TO ALL MY READERS: Once again, I thank you for your encouraging reviews. They truly inspire me to keep on writing!!!! I hope all of you had a happy and blessed holiday. I want to ask all of you to check out my beta Kris' (aka Belasvoice) wonderful new fanfic. It is called IN LOVING MEMORY and it is a legomance, similar in style to my own story, although the plot is completely different. You are sure to enjoy it!
To Nevasaiel: Glad to have you back! And, yes, indeed, I will be following the same storyline as the original ELLIE'S CHOICE.
To Jack-Sparrow-Lover: just for the record, I love Jack Sparrow too!
To Anon: Many, many thanks for your insightful review. I truly value your opinion, and the time you take to read my work when I know you are so busy with yours! For my readers who don't already know, Anon is a prolific writer. She is currently working on her third story! Check them out!
To Avian Lee: Glad the katana is back and as sharp as ever! But poor Nev is not so evil anymore! Are you sure you want her to be assassinated?
To sdsdsdsds: After writing Chapter 11, I was an emotional wreck! I am pleased that readers responded well to it.
To Nikki1: You poor thing! Where are those smelling salts when you need them? ;-)
AND as always, a great big hug and thank you to my fantabulous beta Kris, for putting up with my madness!
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: CERIN AMROTH
She is walking away from me.
She is actually walking away from me!
Legolas watched Ellie leave in stunned disbelief.
But he did not follow. He was frozen in place.
Had Ellie turned around at that moment, she would have been astonished to see the look on his face. Legolas' mouth hung wide open on a jaw that had suddenly--and uncharacteristically--gone slack. His eyes were no longer those of a 3,000-year-old Elf. Instead, they were the eyes of a lost, bewildered child. A child who could not comprehend what was happening to him. Or why.
How can this be? How can she do this? The Elf was completely dumbfounded. He had been forthright and honest with Ellie. Had held nothing back from her--not his past, not his weaknesses, nor his regrettable mistake. He had given her his heartfelt apology, had spoken eloquently, and sincerely, of his love, his need for her. He had practically groveled before her. In just a matter of hours, Legolas had revealed more of himself to Ellie, than he had ever revealed to anyone in his entire life--including his father.
How can she just walk away?
She was in love with him. He knew this.
Her body was his for the taking. He did not doubt it, even now.
And…they were friends. Confidantes.
Long before love blossomed between them, they had shared a special bond. A friendship whose foundation lay in their Elven heritage, but which had been built and strengthened by their common interests, their kindred spirits. They had kept each other company throughout the Fellowship's long, hard journey. He knew she had come to rely on him, to depend on his judgment.
To trust his word.
This morning Legolas had made her a promise. If Ellie had learned anything about him by now, it should have been this: he always kept his word. He would never betray her again. Not with Nevladiel. Not with anyone else.
So why could I not sway her?…
Led by Haldir and a handful of his Elves, the Fellowship traveled through the Golden Wood. They followed one winding path after another, forded swift-moving streams and bubbling brooks, climbed up and down countless hills. Hour after hour they plodded, and still Caras Galadhon was nowhere in sight. Neither was the meadow they had quickly glimpsed on their way to the hunting talan the previous evening.
"If my memory serves me correctly, I thought we were quite near the City of the Trees last night," Aragorn said with a puzzled frown. He had visited Lothlorien many years ago, and had in fact stayed in the very same talan.
Haldir smiled, but said nothing.
Ellie walked alongside her father and pondered that smile. He is hiding something! She was sure of it. The girl distinctly recalled Haldir telling them that they would be taken to Caras Galadhon in the morning, yet it was nearly noon already. She glanced back at Legolas, who was directly behind them, but the Elf simply shrugged his shoulders.
"Are you taking us a roundabout way, Father?" Ellie finally ventured.
Haldir's smile grew wider as he looked down at his daughter. The girl was not only perceptive, but also plain-spoken. His heart filled with amusement and a smattering of paternal pride. "Yes. It was either that or blindfolding your companions."
