A/N: yay, its nice 2 b writing like this again!! anywho, let me do this b4 u read:

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters, things, or places from the book Holes! Louis Sachar does!! Nor do I own Matt Damon, Lindsay Lohan, or.....my friends. But they can't really sue me, since I have their permission to put them in this story. Anyway, Eloisha, that's a disclaimer, which is what you need to write a story.

read on!

The next day started with what the last one had ended. A fight.

"YOU DIRTY LITTLE LIAR!!"

"YOU FREAKING FREAKAZOID!!"

"BUBBLE BUTT!!"

D-Tent woke up to see Tessyboos and Armpit having a mighty row outside, yelling and standing about ten feet apart.

"What's going on?" X-Ray yawned, rubbing his eyes and stepping out of the tent wearily. "Why're you guys fighting?"

"Armpit just told me that--"

"Shame on you, Armpit!" X-Ray said, waggling his finger at the fat dude. "Why, you're the only person I can think of who would even imagine picking on a newbie!"

"He was not 'picking' on me," Tess said. "He just lied to me."

"Ohhh, so that's why you called him a dirty liar," said Dude understandingly, walking out of the tent as well. "It all makes sense now."

"Um....yeah. So what did this pathetic excuse for a living being say to you?" X-Ray inquired of Tessyboos.

"He told me there was a pot of gold in a hole next to the shower stalls," Tessyboos explained. "Of course, I wasn't thick enough to fall for it, but I did go over to the stalls and happen to walk by a very large hole. Apparently, SOMEone had planted some yellow spotted lizards there!! AND THEY TRIED TO KILL ME!!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!" Armpit yelled.

"PUT A SOCK IN IT, SPANKING HEAD!!" Tessyboos shouted back.

"......what's a spanking head?" Eloisha asked, failing to stifle a yawn as she came out of the tent as well.

"...yeah, what IS a spanking head?" Armpit asked. Everyone stared curiously at Tessyboos, waiting for her to respond.

"Um....I don't know, but so's your old lady," Tess responded. She stuck her tongue out at Armpit and stalked towards the cafeteria.

"Armpit, you jerk!!" Dude shouted, jumping on top of him as D-Tent walked past them to the cafeteria. "Lying to a newbie, how DARE you!!" She proceeded to beat him up, making him pay for his actions. "IF I EVER HEAR OF YOU DOING THIS AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL--"

"You wouldn't be doing this if I'd lied to Stanley!!" Armpit protested.

Dude considered momentarily. "True, but that's only because Stanley is Stanley." She stood up, dusted herself off, and left Armpit dying as she strode into the cafeteria.

"Hey, Dude, what happened?" Zig Zag asked her as she sat down between him and Starfish. "You're breaking a sweat."

"And I haven't even started diggin' yet," Dude panted, wiping her brow.

"Hmm...you didn't beat him up, did you?" Starfish asked, peering out the window. She nodded, saying, "It looks like you did."

"He had it comin'," Dude assured them. "He only had himself to blame. If you'da been there....if you had SEEN it..." She turned to Zig Zag (who had not been there and had not seen it). "I betcha you would have done the same."

"I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!" Hammer and Magnet suddenly gasped.

"What?" Dude asked. ".....oh yeah."

"What movie?" Eloisha asked, thoroughly confused.

"Chicago!!" Starfish answered, jumping up in the air. Then she whipped out a small basket of rose petals and skipped around the cafeteria, throwing them about.

"Well, someone's obsessed," remarked Zero.

"I'll admit the rose petals were a bit much," Dude said (as Starfish continued to leap and distrube them, singing "la la la's").

"Ew, you people watched that sleazy movie?" Tessyboos asked, rather annoyed.

"Yes, we have," Squid answered.

Tessyboos stared at them a few moments more, then got up and walked away. "Wellllllll, that was interesting," commented Zig Zag. "Well, I'm done fer now. We'd best get going." He stood up, only to freeze as he heard loud, obsessive screaming coming from outside the building. "What the...?"

They had only heard that kind of screaming before, when Ben Affleck and J. Lo had come to Camp Green Lake. That could only mean.....

"MORE CELEBS!!" Starfish cried, another basket of rose petals at the ready.

"I wonder who it is?" St. No-No....wondered, glancing out the window. "Oh, wow! It's Matt Damon and Lindsay Lohan!"

".......WHAT?!" Eloisha and Squid cried in despair.

"What, don't you like them?" Zig Zag asked.

"You must be joking," Starfish sighed.

A clash of a gong was heard, and suddenly both Eloisha and Squid were wearing black ninja outfits. Everyone stared at them as they made their way towards the door.

"Okay....I'm goin' out," Eloisha whispered. "Squid....cover me."

"Right."

Eloisha walked towards the opposite side of the room. "EVERYONE CLEAR THE RUNWAY!!" she shouted. Everyone except D-Tent quickly milled out of the cafeteria to get out of her way and to meet Lindsay Lohan Matt Damon.

Then, at full speed, Eloisha ran towards the doors. "Does she need to make this so dramatic?" St. No-No muttered to Zig Zag.

"Of course she does," he answered. "Don't you ever watch samurai movies?"

"Okay, but Eloisha!" St. No-No called. "The doors open the other--"

!!SPLAT!!

"...........way."

