Severus slammed his mug down on the table. "I don't murder people! It's not my job!"

Lucious's eyes widened in shock. His lip curled in disgust. "How dare you! You do what you're told!"

"I don't murder children! Why don't you go do it?"

Lucious shook his head to the negative. "I have more important things to attend to. Besides, murdering infants is beneath me. You will kill the child and you'll do it tonight and you should expect reprimand from me, personally, when you're finished with this task!"

Severus stood up abruptly. He knew what he was in for now that he had refused his mission. If he didn't want it to be worse than it was already going to be, if that was possible, he knew he had to leave at once. He bowed deeply to Lucious.

"Forgive me, Lucious. I will go and attend to this at once," he said and turned to the bar keep. "Put my guest's drinks on my account."

"O' course, gov," the bar tender said with a clumsy bow.

Severus strode out into the night air and did not bother to look back at Malfoy. He stopped in front of the door and closed his eyes. He raised his face to the sable sky and took a deep breath. How had it all come to this? And why? He couldn't be certain, but he knew that somehow he was to blame.

Poor fractured Atlas....

...I'm almost certain

He's trying to increase his burden...

The wreckage of the decimated house sprawled out before him. The houses and lawns to either side of the once handsome two-story home were unscathed. A stray board in the flowerbed of the deceased's left neighbor and a sprinkling of debris that covered the street directly before the former house were the only signs that anything had happened to the Potters if you didn't actually look at the wreckage.

A street light cast sharp shadows through the raze. The neighborhood was silent, all the house lights were off. None of Dumbledore's Order or Ministry Aurors had arrived. That, at least, was some relief.

Severus knelt before the wreckage and lowered his face to the earth.

"Oh, Lilly," he whispered. "Forgive me."

He stood slowly, a solitary figure in the gloom of the smashed ruins where love and joy had once lived. Where hopes and dreams had collided to form a happy family. A family he was somehow certain he had been the destruction of. And he wanted forgiveness...

But enough of those thoughts, he chided himself. If I don't take care of the child it will be my own undoing. No, I'll attend to that on my own. First, I have to find the baby. Lilly's baby...

As he sifted through the splintered wood, plaster, nails, and broken furniture he thought the child must already be dead. Everything was so silent, peaceful even. But at the least he could retrieve the body, if nothing else, for Lilly. Those bastards from the ministry wouldn't treat the body right, just wrap it up, slap a number on it, and leave it in a cold pauper's grave. He couldn't bare the thought of that. But then, he couldn't be much better than they, after all, he was here to kill the child.

Then he heard a soft keening coming from the ruble near what would have been the rear of the house. He made his way there quickly, ignoring the nails and splintered wood ripping the ends of his cloak and robes. He knelt down and heaved a timber away from where the noise was coming from.

He scraped the rubble away frantically, almost hoping that he had heard nothing. Maybe the child had died in the fall of the house. Perhaps it was just a cat. Lilly had always been fond of animals. He could see something moving now. He pulled away two chunks of wall, bright yellow wall paper still clinging to the remnants and there he was.

Harry was dusty, certainly, and a jagged cut marred his smooth forehead, but otherwise he was unharmed. Severus lifted the whimpering child from the rubble with trembling hands and clutched him to his chest. Something of Lilly had survived, he told himself.

He felt a sob rise up in his throat, choking tears from him at the sight of the child. How had he ever come here thinking that he could...

Severus stood up abruptly and looked around. This was certainly no time to weep. Death Eaters might still be around, or this could all be a test of his loyalty. He knew he wasn't going to kill the child, but whether that was what he intended to do or not he would have to leave quick.

Harry buried his face in Severus's chest and clung to his robes, his tiny body still racked with silent sobs. Severus placed his left hand behind the boy's head and cooed softly to him. He was surprised at how easily this came to him; he'd never been fond of children. But then, this was the child that should have been his...

He heard a noise in the bushes behind him and he turned to see a set of glowing yellow eyes staring back at him. Though it was probably just a cat he decided that it was best not to take the chance. He summoned his broom. As the old Cleansweep rose jerkily into the air a black dog leapt out of the bushes and pounced on the handle, snapping the broom in half.