"Blindfolding us? But why?"
"Not you, Ellie, or the boy, for you are to remain with us," Haldir assured her. "And perhaps not Aragorn, for he has spent time with us before and knows his way around. But the rest of your companions, yes. We guard our secrets well in Lorien, and the location of Caras Galadhon is one of them."
Ellie whipped her head back toward Legolas, who was scowling faintly. "You would have blindfolded Legolas too?" she asked incredulously.
"Indeed, we would have," Haldir replied with a chuckle.
Legolas' scowl deepened. "I am an Elf and a kinsman here,*" he muttered angrily. It was bad enough that Ellie had chosen to walk with her father instead of him, but now he had to put up with Haldir's insults as well. Legolas briefly wondered if Ellie's father had spoken with Nev yet.
"I meant no offense," Haldir apologized, his expression suddenly serious as he stopped and faced the Elf behind him. "But these are perilous times, Legolas. We cannot afford to have faith, or place our trust, in the world beyond our borders. You will be departing soon with the Fellowship--at least for a while," he added pointedly, "and we would have you leave without knowledge of our city's exact whereabouts."
Legolas nodded stiffly, but Ellie could tell that he was far from being mollified. She could clearly sense his displeasure. His ire. It had been building for hours. Now the Elf's unblinking eyes shifted to her, and even after she turned away, she could feel them as strongly as if he were running his hands down her back. Ellie knew that she was the real reason behind Legolas' sour mood. She was the reason why he had been so utterly silent all morning long.
She had not been avoiding Legolas--truly--but she had not sought him out either. Instead, she had stuck by Haldir's side from the moment her father arrived at the talan. The fact that Legolas was walking directly behind them now was entirely the Elf's doing, and not hers.
Guilt and sorrow cast a heavy shadow over Ellie. She felt Legolas' inexorable pull--was terribly tempted to go to him and agree to everything and anything he asked. But she did not. Difficult as it was, she would not give in. Not now. Legolas had betrayed her trust. This time Ellie would not be swayed by his pretty words, or by his touch. She would come to terms with what he did in her own way, and in her time. And then she would make her choice…
Just as the midday sun settled into its highest seat in the sky, Haldir and his Elves led the Fellowship out of the thick canopy of trees and into a vast grassy meadow flanked by several hills. The largest of these lay directly ahead. It was perfectly round and crowned with two rings of trees--the outer with snowy white barks and bare branches, surrounding an inner circle of tall, flourishing mallorns that gleamed gold and silver in the bright sunlight. At the edge of the trees and spread across the hillside was a lush carpet of green grass dotted with yellow, star-shaped flowers that bloomed close to the ground and white and pale green flowers atop long, slender stems that danced in the breeze.
The beautiful hillside acted like a balm on Ellie's troubled soul. Oh, how lovely and peaceful it all is! she thought, enchanted by the view. She breathed in the delicate fragrance of the flowers and, catching her father's eyes, smiled contentedly.
"Cerin Amroth," Aragorn suddenly said in a husky voice, from right behind Ellie's ear, as he placed his hands on her shoulders. The girl started, for she had not realized that he had walked up to them. She turned her head, only to find the man reverently staring at the hill called Cerin Amroth, his pale eyes aglow with wonder and awe. In the next instant, he pushed her gently to one side, and moved past her.
"It appears that this place holds cherished memories for him, Ellie," Haldir whispered.
To her it seemed so too, for Aragorn continued walking up the hill, silently and slowly as if in a trance.
Ellie's father now turned to face the rest of the Fellowship. "We will rest here for a few hours and give the little ones the opportunity to eat," he said, nodding toward the hobbits.
