Author's Note: Thank you for reviewing! I am always trying to improve, and your feedback helps! About this chapter being out so long after the first... well I had honestly decided to keep it one-shot, but as luck would have it, I was attacked by a muse at school...
Disclaimer: Nods solemnly to lawyer... That's right sir. I lost the case. Harry Potter still belongs to J.K.Rowling despite the obvious abuse her characters have suffered. Not that I would do much better. coughcough
MEMORIES CONSUME
"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "You'll never believe the reference to aciesdators I found in this book! It's actually-" She looked up from her reading, and realized she had been speaking to no one. Ron's chair beneath the Black family tree was empty, and 'The Cannon's Keepers' was lying face down on a black, twisted table engraved with coiled snakes.
"Ron?" Hermione called, and received no answer. With a tired sigh she set down her book, 'The Diary of Castus Black: An Unspeakable's Life', and left to search for her friend. Lately, she found he had a shorter attention span than normal, though he couldn't be blamed for it...
Walking into the darkened corridor Hermione heard a clock chime downstairs. The large house could carry sound from one end to the other if it was quiet enough.
Finally reaching the boys' room, Hermione knocked on the solid oak door.
"Ron?" Hermione asked loudly.
"Ssshh!" Some one hissed around the corner to her left.
It was then Hermione realized she could hear the sound of raised voices coming from the kitchen below. Arguments happened so often in Grimmauld Place she had learned to tune them out.
With a quick stride she turned the corner, and collided into a freckled face with flaming red hair. Ron landed on the floor with a muffled 'Umphf!'
"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione said sternly, rubbing at the spot on her head that had hit Ron's. She could feel a headache coming on. "Why are you listening to one of your parent's arguments?!" The sound of Mrs. Weasley's voice reverberating through the hall made it clear the woman was involved.
Glaring, Ron got up from the floor. "I'm no-"
"Honestly, what could they be saying that would be of interest to you?"
"They're talk-"
Hermione's lips thinned, and she assumed her McGonagall stance. "If you don't get away from this banister right now I'll-"
Ron's hand covered her mouth, and she never got to finish her threat.
"Quiet or they'll hear you!" Ron was silent a moment to make sure the voices in the kitchen hadn't heard, but a booming 'How DARE you?!' assured the eavesdroppers they were safe.
"Now will you be quiet?" He asked pleadingly.
Her eyes narrowed.
"I- I'll take that as a yes." Said Ron and he hesitantly removed his hand from her mouth. When Hermione continued glaring and jerked her bushy head in the direction of his other hand Ron realized he had grabbed her arm.
Blushing he let go and murmured a soft "Sorry..."
The awkward moment broke when Mrs. Weasley yelled. 'Do NOT think this is MY FAULT!'
"No bother." Hermione whispered, pushing her bushy hair out of her face. "Now, what's going on with your parents? WHY are you sp-?"
Ron quickly interrupted. "Mum's yelling at Lupin not my dad." He turned to look through the bars of the banister, and the next moment Hermione recognized Lupin's voice. Her eyes widened in surprise, never before had she heard him yell; never at students, colleagues or even Pettigrew. He was the type of person that always kept a calm appearance.
"We've got to do SOMETHING dammit!" Ron and Hermione sat frozen at the banister along the stairs.
"How long have you been here?" Hermione whispered.
"'Bout five minutes... They're talking about Harry"
Her heart skipped a beat. "What are they-?"
"Lupin wants to see him but he can't. Quiet, they're still going!"
The duo settled back and let the angry voices of Mrs. Weasley and their previous Professor pound their eardrums.
"You KNOW Albus's orders Remus! Just accept it! I don't like it anymore then you do! He'll BE-!"
Hermione frowned. "What orders are they-?"
"Shh! Just listen!"
"HE WILL NOT BE FINE MOLLY!" They heard a bang as if Remus had hit the table in frustration.
"WE WANRNED THE DURSLEYS DIDN'T WE?!" Mrs. Weasley exploded.
"It's NOT the DURSLEY'S I'm worried about Molly! Did you see his FACE at the train station?!"
"YES, and Ronald said he had started to cope! HE WILL BE-"
"HE IS NOT FINE MOLLY! HE'S JUST LOST THE ONLY FAMILY HE HAD!" Remus shouted.
