Part II; Lost in the Lipstick Vogue

Don't say you love her

When it's just a rumor

Don't say word if there is any doubt

Her hair shown like copper in the brilliant light that bounced of the lake. Falling down her shoulders, half-covering her face, tossed back over her shoulder carelessly as she laughed with her friends. And her hands, oh too be a glove on one of those hands, Severus thought. Shakespeare would have written that with a hole new meaning if he had only seen her hands. Fine boned, things. The looked deceptively delicate, Severus knew from the times he'd watched her in Potions that they were truly dexterous and strong.

She was smiling, her eyes wet with laughter, shining like dew studded emeralds. When she smiled a strange and pleasant pang struck him in the breast. He felt slightly sick watching her, his heart pounded in his chest, his hands felt cold, his cheeks feverish. She was an angle, had to be. If she was any sort of half-blood it was per goddess. He marveled at her, unable to believe that such divinity was gracing the lawns of Hogwart's.

Severus had not been aware of how long he had been watching Lilly from his usual spot near the lake by the bushes until Potter and his twits had cornered him.

"What's that you're looking at, Snivelus," Potter asked in his infuriating drawl.

Severus sprang to his feet, his hand already in his pocket for his wand.

"Quick", Sirius said, "But not nearly quick enough."

Potter and Sirius already had their wands pointed at him. Lupin and Pettigrew stood mutely behind the other two, pretending to study the ground beneath their feet of the sky as if nothing was going on. And that was worse, somehow.

"So tell me, Snivelus, just what were you watching that had you so", Potter paused as if searching for just the right word, "enraptured."

"Mind your own business," Severus snapped, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

Sirius's eyes traced their way in the previous direction of Severus's. "Hmm, Prongs, better have a look at this!"

Pottered sneered haughtily at Severus before asking, "What was the prat drooling over? Some snot nosed first year in his house, I'm sure. Slytherins are all alike. Like 'em young and easy to take advantage of, eh Snivy?"

Anger brought hot stains to his cheeks. He had better morals than some of his other house mates. He struggled to maintain his calm, he did not want Potter to think he had gotten one right.

"No, not at all actually", Sirius said, sounding rather pleased with himself. "Take a look for yourself."

"Keep an eye on him for me for a second then, don't want the coward to draw his wand and hex us while our backs are turned", James said.

Sirius aimed his wand steadily at Severus and gave a smart salute. "Right-o, Prongs."

Severus watched, miserable and helpless, as James turned towards the lake where Evans and some of her friends were sitting, still talking and laughing, oblivious to being watched. James's jaw unhinged, his ears turned to a worrisome shade of crimson. Then he smiled; a look that put more fear into Severus's gut that the previous look of fury that had contorted his adversary's face.

James laughed, loudly and for a long time. Severus stood in defiant silence.

"Got your eye on Evans, Snivelus", he asked in scathing mock-sincerity, "Hmpf, can't say your taste is bad. Afraid it goes with out saying that she's well out of your reach. Some ugly, slime ball like you wouldn't have a chance with her in his dreams."

Severus glared at him, knowing that Potter was right and hating all the more for it. "I'd say I have a better chance than some puffed-up, egotistical show off like you, Potter."

Potter shrugged. "At least I have good hygiene. More than I can say for you."

"It is a pity though, real tragedy", Sirius said nonchalantly.

"What's that, Padfoot", Potter asked.

"Well, he loves her and she doesn't know he exists. Meanwhile you're in the picture so it's not as if he'd ever have a chance with her in the first place," Sirius said coolly with a light shrug.

Severus forced a laugh. "Me? In love with that ugly little mudblood? No, I was just trying to decide on a candidate for a new curse I've been developing. I figured a mud blood would do nicely or someone in Gryfindor. And low and behold there the she goes, the perfect guinea pig."

"What's that you're saying", James asked. He swished his wand in an overly exaggerated flourish and shouted, "insert curse here."

Severus flew off his feet into the air, struggling to retrieve his wand from his pocket before he landed in the lake. He hit the surface of the lake painfully and skipped the top of it like a stone on his bottom twice before plunging into the water. As he struggled to make his way back on shore spluttering and snorting water out he could hear everyone laughing at him. When he decided nothing could make the situation any more humiliating, something cold began to wrap itself around his skinny right leg.

Terror bulged his eyes. A scream forced its way out of him as an enormous tentacle began to raise him higher and higher into the air. He dangled upside down helplessly swinging. The world had became swinging flashes of glittering water, flurries of laughing faces and the spectral trees of the Forbidden Forest. If his robes had bot been soaking wet and plastered to him, he was quite certain everyone on the campus would have seen his underwear.

When he was ten feet from the edge of the shore the squid tossed him about three feet further and then slipped its tentacle beneath the water and a small rise of water followed it back to the middle of the lake.

Severus floundered as he made his way back to the shore, spitting and stumbling. The water was still deep enough to be difficult, and the weight of his wet robes did not make his way any easier. He could still hear the cruel laughter on shore. When he was almost there, four feet maybe, he slipped on the slippery rocks and shells beneath his feet and fell gracelessly down again scrapping the heels of his hands and his knees.

As he struggled back to his feet he found the rocks to be all the more treacherous and continued to fall back to his knees again and again. Laughter roared. And then there it was, the hand he had so longed to touch, to hold extended right in his face. When he didn't react immediately to the assistance, Lilly grabbed him by the shoulders and hoisted him to his feet, pulling him out of the water behind her.

"Shut up", Lilly shouted fiercely at her snickering companions, who fell silent but still wore the smirks of suppressed laughter.

Severus looked around wildly, trying to think of what he should do. He caught sight of Lucious watching with a small group of Slytherin's elite from a shadowed corner of the lawn, shaking his head in disapproval. Severus threw his hands up in the air and stepped away from Lilly angrily.

"I don't need help from the likes of you, Evans," he snapped.

Lilly looked offended, even hurt, and then her fine features cooled to controlled anger. "That's odd, I could have sworn you were struggling to get out of the water and enduring terrible humiliation. I can see I was wrong. Next time, I won't bother!"

And that was that. She strode off in a huff, closely followed by her girlfriends who shot venomous looks over their shoulders at him as they departed.

Severus walked out of the water furious, embarrassed. He glanced back up to where Lucious was hanging about, who was now talking avidly with Beatrix who was nodding her head in agreement. Perhaps that previous display of false-contempt had mended the humiliation he had brought to Lucious.

