CHAPTER EIGHT: Desire

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This chapter is rated R for explicit sexual content.

It was a harrowing day for everyone in the Fellowship. Shortly after dawn, it turned cold and wet and dismally gray, and as the morning wore on, the rocky ground beneath them became more and more treacherous. One after the other, the travelers and their pony kept stumbling, and even the sure-footed Legolas found himself slipping several times. Then, late in the morning, Gandalf took a bad tumble down a steep slope. The group watched in horror as the old wizard rolled and bounced, finally coming to rest, unconscious, against a large boulder. Legolas urgently grabbed Ellie's hand and the two of them scrambled down after him, followed closely by Aragorn.

It was a difficult healing. Gandalf had suffered many injuries and Legolas and Aragorn had to disrobe him in order for Ellie to rub her hands gently over his head and body. By the time she was finished, the girl was utterly exhausted. The four of them struggled to climb back up the slippery slope, as Aragorn had to assist a somewhat shaken Gandalf and Legolas practically had to carry Ellie. When they reached the others, everyone agreed that there wouldn't be any more traveling that day.

They set up camp at a nearby outcrop surrounded by dense pines. The rocks and trees provided them with sufficient shelter to start a fire and dry their wet clothes. Sam fried some sausages and made hot coffee for everyone. And the weary companions spent the rest of the afternoon talking quietly and resting, while a bedraggled Ellie fell sound asleep. And even though he knew she did not feel the cold like other people, Legolas tenderly covered her body with a dry blanket.

She awoke hours later to find Gandalf sitting next to her smoking his pipe. He smiled down at her lovely face as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"You saved my life, little one."

Ellie smiled back.

"And now you carry a piece of my heart within you always."

"It is an honor for me to do so," she replied truthfully.

The wizard patted her cheek fondly, then stood and walked away. As Ellie sat up she noticed that the rain had stopped. The late afternoon sun had finally shown its face and was shining through the pine boughs. And Legolas was sitting across from her, his fair head haloed in burnished gold. They were alone.

As she stared at his sun-kissed beauty, the words came unbidden out of her mouth, "You are so beautiful, you take my breath away." And then she blushed prettily, much to Legolas' amusement. But his smile faded when he noticed her eyes. They were wide and luminous, and the Elf could clearly see the longing in them. It was a longing that he felt tenfold, but Legolas was still determined not to act upon it. And it wasn't going to be easy, for his senses were still reeling from the feel of her hot, wet body as he half-carried her up that slope, and from the memory of her pale, naked skin being caressed by the lake water earlier that morning…

When he first saw Ellie bobbing up and down in the lake, he had been terrified, thinking that something had happened to her. For an instant, his blood had frozen in his veins and he could not breathe, so deep and heavy was the pain that had gripped his heart. But then his sharp eyes had noticed the gentle rising and falling of her bare chest. She is asleep! he had realized, thunderstruck. But instead of feeling relief, a cold, blinding fury had seized hold of him.

"Doesn't the little fool know the risk she is taking?" he had muttered in exasperation. There were Orcs and other fell beasts, as well as wild men, in these hills and mountains. And in her sleep she had drifted clear to the other side of the lake. He had been sorely tempted to go in after her, and drag her to shore by her hair--but he would have needed to strip to do that, and in his dangerous mood, there was no telling what would have happened then.

And so he had waited. He could have spared her and stayed in the shadows and she would never have known he was there (or perhaps she might have, she was a fey creature, after all). But he had been too angry and had not thought she deserved such consideration.

As it was, he had had a trying time reining in his body's rampant reactions to her nudity. When she had stepped out of the water, dripping wet in the chill morning, he had wanted nothing more than to throw her on the hard ground and take her. But his mind had immediately recoiled against his body's baser instincts and reason had prevailed. He had donned the cool, impassive guise that was like a second skin to him and Ellie had been none the wiser (or so he had believed). The fire inside of him had been contained, but not quenched…

They needed to talk, and soon.

Legolas abruptly stood up, startling her. "Come walk with me," he asked her with just a hint of urgency.

Perplexed, Ellie got up to follow. As they left the shelter of the campsite, she could see Jamie and the hobbits engaging in a mock swordfight with Aragorn and Boromir. Gandalf had joined Gimli off to one side to watch. Ellie had no idea where Legolas was leading her, but once the others were out of sight, she found herself unexpectedly nervous. They had come around to the other side of the outcrop. The shadows were longer here, for the sun was not visible on this side of the mountain. Twilight was upon them, and Ellie's heart began to thump rapidly.

