Do you believe in the soul-mate theory
Sayonara
~The Past Untold~

    Lonely nights, shattered dreams….
    Nights interwoven with yarns of solitary…
    Dreams festooned with its unfinished stories…

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    Do you believe in the soul-mate theory?

    The theory stipulates that a person will find that special "someone" someday. That irregardless of the number of times one reincarnates, he or she will always be connected to that "soul mate" in one way or another. Such soul-mate relationships can transcend all time and distance, all age and dimensions. Communication between soul mates proceeds in a fashion endowed with a divine grace rather than initiated by the two persons themselves.

    Honestly, I did vest my belief in it.

    Once….long ago.

    Not now though. The cruel hand Fate had dealt me had tore up every shred of that belief into pieces. I now seriously doubt the possibility of Fate ever letting me find a soul mate again.

    Soul mates?

    I laughed at myself. To think I had been naïve enough to think that Fate had been so kind to me. That I had truly found one I could call my "soul-mate". Of course, Fate had to separate Her, my first love, from me through the ingenious use of the thin line that separates humanity and magical beings.

    "She" was a human.

    I was not.

    That made all the difference…a goodbye to a love never meant to be…

    "Yue? You're here." A sweet feminine voices calls out to me. A tiny sigh of relief escapes the owner.

    I tilt sideways slightly to see a pretty teenager with silky russet tresses that flew out behind her as a gentle wind breezed through the frigid night air. Donning a light blue short dress, some intricate anklets and a silver necklace, Rubymoon would have looked like any regular sweet girl.

    Yet, Rubymoon is no teenager, she is like me, a magical being who had lived decades without aging, forever remaining youthful.

    She sits down in a lady-like fashion on a tuff of grass nearby. I am slightly aware of the fact that she is a trifle tensed. She seems to have a phobia of coming within a certain radius of where I sat.

    Strange.

    Yet, then again, why should I even care?

    I nod briefly at her and return to my own introspection, losing myself in my own train of thoughts. However, I find my thoughts wandering…

    It is puzzling why I have instinctively viewed Rubymoon as a "she" in my mind's eye. I glance over at her, watching her sniff delicately at a white flower. Perhaps it was in the way she often carried herself. It was apparent that Rubymoon enjoyed being a girl…perhaps to get closer to Touya…

    I shook my head a little to dismiss all thoughts of the person who have somehow managed to leave an impact on my life.

    My life, and Yukito's life…

    Touya san…how much like Clow he was…

    The kindness with which he regards people, the gentleness accompanied with his every gesture, and most of all, the warmness of his soul, it manifests themselves in his eyes whenever he looks at Yukito. Though I would never admit it, I confess that I long for such a friend. Yet…he is Yukito's friend…Yukito's soulmate

    But…never mine.

    "Yue? You're still thinking of Touya?" Rubymoon asked me.

    Startled, I look over at her, a trifle bewildered. Had she been reading my mind? I do not answer her though. Even if what Rubymoon had queried me was true, there was no need for me to let her in on my thoughts. I increased the intensity of my psychic shield. I never liked to share my feelings and thoughts with others. Of course, it was different in the past when I was much younger.

    When I thought I was a human.

    "Yue…have you ever fallen in…love?"

    Love? The word does strike a chord in me. Yet, I find it rather foreign now. As if, I have forgotten what it truly encompasses now. I glance over at Rubymoon, sighing a little. She has been asking me strange things tonight, rather sensitive issues, I would say. It strikes me as odd for it has never come across my mind that Rubymoon was such an introspective person. It is, by no means, an insult. After all, she was usually so energetic and always so playful.

    She is looking at me expectantly, her hazel eyes incandescent with curiosity. It is as if she is convinced that I can reveal to her wisdom. Yet, not knowing why, an innate part of me willingly brings down the psychic shield. Perhaps it was because I have had no one else to turn to for decades. Even now, I would never dream of revealing any traces of my past to the Clow Card Mistress nor his brother. As for Keroberus, I have distanced myself away from him for too long a time span. It just did not seem, well, suitable, to confide in him now.

    And I show Rubymoon my past.

    Every bit that I could recall…

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    I was in the garden, trotting up the path leading to the house. Being in an exceptionally cheerful mood, I let myself into the house, all the while humming a cheery little song.

    The house was quiet.

    The heavy red velvet curtains were pulled against the sides of the full-length glass windows. Nearby, a fire in the tastefully decorated fireplace raged merrily.