Forgetting that the doors had to be pulled from the inside, Eloisha ran straight into them, subsequently falling to the floor.

"Um, are you okay?" Zero asked.

"..................................ouch..............................."

Tessyboos came back into the cafeteria. "I've got paper and a pen, but I can't get close enough for an autograph. Could someone come help m--"

"Sure, I'll help ya!" X-Ray volunteered.

"Meeeeeeee too!" Magnet said, willingly skipping out the doors.

"And I, as well," said Squid, hopping out the door after all the others.

"HEY, ARE YOU DUMPING ME???!?!!!" St. No-No asked, chasing after Squid.

"Hmm, someone's popular today," remarked Ukulele Peanut.

By this time, Eloisha had gotten up. "Geez, thanks for the help, guys," she mumbled sarcastically.

"Your welcome," Ukulele Peanut said sincerely.

The cafeteria doors suddenly burst open again, this time admitting none other than the two people this whole hubbub was about (namely, Lindsay and Matt).

"Phew, we're finally out of there!" Lindsay sighed. "It's like a jungle out there."

Starfish floated towards Matt Damon, her eyes all-a-sparkle. "MATT DAMON!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?? PLEASE??????"

"Well, that's sort of what I was trying to avoid out there, but....okay," he obliged. "Since there's just the one of ya."

"NOO, STARFISH, YOU TRAITOR!!" Eloisha shouted, now back to her fully restored health. Emitting a blood-curdling war cry, she flew over a table and onto Matt. Well, at least she would have if he hadn't, at that moment, proclaimed, "Ooh, a penny!" and bent down to pick it up. So she missed Matt, but landed on Lindsay instead.

"Hey, what're you DOING?!" Lindsay demanded, suffering several severe whacks from Eloisha. "GET OFF ME!!"

"Not a chance!! BUA HA HAA!!" Eloisha laughed rather evilly (not to mention uncharacteristically). "Not until you promise never to make another movie again!!"

"Hey, c'mon! What did I ever do to you??"

"Nothing personally, now that you bring it up, but you are STILL EEEEVILL!!!"

"Woah, has she been anywhere near your sugar, Peanut?" Dude asked.

"I don't think so," Ukulele Peanut answered. "I mean, unless she knows where I keep it. But I don't think she does."

"SOMEONE GET HER OFF ME, PLEASE!!" Lindsay cried desperately.

Suddenly, a gunshot went off and everyone turned towards the entrance. The Warden stood there, holding a rifle, with Tessyboos standing next to her.

"Eloisha, what're you doing?" the Warden asked, yanking her off of the young celebrity.

"Nothing," Eloisha answered.

"Okay...." The Warden raised an eyebrow. "Why... why are you wearing a ninja outfit?"

"Oh. Um. Ha....I thought it was Halloween," Eloisha answered, shrugging.

"Well, you'd be well of knowing that it's the middle of April," the Warden informed her. "Seems that you and Squid both have the months mixed up." She glanced out the window at Squid, who was still wearing his ninja outfit.

"Hey, here she is!" said Magnet, also appearing in the doorway. "GUYS, SHE'S BACK IN HERE!!"

"Ack, help meeee!!" Tessyboos cried, jumping behind Starfish.

"Are you calling me fat?" Starfish asked.

"WHAT?! OF COURSE I'M NOT CALLING YOU FAT!!!"

"Yeah, but obviously you're trying to hide behind something, and equally obviously you'd want to hide behind the biggest thing you could find, so you are therefor calling me fat."

"I only tried hiding behind you because you were the person closest to me!!"

"....yeah, right."

"Why are you hiding from the guys, anyway?" Dude asked Tessyboos. "I think you're a bit confused, because that's what you WANT them to do."

"What're you talking about? It's getting stalkishly freaky," Tessyboos said, coming out from her "hiding" spot.

"Hey, there she went!" said Squid. "She was hiding behind Starfish this whole time, I didn't even see her."

"Are you calling me fat?" Starfish asked, turning to him.

Squid rolled his eyes. "No, I was just joking. But we're not stalking you, Tessyboos. Jeez, don't get so paranoid. We just think you're cool."

"Perky," Dude said.

"Cool."

"PERKY!!"

"COOL!!"

"GUYS, STOP!!" shouted Saywerzelda, interruping the story-telling process. Then she left. There was silence.

"All right, all in favor of ignoring that, please raise your hands," said the Warden. She counted the number of hands that went up. "Okay, that never happened. Anyway, are you Lindsay Lohan? Can I have your autograph??"

"Um, yeah, sure," Lindsay said, penning her name. "Hey, you're Sigourney Weaver!"

"You know, I get that all the time," the Warden said. "But I'm not Sigourney Weaver, even though we have this really incredible likeness, don't we?"

"Yeah, you do."

"Well, I guess you guys'll be wanting to leave this dump, wouldn't you?" the Warden sighed. She put an arm around Lindsay as they headed out the door.

"Wait a minute, I didn't get a chance to beat up Matt Damon!" Eloisha protested.

The Warden turned around and looked from Matt to Eloisha. Then she continued on her way, saying, "Have at it."

A/N: well, i hope u liked that. interesting, huh? btw, I personally do not hate lindsay lohan. i think she's ok. however, eloisha apparently despises her, so........yeah.

this chapter was made possible thanx 2 the letter Z and the number 14 plz review!