To all my readers: please leave feedback! I have no idea if you like where I am headed with this story unless I hear from you. To those who have reviewed, I want to give you a big thank you and a hug. To anon: I owe you an EXTRA big thank you for your wonderful suggestion. You can look forward to the introduction of our new "antagonist" in an upcoming chapter. You are such a clever girl! And to my beta and sidekick, Kris, as always, you inspire me to keep on writing. Go girl!
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER
The gown Haldir had given her was exquisite. Made of the sheerest Elven silk and delicately embroidered with iridescent thread, it was so airy and light that it reminded Ellie of a white cloud laced with early morning sun. The fine fabric felt cool and luxurious against her body; it clung becomingly to her soft curves and made her pale skin shine even brighter. Ellie had never seen, or felt, anything like it. It was so different from the dark, heavy fabrics that the women of Ravenwood had worn. Like a child, Ellie extended her arms and swirled around in the small pavilion, reveling in the beauty of her new dress. "Thank the Valar! I feel like a lady again!" she exclaimed.
And she looked it. For not only did she wear a beautiful gown, she was also clean and fresh, and perfumed with the rich floral scent of the Elven soap. After dressing, she had finger-combed her hair and pulled it back from her face with a delicate filigree headband the Elf-maiden had removed from her own fair head and given to her. Ellie's long tresses hung thick and wet down her back. Her hair would curl once it began to dry, but for now it was as smooth as a raven's wing, shimmering blue in the moonlight. Ellie knew she had never been prettier and her heart raced in anticipation of the look in Legolas' face when he finally got a chance to see her.
As she climbed down the pavilion steps, Ellie left behind her tattered dress and shoes, and Legolas' torn shirt, for they called to mind painful memories she would rather forget. Those memories belonged to the past now--and Ellie did not want to be burdened by the past. She and Jamie were starting a new life in Lothlorien and she was looking forward to it. But how much of her Ilissan heritage she was actually willing to give up in order to live like an Elf--that she could not answer yet…
Haldir of Lorien had been sitting among the darkling trees for the better part of the evening, waiting for Ellie to reappear. Lost in thought, he had not noticed when Legolas had returned to the bathing pool. But, of course, Legolas was a wood Elf and a warrior, skilled in concealing himself from the eyes and ears of others. And so Haldir was surprised when he heard, and then saw, a shirtless Prince of Mirkwood with the human boy in his arms, walking up the path. They were talking about Elanae--his daughter--and they had obviously just bathed. With her, no doubt.
To his astonishment, the Lorien Elf felt a faint stirring of paternal outrage in his breast. I had better get used to it, he told himself, bemused, I am a father now.
It was a role he had never expected to play--and for Naia's child, no less! And it utterly boggled his mind. Elanae was the very image of her mother, and from all appearances, had inherited her passionate nature. As well as her boldness--for the girl had dared to strike an Elf, and a princely one at that. Haldir smiled at the recollection. What he would give to have been able to see Legolas' face at that moment! The Lorien Elf admired Thranduil's son, yet he had always considered Legolas to be cold and arrogant, and much too self-contained, even for an Elf. But not anymore. Haldir's half-human daughter had changed all that. How incredible!
And what was even more incredible was the fact that the girl had not succumbed to Legolas' allure. Haldir had overheard only the tail end of the conversation, but the boy's words had made it clear that Elanae still needed some convincing. That would be a first for the Prince of Mirkwood. And it might well prove to be the key to unlocking his well-guarded heart.
Elanae and Legolas…Haldir briefly wondered what his sister Nev would make of that…
Once Legolas and the boy had passed, the Lorien Elf stood up, expecting the girl to follow soon, and sure enough, he heard her soft footsteps approach a few minutes later. Haldir was unprepared for the lovely vision that filled his eyes when his daughter finally walked up the path. For hours, from the moment he had first recognized who she was, he had been waiting for a chance to speak with her privately. Yet now he found himself unable to utter a word as he beheld her delicate beauty--at once pale and dark--and so heartbreakingly similar to Naia's. My gods, but she is beautiful! he thought. And she is my child!