As he stormed back up to the castle he could hear Potter and Black snickering and making their comments, their jokes. They were discussing in high spirits how that had gone especially well. It couldn't have gone better if they'd planned it. Pettigrew was shaking his head and agreeing with everything they said in his disgustingly sycophantic way. Lupin was choosing to remain silent, to turn a blind-eye to the cruelty of his friends, which was infinitely worse even though Severus understood why he did it.

Sometimes I think that love is just a tumor

And you've got to cut it out

Lilly wasn't sure what it was about the Slytherin boy she liked. He was mean, he was bitter (about what she couldn't imagine and knew she didn't care to), he was never polite to her or anyone else. He had a quick temper. He ran around with Lucious Malfoy, it that in and of itself wasn't bad enough. Up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts, said James Potter's voice in her head.

She rolled over miserably on her bed and sniffed. Such a foul creature, Severus Snape, and yet here she was crying again because she liked him so much and he hated her. A cruel desire to have James and Sirius make him hurt like he had made her hurt took hold of her for a moment, they'd do it if she asked them. They'd love a reason to torment him. But then they'd be doing that anyway. She didn't really care for the idea of requesting torment for others and it bothered her that she'd even thought of it.

She could still remember the first time she'd ever set eyes to him. It was her first ride on the Hogwart's Express. She didn't know anybody; everything was still so new to her. It was amazing, she remembered thinking, how practical magic was to them. It tied into everything they did. It as unusual to them walk through Platform 9 3/4 as it was for her to cross the street.

And the there he was, arms crossed defiantly, sitting alone on his trunk with a stack of books and a tiny black kitten sitting next to him, both looking forward and adorably tough.

Lilly sighed into her pillow and laughed as she recalled how silly Severus and Mordrid had looked. So little, helpless but determined to appear like a force to be reckoned with. He had caught her staring at him and returned her curious gaze with a hard look. She had smiled back at him, determined to win him over as a friend. He had looked genuinely surprised before returning his eyes to the tracks.

You've got a lot to say but I'm not jokin'

There are some words they don't allow to be spoken

"I can't believe you treated Lilly like that", Lupin said in his even, quiet tone as they sat studying.

Severus shrugged. "It's not got anything to do with anything you'd understand."

Lupin eyed him levelly. "Try me. I've been known to be an understanding person."

Severus sighed heavily and pushed his Potions book away. He glanced around the library to make sure no one was around, listening in. Everyone should be at dinner but caution was priceless. "Evans is a pretty girl, you know, but it's never going to happen and besides, it's best not to let on that I think anything of her at all. If Lucious--"

Lupin snorted. "Lucious Malfoy", he spat testily, "That great prat? What's it matter what he thinks about you? If you care for Lilly that should be the only thing that matters."

"My future matters a great deal more to me than any little crush I have on some mud-"

Lupin raised a hand in the air to stop Severus from saying more. He looked angry, angrier than Severus had ever seen him. "How can you say something like that? Especially since you're... one too."

"I can say what I like, and there's a difference! I'm the first muggle born to have ever entered Slytherin House", Severus whispered beneath his breath.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "So you're an anomaly, that doesn't make you special. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to be a stuck up jerk. Besides, it's obvious you're crazy about her."

Severus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in that irritating way Lupin hated. Then he said, not looking directly at the other boy ", And you're giving me advice? You and that little gang of yours attacked me with no reason today and you stood by and let it all happen, didn't even try to stop them. I was just minding my own business!"

Lupin's face turned red with shame. He sat across the table quietly and sucked the end of his quill. "I guess it's the same thing for both of us then. You can't admit you love Lilly-"

"I don't love Lilly!"

"-And I can't admit I'm friends with you without being ostracized," he finished, eyes still clouded by thought. "But we could change that!"

Severus rubbed his face with his hands. "No, not this again!"

Lupin looked excited, Severus hated it when he got like this. "Yeah, yeah we could! We could form some sort of inter-house club! You and I could start by admitting out friendship to our house mates and then-"

"Lupin", Severus said sharply, " stop! This isn't just a matter of popularity for me! There is a world outside of Hogwart's I am preparing myself for. One you can know nothing about. More than just simple school lessons goes on here. So save your talk of love and harmony for someone who can believe in such things."

Lupin looked rather dejected. He went back to studying his book on charms. The two passed the following half-hour quietly, determined not to look at each other again. Before long, the after-dinner crowd started to filter in for a bit of last minute studying. Wordlessly, the two ended their study session.

As Lupin gathered his books to leave he looked up and said, "I'll never understand you, Severus. But admit one thing to me before we go."

"Never."

Lupin smiled.

"What are you smirking about," Severus asked angrily.

"That was all the confession I needed to know the truth."

It's you

Not just another mouth in the lipstick vogue

Lilly was both relieved and annoyed when her dorm-mates tromped noisily giggling back into their room. Part of her wanted to just be left alone to feel sorry for herself, and the other part welcomed the intrusion on her grief. She kept still with her back to them, hoping they would assume she was asleep.

"Lilly," Marian Bones whispered. "Lilly, are you feeling well?"

Victoria Williamson plopped down on Lilly's bed and stroked her hair, felt her forehead. "Why weren't you at supper? Is something the matter?"

Lilly shook her head slowly to the negative. If only she could tell them the truth, she thought miserably. But they'd worry or laugh or advise her to aim a little higher.

Marian and Natasha Laurel came around to the other side of her bed and sat down next to her. Natasha lit the candle on her night stand and gasped when she saw Lilly's tear streaked face.

"Lilly Evans you terrible liar," she whispered.

"What? What is it," the other to asked in urgent whispers, craning over Natasha's shoulder to see Lilly.

"Oh, you're crying", Marian cooed. "What is it dear?"

"Yes, tell us?"

"Did someone call you a name?"

"Are your pregnant?"

"Oh, is it you're family? Is everyone ok?"

Lilly shook her head 'no' to all those things. She sat up slowly and wiped her face clean with the sides of her palms. "It's nothing like that... I don't want to talk about it." She had intended to say this in a firm voice so that her friends, so irritatingly sympathetic when what she wanted was to be left alone, would go on about their own business. Instead, he voice faltered and cracked as she said it.

Natasha pulled her in for a hug and Victoria stood up and disappeared from sight for a moment. When she returned she was holding four bottles of Butterbeer which she hand out before sitting back down.

As the other two settled in Marian studied Lilly's face carefully, thoughtful. She sucked at the corner of her lip with a frown as she tried to discern what tormented her friend. Then her eyes widened and she smiled knowingly as it began to dawn on her.

"You, my darling," she said slowly, looking at Lilly proudly, "Are madly, desperately in love!"