"What you did for Gandalf today was remarkable, Ellie," Legolas said, startling her again as he suddenly stopped and turned around to face her. To her surprise, she could see that he was wound up tighter than a spring. Indeed, his hands kept opening and closing into fists. Why…he is just as nervous as I am! And with that realization, she was able to set aside much of her anxiety.

Ellie shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "I am a touch-healer, Legolas—I simply did what I have always done and was born to do."

The intense longing was back in her eyes, this time tinged with tender amusement. The Elf groaned inwardly. Legolas had made a BIG mistake—and well he knew it. He had brought her here to dissuade her from this infatuation of hers, but he found himself unable to speak of it. Unlike this morning at the lake, he knew that his ability to reason and his iron-clad self-control—perfected through years of military training—would not save him now. For he could feel the sexual tension rising between Ellie and him. It was a living, breathing thing. The air practically crackled with it…And the little minx standing before him was going to take advantage of it. He could see it in her face, just as she could surely see the beads of perspiration breaking out on his. And as Ellie closed the distance between them, he felt his entire being melt away, except for that one rock-hard part of him that longed to sheath itself inside her slender body.

Ellie raised a small hand to his long hair and ran her fingers through the silky strands, now silvered by the waning light. "You are like starlight come to life," she whispered, enchanted, as she raised her other hand to cup his pale cheek. Legolas shuddered. And she felt that shudder to the very core of her being, her body answering it with one of its own.

In the very next instant, Legolas backed her, none to gently, into the smooth wall of the outcrop and pressed his body against hers, using his hands to raise her face so that he could kiss her, while Ellie wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. Had he been more in control of himself, he surely would have handled her with exquisite care, for he cherished Ellie; but right now his feelings were too savage. His hot, hard lips devoured hers, pulling, biting, bruising, while his tongue ruthlessly ravaged the inside of her mouth. One hand dropped to her slender neck and wrapped itself around it. For one crazy moment, Ellie thought that he meant to strangle her for she felt his hand tighten, but then he moved it to one breast. She moaned. And when that wicked hand squeezed, Ellie's legs gave way and, had he not been pinning her so tightly against the wall, she surely would have fallen.

Even through their clothes, Ellie could feel his throbbing member grinding into her belly, and she stood on her tippy-toes, trying to bring it closer to her own throbbing center. Sensing her need, Legolas lifted her skirt with his other hand and shoved his knee upward, mounting her on his leg. Had she been able to, Ellie would have screamed out her pleasure. As it was, she bit down hard on his tongue, and tasted blood.

Legolas' two hands now began to feverishly explore the hot, writhing body underneath her dress. She exulted in his touch. And when he dropped her back on her feet, and his knowing fingers found the core of her womanhood, Ellie was racked by violent convulsions.

In all his long life, Legolas had never before experienced such soul-shattering need. He felt as if he was consumed by an inferno, and his body screamed for release. The girl was impossibly small, impossibly hot, and Legolas wanted to impale her against that rock wall. But just as he was about to loosen his pants to do just that, Jamie's clear voice rang out on top of the mountain, calling for Ellie.

Their world came to a sudden and painful standstill. Ellie and Legolas stared at each other in shock, and for a moment neither moved, although their bodies continued to shudder of their volition. Legolas recovered first, and placing his hands on the wall on either side of her, he pushed his body away from the girl's. Then he pressed his forehead against hers, and closed his eyes.

"Are you all right, Ellie? The boy is headed this way."

"Yes," Ellie whispered, but she wasn't really. And neither was Legolas.

Ellie had been unprepared for the intensity of their lovemaking. She was both confused and frightened by such raging emotions. She had not expected—could never have imagined—the total loss of control, the total relinquishing of self, that she experienced in the Elf's arms. For the second time that day, she was acutely conscious of her vulnerability as a female…and she felt vanquished. Ellie wanted to weep. She wanted to hide. Above all else, she wanted Legolas to touch her again.

Legolas studied the girl standing before him, and clenched his jaw. Ellie's composure was badly shaken. She was wild-eyed and flushed, and wouldn't stop trembling. Her soft mouth was swollen, and in all probability, would soon be bruised as well. At the very least, she looked as if she had been thoroughly kissed. At the worst, she looked as if she had been roughly tumbled, which—thanks to him—she very nearly had been. She also looked as if she were about to cry. Her vulnerability was heartbreaking to watch.