    Tossing my silver keys onto the low marble coffee-table, I settled myself comfortably onto the plush sofa with its gorgeous lace cushions. It was strange, but I sensed something austere in the atmosphere of the house today. Even with the bright evening sunrays streaming in, there was a feeling of oppression in the house. I looked around cautiously, perhaps for the first time in my life. I have always felt comfortable in this old English house, with its cozy furnishings and the homely feeling it always invokes in me. It puzzles me as to why I feel a trifle alarmed.

    My eyes roam the interior of the house, taking in the sight of the intricately carved banisters of the rosewood stairs, the exquisite picturesque paintings that bestowed the mansion with an aesthetic grace and finally, a crystal grand piano set on an elevated glass platform. The glass platform was of a semi circle shape with glass windows framing the half circumference. I picked myself off the couch, neared the platform and ascended the few glass steps up onto where the piano rested.

    Settling myself onto the piano seat, I lifted the piano cover and slid my fingers over the black and white keys easily. Clow Reed loved this piano too, but it was more of his gift to me when I was 3 years old.

    I remembered how I had marveled at its shimmering surface, the painstaking crafted crystal edges. I had taken to it straightaway, and delighted, Clow had taught me to play the piano from then on.

    Looking out the glass windows, I find myself starting to play the pieces I loved so long ago. Even the scenery outside looked more cheery in my own perspective, all feelings of gloom and oppression dissipated now as the sweet silvery tones emanated from the piano and filled the house.

    Suddenly, a pair of hands slid over my eyes, and blocked my vision. The tune from the piano halted suddenly as I stopped playing it.

    "Happy Birthday! You forgot to close the door…" Someone whispers into my ear softly.

    Someone very important to me…my soul mate…

    "You are still as playful as ever." I tease jokingly and turned around to face Her. There She was, clad in a sweet blue dress, every bit as endearing as I remember Her to be. Her ebony hair fell beautifully around her, and her azure eyes was filled with such mischief. Her cheeks were rosy, which looked gorgeous against her peaches and cream complexion. I lifted my hands to cup her face, and she responded by sticking her tongue out. Kissing her cheeks softly, I asked her to play a piano piece for me. Obliging, she took her seat beside me and rested her fingers on the keys.

    Before playing though, She looked straight at me, her expression curiously sad. Then, she launched into That song, that unnamed song of sorrow. I lost myself in Her song, thoroughly. I feel myself drift into a world, dark and desolate. A world that sought solace with the sad howling of the icy winds. Everything was quiet, still. Despite myself, I shivered. I felt so…alone. Yet, I think I see something in the far distance…the silhouette of a women, her long hair fluttering in the frigid winds…then the vision disappeared. I am brought back to the present, reality. Oh, so She had finished the piece.

    My love looks at me, and hands me something. It was a small gift box. She beckons to me to open it. Smiling at Her, I opened it swiftly to reveal a silver earring with an azure gem embedded in it. The carvings on the silver looked familiar, it was like….well, I couldn't place it, but it did look familiar.

    She takes the earring from me and gently puts it on my left ear for me. A little surprised, I lifted my hand to the earring to feel the cool metal against my fingertips. I feel a certain…force field emerging from this earring, it is rather insignificant, but then again, all things that had life will have certain energy associated with it.

    Suddenly, She remembers that she had forgotten to bring something over to me from her house. Bustling out of the mansion hurriedly, She promises to be back in a while. I chuckled gaily and then proceeded to the front door to follow Her.

    "Yue? Come into the study please?"

    What?

    …Clow?

    He was at home? But…why had he remained silent all this while?

    Not knowing why, I sense that feeling of dread descending upon the entire house again. I had lightened up with Her visit…but now, the stark feeling weighs on my heart again. I walked into Clow's magnificent study room, and stood right before his oak desk. It was then that I noticed that Keroberus was on the oak desk too, chomping on a biscuit three times larger than him and decorating the desk with biscuit crumbs. I placed a hand on Keroberus's head and patted him, telling him to try to save his artistic talent for sprinkling his crumbs for someplace more suitable. He grins up at me, in that way which only he could pull off and continues gnawing on his biscuit.

    "Yue?"

    I look up into Clow's face, and gazed into his eyes. Those eyes, filled with such universal wisdom. Indeed, I believed that Clow, was "powerful" in a sense. He had a powerful presence, a strong aura.