Lilly shook her head frantically, knowing that by denying it so fiercely she was only confirming the truth of it. "No, it's not that it's-it's"

But it was too late. Natasha and Victoria had already collapsed into giggling again, tossing up completely unlikely names of people it might be.

"Peter Pettigrew," Victoria snorted.

Natasha made a face and shook her head. "I'd be crying too if I were in love with him!"

"Ooo, I bet its Lucious Malfoy," Victoria said dreamily.

Once again Natasha shook her head adamantly ", No, no, lovely! Couldn't be! You're in love with that haughty bastard. Lilly has much better taste than that."

"Luscious Malfoy is more like it, oh! I could just spread him on a cracker and eat him up," Victoria continued, ignoring Natasha's disparaging remarks about his character. "Who cares if you're evil when you've got a body like that!"

Lilly took a long pull of her Butterbeer and caught herself smiling. Victoria and Natasha just had that affect on her sometimes. Marian caught her eye and nodded to the door. Lilly nodded, she knew Marian wanted to have a talk and if she was going to talk to anyone she wanted it to be her.

"Ladies, ladies," Marian said coolly ", Ms. Evans and myself are going down to raid the kitchens. It seems you to have revived her appetite."

"Hooray", the two sang cheerfully and gave the others a list of what they wanted brought back up.

As they exited the room Marian sighed heavily, still smiling. "Those two, incorrigible."

"Definitely," Lilly said with a sharp nod of her head.

"What do you say, Ms. Evans, to a peaceful stroll over the school grounds?"

Lilly glanced out the window at the clear night sky, the full moon hanging in the sky a glorious golden lantern to light their way, and said, "Ms. Bones, I say that sounds splendid."

"Splendid."

Not just another mouth

Lost in the lipstick vogue

"Perfect night, eh Prongs," Sirius said, gazing dreamily at the sky where he was sprawled comfortably on the lawn. A few seconds slipped by unanswered and Sirius looked up at his friend, who was picking at the blades of grass not listening. "Prongs?"

"What? Oh! Yes... excellent," James replied hastily.

Sirius frowned. "You don't have any idea what I just said, do you?"

James grinned. "Not a clue."

Sirius smirked and returned his eyes to the sky. "You were thinking about that Evans girl again weren't you? Just ask her out."

James shrugged. "It's not that easy. She's not like all those other Quiditch groupies that follow us around, you know. She's, smart... and clever. And she hates me."

Sirius punched James in the shoulder. "Don't be such a dunderhead! With faces like ours, girls go nuts. Just ask her and I'm sure she'll be eating out of your hand."

James frowned. "You don't understand! I don't want a girl who's going to be lapping at my feet. That's why I like her. She doesn't care about how I look. She doesn't care that I'm good at Quiditch. She doesn't care about me at all!"

Sirius looked at him, suddenly very serious. "Oh dear James, this is terrible! WE must rush you to the hospital wing right away, this very instant!"

James frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You", Sirius said dramatically. "You've gone and done yourself in. You have succumbed to the most dreaded disease man has ever known! Your carefree days are over! No more fun and shenanigans for you, my dear, dear friend-"

Peter, whom the other two had all but forgotten, looked quite upset. "What's wrong with him?"

Sirius put an arm around Peter and gestured to James as though he were a leper. "He, dear Mr. Wormtail, is in love with Lilly Evans!"

Peter nodded his understanding. "But then why does he need to go to the hospital wing?"

"I don't need to go tot he hospital wing, Peter. Mr. Padfoot was just being facetious."

Sirius looked offended. "I most certainly wasn't! This is even worse than I thought! You need St. Mungo's now! Quickly, Peter! Go get out brooms immediately, we have to take him at once."

James shoved his friend playfully. "Knock it off. We should be changing instead of talking anyway, only fifteen minutes until moonrise."

"Have you even seen Moony tonight", Sirius asked. "He wasn't at dinner."

"Perhaps he wasn't feeling well. You know, a little nervous or something," Peter offered.

"No, I saw him leaving the library tonight heading for the hospital wing when I was coming back from dinner tonight. You know how he worries about his studies during full moon," James said with a shrug.

Marian sat down on the stone bench. They were in the little rose garden near the Forbidden Forest. Marian gestured for Lilly to sit beside her. Lilly frowned. She didn't mind being outside the school late at night, but being so closed to the forest made her uneasy. She could see the specters of dark and ancient trees looming fearsome behind the high wall of roses. She sat down nervously, looking around to make sure no unknown Boogie Man was waiting to pounce.

"So", Marian said after a long moment of silence. "Who is it and tell me all about it."

Lilly shrugged. "You must swear never to tell a soul."

"Of course", Marian said lightly, leaning in.

"I mean it! I want you to say the words, you must swear never to tell," Lilly said, terrified by Marian's casual approach to the matter at hand.

Marian sat up and held her hand over her heart. "I solemnly swear never to tell a single soul, breathing or otherwise, who Lilly Evans loves," she said in her deep, official voice. She glanced at Lilly from the corner of her eye. "Is that good?"

Lilly slouched forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "I suppose."

"Good, now tell me!"

Lilly moaned, frantically trying to find a way to postpone her confession. "Who do you think?"

Marian pursed her lips. "It's that strapping Ravenclaw boy isn't it? The one with the dark curly hair, looks like a little Persian god?"

Lilly laughed quietly under her breath. Marian's penchant for poetics never failed to amuse her. "No, not in Ravenclaw."

Marian frowned and began to search her memory once again for a good candidate. "Is it oh, what's his name, eh, the Heicht boy in Hufflepuff. Long legs, blonde hair spilling all down his back. Really classic male beauty..."

Lilly rolled her eyes. "No, wrong house again."

Marian smiled, to Lilly's surprise. "Well, good, because I thought I knew who it was from the start! I just wanted to eliminate all the other options before in pegged this one! Best for last, as they say... It's James Potter isn't it?"

Lilly looked aghast. "That over-inflated, arrogant, bullying... No! Absolutely not! I can't stand the sight of him!"

Marian looked at her as though she were from another planet. She opened her mouth to say something but then thought better of it. "Thou dost protest too much."

Lilly shook her head. "No. Potter is a priggish, swaggering dolt. He's not in our house.

Marian looked a bit faint, another realization dawning on her like the one in their dorm had done. The way she could calculate things up in her head to deduce an answer really should have put her in Ravenclaw, Lilly decided.

"What house is he in", Marian asked, a deadly serious. She sounded as though she was a little afraid to hear the answer.

