Disclaimer- If anyone here actually believes I am writing this to try
and cheat J.K.Rowling I will be forced to hit you upside the head and
yell 'Imbecile!'. I do not own Harry Potter or any song of Linkin
Park's including 'Breaking the Habit'.
Authors Note- For a while now I have been trying to write a 6th Year story, but this little piece has been bugging me. Then I got a Linkin Park cd... This song just seemed to click with what was in my head so I wrote this in hopes that it would let me make some headway with my other story. BUT I am thinking about a second chapter; let me know what you think.
To those of you who might say something, I know I cut out parts of the song! It was getting to long without being redundant in the story. But anyway...Read on and enjoy!
I would greatly appreciate feedback and constructive criticism!
MEMORIES CONSUME
Alone on July 31, in the barren room of Number 4 Private Drive, Harry Potter lay dreaming of days gone by, opportunities lost, and mistakes made. Unable to stop them, the memories wound their way into his dreams; memories of innocent days, mocking him in spite; memories of normalcy, of having nothing to mark him, burdening his conscience with the inevitable; but most of all, memories of Sirius. One scene above all others haunted his nightmares...
Memories consume...
"SIRIUS!!" Harry bellowed until his voice was hoarse, fighting and kicking at the person holding him back from his godfather. He had to help; if he could just get to the veil, everything would be ok...
"He can't come back, Harry." Remus choked, struggling to keep a firm grip on the flailing child, and making every effort to keep himself from falling to his knees in numb disbelief. "He... he can't come back because he's d-"
"HE-IS-NOT-DEAD!!!"
Like opening the wound...
"NNOO!" Harry awoke screaming from the wrenching pain the vision seared through his soul. He sat up out of breathe, and shaking in the darkened room, soaked with sweat as the memory replayed before his eyes again and again. It was all his fault... all his fault. Guilt tormented him, making the emptiness where Sirius had been a thousand times worse. He couldn't take it...
I'm picking me apart again...
Harry quickly wiped away the tears burning down his face, trying in vain to stifle his wracking sobs. 'Sirius...I'm so sorry...so sorry... I miss you...It was all my fault. I was so stupid...'
You all assume I'm safe here in my room. Unless I try to start again...
Pain twisted furiously in his chest... "I don't deserve to live for what I did to you..." He said in a strangled whisper that fell silent in the deadened air. Sorrow and bitterness welled within him as Harry stared at the jagged scars that stood out on his arms and wrists. No one cared that he did it...or knew... No one cared, he was alone. 'I don't deserve to live...'
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose...
'For neither can live while the other survives.' Why did everything happen to him? He just wanted to be normal, but that would never happen. He would never be happy, for he could never live. There was no way he could live. Harry wrapped his arms around his legs, laying his head on his knees. He was nothing special, he had no power...
Cause inside I realize, that I'm the one confused...
He wept in frustration... How could he possibly win? He just couldn't, and that's why everyone treated him like a child. They pitied him. Only Sirius ever treated like an equal, but Harry had killed him off too. 'I'm so sorry...'
I don't know what's worth fighting for...
Everyone around him always died, and they always would. They would be so much better off without him. He didn't even have a life to fight for. Everything was always taken away. All he had was one existence full of pain and suffering.
Or why I have to scream...
It wasn't fair. No one should have to go through what he did. He didn't want to feel this anymore...
I don't know why I instigate, and say what I don't mean...
He had been a rotten friend to Ron and Hermione, and then he nearly got them killed. He didn't deserve their friendship. They would be so much better of without him. They would just die too, because of him... No... He wouldn't let them...
I don't know how I got this way...
They were in danger because of his stupid hero complex. Hermione tried to warn him, but he didn't listen. He never listened. He didn't deserve her. He wouldn't hurt anyone else with his recklessness.
Harry climbed out of the bed on shaky legs, and dropped to his knees, reaching for the loose board underneath. He sorted through the books and old letters until he found what he was looking for.
I know it's not alright...