The respite was a long time in coming, and long overdue. The hobbits were indeed ravenous. They had missed their second breakfast and elevenses. Jamie and Gimli were hungry too, and as if to punctuate the fact, the dwarf's stomach rumbled so loudly that it startled a pair of nesting birds in a nearby branch. As the birds twittered and circled above them in outrage, Ellie laughed in delight and ran back to Jamie, grabbing the boy's hand. With Jamie in tow, she hurried past Legolas once more and smiled at the Elf in a vacant, offhanded way before heading up the hill, followed closely by Haldir.
This time, Legolas did not join them. While the rest of the Fellowship scattered about Cerin Amroth, the Elf sat by himself in a patch of white niphredil flowers and watched Ellie, as she ate and quietly spoke with her father and the boy. Occasionally, her dark eyes alighted on Legolas, but quickly darted away when they met his brilliant blue gaze.
"Ellie, why is Legolas not joining us?" Jamie asked.
Casting a worried glance in the other Elf's direction, Haldir had been about to ask her the same question. It occurred to him that Legolas might have told Ellie about Nev and that his daughter was not taking the news well. Haldir had only known Ellie for one short day, but for an Elf that was long enough. Long enough for him, as a father, to become attuned to his daughter's every mood. Right now she was hurting and confused--and trying very hard not to show it. Earlier he had sensed the discord between her and the Prince of Mirkwood, and it troubled him, for he knew the two loved each other dearly--even his Lorien companions had noticed as much yesterday. As far as he was concerned, Ellie and Legolas might even be each other's bereth faer.** Haldir did not want his daughter to repeat Naia's mistakes. He did not want her to suffer an eternity of heartache and regret…just like him.
"He can join us if he wishes," Ellie mumbled, with a dismissive wave of her hand, but she kept her face averted from the boy and the two Elves.
Nonetheless, her voice carried to Legolas' sensitive ears, and he frowned, his eyes narrowing to slits. It wasn't what she said; it was the flippant way she said it. Legolas was deeply vexed by Ellie's seeming nonchalance. Why are you doing this? he wondered, unable to comprehend. If he didn't know any better, he could swear that she was putting on a charade. He wanted to talk to her, gage her thoughts and feelings…persuade her, if not with his words than with his body. But she was not cooperating. Ellie was keeping her distance, shoring up her defenses against him. With each passing moment, Legolas could feel the chasm between them grow wider and wider. Careful, Ellie, lest you be caught in a trap of your own making, the Elf brooded, his mood darkening considerably. He was frustrated and angry, disappointed and exasperated. If distance is what you want, then you shall have it! he decided at last. He would not run after her. He would honor her wishes…for the time being. But do you not realize that time is not on our side?
If Ellie did not, Haldir did. "Legolas will be leaving in a few short days," he reminded his daughter.
Ellie flinched. She had purposefully avoided dwelling on that. She did not want to have to face that reality just yet, not when her heart and mind were in such turmoil. And yet, she had known from the first day that their separation was imminent--like a shadow, it had loomed over her horizon, growing ever larger the closer the Fellowship got to Lothlorien. Ellie bit her lip and nodded at her father. Then she shifted wary eyes to Legolas' unwavering gaze. And did not look away.
She needed time, and she needed space, to think clearly. But as she sat there staring at him in the flowering hillside, Ellie realized with a pang that Legolas did not deserve to be abandoned so abruptly. Especially now. He had been up-front with her when he could have easily prevaricated. He had exposed himself to her, had bared his heart and his soul. The least she could do is reciprocate in kind. Let him know what she was feeling. Be with him a while, and be a friend, if nothing else--for she still had no intentions of forgiving and forgetting.
Ellie sighed and rose to her feet. "I'll be right back," she told her father and Jamie, and walked to where Legolas sat, still and silent and watchful, a sentinel of stone surrounded by tall flowers and fragrant grass. If he was surprised by her approach, he did not show it.