Lilly paused, tried desperately to think of a way out of saying it, decided it was too late to do that now, and said, "Slytherin, Marian. He's a Slytherin."

"It's Severus Snape isn't it Lilly," Marian said, no hint of mockery in her voice.

Lilly nodded, she could feel her eyes brimming with tears again.

Marian pulled her best friend closer to her side. "Shhh, dear, none of that now. There's no reason for you to cry. Even if you do have bad taste in men."

Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being

Severus could not sleep no matter how he twisted or turned. At first a comfortable position soon turned into torture and he would move once again in search of ease. When he could find it he gave up, rose from bed silently and dressed. He crept quietly up from the Slytherin lair, into the entrance hall and out the school doors.

It was a pleasant summer night and a rare smile lit his face as he gazed at the moon, full and beautiful and barren. He strolled for a long time, his cloak billowing quietly behind him, unsure of his direction or purpose. He could not say what had possessed him to leave the safety of the castle and her dungeons. Usually beneath the night sky and alone he felt too in the o pen, vulnerable. Tonight it was not the usual case, he felt strong and he welcomed the darkness around him. He thought of the shadows as hundreds of tender lovers, shrouding him and hiding him and protecting him.

On and on he walked, lost in his thoughts, lost in the arms of his new mistress. And glad to be lost. When he felt he was sure to lose himself to the night forever, when he thought perhaps the night might really swallow him up and carry him away when the sun came back to reclaim his skies, he heard hushed voices, and tears.

He stopped in his tracks, reality suddenly flooding back to him and washing away his fantasies of becoming one with the night. He was very close to the Forbidden Forest now, close to his favorite daytime hideaway at the edge of the woods. About twenty feet away from him was the little rose garden. It was a favorite place for young lovers to slip away to be alone, but he thought it was odd to hear someone crying there.

Then he recognized one of the voices. Lilly, he thought frantically. Might someone have lured to that spot? Could she be in some sort of trouble? Perhaps he should go back and get help, someone bigger than himself to deal with it. No, there wasn't time for that.

Best thing to do is to get over to the rose wall and have a peek, make sure whatever is happening is the big deal you just imagined it to be, Severus thought. He moved quickly over the grass, grateful that there were no fallen leaves or twigs to betray his presence. When he cam closer he could see that it was Evans and one of her friends, the Bones girl. Lily was weeping while the other girl tried to console her

"What am I going to do," Lilly sobbed.

Marian shook her head. "I would give up on it if I were you, darling. I mean, where's the future in it?"

Lilly shook her head. "It doesn't even make since to me, Marian. Of all the boys to be attracted to why'd it have to be him? He hates me!"

"Oh, no precious. Snape hates everyone," Marian said softly, with no rancor in her voice.

I do not hate everyone, Severus thought furiously.

"I guess you're right," Lilly sighed, tears beginning to dry up.

No she's not, Severus thought, wishing for the courage to just burst from the bushes and confess his own feelings. Then he felt a strong hand on his shoulder grab him and turn him around.

"What are you doing", James Potter shouted, his fine features contorted with anger. "Spying on people in the bushes!"

"I dare say, Prongs, this is cause for immediate reprimand"," Sirius said, his voice and face humorless.

"He was watching Lilly", Peter piped up from where he had bent to look under the bushes.

Marian and Lilly looked at each other.

"My dear, I think we have been intruded upon," Marian said. Her voice was still cool as ever but her face betrayed her alarm.

Lilly rose to her feet quickly and ran to the other side of the rose wall, Marian right behind her. Lilly gasped to see James pummel Severus in the side of his face, knocking him to the ground. Severus reached in to his wand pocket but Sirius kicked his hand away.

"No fair," Sirius taunted him, "Get up and fight like a man."

"Stop it," Lily shouted before she realized the words had come out of her mouth.

James looked over his shoulder at her. "You know what he was doing? He was spying on you!"

Lily felt numb for a moment, and then humiliation burned bright red in her cheeks. "Spying", she repeated.

Severus looked terrified, lying on the ground shaking and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. "I-I-"

Marian strode forward, hands on her hips looking stern. "Well, Potter, Black, Pettigrew, just what were you three doing back here? What's the matter? Did he get your favorite snooping spot?"

"We-"

"What?"

"It was their idea!"

Marian snorted and narrowed her eyes. "Potter, Black, Pettigrew--get out of here. Not that we owe you any explanation, but Lily invited old Snape to come and have a bit of tea and conversation. She was nervous so I came along."

James crossed his arms and stared back at Marian. "I don't believe you."

"Well, you had better believe me and keep that little tidbit of information to yourselves unless you want the Headmaster to know you three were out gallivanting in the night."

"Oy, you'd have to admit that you were out here too," Sirius pointed out.

Marian yawned as if she was bored. "Perhaps, but Pettigrew still has a tail and I would think that is a bit more serious. Eh, Sirius?"

James and Sirius looked at each other with worried expressions on their faces. Sirius grabbed Peter and pulled him back behind them. "Fine, Marian. We'll all just go about our business as usual and forget tonight's little incident," Sirius said, trying to sound as though he could care less.

"Yeah," Peter said.

James nodded his head to where Severus was still lying. "But next time we catch this creep lurking where he shouldn't be, we do him up right."

"Yeah," Peter said again.

Marian raised her wand and aimed it at Peter. "Watch what you say to me or have that tongue of yours removed," she warned. "Now, you three, be good British gentlemen and escort me back to the castle. Ms. Evans and Mr. Snape have things to discuss."

And with a conspirator's wink and an imperial turn she strode off, closely followed by the Marauders, who looked very angry about being outsmarted.

Some words they don't allow to be spoken

Lilly watched Marian walk off a way in the distance before turning back to look at Severus. He was standing, dusting off his robes. He was thin, yes, and a little too thin, certainly. And yes, his nose was on the large side; Lilly had to admit. But looking at him in the gentle half-
light of the moon he was haunting and beautiful. He didn't realize she was looking at him, and for a moment she was allowed to glimpse him without the forbidding mask she had come to believe to be his true face. His eyes were wide, wet and darker than a night without stars. Those eyes burned like the longing and loneliness she felt. His lower lip trembled a little, though it was such a small quiver she might not have noticed it.

This is a face to draw, a face to paint, immortalize, she thought to herself dreamily. This is Everyman lost and alone. Time, which had seemingly slowed as she watched him, suddenly rushed back to remembrance. She took a tiny step forward and cleared her throat.

"Well," she said slowly.

"What," Severus replied, sounding much more severe than he had intended to.