Harry stared at the stained brown knife in his hands and froze. It was wrong. His mind was flashing warnings to him. But he told himself they didn't matter. He would protect his friends...he would see his parents and Sirius again...
So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight...
No more trying to be the hero... He wouldn't do it anymore... No one else would get hurt. He could use the knife. Then finish it off with his wand, the thing that started it all. Avada Kedavra.
Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door...
Rising from the ground, Harry crossed the room and checked the door. It was still locked. Good. He turned and sat back on the bed, staring around the room. Photos and letters were scattered across the floor, with multiple people waving at him from their frames; mainly his parents and the marauders. All but one gone, separated by death and choice; because of the prophecy of his fate. Another bloody reason it was all his fault...
I try to catch my breathe again...
Why couldn't it all have all been different!? Why couldn't the fates just leave him alone?! Didn't anyone care what this was doing to him?! Didn't anyone care at all?! No, they just sent him back here, where he was safe! Didn't they realize what this place was doing to him?!
I hurt much more, than anything before...
Harry clutched the knife and wand tightly in his hands. He had to do it now, while he still had the chance. When he was gone, the prophecy would be void, and someone else better than him could have the chance to take Voldemort down. Tears ran down his face. And he would be happy... He would be with his parents, Sirius, and he could make peace with Cedric. He would be happy... truly happy...and free...
I have no options left again...
Harry was shaking by now, as the tip of the knife rested on his arm. He wanted so much to have relief from the pain and emptiness...Bracing himself he pressed, sliding the blade across his arm, tearing his pale skin. Red blossomed and oozed onto the bed-sheets, staining them, and he choked back a gasp of searing pain. Again and again, he cut.
I'll Paint it on the walls, 'Cause I'm the one at fault...
Harry stared at his arms, now covered in angry red lines. What would everyone think when they found him dead? Acting on impulse Harry turned to the wall by his bed, and used his smeared blood to write...
'I'm sorry to everyone, it was my fault. I will never bring anyone else pain again. Bye.' Tears leaked from his dark and haunted eyes; eyes that used to be filled with laughter and life. He'd never see Ron or Hermione again... but they were better off without him...
I'll never fight again, and this is how it ends...
Too weak to stay sitting, Harry lay down, heaving a sigh. He cut feel the sharp sting from the wounds, and he could feel himself grow weaker from blood-loss. His head was spinning. Kind of ironic he thought. To die on the day he was born, the day everyone's life was doomed, and now they would be free of him. He would burden them no longer.
So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit...
Harry grew tired, and still weaker. He knew he had to do it now, before he was too far gone to say the spell. He could feel his wand resting in his hand, a comforting presence, always there when he needed it, and he needed it now.
Suddenly panic and more sorrow flooded through him, he was going to kill himself. What cruel fate had brought the happy boy riding a broom to end it? He was really going to do it, finish it all...it scared him. But he was a Gryffindor, he had courage, he could do it. He had to do it... He needed so badly to see his parents again... and Sirius.
I'm brreeaaakkking the habit, tonight...
"I need you Sirius..." He whispered as he opened his eyes and raised his wand to his chest... A sudden calm claimed him; where he was going, he would be safe from pain and hate. Death was the next great adventure.
"Avada-" Images of his life flashed by... Meeting Hagrid, the train to Hogwarts, Ron's red hair, Hermione's smile, riding a broom for the first time, Ginny at the Burrow, the twins giving of the map, Meeting Remus, Dumbledore's start of term speeches, finding Sirius... He needed to see him again...
"-Kedavra." Green light consumed Harry, and he knew no more of this world. Far away an evil man laughed in triumph, as Harry lay lifeless and unmoving, with a look of relief on his face, all signs of grief and pain erased.
So what did you guys think? I really can't imagine what it would be like to loose someone so close to you... This is my worst case scenario of what Harry would do. Though somehow I doubt J.K. would write it. Please REVIEW and say SOMETHING about this story!
