Okay! A HUGE thanks to all who reviewed. I've gotten five, and here is the
second chapter! All those who commented:
Teepers: Thank you! I still don't know if this story is good enough for a flea to read, but I'll take your word on it...
Keladry of Masbolle: Thanks a whole bunch. I'm glad you think my first effort is worth it. I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sorry, but I don't really want to make this a Kel/Neal fic. I understand that you want that, but I don't think I'll do it that way...I'm sorry.
Local Tree Sprite: Thanks, and here it is! Hope it meets your expectations!
queen-of-sapphires: Thank you! I LOVE the constructive criticism! Please continue to give it to me because I wish to make my first fic as good as possible! Ummm...here are my comments to yours, in order:
Okay...I'll try to redo my summery if you think it's important. 2. you explain that a little more? I am willing to take your advise, but in this case I don't really understand it... 3. If you're saying what I think you're saying (still not crystal clear...sorry!), than it's not that there are any disadvantages to them being locked in-doors besides the fact that it makes Kel restless, and the result is three-foot snow-drifts that are hard to work in...I don't /think/ food is really an issue... 4. Okay. I'll try to make Kel complain less, but you have to understand that no one is in the perfect mood after being trapped in-doors for a long time in the cold...
Erkith: Yeah...everyone always forgets the poor flesh-eating unicorns... I do hope this makes them a little less forgotten, but the unicorns /do/ have something special to do with the plot...(my only hint) dun dun dunnnn...
Disclaimer: Do you /really/ think that after going through /all/ that trouble to post this stupid piece of writing on a fanfiction website, I would all of a sudden claim to be Tamora Pierce??? Well, no duh I'm Tamora Pierce! What is your problem??? are you /crazy/??? ::sheepish grin:: Okay, fine, so I'm not Tammy...she's a genius, and I'm just...me....::hides in terror:: I don't own anything!!!
Thank you every one, again! On with chapter number two!
Chapter Two: Magic
The cold continued for the next five hours, not letting up for a minute. Whenever a person would dismount their horse for any reason, their cloaks would crack, for they had frozen rigid due to perspiration. All travel rations had frozen solid. To eat a piece of bread, one would have to breath hot air on it and roll it in his hands for a while, or else it would crack his teeth.
Kel had known before-hand that the conditions would be like this, so she hadn't allowed the sparrows or Jump to come. Just as well, she thought glumly, if the sparrows would have come, they'd have all just been flying ice cubes by now.
No one was surprised that Neal had been reciting love-poems for his betrothed, Yukimi, for the past two hours. Although none of the men or Kel would never admit it, everyone was glad that Neal had horrible skills at writing poetry—if you laughed hard enough to make your gut ache, the cold seemed reduced. Every time a roar of amusement answered Neal's attempted- love-poems, he would simply turn up his nose and sniff disdainfully, then ride ahead.
Twice the entire company had to stop due to icy roads.
For most of the time Kel rode besides Dom, Sir Merric, and Sir Owen (with the paint still wet on his shield). They discussed everything from immortals to hot drinks, but despite their cheery chatter, the tension hanging above all of them in a blanket would not go away.
The company topped a hill and found themselves looking down at GreenRidge. Below them was a large town, shrouded in fog. The smell of damp wood burning and fresh blood wafted into the nostrils of all gaping at the grotesque scene:
Most of the buildings were smoldering. Bodies of fallen animals and humans littered the earth and numerous glints of broken weapons shone from all directions.
Raoul, at the head of the mass, hand-signaled everyone to approach the once- populated area at a cautious walk. Kel could see many men whispering nervously to each other, glancing around with fear in their eyes. Raoul signaled the force to stop about twenty yards in front of the building nearest to the hill from which they had come.
Kel glanced around warily, careful of the slightest movement. Beside her Owen expressed his wonder about why there were buildings on fire. Neal, who had joined them a short time earlier, replied quietly, "Unicorn magic. They have it, like most immortals. Obviously they can light fires with it, at least."
Many of the men within earshot of this reply looked even more nervous. It was bad enough that they had to face a herd of thirty of these creatures without them having magic!
Raoul gestured for them to move forward at a easy trot. As the company complied, the eerie echo of hoof-falls added to the ghastly picture made things worse. Those who had been calm before started to show a slight bit of jumpiness. Those who were edgy before started to show signs of panic.
The group turned a corned and came before a gruesome sight. Twenty or so unicorns were feasting on what appeared to be two mauled horses and a mangled cow. With dead humans strewn randomly about the group of immortals, it looked like a scene from nightmares.