Lilly looked away, beautiful in her torment, Severus mused to himself. "How much of the conversation did you hear.

"Just your dear friend calling me a hateful ogre and you agreeing with her," Severus snapped. He felt vulnerable again. It was to open out here, and she was much to close to the center of him. Had she just seen how scared he was?

"Marian did not call you an ogre," Lilly said quickly. "And you do hate everyone."

"No, not everyone," Severus said, avoiding direct eye contact.

Lilly felt her stomach fall away. So there was already someone else anyway. "Oh, well, it doesn't matter." Anger started to seep into Lilly's thoughts, into her mouth, her words.

"Why? What did you say?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter."

Severus took a tenuous step closer to her. He felt frantic. This wasn't going well, he needed to get away.

"You could say thank you once in a while, you know," Lilly spat suddenly. "This is the hundredth, hundredth time I've helped you get away from Potter and the rest and you always just treat me all the worse for it!"

Severus didn't know what to say. What could he say to make her understand? And she was better off without the likes of him anyway. Best to make sure she knew that. "Look, Evans, I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. Save the bleeding heart crap for lost puppies and fallen birds and leave me alone."

Just hit me one more time with that live wire

Maybe they told you, you were only a girl in a million

And you say I've got no feelings

Severus knew it was a bad idea to watch Lilly so closely the next day. He could never be sure when someone was paying attention to him or not. And with his luck, he definitely should have known better. Never the less, there he sat gloomily munching on a piece of dry toast and slurping his coffee, glancing up from his notes for longer and longer amounts of time to look at her. She looked similarly unhappy. He wished he could fix it, her wished he could be better. He wished she'd look at him.

"I'm going mad," he muttered to himself.

A strong hand clasped his shoulder firmly, on the verge of being painful.

More out of habit than curiosity, Severus turned his head to see the face of Lestrange attached to the hand gripping his shoulder and Lucious Malfoy standing at his elbow.

"What's all this talk of madness, then Snape," Lucious asked, leaning across the table to pluck and apple from the fruit bowl. As he leaned back, he knocked Severus's coffee mug into his lap. "Ooo, scorching is it? Sorry..."

Severus jerked back and to his feet, knocking Lestrange a few steps backward in the process. Lestrange grabbed him by both shoulders and began to jerk him up.

Lucious nodded his head to the door, his amused smile making Severus more nervous than being dragged forcibly to the door. He decided not to struggle, tried to keep in step with Lestrange so as not to cause a scene.

The Entrance Hall was empty since everyone was at breakfast. Severus wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The three of them stopped here.

"So, I noticed you were out of your bed last night after curfew," Lucious said, pacing back and forth in front of Severus, who was still being held tight. He took a bite out of his apple before continuing. "What were you doing up so late last night?"

Severus shook his head. "Nothing."

Lestrange's grip on his shoulders tightened painfully, causing Severus to cry out. Lucious shoved the apple into his open mouth.

"Don't make so much racket," Lucious spat. He ran his hands through his hair and took a breath. "Now, I'm going to take that apple out of your mouth in just a moment and I'm going to ask you again. Ok?"

Severus nodded. He looked around the hall frantically for help, someone to stop this. There was no one.

"Severus, Severus look at me," Lucious said slowly. "There's no one to help you. Even if they could get you out of this, you're in it much deeper than that. So look at me. If you want help, this, that is to say me, is the only place you're going to get it. Now," he removed the apple from Severus's mouth, "What were you doing out so late last night?"

"I went for a walk," Severus said quickly.

"What else," Lucious asked.

"Noth-Ahhh!" Lestrange had tightened his grip once again. Severus could feel the pain in his shoulders shooting down his arms, spreading into his neck.

"What else," Lucious asked again, smiling a little this time.

"I ran into Potter, his gang, tried to rough me up, I got away," Severus answered, his breath coming in gasps.

"And did that mudblood Evans have anything to do with your little trip to the grounds last night? Think carefully, Severus. Try to remember," Lucious said.

He looks like he's enjoying this, Severus thought as the rest of his mind reeled with pain. God help me, he looks like he's enjoying this.

"Severus, answer the question," Lucious said smoothly, stroking the side of his face.

"No, I didn't see Evans last night," Severus said quickly.

Another burst of pain exploded in Severus's shoulders and he felt his knees begin to shake uncontrollably. He kept losing his balance, but the grip on his shoulders never faltered, causing the pain to be that much stronger every time he slipped. Finally he hung there, supported only by Lestrange's pincer hands, pain ripping through his shoulders and upper back.

"Severus, Severus, Severus...I'm very disappointed in you for lying to me," Lucious said quietly, trying to sound genuinely hurt. "You see, because I know what you were up to last night. And if I didn't believe it, watching you stare at her this morning proves it. Drop him Lestrange."

Severus felt the hard floor collide with his already scraped up knees. He tried to put his arms out to slow his descent but somehow they had just slid out from beneath him. He pushed himself up to his feet and looked back down at the floor. Though his shoulders were throbbing madly, he kept his hands in tight fists at his sides rather than rub them and give Lucious the satisfaction of knowing how badly he was hurt.

"You see, my sources inform me that you had and invitation to, oh, how was it phrased, 'a bit of tea and conversation' with Evans last night. I myself saw that you were not in your dorm or the Common Room last night, and I've others who confirmed that Evans was out after curfew as well," Lucious said smugly.

"What's the point," Severus asked.

"Evans is a distraction from your true purpose, and a dangerous one at that. She'll only cause problems. You aren't to see her or have anything else to do with her. Is that clear," Lucious asked.

Severus nodded. "Crystal."

"And if you don't have enough will power to keep away from her, we'll be forced to take other measures," Lucious said, and the look on his face to Severus that Lucious would be only to happy to exact those other measures.

"Understood," Severus said, nodding.

"Have a good day then," Lucious said as he walked back into the Great Hall.

Lestrange smiled at Severus as he followed.

Confused and just a little frightened for the first time of what he had gotten himself into, Severus staggered out of the entrance hall and back out onto the grounds.

When his feet touched the soft grass of the grounds and he started to run before he realized he had decided to do it or knew why. He didn't question it, instead he let his feet take them where they would, and soon the shadows of ancient trees fell over him and he was tucked just inside the woods in his favorite hiding place.

"Did you see them drag your boy off," Marian whispered to Lily, who had pointedly refused to look at Severus this morning.

Lily looked up at the Slytherin table. Severus wasn't there.

"What happened," Lilly asked.