The dog turned its great shaggy head towards him, growling and snapping. It started walking towards him slowly, one enormous paw after the other, all the while eyeing him strangely, as if trying to decide how best to tear out Severus's throat.

Severus raised his wand and aimed it steadily at the dog.

The dog came barreling at him, moving too quickly for Severus to curse him. He turned his back to the beast, hoping to shield the child from harm. He knelt and clutched Harry as closely to him as possible, eyes clenched tightly shut, waiting for the dog's murderous teeth to rip into him.

Crouched shaking with fear, his breath coming in quick panicked bursts, he could feel the mongrel's hot breath on his neck as it growled at him. Its feet padded back and forth as though it were trying to decide whether or not to tear him to shreds. Something else moved behind him, blocking the light of the street lamp and throwing him into shadow. Yelp punctuated the silence and Severus turned around to see the hulking silhouette of a giant man yanking the dog back.

"Sirius", the giant shouted. "Can't ye' see wot 'e's doin'?"

Severus watched as the dog seemed to melt into a blob of shadows and then rise in human form. "You," he shouted as he recognized his canine attacker.

"You", spat Sirius Black as he strode forward aggressively. "Why'd you stop me, Hagrid? I could have had him! For all we know he's the one who-who-"

Hagrid shook his large shaggy head. "No, Sirius. Yer wrong. Didn't ye' see how 'e was holdin' Harry when ye' ran at him?"

"He's a Death Eater", Sirius snapped. "Get your filthy hands off my godson! You murderer! You killed James and Lilly didn't you? Didn't you!"

Severus felt his jaw unhinge. He shook his head 'no'.

"You bastard", Sirius shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks. "You killed them! Are you happy now that you've had your revenge on James? Tell me!"

"Tha's enough," Hagrid said firmly. "Don't be drawin' so much attention to us!"

Severus rose slowly to his feet. "Take the child, please, take the child Hagrid! Take the child", Severus whispered. "Hurry, take him somewhere safe. This isn't a safe place."

Hagrid studied the trembling Death Eater for a moment. Then he reached out to take the child. Severus stared at him, his mind working too fast for him to move.

"Yer' gonna' have ta' let 'im go first," Hagrid said in his deep, soothing voice.

Severus pushed the child into Hagrid's arms. "It's not safe here, I might have been followed! If Lucious finds us here he'll kill us all! They might be following me to test my loyalty! If the Dark Lord isn't really dead... this could be a trap! Take the baby and go... I'll stop them if they come..."

"Slow down friend", Hagrid said as he tucked the child safely into a basket. "Voldemort's gone. He's gone. Now, what are ye' talkin' about?"

Severus shook his head. "I was sent here to dispose of the child. But I couldn't, wouldn't. Not a child... Not Lilly's child. I-"

Hagrid raised his enormous hand and nodded. "I understand."

Those two simple words caused Severus's grief to turn into a carousel of razors inside him. This dreadful spinning pain slashed at his barriers, cut his supports, destroyed for a brief window of time, every wall that he had built to keep this ever-encroaching pain away from present mind. He collapsed to the ground and ran his shaking hands through his hair as tears forced their way to the surface. "You must go. I'll wait here... I'll make sure no one follows you... if I die..."

Hagrid pulled the man to his feet. "Quit yer blubberin'. This ain't no time fer all that, not yet. Yer comin' with me. Dumbledore 'ill take care o' ye'. In the meantime, we gotta' get ourselves outta' here."

Sirius sighed with frustration. "I'm Harry's godfather! He should come with me! Give him to me, Hagrid!"

"Can't, Dumbledore's orders."

Sirius threw his arms in the air with a snarl. He walked halfway down the street and then stopped and shouted back, "Take my bike. I won't be needing it where I'm going."

"Thanks, Sirius."

"Yeah, don't mention it."

Poor fractured Atlas

Threw himself across the mattress...

Severus was lying on the bed of a dungeon cell when there was a knock on the door. He rolled over on his back and sighed. "Why would you knock if the door is locked from the outside," he asked.

An old man with a long white beard entered the room with a wry smile on his face that went quite well with his half-moon spectacles. "The door wasn't locked. You're not a prisoner."