"WE ARE HIS FAMILY REMUS!" Mrs. Weasley yelled indignantly.
"IT WAS HIS GODFATHER FOR GOODNESS SAKE! HIS PARENT'S BEST FRIEND!"
"WELL HE WASN'T A VERY GOOD FATHER NOW WAS HE?!"
Hermione gasped and threw her hands to her mouth at Mrs. Weasley's accusation. Ron leaned hugged his friend's shoulder with one arm, his face drawn and pale.
Mrs. Weasley continued her tirade. "WHO WAS THERE AFTER HIS FIRST YEAR?! US! OR HIS SECOND AFTER THE-"
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT SIRIUS?!" Remus bellowed. "HE WAS THE BEST FATHER HE COULD BE AFTER THAT HELL YOU PEOPLE PUT HIM THROUGH!"
"HOW can you imply that-?"
"YOU DIDN'T FIGHT IT DID YOU?! DID YOU?!"
Mrs. Weasley's answer was inaudible but it was obvious what the answer must have been.
"THEN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT! AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! HARRY IS NOT TAKING IT W-!"
"He IS FINE!"
"MERLIN'S BALLS MOLLY! DID YOU EVEN HEAR TONK'S REPORT?!"
Ron and Hermione leaned forward expectantly, anxious for news about their best friend, and were surprised at Mrs. Weasley's answer.
In a shaky voice that implied she was close to tears Mrs. Weasley answered. "Yes Remus."
"THEN WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO REPEAT IT SO IT CAN MAKE ITSELF CLEAR TO YOU?! TONKS SLIPPED UP AND HARRY KNEW SHE WAS THEIR! HE WAS BEGGING HER FOR NEWS! AND SHE COULDN'T TALK TO HIM! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THEN MOLLY?!"
In a tear filled voice she answered. "Yes."
"HE STARTED SCREAMING AND YELLING FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO TALK TO! HE WAS BEGGING HER TO SHOW HERSELF SO HE COULD AT LEAST SEE A FRIENDLY FACE! YET SHE COULD'NT GO TO HIM! AND I BET YOU KNOW THE NEXT PART!"
A small "Yes." was followed by a sob.
"AFTER HE FINISHED HIS SHOUTING HE CRIED UNTIL HE WAS TO EXUASTED TO STAY AWAKE! DO YOU CALL THAT FINE MOLLY?!"
At this point Hermione let out a horrified sob, and latched on to Ron, who was too worried about his best friend to be embarrassed about hugging her.
"I know Remus." Mrs. Weasley said sounding as bad as the two friends looked. "But Albus said under no circumstances are we to approach him."
"Yes, and that's why Tonks is in trouble for CARRYING THE BOY HOME FROM THAT BLOODY ALLEY! Was she just supposed to leave him there to be found by some muggle gang?!" Remus's voice cracked at the last word.
"I know Remus, but we just can't..." Mrs. Weasley answered in a tired voice.
"I don't know what to do Molly!" All the anger that had been in Lupin's voice was replaced with desperation. "I think he'll do something rash. And if he feels half as bad as I do..." Lupin heaved a small sob.
"Oh, poor dear." Mrs. Weasley said soothingly at the man she had just been shouting at moments before. "You look horrible. You should go get some rest."
"I can't Molly." Lupin croaked. "Haven't been able to sleep since... since..." Ron and Hermione could hear the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. "He's gone..."
That was all it took to rouse Mrs. Weasley into a full motherly mode.
"Ssh, it's ok Remus, just let it out. You haven't let yourself grieve yet have you? Shh it's ok. I understand. I'm here."
Remus's cries were so forlorn and devoid of hope it sent shivers down the children's spines; though at this point it would be hard to call the two friends sitting at the banister children. They had seen more than most people their age, as well as Harry. All they were thankful for was they hadn't yet lost anyone that close, to the war.
Later.
Number 12 Grimmauld place was still and silent, save for the clock on the wall steadily ticking in the kitchen, and the irregular breathing coming from the stooped figure nursing a drink at the table. Lost in his grief, the man gave no notice to his surroundings, including the person stumbling though the doorway to his left.
"Professor?"