She stood and looked down at him for a moment, but before either could speak, a strong gust of wind whipped her hair forward and about his face and neck, entwining the long black curls with his own platinum locks. In the next instant, that same wind lifted her skirt above her knees until the shimmering, cloud-like fabric wrapped around his legs and waist in a loving embrace. Ellie watched spellbound as Legolas briefly closed his eyes and his beautiful face softened into an expression so sublime that she suddenly found herself fighting the urge to finish what the wayward wind had started. It should be my hands and body touching him thus! she could not help but think.
But then reason prevailed--there was just too much at stake for Ellie to succumb to a momentary whim--and when Legolas opened his eyes, donning his stoic mask once again, she was able to meet his veiled gaze with calm and equanimity. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she sat cross-legged in front of him, their knees almost touching, their hair still blowing wildly about them. Ellie did not know it, but had she hesitated a second longer, Legolas would have taken matters into his own hands and dragged her down on top of him, so deep was his need to hold her. Instead, he now patiently waited for her to speak.
Ellie gave him a hesitant smile, and tried to take her errant hair back.
"Leave it," he muttered, then waited.
She took another deep breath, exhaling loudly, and smiled again--a tender, rueful smile that stabbed at his heart with the sharpness of a blade. "Truce?" she offered. Ellie started to lift a hand toward his face, but thought better of it, and let it drop.
"I was not aware we were at war," Legolas countered, raising an eyebrow.
Ellie's smile faltered. "We're not…at least not on my part. I just…I just want this awkwardness I feel to go away. I do not want there to be anger between us, Legolas."
Out of the corner of his eye, Legolas could see Haldir tense, and he sighed in annoyance. It was to be expected that Ellie's father would learn of their troubles, but it galled Legolas nonetheless. "Let's find a quiet spot to talk, shall we? Where we will not be heard…" Or seen, he added to himself.
But Ellie was reluctant and shook her head. She did not want to be alone with him just yet. She did not trust herself to be alone with him. "I do not think that would be wise…"
With those words, Ellie unwittingly buried the knife deeper into Legolas' heart. Have I lost your trust so completely? he wondered, misunderstanding the reason for her reluctance. Then, because he loved her above all else and did not want her to needlessly fret while she pondered her decision, he sought to reassure her.
"I am not angry at you, sweetling," he said in a gentle voice. "I am angry…that we should find ourselves in this situation." Then he bent over and whispered in her ear, "And that it was my doing." In truth, he was angry with her as well for being obstinate, for not understanding and accepting. But he was not about to tell her that.
He did not have to. Ellie knew. She searched his face for a long moment without replying. Legolas could see the relief and gratitude in her eyes--relief that he was willing to reconcile and gratitude for sparing her feelings. But he also saw the doubt.
"You are not angry with me? Really?" she asked, her tone slightly mocking.
She reads me well, the Elf acknowledged with a small smile. "Yes, I am. But I have no right to be," he admitted. "I will get past this, Ellie."
She nodded and bit her lip. "Legolas, I…" And whatever she was going to say remained unsaid, for right then another gust of wind blew a crushed flower, that was hopelessly entangled in one of her curls, across her open mouth.
"Ugh!" Ellie gagged and spluttered and grimaced in disgust. She started to raise a hand to her mouth, but Legolas was quicker. Before she could react, he had brushed the thick lock and white petals away, leaving behind a trail of spittle on her face.
Then they shared a good laugh--one that was filled with amusement, and that lifted their spirits and brought their hearts together. For the first time since breakfast that morning, Ellie and Legolas felt truly at ease with one another.
"We needed that," the girl observed, wiping her face clean.
"Indeed we did," the Elf smiled, stifling the urge to lick the one drop that remained at the corner of her mouth.
"These are niphredil flowers, are they not?" she now asked, gesturing at the beautiful blossoms all around them. The slender stalks were so long that they nearly reached the bottom of her chin. They reminded Ellie of Elves.
"Yes, but how did you know?" In the wild, niphredil bloomed only on Cerin Amroth and in the old forest of Neldoreth, although his mother had once cultivated the white flowers in her garden in Mirkwood. They had died out there almost a thousand years ago, long after she had departed for the Undying Lands.