Marian shook her head, looking bewildered. "Malfoy and Lestrange," she whispered. "They dragged him out into the hall and he didn't come back in with them."

Lilly stood up quickly but Marian jerked her back into her seat. "Not so fast, my dear. This might have something to do with what happened last night. We should both get up slowly, gather our books and head out together. It looks less suspicious that way."

Lilly nodded, slowly gathered her things together, trying to look as if she didn't have a care in the world, and turned to Marian. "Ready?"

"Yes, let's go," Marian nodded.

The two of them stood up together, arranged their satchels, took their time saying bye to Victoria and Natasha, and then began to walk out.

"Smile darling, they're watching us. You mustn't give us away," Marian said, laughing after she said it.

Lilly smiled convincingly, "What's funny."

"I'm pretending you've just told me a funny joke," Marian said laughing a little more.

Once they were out into the hall Lilly turned a serious face to Marian. "Now what? He could have gone anywhere."

"Well, that's up to you darling. I could care less about the little... What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, he'll probably just be angry with me if I come after him," Lilly said with a disheartened sigh.

"Perhaps, but like I said, it's up to you."

Lilly turned to t go to the library. "I, just forget him. Right?"

Marian patted Lily on the arm. "If it's what you want to do. I'm going to the library, care to come?"

Lilly stared out the window. Blue skies, green grass; Saturday morning was calling her outside. "No, I think I'll stroll the grounds for a bit. It's too nice a day to waste inside."

Once she was on the grounds again she felt unsure of her direction. She wandered aimlessly for a while, staring at the ground as it moved beneath her feet. She tried not to think about last night, about seeing him so scared and alone. She tried not to think about how he had looked almost sad when he told her to leave him alone. Why did he have to be such a dunderhead?

When she looked up she realized she was standing in front of Hagrid's. She smiled, wondered if he would be home. She knocked on the door and waited. Yes, she could hear Fang, Hagrid's new puppy, scurrying around the door excitedly, sniffing at the crack.

The massive door swung open. Hagrid look crumpled-faced. He had just woken up. Lily wondered if she had woken him.

"Lilly," Hagrid said, "Good ter see yeh, come in, come in. Fang! Yeh damn dog, git back 'ere!"

The massive puppy had just shot out onto the grounds and was turning back around.

"There's a good dog, come on now! Come back," Hagrid shouted.

And as puppy's have the irritating habit of doing, Fang made like he was running back to the house only to veer off course at the last second and shoot into the Forbidden Forest.

Hagrid sighed heavily and cursed under his breath. "Looks like I'm gonna' have te' chase tha' runt down. Won't take long if ye' would like to wait, Lil."

"Oh! Let me go with you," Lilly pleaded. "Please? I've never been in the forest before!"

"Tha's cause it's forbidden," Hagrid said, slowly emphasizing the last word.

Lily frowned. "Come on! Fang won't have gone in too far! And it's day time!"

"Out of the question, out of the question," Hagrid said as he grabbed up his crossbow and large piece of rope.

Lily picked up Hagrid's pink umbrella and looked at it thoughtfully.

"What 'er ye' doin' with that," Hagrid asked, reaching for it.

Lilly stepped back and shrugged. "I was just thinking, it's a very unusual umbrella, I haven't ever seen anything like it! I saw you light a fire with it one day, little sparks flew out the end..."

Hagrid frowned. "What 'er ye' getting' at?"

Lilly shrugged. "Well, I know you're not supposed to do magic, or have a wand for that matter. And an umbrella would be the place to hide your broken one... and well, I think we could strike a bargain."

Hagrid's frown deepened. "Oh? And wot would tha' be?"

Lily smiled at him. "Take me with you and I'll teach you some things!"

Hagrid groaned, trying not to sound to pleased. "Alright Lily, you got yerself a deal. Le's go, we're wastin' time 'ere!"

Lily nodded and followed him out of his hut.

"Now, if I have to go in much deeper than the outskirts, you're going right back out, missy," Hagrid said seriously.

"Right," Lilly agreed.

"And if anything dang'rous 'appens, yer to do exactly as I tell yeh'," Hagrid demanded.

"Of course."

"How's next Saturday?"

"Hmm?"

"Fer, ye know, me lessens," Hagrid whispered.

"Oh, Saturday mornings are fine, Hagrid."

As they walked around in the wood Lily was a little disappointed. The forest was magnificent, huge trees formed canopies stories above here, massive roots stood up from the red ground, and all the plants were very pretty. But there was nothing particularly exciting about any of it.

Then she noticed that there were no birds singing. An eerie feeling crept up her spine. It was frighteningly unnatural. She tried to shake the feeling off as she quickened her pace to keep up with Hagrid.

Something tickled her noses, a familiar smell that seemed out of place. Tobacco smoke..."Hagrid, do you smell tha-"

Hagrid rose a finger to his lips and waved at her to stay closer. The two of them crept up closer and closer to a small clearing surrounded by thick bramble and shrubbery. A shirtless boy was sitting there rubbing some sort of salve on the fresh, ugly marks on his shoulders, a cigarette balanced between index and middle finger of the hand holding the small jar. There were other marks there: scars, half-healed bruises, and scabbed-over welts. Fang was sitting at the boy's feet having the backs of his ears scratched by the boy's free hand between rubbing more ointment on.

Lily gasped at the sight of the terrible bruises, causing the boy to turn around, looking surprised and then angry. It was Severus.

"Who's there," he demanded, jerking his robe back on and fumbling with his tie. "I said who's there?" He snatched out his wand and pointed it in their direction.

Hagrid motioned for Lilly to stay put as he stood up slowly. "Jes' me, I wes lookin' fer the dog."

Severus looked relieved and tossed the burning butt over his shoulder. "He's right here, he's fine", he said, reaching down to pet Fang. "Go around to the other side, there's a place where one edge of the thorns goes back farther, you should be able to squeeze through."

Hagrid motioned for Lilly to stay put and quiet and then disappeared around the edge of the bramble. Lilly watched, fascinated, from her spot low to the ground as Hagrid struggled through the gap on the other side.

"Well, there 'e is," Hagrid said happily, looking down at Fang. "Thanks fer lookin' out fer 'im. He gets los' easy an' 'e's a right coward if ever there was one."

Severus shrugged. "He's a good dog. What's his name?"

"Fang, kinda ironic, eh," Hagrid said with a laugh. He picked up the large puppy and deposited him beneath one of his massive arms. "Now, wotcha' doin' out 'ere by yerself? Ye' know students aren't supposed to be out 'ere."