Remus jumped in surprise, knocking over the mug on the table with a loud clatter, and staining the cloth. Cursing his clumsiness, he quickly muttered a quick 'Scourgify', and turned toward the voice, trying to see who it was through the dark.
"Ron?" said Remus hoarsely, his throat aching from his recent bout of depression and fire whiskey. He glanced at the clock. "What are you doing up at five in the morning?" He asked, quickly drying his eyes with the sleeve of his patched and frayed robes.
"I- I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep, so I was getting a drink." Ron answered, walking to the table. "Bugger!" He exclaimed as the stench of alcohol reached his nose. "Lumos Kitchen!"
With the faint sound of a breeze, the lights flashed and shone brightly around the room, illuminating the haggard form of Remus Lupin sitting at the table. His robes hung loosely from his shoulders as he stared at Ron. His eyes were red and swollen.
"Er...Professor?" Ron asked hesitantly. "Have you been drinking?"
Remus gave a heavy sigh.
"I'm not your professor anymore Ron, call me Remus... Come, sit down." He said, gesturing to the chair across from him. When Ron sat Remus gazed at him for a moment before speaking softly.
"How are those scars healing? Your last St. Mungo's session was yesterday correct?"
Ron nodded mutely picking at the edge of the tattered table cloth.
"I presume the imprinting has stopped then?" Remus asked still staring over the top of his empty mug.
Ron continued to pull out the strings of fabric as he answered. "Yeah, the healers said they'd removed the last of the memories the aciesdators gave me, but I'd still have the knowledge and impressions."
"Hmm..." said Remus, looking away with a sad look on his face.
"Pro- Remus, you ok?" Ron asked looking up, concern reflected in his eyes.
"I've seen better days Ron. Things have been difficult, for us all." Remus tried to give what he hoped was a reassuring smile, but suspected he failed miserably.
"Sirius?" Ron whispered questioningly.
Remus closed his eyes and his face tightened at the onslaught of feelings his friend's old name invoked; loneliness, emptiness, pain... a pain in his chest so acute it seemed physical. Believing Padfoot to be a traitor the first time and been devastating. But losing him a second time, just after finding hope of a new start, was a blow to his heart he'd never recover from. He was right back down to being the last true marauder, when all his life he, a werewolf, had never imagined out living his friends.
"Tell me Ron," Remus said with a voice full of emotion. "How would you feel if Harry betrayed you?"
Ron's eyes widened as big as galleons, his face becoming angry.
"Harry would NEVER betray us! How can you-"
"I know Ron." Remus interrupted calmly. "Just tell me how you would feel."
Ron's ears reddened as he answered. "I- I wouldn't believe it..." He looked down at his hands. "I wouldn't know what to do."
"At first, yes... Eventually you would believe it just like everyone else, and then you would be angry... angrier than you would have thought possible. You would feel used, and stupid to have ever put your trust in him."
Ron looked up, frowning at Remus in confusion. "Sorry Sir, but I don't see the point of this conversation."
"Just listen Ron, I'm getting there." Remus said as he leaned back in the creaking chair with his arms crossed, and a haunted look on his face.
"Now imagine you realized that you made a huge mistake. You sentenced your best friend... one of the only ones who accepted you for who you really are, to twelve years of hell." The werewolf spat bitterly as comprehension dawned in Ron's face. Remus continued, his voice becoming strained.
"You ruined his life, but he forgave you, and you feel like you gained something back that had been torn from your soul." Remus's eyes were glassy and his voice cracked. "Then suddenly it's gone again... ripped away, and there's that void you don't know if you can handle again..."
He had to stop, taking deep breathes to try and control himself.
"Only it's worse, much worse than the first time; because the first time it was channeled into anger..." His voice shook and threatened to fail with every syllable.
"And now so many different scenarios run through your head, how it could have been different... How you could have stopped him..." Remus was rubbing at his forehead furiously, suppressing a sob. Ron just sat staring, mouth open, not knowing what to for the man in obvious misery, until Remus's strangled whisper startled him into speaking.
"It's all my fault..." Tears were falling freely from his face as he covered it with his hand.
"No it's not!" Ron said in the man's defense. "I'm sure Harry is thinking the same thing right now! It's more his than yours anyway!" Pregnant silence as sharp as a knife followed Ron's outburst. All color drained from his face as they sat unmoving, horrified by what he had said.
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