Although Ellie could not see him, she sensed his presence and paused, facing the dark trees where he stood. Giving himself a mental shake, Haldir the Elf stepped out of the shadows.
"Elanae…Ellie…may I walk you back?"
The girl nodded. "Yes Haldir. I would like that." Her expression was pensive, slightly guarded, but Ellie's heart was flip-flopping inside her chest. This is my father!
The Elf approached her and for a moment the two of them stood face to face, without saying a word. Then he asked, "Do you know who I am?"
"Yes," she replied, then walked to his side and tentatively placed her arm in his and took hold of his hand. The Elf gasped and started at the heat that surged through his body at her touch. His daughter's skin burned just like her mother's!
Ellie was puzzled by his reaction. "It is because of my healing gift. All Ilissans feel hot to the touch." Does he not know that my mother was Ilissan?
Apparently not, for Haldir turned to face her again, his hand squeezing hers hard. "Ilissan? Are you telling me that you are a touch-healer?" His eyes mirrored the disbelief in his voice.
"Yes. As was my mother." Ellie felt a sudden pang of sympathy for the Elf that was her father. If Naia had not told him about her heritage, then it was likely she had deceived him into mating with her. Such was the Ilissan way, but for the second time in her life (the first being with Legolas on the mountaintop) Ellie questioned the fairness--the morality--of it. As she looked into Haldir's beautiful face and penetrating eyes, she felt bitterly disappointed in her mother.
How could she have misled him? she wondered. He is so proud and magnificent! Like Legolas.
Haldir was asking himself the same question, but, strangely, he felt no bitterness. Only sadness and understanding. He had never doubted Naia's love for him--and he still did not doubt it. She could not have faked her reactions to his nearness, to his touch and his loving words. Or the tenderness in her eyes and in her voice when she responded in kind. Haldir was an Elf, and would have sensed it. But there had always been a part of her he could not touch. A part of her she would not reveal. Naia had never told Haldir about her past. And Haldir now understood that in the end, it was that past that had come between them. The Lorien Elf knew enough about Ilissans to realize that she would never--could never--have remained with him. So, what is our daughter doing here?
Haldir did not want to believe that it was only a coincidence.
"Why did you come to Lothlorien, Ellie? You are not part of the Fellowship." His voice was deceptively soft. But his eyes were bright with expectation and impatience as they bore into hers. His need to know was palpable. It discomfited Ellie. And when she hesitated to answer, he took hold of her other hand and pulled her closer to him. "Please…tell me," he insisted.
"Before she died, my mother told me to come here if I ever found myself alone and in need. She said I would be welcomed."
The Elf briefly searched her face, as if trying to ascertain the truth of her words. Then he sighed deeply and closed his eyes in relief. "Yes…yes, you are," he affirmed. Ellie saw the tension leave his face and body, felt the loosening of his iron grip on her hands. And when Haldir finally opened his eyes, she was hardly surprised to see them welled with tears.
"I loved your mother very much, Ellie. And I want you to know that of all the gifts Naia could have left me, the gift of a child is the greatest one of all. You cannot imagine what I feel, knowing who you are and having you here with me."
But Ellie could, for the newfound hope and joy and affection in his heart shone through his eyes and were reflected in his beautiful smile.
Ellie was deeply moved by Haldir's words. Her father's words. Tears filled her own eyes and threatened to spill over even as she smiled back at him. On impulse, she closed the gap between them and hugged him fiercely. The action surprised her as much as it did him, but she did not regret it. Ellie suddenly realized that she was glad, truly glad, that she had found her father.
"I am so happy right now," she admitted to him shyly, as they stepped back from one another. "To know that you are my father, and that this is my home too."
"You are a Lorien Elf, Ellie, as much as you are an Ilissan."
"Yes, but I did not always know that. My mother never told me, you see." Ellie hoped he would not be hurt by her admission, but she felt he deserved to know the truth.
Haldir nodded his head thoughtfully. He had suspected as much once he had learned that the two women were Ilissans. Nevertheless, he was convinced that Naia had purposefully sent their daughter to him. That Naia had meant for Ellie to find him one day. For that, he could forgive the woman he had loved everything. And he did. Thank you, Naia, for your gift.