"Are you here to kill me? Because if you are, then I would appreciate it if you could commence with it and be done", Severus said, his eyes on the ceiling.

"So ready to die," Dumbledore asked, summoning a cozy green armchair from thin air and taking a seat across from the bed.

"It's all I have left now. If you don't kill me, he will. And personally I'd rather be killed by the good guys," Severus retorted sourly.

"So then you're not one of the good guys," Dumbledore asked, summoning a cup of tea.

Severus pulled back the sleeve of his right arm, revealing a hideous skull with a snake coming out of its mouth.

"Do you think I'm not fully aware that you are, and have been for some time, a death eater? Severus Snape, you were a student of mine. I knew what you would become. Of course I hoped I was wrong but..."

Severus sat up and sneered. "You don't know anything about me. Now if you're going to kill me, then do it and be done with it."

"You still have your wand you know", Dumbledore said, his twinkling blue eyes now cold and deadly serious. "Why not escape from here? Or, if you so wish to die, why not end it yourself?"

Severus reached into his pocket past the soft curly lock of hair he always carried to discover that his wand was in place. He wrapped his long fingers around the handle and pondered what his next move should be. He released the wand and lowered his head.

"I don't want to die. I want to cease to exist", Severus admitted with a heavy broken sigh.

"I am afraid nothing can be done to alter your existence. If it were all that easy, well, Voldemort would have been put down long ago and then so many of my students, my best and brightest...ah, but see that sort of thinking does nothing to fix our current situation, does it? Voldemort exists, and will continue to exist. The same is true of you," Dumbledore said sternly.

Severus cocked his head to the left and stared up at the other man.

"And I also exist. My state of existence, that is to say, the fact that I am alive, could easily be altered at this moment. My wand is in my back pocket now. I couldn't reach it in time before you could get to yours and kill me. So tell me, if you are one of the 'bad guys', why then don't you kill me? Surely such a service to Voldemort would boost you into his top ranks.

"Or is it that you are truly a good person? Could it be that you have made mistakes, horrible as they may be, but are not beyond redemption?"

Severus laughed mirthlessly. "You have no idea what I have done in my service to the Dark Lord. You have no idea what I am capable of!"

Dumbledore sighed and set his teacup down on the thin air where it hovered as though supported by and invisible table. "I do know, Severus. I am amply aware of the things you have done, the lives you've ended, ruined, torn asunder. I am the leader of the opposing force, after all. Do not underestimate my intelligence."

Severus sat mute on his cot.

Dumbledore sighed heavily and adjusted his robes as he crossed his legs and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "So now the chance has been afforded to you to make things right, to redeem yourself. Think carefully, Severus, for few are given such a chance."

Severus scrubbed his face wearily and shook his head. "You fail to understand me, Dumbledore. I do not believe that I can be saved."

Dumbledore rose and with a flick of his wand vanished the chair and his teacup. "I do not expect your answer now, naturally you'll need time to consider things. I would like to remind you before I go of your behavior the previous evening."

Severus waved a dismissive hand. "What of it? I was sent to kill an innocent child. Oh yes, Dumbledore, I'm quite a good chap once you know me! Sure I've killed and tortured people and conspired to kill children, but really! My bark is worse than my bite!"

"But you didn't kill him, did you?"

"What?"

Dumbledore smiled knowingly as he continued, "It was quite the opposite wasn't it? You protected Harry from the dog before you realized what you were doing. In fact, you could have just left him to die where you found him, or killed him on the spot. But instead you made to leave with the boy and then shielded him when you were attacked."

"How do you know I wasn't leaving to kill the boy at a safer location? Perhaps I was just going to drop him from the sky and be done with it!"

"But you weren't going to do that at all", Dumbledore said opening the door, "Good night, Severus. See you in the morning."

Severus glared at him as he shut the door, wishing he had the nerve to Avada Kedavara the old wizard before he shut the door and flee from this place. Surely the others would take him back despite his failure to kill the Potter child if he managed to kill Dumbledore. He should have been quicker to think of it, and he liked to fancy that his mind would let him escape the guilt of killing the old man. Dumbledore had foolishly allowed him to keep his wand, after all.