    I am very fascinated with "power". I do not talk about power in the material sense, but power in humans, the "energy" that surrounds that entire being, the "aura". And Clow had the brightest aura of all those I knew so far. That meant, to me, that he had great power. Honestly, I knew he practiced magic, and magic increases aura(from what I have gleamed from books on the various schools of sorcery), and from what I have analyzed, to get such a powerful aura like Clow's, one would have to practice magic for a few hundred years.

    Magicians tend to be able to live longer and can retain their youthful looks. Deep down, I wondered how it felt like to be able to live much longer than most humans and to watch the world and humans change. Maybe…it would be far too lonely for me to bear, and maybe that was why Clow did not educate me in magic.

    Now, Clow looked at me, his usually kind eyes a trifle sad. He noticed the earring in my left ear and said something that would haunt me for years to come.

    "It is time. The truth of Destiny shall set forth."

    What? I did not understand him, but these words sent a chill down my spine. From beneath his magnificent cloak, Clow brought out an earring similar in design to mine only that it was a garnet inset in it. This, he placed on Keroberus's ear. Surprised, Keroberus stopped chewing on his biscuit for a while and looked up at Clow, seeking an explanation. Yet, Clow never spoke, he only looked at us fondly, a father's unwavering concern interweaved in that gaze he gave both of us.

    "Yue? Before I reveal the truth, please believe me when I say that I never expected thing to turn out this way. All things on Earth have their own place, it is not right that creatures of different levels have far too much interaction with each other."

    I was speechless. Clow was making me baffled, what did he mean when he said "creatures of different levels"? Yet, he still wears that sad expression.

    "You will understand soon, Yue, Keroberus."

    Keroberus and I exchanged a solemn glance. We both understood that something significant was going to take place very soon. Something…that might change our lives forever.

    "Awaken, the magical creatures of the Sun and Luna. Spread your magnificent wings. Vak."

    Vak? I recognized this word. It was an old Sanskrit word that reminds every living creature of its true essence and its purpose for being created.

    At the mention of this word, I suddenly felt something unusual in my body. There is this sudden surge of energy in me. It feels my entire entity and induces a certain kind of pain in me. This pain is tormenting, for it seems to affect every part of me, and yet, the thing is, I am unable to scream. Try as I might, I open my mouth to produce no sound.

    I covered my face with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. I prayed that whatever this pain may be, it shall leave me soon. My veins scream out, my lungs try to squeeze in another lungful of breath, my heart works far harder than it had ever worked. I am losing my consciousness, I realize.

    The world is getting dark.

    I rear my head to look at Keroberus, but saw instead a golden creature resembling a lion with a garnet earring near the oak desk. I tried to make sense of it, but could not in this state.

    At last, after struggling for many antagonizing moments, I surrendered myself to the Darkness.

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    "Yue?" A voice that sounded very distant called to me.

    Startled, I looked up to see Rubymoon glazing at me with such concern in her eyes.

    Were guardians supposed to feel? I did not know.

    "Yue, when I was first summoned by Eriol, it took less than a few seconds for my transformation. Why did your transformation take so long? Even Keroberus had changed long before you." Rubymoon looked at me curiously.

    "Because…" I almost choked on my words. It was as if I feel Her watching me now. It is strange, but I remember Her even now, even after countless decades. The times we sat together on our favorite swing, when She was knitting a scarf for me, when we played the piano together.

    Rubymoon gazes at me with child like innocence. Rubymoon's innocence...it reminds me so much of Her. I looked away, for I could not speak. Emotions, they were catching up with me.

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    "Because you hold on too much to your mortal life. Yue, You were a magical being, right from the start. Look at yourself now, see how you have changed." Clow's voice was gentle, as if he was consoling me.

    I remember myself looking away. I had just questioned Clow angrily why he had made me change to this form. I had been happy as a mortal and if possible, I wanted none of this power. I only wanted to be with Her.

    In the time frame that I had transformed, I have understood everything completely. Firstly, Clow was not my father but my Master. He was the most powerful of magicians of his time and that he was the one who had "created" me. So…I was not a creation of Nature, but something artificial.

    Secondly, I realize that I am quickly losing all feelings of happiness, sadness, and my memories…

    I clutch at my chest now, willing my heart to feel. In my head replayed memories of the past, my childhood, my love. Yet, slowly but surely, I lose the emotions associated with each and every of the significant moments in my life. I watch the mental picture of Clow hugging me as a child with detachment, feeling as though the child was another person.