Severus glared at him. "I just wanted some privacy. And I can take care of myself."

"Hold on, there. I was jes' askin'. If ye' want some privacy it's yer business. I jes' wanted to make sure you was alright, s'all," Hagrid said, sounding mildly surprised. "I no teacher, ye' know. If ye' wanna' come out 'ere it's fine by me. Jes' don't go any father than this. Gets a might bit hairy past 'ere."

Severus nodded and replaced his wand in his pocket. "Thanks for the advice. I guess I'll be going now."

"Wait, son, what's yer name," Hagrid asked, moving the crossbow to the hand holding Fang and extending his free hand.

Severus hesitantly shook the massive hand, winced slightly at Hagrid's grip, and said; "I'm Severus Snape. You're Hagrid, right?"

"Yeh, tha's me. Come by sometime when yer free, I'll show ye' about the woods a bit."

The corner of Severus's lip twitched a little as he struggled to suppress a smile. "You could do that? I mean, the Headmaster wouldn't mind?"

Hagrid shrugged. "Well, I'll 'ave to ask, o' course, but if it's fer educational purposes, I can't see 'im mindin'."

Severus nodded. "Right, well, see you around Hagrid."

"See ye'," Hagrid said, disappearing into the bramble again and coming around to the side where Lilly was hiding.

They walked a fair way back to Hagrid's hut in silence. Lilly watched Hagrid, both confused and amazed. She didn't understand why Hagrid had said nothing about the bruises and welts on Severus's back. He might have needed to go to the hospital wing. But she was amazed at how easily Hagrid had talked to him, how Hagrid had put Severus off his defensive.

"What 'er ye' lookin' at me like that fer," Hagrid asked, fastening the rope around Fang's neck for a leash.

"It's just, you didn't say anything to him about all those bruises," Lilly blurted out.

"Weren't just bruises, look's te' me like he might have had a cracked rib or to healin' up," Hagrid said, his voice deep with controlled anger.

"See! That's what I mean! He should have gone to the hospital wing or something, and whoever did that deserves punishment," Lilly said, tears coming to her eyes.

Hagrid nodded. "Yer right, Lil, but ye' don't understand how men are. If I had told him I saw what I did, 'e woulda' been ashamed. Maybe even angry with me. Men don' like to be seen as weak, ye' see."

"But if someone stronger, bigger than him did it then there was nothing he could have done is there," Lilly said, frustrated.

Hagrid shook his head. "No, nothin' he coulda' done. But 'e don't see it like that. He sees 'imself as weak, an' to 'im those injuries are proof of it. Sides, I'm not 'is mother."

Lilly wiped at her eyes. She didn't understand and she didn't think she wanted to. "If someone hit me like that, I'd go straight to Marian and tell her all about it."

Hagrid pushed the door to his hut open. "Yeh' want te' come in fer a minute. I think we need te' finish the conversation."

Lilly nodded. When she went in she put the kettle over the fire and set out cups and spoons for tea.

Hagrid sat down heavily, causing his large chair to creak beneath his weight. "Now, ye' said you'd got right to Marian if somethin' like tha' happened to yeh', but I've seen 'im around. Don't think he 'as any friends, at least not close 'uns."

Lilly frowned. "I think you're right. The only person I ever seen him with is Lucious Malfoy."

"Now there's a face to avoid," Hagrid said.

Lilly shrugged. "I know. I worry about him."

Hagrid smiled. "Someone needs to," he looked up at the large grandfather clock. "Hmmm, yeh' need to be getting' back."

"But we haven't even had tea!"

"Lilly, it's past tea-time. It's five after six."

"But we weren't in the forest that long, Hagrid! You should have your clock checked," Lilly protested.

"Look outside, it's getting' darker."

Lilly looked outside and indeed, the shadows of the trees and the castle covered nearly half the grounds in shade. She looked back at Hagrid alarmed.

He laughed loudly. "Tha's the thing about the Forbidden Forrest, one o' the things tha' makes it dangerous, too. Time don't seem to pass right there, we've been gone for hours."

Lilly grabbed her satchel off the table, slung it over her shoulder, pecked Hagrid on the cheek and shot out the door, tearing off towards the castle.

"Where have you been, Severus," Lucious asked as Snape staggered into the Slytherin common room.

Severus fought to disguise his insolent look as surprise. "I went out to the woods. I wanted some thinking time."

Lucious yawned. "Oh, well, I figured you'd gone to sulk somewhere. Did you take care of the business with Evans?"

Severus closed his eyes for a moment and stroked his temples. He could feel the headache coming on. Biting back his anger, he answered, "There's no business to take care of. What needed to be said was said last night."

Lucious leaned his head back into Narcissa's lap and she stroked his fine heavy hair. "Hmm, that so? You might have said something earlier then. The incident in the Entrance hall was entirely unnecessary."

Severus nodded. "I've got to go to the library. I have some things I want to look up. I just thought I'd let you know."

Lucious did not bother with an answer. Severus stood there for a moment before leaving the common room. He didn't have any real intentions to go to the library when he had said it; he just needed some excuse to get away from Lucious. Now that he thought about it, he did need to go research the properties of monkshood, so he trudged off to the library.

When he passed the Great Hall he could smell the food and his stomach rumbled, reminding him that all he'd eaten that day was a piece of toast and a few sips of coffee. He veered off course and entered, the aroma of roast beef, pudding, spinach soufflé, mashed potatoes, and rolls hit him in the face. His stomach voiced its complaint again so he sat down at his table quickly and began to pile his food on his plate.

As he dug into his large portion of roast beef he sensed someone behind him. He turned around to see a very angry girl standing, arms across her chest and trying to bore holes in his back with her eyes. He looked at her tie, red and gold. He sighed heavily. God only knew what she wanted. Before Severus could ask she took a hasty seat next to him.

"Can I help you," he asked, feeling thoroughly put out.

"Yes, I'm Marian Bones, Lily's best friend," she said as though it should have some meaning to him.

"What's your point," he asked, filling his goblet with pumpkin juice.

Marian twirled one of her golden strands of hair around her finger as she stared at him. "Well, I'm wanted to know just what your intentions are towards her, and if you've seen her today."

Severus looked at her, alarmed and amazed. "I'm sorry I don't keep tabs on every girl I meet. And what exactly makes you think I have 'intentions' towards her? I barely know her."

Marian shrugged. "I've seen you watching her," she said coolly, as if it were something she might mention to anybody.