Severus leaned back, feeling strangely satisfied as he contemplated all the possible ways he could curse Dumbledore into oblivion when he remembered something Dumbledore had said to him causing a disturbing thought: Just why had he tried to protect the child when the dog charged him? It would have been so easy to just toss the child to the dog and allow the vicious monster to tear the helpless infant to shreds.

Instead of doing that, however, he shielded the baby with his own body. Why?

Severus shook his head, trying to force the thoughts from his mind. He relaxed on the cot and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders. He shut his eyes wearily. He hadn't slept in days. Or had it been a month? He'd been in the dungeon for so long he couldn't be sure how much time had actually passed. Enough to grow a rather unruly beard. As he lay awake he contemplated his sleeplessness. He decided it was partially because of the nagging hurt pushing and bumping against old wounds he thought had callused over years ago and partially because he feared what dreams might come to him while he slept.

Every time he shut his eyes a vision of Lilly came to his mind. They were not complete images, a flash of red hair here gleaming in the summer sun, a fragmented memory of her smile, creamy skin, those brilliant green eyes first happy, then filled with the tears of an anguished mind. He could not remove her from his mind. And what was more, he could not believe, even though he had seen what remained of her earthly home, that she was now gone from this world forever.

How, he wondered, could the world ever get on with out her? He smiled despite himelf as he recalled how he had, in the blush of love's first bite, believed that the world existed solely for Lilly Evans. Everything that was beautiful was beautiful so that Lilly would have something to fill her eyes, too perfect for the mundane and the obscene, with. Everything that was amusing was amusing only so that she might have cause to laugh and fill the world with her music. And of course, if something was sad or ugly, it was only in such a state so that she might fix it.

Yes, he was a terrible fool when he was young, but even at twenty-five part of that delusion still remained. And now, he thought, heartache making his throat tight and painful, Lilly was truly gone. How, he wondered as sleep claimed him, the world was managing to hold itself together in spite of the loss was beyond him.

He said, "That's how the child in me planned it. A woman wouldn't understand it."

The morning brought to Severus a terrible headache. He groaned as he rolled over. He opened his eyes slowly; afraid of how the light might affect the pounding in his head. Little to his surprise a pot of tea and a lovely little china cup were sitting on a table covered in a happy blue cloth before him. He sat up, removed the lid of the pot, and sniffed at it. He had never been particularly fond of green tea, but his mouth was so dry he was ready to wet it with anything, palatable or not.

He poured the tea and sipped at it, ignoring the cream and sugar more out of suspicion than anything else. He drank the first two cups quickly and when he was done for some unexplained reason he felt the urge to hurl the entire set, which looked obnoxiously pleasant and happy matched with the gloom of the dungeon cell, which was more to his liking, against the cell door.

Instead he rose and decided to take a brief walk around the school. He hadn't been here in quite some time and anything was better then wondering why one was so angry at a tea set.

He tried the door and it swung open effortlessly, as though it had been waiting for just the slightest bit of encouragement all along. As he walked out into the hall he was pleased to see that no one was there. He walked on absently, thoughts rolling lazily about in his waking mind, none of the clear or well formed, just muddied images taking up space and mercifully preventing him from contemplating the precarious position he was now in.

Dragging one hand along the wall as he used to when a boy at school he felt for all the familiar dents and scrapes where countless jinxes and minor curses had missed their student mark and forever engraved themselves. He smiled at the memories of past duels he had witnessed or partaken in as a boy. It was all such innocence, more of a way to strut one's skill and show off than to really hurt one another. If it could have only stayed that way. He wondered why it hadn't, and when the change from braggart to killer had began for him.

He blinked fiercely and pushed the thoughts away. Winning was the only thing that mattered in life, he reminded himself. Because winners not only survive, they prosper.

"But you know that's not true, Sev", Evans said in a huff.

"Isn't it", Severus retorted.

"Winners don't always prosper. There's always room for regret."

"I don't plan on having regrets."

He had begun to feel better once he had fled from the castle and into the outskirts of the Forbidden Forrest. Although it had always been off limits for students because of the danger that dwelled there, Severus had always felt safer, freer within the woods. No one was there to bother him and any creature foolish enough to try to make a meal out of him would be bitterly disappointed.