"Nev told me about them during breakfast," Ellie replied. "She said they were her favorite flowers. Yours too." Ellie picked one of the delicate blossoms and held it to her face. Her skin was pale, but rosy, and therefore not as white as the niphredil. Not as white as Nevladiel's.
"She was wrong," Legolas said, watching her closely. Once the Elf had realized that Nev was going to tread carefully around Ellie and the Fellowship, he had ignored much of her inane chatter. Now he wished he hadn't, because ultimately, every word out of her mouth--no matter how innocent--could be an attempt to undermine Ellie's and his relationship. "I much prefer the elanor, Ellie." And he nodded toward a thick patch of small, yellow flowers halfway up the hill.
"Those sprightly flowers over there?"
"Yes, sweetling. They are small and bright and ever so lovely…they remind me of the stars." Legolas leaned toward her, his face so close that she could feel the whisper of his breath caress her lips. "And they remind me you…"
"Uh huh…" Ellie was lulled by his nearness. Her heart began to flip flop inside her chest in expectation of his kiss. He compared me to his favorite flower! But the sudden sound of Jamie's laughter snapped her out of the spell Legolas was weaving with his words, and she quickly scuttled backwards, putting enough distance between them to quell the stirrings within her body.
Ellie let out a shaky breath and smiled a bit too brightly. "I think…that I shall go pick some elanor with Jamie!" And with that, she rose to her feet and hurried back to the boy.
Legolas sighed in frustration. His mouth silently screamed its outrage--he had been so close to kissing her!--while his hands clenched into tight fists at not being able to touch her. Ellie, you are going to be the death of me! he thought, as his glittering eyes followed her every step. His gaze did not leave her even when Haldir approached and sat down beside him. Legolas stifled a groan.
"I could not help but overhear…" the other Elf began, without apology. "Did Ellie say she had already met Nev?"
"Nev joined us for breakfast this morning," Legolas replied, his voice cold and impassive. He did not look at Haldir; his eyes remained fastened on Ellie.
Haldir nodded thoughtfully and followed Legolas' gaze uphill, to where his daughter and the boy where gathering elanor. "I sense a discord between Ellie and you. And I cannot help but think that Nevladiel has something to do with it." Then he hesitated for a moment. "I know it is not my place…"
"You are right, it is not," Legolas interrupted, his jaw jutting out in displeasure.
Haldir ignored him. "But Nev is my sister, and Ellie is my daughter. You, I would like to consider…an ally."
It was a strange choice of words, and it caught Legolas by surprise. He turned speculative eyes toward Ellie's father and waited for him to explain.
Haldir smiled. "I do not want Ellie to disappear from my life like her mother did. She loves you, Legolas, and if she commits herself to you, then I do not think she will bolt. Not even if she bears you a daughter, for unlike Naia, Ellie is half-Elven, and with an Elven child in tow, she will not easily find a place among mortal humans. Whether you choose to live here in Lorien or take her back to Mirkwood, I want my daughter to live the life of an Elf, not an Ilissan. And she will, as long as she has family and loved ones to support her. Wherever you may take her, I mean to follow. Now that I have found my daughter, I do not intend to lose her. So, yes, I would like to consider you an ally." Haldir's dark blue eyes were expectant, intense, as he studied the Elf sitting next to him. "What do you say?"
"I say yes," Legolas replied. "We can be allies in this." But he offered nothing more.
Haldir was not put off by Legolas' reticence. The Prince was by nature an aloof, self-contained being. But Haldir was determined to get at the truth. "Do not forget the position that I hold in Ellie's life, Legolas," he warned. "Though you may have her heart, it is my blood she shares. Do not assume that simply because you have known her longer, that her bond to me is any less important." Haldir paused and looked at his daughter once again. Ellie was busy weaving a crown of elanor for Jamie's head. "My daughter would willingly share her burden with me if I asked. Would you not prefer that I hear it from you first?" And he turned to meet Legolas' blistering gaze once again.