As they walked hand in hand up the path, Ellie once again questioned her mother's motives in sending her to Lothlorien. Like Haldir, the girl was convinced that Naia must have known this meeting would take place. Had her mother truly intended to leave her to him?
Or did she think Ellie could ignore his presence? Or that he would allow her to? Looking up at the handsome Elf who was her father, the girl did not think it likely.
Naia had breached one of the most sacred principles of Ilissan life in uniting Ellie with her father. Why had her mother broken her vows?…The surprising answer came to her as she continued to stare at Haldir's flawless profile. Because she had loved him. Naia had been in love with Haldir the Elf! Ellie was sure of it now and the sudden, and startling, insight into her mother's heart caused her to stumble and pitch forward.
Haldir's grip on her arm prevented Ellie from falling and now the Elf stood in front of her again with questioning eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked her, his voice laced with concern. Ellie's eyes and mouth were wide open in shock.
"My mother loved you!" she cried. "She must have loved you!"
Haldir smiled and lifted his hand to caress her cheek. He watched as his daughter's shocked expression slowly changed to acceptance. And he wondered, How could you have thought otherwise? Then he gently told her, "But of course. We were together for almost three years, Ellie. Naia was my wife."
His wife? HIS WIFE! Ellie choked on her own breath as the shock returned tenfold. It plowed into her stomach like a swift kick and caused her to double over, her forehead colliding with the Elf's chest. Alarmed, Haldir roughly grasped her by the shoulders and pulled her upright.
"Breathe slowly!" he ordered, as she tried to catch her breath and made a sick, wheezing sound instead. Then he wrapped his arms tightly around her slight frame and pulled her flush against him. He could feel her heart hammering wildly against his abdomen; he could feel the tremors that shook her body. Why had the news shocked her so? What had she expected?
She had expected anything but that. Her mother married to Haldir! An Ilissan married! It was simply not possible. The news was so preposterous he might as well have told her that Naia had turned into a troll! And as Haldir stroked her back and whispered soothing words, Ellie relaxed and breathed--and half-convinced herself that she had not heard him correctly.
Pulling back slightly so that she could look up at him, Ellie asked him slowly, "Did you say that my mother was your wife?"
Haldir studied her closely and when Ellie made as if to break his embrace, he did not let her go. The Elf was not about to release her until he was confident she would not fall apart again. "Did you expect that we had had a casual affair?" he countered, raising his eyebrow.
That was exactly what she had expected. Ellie took a deep, calming breath. "But…but marriage is forbidden to Ilissans."
"I never knew she was Ilissan, Ellie," he reminded her. "She never told me. And I never saw her heal."
"But Haldir, you are Elfkind! My mother was mortal. Surely such a marriage is forbidden to Elves too?" Haldir's heart gave a lurch at the desperate note in his daughter's voice. It hurt him to know that Naia's obvious flouting of her traditions could cause Ellie so much pain. So much disillusionment.
"Not forbidden, only discouraged," he replied softly. "For obvious reasons."
Mortals die. And Ellie suddenly realized with a pang that Haldir must have loved her mother very deeply to risk so much heartbreak.
And what of Naia? she asked herself. Naia had risked her very soul…
Or had she? Ellie simply did not know anymore. In the face of her own love for Legolas, and of her budding affection for her father, the girl had already begun to question the rightness of her convictions. And as she stared into Haldir's beautiful face and continued to find comfort in the strength of his arms, Ellie could well understand the choices her mother had made. But could she accept them? And more importantly, would she dare make the same choices for herself?
As she pondered these questions, another thought occurred to her. Haldir had said they had been together for almost three years. "Did you lay with my mother more than once?" she asked him bluntly.
The question surprised him. In fact, it angered him, and the Elf instantly dropped his arms from her waist. His daughter was much too bold. Where is she going with this? he wondered, as he coolly assessed her through narrowed eyes.
"She was my wife. What do you think, Ellie?"
"But you had no other children."
Now I see… "I am an Elf, not a rabbit," he said with a faint smile. "Children are a rare gift among our kind."