Sitting down in his old favorite spot, a fallen log he had bewitched to never rot, he found his thoughts turning to Lilly once again. He had known, had always known that they would never last. He was too ambitious and she was too good. Perhaps opposites might attract one another, he thought bitterly, but that didn't mean it was a good match.

Lilly had always been destined to protect others. It had never been in her nature to turn her back to injustice, he knew from personal experience. She had persuaded that twit she finally married from many a cruel exploit and not always on Severus's behalf.

Severus raised his wand and flicked it at a cloud of gnats that had begun to make their way towards him. They each exploded in a tiny purple spark. He set his wand in his lap and sighed. He didn't want to think of Lilly, he didn't want to remember that she was gone. But even in the complicated shadows of his old refuge, the memories and the hurt sought him out. He felt a presence at his back and realized that painful memories were not the only annoyances seeking him out this morning.

"What do you want", he asked gruffly.

"Jus' wonderin' how yer doin', 's all", Hagrid said, sitting down uninvited at the other end of the fallen timber.

"Much better without company, thank you", Severus said, standing to leave.

Hagrid reached out and patted him on the shoulder, causing Severus's knees to buckle beneath him. He sat back down with a hard thump.

"Ye' shouldn' be alone while yer grievin'", Hagrid said.

"What are you talking about", Severus said, pretending he didn't understand. The last thing he wanted to talk about was Lilly, and the last person he wanted to talk to about her was Hagrid.

"Ye' don' haff ta' act tough aroun' me", Hagrid said, with a great sniff, "I mean, lookit me. Big as I am, I been blubberin' like a baby since...since..." Hagrid began to weep noisily.

Severus looked away uncomfortably. "I still don't know what you're going on about. I-I could care less!"

Hagrid blew his nose loudly into a spotted handkerchief and looked at Severus angrily. "Thas' a lie if I e'er heard one! But go on! Get out of my woods if yer gonna' act like that."

Severus turned, heat burning in his pale cheeks, and marched back to the castle. He blew through the front doors, not bothering to shut them behind him. he walked quickly through the entrance hall, he could feel the inquisitive gazes of the portraits on the walls following in his wake.

Down, down and down went the stairs, his pace picking up as he neared his cell. Halfway down he stumbled, caught himself on the rail, which gave way beneath the sudden weight and caused him to roll another flight downward.

He skidded to a haul on the old granite floor on his face. When he raised up on his elbows he found himself nose to toe with a pair of glove soft blue boots. A quick glance upward to identify the booted feet turned his pain to humiliation. Of all the people he didn't want to stumble and fall before, Albus Dumbledore was near the top of the list. He was bound to turn the simple twist of bad luck into some drawn out analogy.

Dumbledore stooped to help the glowering younger man to his feet. Snape threw his hands up in the air and flung the assisting hands back as if their touch was burning.

"I was merely trying to help", Dumbledore said calmly, a look that might have revealed a hint of disappointment creasing his face.

"I don't need it! Nor do I want it", Severus hissed and stormed down the long winding hall back to his cell.

...He's screaming some words at the top of his lungs

Until he begins to feel younger...

...we find our trembling punch drunken fighter

who can't find the strength now to punish the length...

Hours, no minutes, maybe only a second had passed since he had jammed his wand to the underside of his chin. He would have done it that instant, only he had decided to swallow, giving his mind a single instant to reconsider. So there he sat, alone in his dungeon, afraid to set the wand aside because he might not go through with it and afraid of what might happen if he did go through with it.

He believed in god, certainly. A vengeful, cruel god. A god that did not love his creations. A god that did not love him. a god that had created him and turned his back on him, taking notice only to torment or punish him as a child might do with an ant in a bottle. He was certainly in no hurry to meet such a deity.

And then again, why should such a deity have the pleasure of deciding his end? Why not finish it all now? Take it in his own hands, tell god by ending his life that he, Severus Snape, would no longer endure the humiliation, the pain, the longing, the emptiness, the fear that had comprised his life.