Legolas gave him a grim smile and nodded. He was not pleased to be put in his place by the younger Elf, but he realized that Haldir was right. Legolas needed Ellie's father on his side.
"Nev sought me out in the meadow, after I spoke with you last night. She was hoping to renew our affair. But nothing happened between us, nothing except a kiss." Haldir stiffened at that, and Legolas quickly continued, "I put a stop to it, Haldir. I put a stop to it because I love and respect Ellie too much to play her false. But I do not think Nev is going to give up. She seemed…determined. If you have any influence over your sister--any influence at all--I ask that you exert it to stay her from this ill-advised course. I do not want Ellie getting hurt, and I do not want Nev to get hurt either."
"My daughter has already been hurt. She knows about Nev, does she not?"
Legolas sighed and shifted his eyes back to Ellie again. "Yes," he said quietly. "I confessed everything."
Haldir was pleased that Legolas had been frank with his daughter, but perhaps it had not been the wisest course for him to take. All along, Ellie's father had been a little leery of his daughter finding out about Legolas and Nev. He had been concerned--and rightly so--about her reaction. Although the affair had been over a millennium ago, and one kiss did not amount to much--especially to worldly-wise Elves accustomed to casual liaisons--a young, inexperienced girl like Ellie might see things differently. And given her behavior today, she quite obviously had.
But what disconcerted Haldir even more, was Legolas' assertion that Nevladiel meant to pursue him. Had his sister secretly pined for the Mirkwood Prince all these years? It was inconceivable. And troubling. Did she not realize just how different they were? From the start of their affair one thousand years ago, Haldir had known that there would be no future in it. Legolas and Nev were as ill-suited for one another as fire and water. The only thing they shared in common was their remarkable beauty.
Now as he contemplated the other Elf, Haldir shook his head in dismay. "In all honesty, Legolas, I had believed Nev to be long past her infatuation with you. She has had other companions. She has one now." The Elf frowned. "It seems I do not know my sister's heart at all. I will talk to Nev, and try to make her see that she is not for you. But understand this, Legolas. I will do whatever it takes to protect my daughter. For Ellie's sake, I would even side against you. I can only hope that it will not come to that."
Legolas would not expect anything less from Ellie's father. Indeed, Haldir had been far more accommodating than Legolas felt he deserved, given his misstep. "I understand," the Elf replied somberly. "And I thank you."
Ellie glanced toward the crown of the hill and perchance saw him standing there as quiet and still as a tree. Through the white and silver barks she saw him, and he seemed a part of a dream--or a distant memory. There was an otherworldliness about him, a strange disconnect that tugged at her soul. Clutching the elanor she had gathered in one hand and her long skirt in the other, she stood and started slowly walking uphill.
"Where are you going Ellie?" Jamie asked her, standing up to follow.
"Just uphill a ways. Wait for me here, all right?" she replied, without pausing or looking back.
As she drew closer to the lonely figure in the trees, Ellie saw that in his hand he held a single yellow flower. She smiled in faint amusement, for the delicate blossom looked somewhat out of place in his scarred and callused fingers.
Although surely he must have sensed her approach, he did not acknowledge Ellie until she spoke. "I am sorry, Aragorn. Am I intruding?" She knew she was, of course, but she was curious. And had been from the moment they first reached Cerin Amroth and the man had walked away.
Now he turned and smiled at her, and Ellie gasped to see just how changed he was. Years of care and toil seemed to have disappeared from his face, the lines and creases smoothing out. A strange light was in his pale eyes, he looked almost young, and Ellie knew that he was caught in the grips of a memory--a happy, private memory. In her mind's eye she saw them, Aragorn as he was nearly two-score years ago, tall and fair, and an Elven maiden even more beautiful than her aunt, with hair as dark as Ellie's and eyes as brilliantly blue as Legolas'. They were embracing, speaking in Elvish. Pledging their troth.