I have recently posted some original works, not as dark as this. If you would like to read them see my bio. I think the stories there are much better written then this, so read and review if you would like!
Authors Note- For a while now I have been trying to write a 6th Year story, but this little piece has been bugging me. Then I got a Linkin Park cd... This song just seemed to click with what was in my head so I wrote this in hopes that it would let me make some headway with my other story. BUT I am thinking about a second chapter; let me know what you think.
To those of you who might say something, I know I cut out parts of the song! It was getting to long without being redundant in the story. But anyway...Read on and enjoy!
I would greatly appreciate feedback and constructive criticism!
MEMORIES CONSUME
Alone on July 31, in the barren room of Number 4 Private Drive, Harry Potter lay dreaming of days gone by, opportunities lost, and mistakes made. Unable to stop them, the memories wound their way into his dreams; memories of innocent days, mocking him in spite; memories of normalcy, of having nothing to mark him, burdening his conscience with the inevitable; but most of all, memories of Sirius. One scene above all others haunted his nightmares...
Memories consume...
"SIRIUS!!" Harry bellowed until his voice was hoarse, fighting and kicking at the person holding him back from his godfather. He had to help; if he could just get to the veil, everything would be ok...
"He can't come back, Harry." Remus choked, struggling to keep a firm grip on the flailing child, and making every effort to keep himself from falling to his knees in numb disbelief. "He... he can't come back because he's d-"
"HE-IS-NOT-DEAD!!!"
Like opening the wound...
"NNOO!" Harry awoke screaming from the wrenching pain the vision seared through his soul. He sat up out of breathe, and shaking in the darkened room, soaked with sweat as the memory replayed before his eyes again and again. It was all his fault... all his fault. Guilt tormented him, making the emptiness where Sirius had been a thousand times worse. He couldn't take it...
I'm picking me apart again...
Harry quickly wiped away the tears burning down his face, trying in vain to stifle his wracking sobs. 'Sirius...I'm so sorry...so sorry... I miss you...It was all my fault. I was so stupid...'
You all assume I'm safe here in my room. Unless I try to start again...
Pain twisted furiously in his chest... "I don't deserve to live for what I did to you..." He said in a strangled whisper that fell silent in the deadened air. Sorrow and bitterness welled within him as Harry stared at the jagged scars that stood out on his arms and wrists. No one cared that he did it...or knew... No one cared, he was alone. 'I don't deserve to live...'
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose...
'For neither can live while the other survives.' Why did everything happen to him? He just wanted to be normal, but that would never happen. He would never be happy, for he could never live. There was no way he could live. Harry wrapped his arms around his legs, laying his head on his knees. He was nothing special, he had no power...
Cause inside I realize, that I'm the one confused...
He wept in frustration... How could he possibly win? He just couldn't, and that's why everyone treated him like a child. They pitied him. Only Sirius ever treated like an equal, but Harry had killed him off too. 'I'm so sorry...'
I don't know what's worth fighting for...
Everyone around him always died, and they always would. They would be so much better off without him. He didn't even have a life to fight for. Everything was always taken away. All he had was one existence full of pain and suffering.
Or why I have to scream...
It wasn't fair. No one should have to go through what he did. He didn't want to feel this anymore...
I don't know why I instigate, and say what I don't mean...
He had been a rotten friend to Ron and Hermione, and then he nearly got them killed. He didn't deserve their friendship. They would be so much better of without him. They would just die too, because of him... No... He wouldn't let them...
I don't know how I got this way...
They were in danger because of his stupid hero complex. Hermione tried to warn him, but he didn't listen. He never listened. He didn't deserve her. He wouldn't hurt anyone else with his recklessness.
Harry climbed out of the bed on shaky legs, and dropped to his knees, reaching for the loose board underneath. He sorted through the books and old letters until he found what he was looking for.
I know it's not alright...
Harry stared at the stained brown knife in his hands and froze. It was wrong. His mind was flashing warnings to him. But he told himself they didn't matter. He would protect his friends...he would see his parents and Sirius again...