The door swung open and Dumbledore came in, summoned the overstuffed armchair once again and sat down. He didn't look surprised to see Severus sitting there, wand stuck to his throat in a cold sweat. On the contrary, he seemed like he was just visiting an old friend for a pleasant chat and some tea.

Severus didn't move. He watched the old wizard stare back at him calmly for a long time before finally saying, "What is it that you want? Can I not even have a moment's peace in my final hour?"

"Oh, oh yes. Certainly, I'll leave in a moment", Albus said, summoning a cup of tea. "Care for a cup? No, well I daresay I didn't expect you to."

"What", Severus said very slowly, beginning to consider aiming his wand and his intent at his unwanted visitor, "do you want?"

"What do you want Severus?"

"I would think that would be plain."

"That's not what you really want, you just feel you don't have another option."

"I would thank you not to try and read my mind, I find you are less than adept at it and to speak plainly, Dumbledore, it's quite irritating", Severus snapped.

Albus nodded politely. "Then forgive an old fool, won't you? That is why I'm here after all, to ask you to forgive me. I shouldn't want you to die without asking you for that first."

For a moment Severus could not make sense of the words being spoken to him. no one had ever asked him for such a thing and he didn't feel particularly disposed to be forgiving. And just what had Dumbledore done to be asking for such a thing? If had something to do with the way he'd ignored how Potter and his little gang had treated him in school, well it was much to late for all that. The damage was done, no words could mend that hurt now.

"What do you have to be sorry for," Severus asked scathingly.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I've failed you twice, I would say that was something. When you were a boy at school, I should have put a stop to all that...I didn't, I thought perhaps it would make you to understand the life you were making for yourself."

Severus sneered. "I don't understand what you mean!"

Dumbledore shook his head, waved his wand without enthusiasm and refilled his cup. "When you arrived here at he school, you had advanced knowledge in areas of magic someone so young should not have known. I knew what you were being groomed for. I hoped that by being the brunt of cruelty would lessen your desire to continue your pursuits. I had thought, wrongly, that if you understood what it was to be tormented, you would not wish to join with Voldemort", Severus shuddered but Dumbledore continued on, " in the torture of others. Obviously I was quite wrong."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Obviously. Tell me your second reason and leave, I'd rather not be here all night."

"I am deeply sorry for failing Lilly Potter. I know what she meant to you, what she has always meant to you". Dumbledore sighed. "And in failing her, I have taken someone and something very precious to you. She loved you, perhaps not in the way that you loved her, but she did, Severus."

Severus fought the urge to hurl his wand and himself at Dumbledore. His heart pounded painfully as he shouted, "Shut up. Just shut up and leave now! Lilly Potter was nothing but a little mudblood tramp! She meant nothing to me! Nothing! Now get out!"

Dumbledore's eyes flashed with dangerous anger and then returned to their former melancholy blue. "If that's what you think..."

"It is."

"I suppose there is nothing more to say then."

"Leave."

"I take it you will not forgive me?"

Severus glared, lock-jawed. He would not allow himself to be stalled further.

Dumbledore left quietly, vanishing the chair and floating teacup as he went.

Severus listened as the soft boots padded down the empty hallway. when Dumbledore was gone he took a deep breath and shouted, "Avada Kedavara!"

There was a poof of green and purple smoke and something soft and smooth fluttered in his face. For a moment Severus sat in awe, thinking he was dying and surprised that it was not more painful. On the contrary, he felt perfectly fine. He looked down at his wand to discover that the smooth, soft thing that had fluttered in his face a moment ago was merely a ribbon with word a scrolling along the length of it like a Muggle marquee. It read:

Come to Zonko's for all your wizarding prankster needs!

Followed by a long list of the merchandise the carried and their various locations. Severus growled and snapped the wand in half. He flung the door open and strode out in to the corridor.

"Dumbledore! You old fool! Give me my wand", Severus roared.

A startled portrait of a stunning woman with dark red hair, in a black velvet dress with a high, button up neck looked at him with a startled expression.

"Dear, please", she said in the voice and tone of a true lady, "It would be quite nice if you wouldn't yell so. And in your erratic state, did you really think they'd allow you to keep your wand? It's for your own good I expect."

Severus shot her a reproachful look and went back to his cell, slamming the door behind him.