She instantly felt ashamed. "I should not be here," she mumbled, and started to turn away.
"Come, Ellie, stay awhile," he entreated, and held out his hand.
She briefly hesitated and looked back at the others before accepting it. Then Aragorn led her deeper into the circle of mallorns until they stood at the very center. They were surrounded by the sibilant whispers of the golden leaves above them, for the wind blew constantly on the hilltop, but where the man and girl stood, the air was calm, and reverent.
Ellie could still feel the presence of the beautiful Elf from the past. "Who was she?" she asked in a hushed voice, for it seemed almost sacrilegious to speak any louder.
"You saw her Ellie?" His voice was just as hushed.
"Yes." It did not really surprise him. The memory of Arwen pervaded Cerin Amroth, and Ellie was an unusually receptive being. As fey as any Elf, perhaps even more so. Aragorn squeezed the girl's hand.
"She is Arwen Undomiel, the Lady Galadriel's granddaughter."
"And your betrothed," Ellie ventured, with a smile.
Aragorn looked askance at the small girl, and then smiled ruefully. You see too much, little one. "And my betrothed," he admitted.
The implication of such a love was heartbreaking, and not a subject for polite discussion, yet Ellie dared to voice her thoughts nonetheless. "But you are mortal, Aragorn, like my mother."
"And so will Arwen be," he replied sadly, raising his eyes to the canopy of leaves.
"But she is an Elf! I saw her as clearly as if she was standing before me. And you just said she is the Lady Galadriel's kin."
"That is true. But Arwen is also part human, and in choosing to love me, she loses the grace of the Eldar." Aragorn's eyes sought Ellie's once again. She was surprised to see that their clear gray depths had darkened to the color of a stormy sea. "Arwen will become mortal," he told her, his voice suddenly thick with emotion.
"Mortal?" Ellie was profoundly shocked. How can this be? "Aragorn, I am half human. Are you saying that if I were to give up my faith and choose to love a mortal man, then I too would become mortal?"
"My guess is yes, Ellie." But Aragorn did not think Ellie would be faced with such a choice. He was well aware that that the girl loved Legolas, and that the Elf returned her affection. "But that is not something you have to worry about, is it?" he asked her gently.
She shook her head slowly. "I suppose not. And yet…the Lady Arwen's choice is not unlike mine. She has given up her immortality." The thought that such a beautiful being would one day cease to exist filled Ellie with immeasurable sorrow, and she paused for a moment to grieve. Then she took a deep breath. "And if I choose to bind myself to Leg…an Elf" she amended, and blushed when she saw Aragorn's amused look, "I might end up giving up my soul."
The man quirked his brows in surprise. "Is that what you really believe?" His voice was incredulous.
"I don't know what I believe anymore," she replied truthfully. "But I can tell you what I was taught. If an Ilissan breaks her vows, she will be denied entry into the Realm of Light when she dies. Her soul will be condemned to wander forever among the lost ones." Ellie refused to even consider the possibility that her own mother might have been denied entry into the blessed realm.
Aragorn let go of Ellie's hand and cupped her cheeks instead. So you are afraid! he realized, his heart filling with tender feeling for the girl. He gave her a reassuring smile and said, "But you are immortal, Ellie. It is most unlikely that you will ever die."
"I almost died yesterday," she reminded him. And by Legolas' own hand, no less.
The man nodded. What she said was true, but still, he thought her fears were unfounded. "What do you think happens to Elves when they die?"
"Legolas once mentioned something about the Hall of Mandos in Valinor."
"That is where all Elves go when they die, to await re-birth," Aragorn confirmed. "If you are living the life of an Elf, and bind yourself to an Elf, I don't see why you would be denied entry there--should anything happen to you."
"But then I would be separated forever from my mother," she whispered.