"Ellie, we'll talk about this later," he said gently to her just as Jamie came bounding up to them. "Later" would not come until early the next morning.

There were a few raised eyebrows when the three of them entered the campsite, but one look at Legolas' taut face and Ellie's fragile appearance was enough to silence any would-be comments from the others—at least in the girl's presence. Dinner was a quiet affair, and surely thereafter, the Fellowship retired. Gandalf wanted them to make an early start the next morning to compensate for the time lost that day.

Legolas had taken the first watch that night and then, because he could not sleep, he took the last watch as well. He had handled the situation with Ellie badly, and he was deeply disturbed. He had meant to talk her out of her infatuation, to explain to her that he could not, would not be her lover. But instead he had lost control. And in the worst possible way. He had never lost control before—not like this. The girl was an innocent—something he had known—and yet he had pounced on her like some craven animal. He had hurt her—physically, emotionally—and would have taken her violently against that rock wall had the boy not interrupted. Legolas could not explain his behavior. Nor could he excuse it. The only thing he knew was that her first introduction to lovemaking should have been very different. She had deserved to be wooed slowly, gently, as befits a maiden—and he had failed her.

He could see her on the other side of the campfire, lying next to Jamie. Her sleep was troubled, for she kept tossing and turning, whimpering and mumbling incoherent words. This too, then, was his fault, for he had always seen her sleep soundly before.

Despite her restless night, or perhaps because of it, Ellie woke up even earlier than usual. As she sat up, she noticed Legolas sitting across the fire from her, and she suddenly felt shy and unsure of herself. But she gathered up her courage, gave him a wobbly smile, and approached him. And as she did, she noticed that despite his utter stillness, his blue eyes were filled with torment.

Ellie held out a hand to him, "We can talk now." And she motioned to a flat boulder a short distance away, "Over there." They would still be visible from the camp, but their words would be private.

Legolas took her small hand in his and stood, steeling himself against the now-familiar heat that coursed through his body whenever she touched him. When they got to the boulder, they sat down side by side on top of it, with their backs to the sleeping companions. The Elf put his arm around her shoulder, and Ellie leaned into him.

"I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday," he quietly began, and as Ellie shook her head to stop him, he continued more fervently, "What happened between us should never have happened. And certainly not in the way it happened."

"It's not always like that, then?" she asked, curious.

"No. Not usually. Not for me." He paused. "You are yet a maiden, Ellie. Any Elf, or man, worthy of you would make love to you tenderly, slowly… There is no excuse for what I did."

Ellie was silent for a moment. "It seems to me I am as much to blame for what happened, perhaps even more so. I wanted you, Legolas." And then, more softly, "I still do. I want you to lie with me."

The Elf closed his eyes and grimaced. "I don't think that would be a good idea…" he began, and then, because he had suspected her motives even as he had recognized her growing affection for him, he asked her, "Why do you ask this of me?"

"I want you to give me a daughter," she answered honestly, suddenly reluctant to deceive him as so many of her ancestors had deceived their mates.

"You want a daughter," he stated flatly, surprised at the disappointment he felt as his suspicions were confirmed.

"I want your daughter," she corrected him.

"And that is all you ask of me?" Legolas turned slightly so that he could meet her eyes.

"I cannot ask any more of you. I am Ilissan." And her earnest face pleaded with him for understanding.

But he grew angry instead and dropped his arm. "And yet you ask too much of me, Ellie. You expect me to give you a child—my child—and then walk away and have nothing more to do with you or her. My daughter would never know me, would not even know my name. Just like you know nothing of your father. I am sorry, Ellie, but I cannot." With that he climbed off the boulder and started back to camp. But then, because he did not want to be angry with her, and perhaps too because he wanted her understanding, he came back and sat down again, this time facing her.

Ellie looked at him, pain and confusion visible in her eyes.

"Tell me, Ellie, do you love Jamie?"

The question surprised her. "He is a child…" she replied slowly.

"Yes, but in a few years time he will not be. Yet you will be the same as you are now. So, will you stop loving him then? When he is a man full-grown? Or will you perhaps let him sire a daughter for you—he is, after all, a prince like me, is he not? And if he does sire your daughter, what then? As an Ilissan you are bound to abandon him and start a new life with your daughter where he will not find you. How do you think Jamie will feel?" He paused. "How do you think I feel?" he whispered.

Ellie shook her head and quietly began to cry. "I am sorry, Legolas, I am so sorry…" But she bowed her head and would not look at him again. The Elf watched her for a few minutes, then climbed down and walked away.