"But my mother was no Elf," she challenged. "For an Ilissan, it is possible to conceive each time, unless one is already with child. Do you understand?"
Oh gods…He did. More than she gave him credit for. Compassion suddenly filled Haldir's eyes and he took hold of her slender waist again. Ah…Daughter. Do not make me say things that will hurt you.
But Ellie would not let it go. "So why did you not have more children?"
Haldir's face tightened, as did his hands on her body. Ellie squirmed, but did not pull away. "Why?" she repeated.
He briefly considered lying, but quickly discarded that notion. Ellie was no fool. And she had been honest with him. She deserved no less.
"Naia told me she desired no children. I respected her wishes. There are ways…" Haldir paused.
"…to prevent a pregnancy," Ellie finished, echoing Legolas' words at the bathing pool. She could scarcely believe it. Did you love him that much, Mother? That you destroyed the seed of your unborn daughters? Ellie bowed her head as her eyes filled with unbidden tears. She felt ashamed of her mother--and ashamed of herself for feeling that way.
"But she had me," Ellie finally said, looking up at Haldir with wet, bewildered eyes.
At that moment, she seemed no older than Jamie, and the Elf's throat constricted painfully. He brought Ellie close to his body once more and lifted his hand to her head, tenderly cradling it against his chest. He pressed his cheek against her damp hair and closed his eyes, then whispered, "We were careful. Always careful. Except that last time…" It had been his fault. He had just returned from Rivendell, and he had been too eager, too hasty, to possess her. He had not taken precautions. And he had not given her leave to purge herself afterwards. Instead he had taken her again. And again. And again. And had kept her by his side all night long.
"That last time…" Ellie repeated dully, clutching at his sleeve.
"I never knew about you. Two days later, Naia was gone."
And at last Ellie understood.
She had been a mistake.
The words echoed in her mind over and over again. Their implications were staggering. As Ellie stood frozen in her father's arms, she realized that her mother had given up everything--her heritage, her healing gift, her unborn daughters, her very identity--for the love of an Elf. And then Naia had given him up when she realized she had conceived.
Naia had never intended to have a child. Ellie knew that it was the only way her mother could justify staying with Haldir. She had risked her own soul to be with him, but she would not risk a daughter's. And so, when Ellie came into being, she had left Lothlorien, and he had never known why.
Her parents had paid a terrible price for their forbidden love. Had sacrificed so much…
And Ellie was the sole reason for their separation.
Yet, Naia had been a warm and loving mother. Ellie never saw a shadow of resentment or bitterness cross her face. Her mother must have been heart-broken, but Ellie never saw sadness either. The woman had always been unfailingly kind and patient. She had never raised her voice in anger, and was quick to smile and praise. Indeed, Naia had been the perfect Ilissan mother, instilling in her daughter a deep reverence for the beliefs and traditions of their unique sect. Within the sanctuary of Ravenwood, Naia had re-dedicated herself to healing…and to her faith. And she had done it all for Ellie. After so much sacrifice…
Ellie looked up at Haldir now and wondered, How can he not blame me? Does he not know that I am the reason why she left?
Of course, Haldir knew. He realized it the instant Ellie told him she was Ilissan. But it made no difference to him. He did not resent his daughter. She was blameless in his eyes.
"Naia's choices belong to our past, Ellie," he told her gently, as he met her troubled gaze. "They have no bearing on you and me. Not anymore. What is important is that you are here with me now. We are embarking on a new journey together, as father and daughter."
A new journey. A new beginning…Yes, that is what she wanted.
"Thank you, Haldir," she said simply.
The Elf cupped her chin with one hand and caressed her cheek with his long, elegant fingers. So much like Legolas', she thought.
"I am your father, Ellie. Will you not address me as such?" he asked her.
Ellie stared at him, her throat swelling as she saw the tenderness and longing in his eyes. She owed him so much, this Elf who was her father, for it was from him that she had received some of her greatest gifts. And the two of them had shared one more thing—an all-important thing to Ellie—and that was their love for Naia.
"Yes, Father," she whispered, and kissed him.