The Unicorns glanced up at the men (and woman). Blood dribbled down the chins of a few, and blood-red eyes glared hate at all watching. Several men looked ready to break ranks and flee as the ghostly silence continued and the stares of the immortals bored holes into the humans. But then Raoul frantically motioned for them to all form a semicircle about the flesh- eating unicorns, three men deep.
The men obeyed. Kel gulped as she found herself in the very middle, in the front of the unicorn's opposing force. The sound of scraping metal echoed around the clearing as men drew their swords as one. Kel readied her glaive, and twenty men in the back row strung bows and readied arrows.
Raoul raised his sword and let out a yell. Around him his men copied him, raising weapons and shouting battle cries. The commander raised a giant gauntleted hand and commanded, "Archers! Ready!"
All of the archers placed arrows on bowstrings and drew the cords back to their ears together. Raoul was about to order them to fire when everything stopped.
It wasn't your every-day stop, when people put down their weapons and just didn't do something—this stop was complete. Frozen. Nothing moved, and the drone of magic was in the air.
Men who had been shouting had their mouths open, some tongues were in the middle of pronouncing war-cries. Arms were raised, holding useless weapons. The archers all had their bows drawn back to their ears, aimed at targets. A few horses were in the process of stamping restlessly, and a one horse was even still in mid-rear.
The most unnatural thing of all was that, although every man was frozen solid, their bodies not able to perform a single task, all of their eyes were free. All of the men were able to move their eyes freely. As one, the men's eyes all followed the unicorns' movements.
What appeared to be the leader of the immortals approached the semicircle, and behind it the other unicorns followed. They all moved as if from a dream...or nightmare.
Then Kel realized an odd thing—she /could/ move. She glanced at all of her companions in alarm as she lowered her glaive. Although Dom, Neal, and Merric, stationed by her were frozen completely in place, she was not. Her friends' eyes swiveled to her. They apparently thought this was strange, also, for their eyes reflected wonder.
Kel jumped off of Peachblossom—who was also frozen in place—and turned to face the advancing immortals. She stumbled and raised her glaive.
Although about one-hundred-five men were frozen, the unicorns ignored them completely...
Instead they walked toward Kel.
Dun dun dunnnn.... ::cackles evilly:: I am so evil...drawing out the suspense...
Well, I'll post the next chapter when I have fifteen reviews...or maybe I'll be nice and post it at ten...
I'm sorry! I know that was short, and although I can't really promise the next chapter will be longer, a lot of things will come together next chapter. Please review!!!
For Tortall and the Queen's Riders! Fanta
Teepers: Thank you! I still don't know if this story is good enough for a flea to read, but I'll take your word on it...
Keladry of Masbolle: Thanks a whole bunch. I'm glad you think my first effort is worth it. I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sorry, but I don't really want to make this a Kel/Neal fic. I understand that you want that, but I don't think I'll do it that way...I'm sorry.
Local Tree Sprite: Thanks, and here it is! Hope it meets your expectations!
queen-of-sapphires: Thank you! I LOVE the constructive criticism! Please continue to give it to me because I wish to make my first fic as good as possible! Ummm...here are my comments to yours, in order:
Okay...I'll try to redo my summery if you think it's important. 2. you explain that a little more? I am willing to take your advise, but in this case I don't really understand it... 3. If you're saying what I think you're saying (still not crystal clear...sorry!), than it's not that there are any disadvantages to them being locked in-doors besides the fact that it makes Kel restless, and the result is three-foot snow-drifts that are hard to work in...I don't /think/ food is really an issue... 4. Okay. I'll try to make Kel complain less, but you have to understand that no one is in the perfect mood after being trapped in-doors for a long time in the cold...
Erkith: Yeah...everyone always forgets the poor flesh-eating unicorns... I do hope this makes them a little less forgotten, but the unicorns /do/ have something special to do with the plot...(my only hint) dun dun dunnnn...
Disclaimer: Do you /really/ think that after going through /all/ that trouble to post this stupid piece of writing on a fanfiction website, I would all of a sudden claim to be Tamora Pierce??? Well, no duh I'm Tamora Pierce! What is your problem??? are you /crazy/??? ::sheepish grin:: Okay, fine, so I'm not Tammy...she's a genius, and I'm just...me....::hides in terror:: I don't own anything!!!
Thank you every one, again! On with chapter number two!
Chapter Two: Magic
The cold continued for the next five hours, not letting up for a minute. Whenever a person would dismount their horse for any reason, their cloaks would crack, for they had frozen rigid due to perspiration. All travel rations had frozen solid. To eat a piece of bread, one would have to breath hot air on it and roll it in his hands for a while, or else it would crack his teeth.
Kel had known before-hand that the conditions would be like this, so she hadn't allowed the sparrows or Jump to come. Just as well, she thought glumly, if the sparrows would have come, they'd have all just been flying ice cubes by now.