Severus's alarm turned to panic. "I-I don't know what you mean. I have more important things than her to be getting on with"

Marian sighed dramatically. "Oh, don't be a twit. You know exactly what I mean. It's always from a distance, over a stack of books in the library, from across the Great Hall at meal times, while you study on the grounds... if we're anywhere near you you've got an eye to her. And she watches you almost as closely. You're both so horribly irritating in your oblivion. I'm not the only one who's noticed either."

"Is that so," Severus asked, tying to sound incredulous.

Marian smiled. "Yes it is. James Potter for instance. He sees you look at Lilly, sees her watch you, it drives him absolutely mad. He's crazy for her and she's all nutters over you and you obviously worship the ground she walks on!"

"Please, I've heard quite enough! I don't worship anything, especially not the sodden tracks of some witless girl," Severus insisted.

Marian laughed loudly and long. "Please, Mr. Snape. I saw you just this week in the hall, trailing your hand on the wall where Lily had touched it just minutes ago. Let's not pretend things are not as they are. It's not becoming of us. You are caught. In fact you were caught last night watching her in the rose garden by Potter himself. I saved your skin; they were ripe to bust you. The least you could do is tell the truth."

Severus frowned, bit his lip, and pushed his plate away. Resting his elbows on the table he turned and looked at her steadily. She might be incredibly annoying, but she was right and she knew it. "Let's suppose, my mad friend, that you are correct in your ravings. What then, pray tell, do you want me to say?"

"I want you, darling, to first find Lilly and talk to her. She is absolutely distressed over you. I can't bear to see it. Confess all to your secret love and enjoy the fruit of it," Marian said with a satisfied sigh.

"Woman, if I wanted poetry I would be in the library," Severus retorted. He threw up his hands, "There's a flaw in your great plan, anyway. I can't do that. I wish that I could, but Lucious for one would never allow me to get side tracked by-"

Marian moaned. "Not that useless git! Who cares about Lucious Malfoy? Lily Evans is mad with desire for you, and if she doesn't find a way to reach you, then she'll be heartbroken forever. Slytherin or no Slytherin, you can't possibly be so ambition-crazed as to pass this by. If you do you are a heartless moron."

Severus rose from the table and began to walk off.

"Where are you going," Marian called after him.

Severus shot and angry look over his shoulder as he continued to the door. "To find her!"

Marian smiled and grabbed a roll off the table. A Slytherin girl stopped and stared at her.

"What are you doing here", the girl asked.

Marian offered her part of the roll. "Have you tried these? They're truly amazing. Pastry is really an art, don't you think?"

Lily sat in a lonely part of the library. A plaque on the shelf above her read "Muggle Fiction". The other students rarely came to this all but forgotten corner of the massive library so she felt quite safe in hiding out here to have a nice long sob. She wasn't even sure why she was crying, but she was certain she didn't want to be bothered by anybody while she got on with it.

She heard footsteps approaching and she scrubbed at her eyes, hoping no one would notice. Raising a book to hide her face she tried to look inconspicuous as possible. She was surprised when long finely sculpted fingers reached over the top of the book and pulled it away from her. She looked up to find herself staring back at Severus Snape. He looked confused as she was as he set the book down on the table.

"What do you want," she asked, feeling the hot tears seep back into her eyes.

He reached across the table and brushed them away, his thumb a little hard on her cheek. "For you to stop crying," Severus said, and then as an afterthought, "Now and forever. I'm not worth all this."

She stood up and flung her arms around him. She heard him wince softly and she stepped back, feeling foolish for having forgotten what she'd seen. She ran her fingers through his lank hair and then blushed.

"We should talk," Severus said, sitting down in the armchair next to hers.

Lilly's heart was pounding. She wasn't sure of what was going on, whether it was a good thing or not, or if she wanted to find out. She watched him, waiting for what he would say next. He sat hunched down in the chair, looking thoroughly miserable and confused.

Finally he took a deep breath and said, "Lilly, I'm sorry, but nothing can ever happen between us."

She sat back in her chair. The room seemed to become fuzzy around her. There was an odd buzzing noise in her ears that consumed the silence. "What do you mean?"

Severus scrubbed at his face. "It's for the best. You don't understand my position."

"What position is that," she snapped.

"I care for you, I do. But there is more going on in this world, even here at school, than you know about and that's for the best."

"I don't care what house you're in, I don't care what you've done, what you're doing, I don't care about any of that. You- I- look at me, Severus!"

He turned his head to look at her reluctantly. God, she was crying again. How could he make this stop?

"When I look at you, when we've spoken, you've always been so cruel. But then when you don't realize I'm watching you, you look so sad, so hurt. I see the real person behind all your imitations. You try to act like you don't care, like no one can even touch you, when all the time you're so miserable. Why can't you just be real for one second, just let me in for a moment?"

Severus looked away. How was it possible that she could do this to him? All this time he had worked so hard to hide it all, even from himself, and here she comes to drag it all into light. He was about to speak when she lunged forward, grabbed his face with her warm hands and twisted it gently towards her.

"I don't care who we are, just kiss me and let things go where they will," Lilly said.

His heart stopped. He was sure. He was dead. This could not be happening. This was a dream. And since it was a dream there could be no consequences for what would happen next. So he closed his eyes and leaned in, brushing her lips with his own hesitantly, then pressing against them again slowly. As they kissed he trailed his hand up hers and then rested it on her cheek. It was still damp from her crying. He was glad this was all a dream, otherwise he would have hated himself for making her cry.

When they parted she was smiling and he laughed nervously. So that's a kiss, he thought happily, little auras of color floating before his eyes. And I suppose those would be the fireworks. He felt euphoric and new.

"What now," he asked her.

Lilly shrugged.

"Uh-uh, this was your idea, dreadful as it may be, Ms. Evans. Surely you have some sort of plan."

"I suppose we'll have to keep this a secret," Lilly said with a smile.

Severus nodded. "That's the truth and I'm serious."

"No you're not, you're Severus."

He smiled despite himself. He'd often thought that when someone used the phrase but had never said it. "Don't get cute. You know what I mean. We should go on about our business as though we have nothing to do with each other. In fact, I need to get back to my house."

Lilly nodded. "Yeah, it's getting late and I have homework. But when will I see you again?"

"When the time is right, I'll let you know," he told her.

She rose to go he bragged her hand. He was smiling, really smiling. Something inside her melted in a blaze of white heat.

"Goodnight," he whispered, wishing he didn't have to let go of her hand.

"Pleasant dreams," she said breathlessly.

Severus watched her as she went, thinking he could die now, hoping the sun did not rise tomorrow because at that moment everything was perfect in a way he knew it could never be perfect again.