Ah…Ellie, I see no way around that. Aragorn stroked her face with his callused thumbs. His voice was infinitely gentle when he told her, "You may already be, little one. You are half-Elven, and your fate lies on a different path from that of your mother."
Ellie fell silent as she pondered Aragorn's words. She realized that he was right--the path of a human was closed to her now. If she left Lorien, where would she go? Where would she be safe? And more importantly, what would be the fate of any daughter she might have? A child sired by a human would still be part-Elven, but would she be immortal? Ellie feared not, and she knew that she could never bear to see her daughter age and die, as she had seen Naia. No. Her daughter would have to be sired by an Elf, and such a child would find no place among humans.
In truth, she had no desire to leave the Elves. She had her father now, and she would have him for all eternity. Already a strong bond existed between them, even though they had only just met yesterday. It was unusual, unheard of perhaps, for an Ilissan to know her father, but Ellie had broken no vows to find him. Naia had in telling her about Lorien. And then there was Nev. Whatever her aunt had done, she was her only remaining female relative in Middle Earth. And Ellie wanted to get to know her.
Whether she chose to bind her life to Legolas' or not, Ellie knew that her destiny lay with the Elves. And the girl accepted, for the first time since Naia's passing, that she had, in all probability, lost her mother forever. It grieved her deeply. Ellie had known Naia for less than one hundred years.
Aragorn still held her face between his hands. His expression as he looked down at her was tender and compassionate. His heart ached on her behalf. "Life presents us with difficult choices, Ellie. Sometimes painful choices. We cannot avoid making them if we want to live."
She looked up at him with eyes bright with unshed tears, as he continued to speak. "Forgive me if I presume too much…but Legolas is one of the finest individuals I have ever known."
And suddenly she laughed. "You presume nothing, Aragorn, and well you know it! I think the entire Fellowship--probably the entire world--knows by now that I am sweet on Legolas."
The man chuckled. "Indeed," he agreed. He paused for a moment, as he mulled over what to say. And then he sighed, and slid his hands from her face down to her shoulders, squeezing them to emphasize his next words. "Since we both care about our Elf friend, you will forgive me again, Ellie, for speaking plainly. When Legolas leaves Lothlorien with the Fellowship, I do not want him to leave with a heavy heart and a troubled mind. The road ahead of us is a dangerous one."
Ellie stared at him for a long moment without speaking. A thousand images ran through her mind, unwelcome images of a heartbroken Elf in the midst of horrific battles and indescribable devastation. "I do not want Legolas to leave Lothlorien feeling that way either," she finally said. Then she hugged Aragorn fiercely, pressing her ear against the steady beat of his indomitable heart. And she realized that she loved this man who would be king. Not as she loved Legolas, but as a cherished friend or a brother. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts--and your heart--with me."
Ellie straightened and smiled, although her eyes remained welled with sadness. She started to walk toward the trees, but as she reached the inner circle of mallorns, she looked back at Aragorn one last time. And that is when she saw her again, through a blur of tears. Right behind him, in the same spot where the two of them had pledged their troth years earlier. Arwen Undomiel. Dressed in black and lying on the ground, embracing the very heart of Cerin Amroth. The Lady Arwen, Queen of Gondor and consort to the late, great King Elessar. As beautiful in death as she had been in life…***
*"I am an Elf and a kinsman here" is a direct quote from the book LOTR. In the book version of LOTR, as opposed to my A.U. and Peter Jackson's movie, Legolas and the rest of the Fellowship ARE blindfolded by Haldir and his Elves as they are led through Lothlorien.
**bereth faer is my own--probably incorrect--Sindarin translation for soul mate. Bereth means "spouse." Faer means "soul." It was the closest translation I could find. If anyone knows the true translation, please pass it along, and I will make the necessary corrections. Thank you!
***The winter following Aragorn's death in the year 120 of the Fourth Age, a grief-stricken Arwen died alone on Cerin Amroth, the Lothlorien hill where she and Aragorn had pledged their troth more than a century earlier.