So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight...
No more trying to be the hero... He wouldn't do it anymore... No one else would get hurt. He could use the knife. Then finish it off with his wand, the thing that started it all. Avada Kedavra.
Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door...
Rising from the ground, Harry crossed the room and checked the door. It was still locked. Good. He turned and sat back on the bed, staring around the room. Photos and letters were scattered across the floor, with multiple people waving at him from their frames; mainly his parents and the marauders. All but one gone, separated by death and choice; because of the prophecy of his fate. Another bloody reason it was all his fault...
I try to catch my breathe again...
Why couldn't it all have all been different!? Why couldn't the fates just leave him alone?! Didn't anyone care what this was doing to him?! Didn't anyone care at all?! No, they just sent him back here, where he was safe! Didn't they realize what this place was doing to him?!
I hurt much more, than anything before...
Harry clutched the knife and wand tightly in his hands. He had to do it now, while he still had the chance. When he was gone, the prophecy would be void, and someone else better than him could have the chance to take Voldemort down. Tears ran down his face. And he would be happy... He would be with his parents, Sirius, and he could make peace with Cedric. He would be happy... truly happy...and free...
I have no options left again...
Harry was shaking by now, as the tip of the knife rested on his arm. He wanted so much to have relief from the pain and emptiness...Bracing himself he pressed, sliding the blade across his arm, tearing his pale skin. Red blossomed and oozed onto the bed-sheets, staining them, and he choked back a gasp of searing pain. Again and again, he cut.
I'll Paint it on the walls, 'Cause I'm the one at fault...
Harry stared at his arms, now covered in angry red lines. What would everyone think when they found him dead? Acting on impulse Harry turned to the wall by his bed, and used his smeared blood to write...
'I'm sorry to everyone, it was my fault. I will never bring anyone else pain again. Bye.' Tears leaked from his dark and haunted eyes; eyes that used to be filled with laughter and life. He'd never see Ron or Hermione again... but they were better off without him...
I'll never fight again, and this is how it ends...
Too weak to stay sitting, Harry lay down, heaving a sigh. He cut feel the sharp sting from the wounds, and he could feel himself grow weaker from blood-loss. His head was spinning. Kind of ironic he thought. To die on the day he was born, the day everyone's life was doomed, and now they would be free of him. He would burden them no longer.
So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit...
Harry grew tired, and still weaker. He knew he had to do it now, before he was too far gone to say the spell. He could feel his wand resting in his hand, a comforting presence, always there when he needed it, and he needed it now.
Suddenly panic and more sorrow flooded through him, he was going to kill himself. What cruel fate had brought the happy boy riding a broom to end it? He was really going to do it, finish it all...it scared him. But he was a Gryffindor, he had courage, he could do it. He had to do it... He needed so badly to see his parents again... and Sirius.
I'm brreeaaakkking the habit, tonight...
"I need you Sirius..." He whispered as he opened his eyes and raised his wand to his chest... A sudden calm claimed him; where he was going, he would be safe from pain and hate. Death was the next great adventure.
"Avada-" Images of his life flashed by... Meeting Hagrid, the train to Hogwarts, Ron's red hair, Hermione's smile, riding a broom for the first time, Ginny at the Burrow, the twins giving of the map, Meeting Remus, Dumbledore's start of term speeches, finding Sirius... He needed to see him again...
"-Kedavra." Green light consumed Harry, and he knew no more of this world. Far away an evil man laughed in triumph, as Harry lay lifeless and unmoving, with a look of relief on his face, all signs of grief and pain erased.
So what did you guys think? I really can't imagine what it would be like to loose someone so close to you... This is my worst case scenario of what Harry would do. Though somehow I doubt J.K. would write it. Please REVIEW and say SOMETHING about this story!
I have recently posted some original works, not as dark as this. If you would like to read them see my bio. I think the stories there are much better written then this, so read and review if you would like!