No one was surprised that Neal had been reciting love-poems for his betrothed, Yukimi, for the past two hours. Although none of the men or Kel would never admit it, everyone was glad that Neal had horrible skills at writing poetry—if you laughed hard enough to make your gut ache, the cold seemed reduced. Every time a roar of amusement answered Neal's attempted- love-poems, he would simply turn up his nose and sniff disdainfully, then ride ahead.
Twice the entire company had to stop due to icy roads.
For most of the time Kel rode besides Dom, Sir Merric, and Sir Owen (with the paint still wet on his shield). They discussed everything from immortals to hot drinks, but despite their cheery chatter, the tension hanging above all of them in a blanket would not go away.
The company topped a hill and found themselves looking down at GreenRidge. Below them was a large town, shrouded in fog. The smell of damp wood burning and fresh blood wafted into the nostrils of all gaping at the grotesque scene:
Most of the buildings were smoldering. Bodies of fallen animals and humans littered the earth and numerous glints of broken weapons shone from all directions.
Raoul, at the head of the mass, hand-signaled everyone to approach the once- populated area at a cautious walk. Kel could see many men whispering nervously to each other, glancing around with fear in their eyes. Raoul signaled the force to stop about twenty yards in front of the building nearest to the hill from which they had come.
Kel glanced around warily, careful of the slightest movement. Beside her Owen expressed his wonder about why there were buildings on fire. Neal, who had joined them a short time earlier, replied quietly, "Unicorn magic. They have it, like most immortals. Obviously they can light fires with it, at least."
Many of the men within earshot of this reply looked even more nervous. It was bad enough that they had to face a herd of thirty of these creatures without them having magic!
Raoul gestured for them to move forward at a easy trot. As the company complied, the eerie echo of hoof-falls added to the ghastly picture made things worse. Those who had been calm before started to show a slight bit of jumpiness. Those who were edgy before started to show signs of panic.
The group turned a corned and came before a gruesome sight. Twenty or so unicorns were feasting on what appeared to be two mauled horses and a mangled cow. With dead humans strewn randomly about the group of immortals, it looked like a scene from nightmares.
The Unicorns glanced up at the men (and woman). Blood dribbled down the chins of a few, and blood-red eyes glared hate at all watching. Several men looked ready to break ranks and flee as the ghostly silence continued and the stares of the immortals bored holes into the humans. But then Raoul frantically motioned for them to all form a semicircle about the flesh- eating unicorns, three men deep.
The men obeyed. Kel gulped as she found herself in the very middle, in the front of the unicorn's opposing force. The sound of scraping metal echoed around the clearing as men drew their swords as one. Kel readied her glaive, and twenty men in the back row strung bows and readied arrows.
Raoul raised his sword and let out a yell. Around him his men copied him, raising weapons and shouting battle cries. The commander raised a giant gauntleted hand and commanded, "Archers! Ready!"
All of the archers placed arrows on bowstrings and drew the cords back to their ears together. Raoul was about to order them to fire when everything stopped.
It wasn't your every-day stop, when people put down their weapons and just didn't do something—this stop was complete. Frozen. Nothing moved, and the drone of magic was in the air.
Men who had been shouting had their mouths open, some tongues were in the middle of pronouncing war-cries. Arms were raised, holding useless weapons. The archers all had their bows drawn back to their ears, aimed at targets. A few horses were in the process of stamping restlessly, and a one horse was even still in mid-rear.
The most unnatural thing of all was that, although every man was frozen solid, their bodies not able to perform a single task, all of their eyes were free. All of the men were able to move their eyes freely. As one, the men's eyes all followed the unicorns' movements.
What appeared to be the leader of the immortals approached the semicircle, and behind it the other unicorns followed. They all moved as if from a dream...or nightmare.
Then Kel realized an odd thing—she /could/ move. She glanced at all of her companions in alarm as she lowered her glaive. Although Dom, Neal, and Merric, stationed by her were frozen completely in place, she was not. Her friends' eyes swiveled to her. They apparently thought this was strange, also, for their eyes reflected wonder.
Kel jumped off of Peachblossom—who was also frozen in place—and turned to face the advancing immortals. She stumbled and raised her glaive.
Although about one-hundred-five men were frozen, the unicorns ignored them completely...
Instead they walked toward Kel.
Dun dun dunnnn.... ::cackles evilly:: I am so evil...drawing out the suspense...
Well, I'll post the next chapter when I have fifteen reviews...or maybe I'll be nice and post it at ten...
I'm sorry! I know that was short, and although I can't really promise the next chapter will be longer, a lot of things will come together next chapter. Please review!!!
For Tortall and the Queen's Riders! Fanta