    "Why are you doing this to me?" The part of me that still had emotions screamed out to Clow.

    Anything! Anything to stop this!

    "Forget all that might harm you in the end. I apologize, but I am unable to selectively eradicate some of your emotions. I have to erase all. Yue, you do understand that you cannot fall in love with a human? Friendship, yes. But not and never love." Clow looked tired.

    I turned away to face the door, which was wide open. There, just outside, I saw a very familiar petite figure. It was Her. She looked surprised to see me, but who wouldn't? I though bitterly. With wings like these, and such unbelievably long silver hair.

    She steps into the study, faintly nodding at Clow, and then stands right before me. Clow gets up to excuse himself, saying that he'll give us some private moments. The lion, assumingly Keroberus, gets up and follows Clow out of the study.

    When we were really alone, She gazed deep into my eyes. She was not very tall, coming up to only my shoulders, and yet, her gaze held a certain kind of power. Those azure eyes, which have had me mesmerized and still does captivate me now, questions me. I see the reflection of my own eyes in hers, silvery violet, catlike, and almost devoid of emotions. Unable to bear it any more, I hug Her, drawing her into my tight embrace. I bury my face in her ebony hair, and ran my fingers through the silky strands. I was so afraid of losing Her memories, losing Her.

    "I am sorry…I deceived you. I am no human." I say to her softly.

    She looks up at me, placing both of her delicate hands on either side of my face. They felt so comfortingly warm.

    "I chose to be with you, Yue. No matter what you are, I will still…love you." She speaks to me with great sincerity.

    "But…I am slowly losing my emotions. I may forget you soon." I am in abysmal sadness.

    To think that I will not be able to reciprocate her love soon…When my transformation nears its end, I will forget my love for her.

    I am the unforgiven…

    She merely smiled, a sad smile it was. Then she led me out into the living room. Clow and Keroberus were nowhere in sight. I assumed they were on the second storey of the house.

    Steering me towards the piano, She made me sit down on the piano seat. Then she came back with a small potted plant.

    "This is called the Queen Of The Night. Now, watch the white bud carefully." She said with such untold serenity.

    I watched the white bud slowly blossom into a beautiful white flower. Yet, what was more heavenly about this flower was the scent it gave out when blossoming. The scent…the fragrance was like nothing I have ever experienced. It tinged the air with a heavy flowery perfume. Soft rays of moonlight streaming in from the glass windows played off the petals of the flower, making the flower glow enchantingly.

    A trifle sad, I looked out of the glass windows to see the moon. Night had descended, swiftly. Without so much as a rustling, it took my breath away.

    "This flower blooms only at night and withers away after full bloom. The joy from seeing it may be short lived, and yet, the scent, it is remembered forever. It is the same with us. Our happiness may be short lived, but I will remember it forever. Remember this scent, and remember me. My Yue. We will meet again, perhaps in another life-time. Now, go to Clow-san. I believe he has something important to discuss with you."

    In another life-time? What did she know that I did not? Why was she so convinced that we would never meet again?

    "Do not ask, my Yue. I can sense many things".

    She hugs me one last time. It is the most painful moment in all my twenty years of life. To know that departure from her is near, and yet…here I am, still struggling for time, for her memories. I know I have hurt her, she might remember me forever.

    And yet, I will treat her like a stranger soon.

    Soon…

    I looked over at the Queen Of The Night, it's petals fully open to its ultimate glory.

    "I will remember you, my love. And your Song, I shall remember it too. " I reach out to touch Her cheeks. She too, smells like the heavenly fragrance of the flower.

    I kiss her then, softly on the lips, and she is gone. She bids a farewell and turns to go out of the house. No backwards glances, we both have promised. I know she was trying hard to lock in the tears. It is then, that I realized what her Song meant.

    A lost love.

    Sayonara...

    I wondered…if all these would have happened if I did not have this earring? I reached up to touch the metal.

    No, it would still occur. It was just a matter of time.

    It was Fate.

    That I should meet her was Fate. That she should be the one who brought the earring to me was Fate. That we should part was Fate too.

    I felt a void in my heart, and realized that it was caused by Her departure.

    I have just lost a very important part of me, my soul mate. Will I really ever see Her again? A part of me had died.

    I am the Unforgiven.

    Yet, Fate decides to play another joke on me.

    Another cruel joke…

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    To be continued….