Title: Time

Category: Angst

Summary: Faith recounts through her journal the events that followed that fateful day at Mercy

Spoilers: I think the description on NBC's website covers it


A/N: I'm sure if I practiced for real, my malpractice insurance would have been yanked a long time ago. Although, if I were a doctor for real, I might have some clue what I'm talking about. Some of my fictitious descriptions might be better on an empty stomach.

May 8th

I thought he was dead.......

God it took forever for the shooting to stop. The sounds of bullets flying, shattering glass and everything else in its path. I don't much. One minute I saw shadows through the blinds, the next I was diving for the floor where I lay listening to the sound of gunfire, each shot ricocheting in my head. . God it went on forever. When it finally stopped, I tried to move as fragments of glass cut into my hands. I looked to my left where just minutes ago had been a large glass window. Pretty much all of it was now on the floor. Then I glanced to my right. The first thing I saw made my heart pound...blood...God so much blood. I moved cautiously towards it. What I saw next stopped my heart cold...

Bosco...

Oh God, I thought he was dead...

May 9th

We waited forever at least it seemed like forever. So many bodies lined the halls that its amazing there was anyone left to treat the injured. As I sit here, I'm joined by Lieu and several other higher-ups. I don't recognize some of them and I don't really care. I do know that they aren't all from the 55. I can tell that by the pins on their shirts. What I also know for sure if that they want to know what happened but the only thing I remember is seeing Bosco's lifeless body in a pool of blood. I don't know how much longer I can sit here. If they don't give me some answers soon...I just don't know. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. My body needs to rest but every time I close my eyes, the images haunt me.

Good news finally arrives although it does little to draw me from the stupor I'm in. Rose's injuries aren't life threatening. It will take some time but she should be okay. I'm sick to my stomach. I should be glad that she's going to be okay. Would I really trade her life for Bosco's right now? Instead I hate myself for feeling the way I do. I love Rose...I really do. She means everything to Bosco...he means everything to me.

May 10th

It's been two days and countless hours of surgeries. I've only seen him a few times and even then for only a few minutes. He's unconscious...his body resembles a mummy. There's so much bandaging that's it hard to tell what's Bosco. I can barely make out part of his face. It's hard to believe this is what he's become...that this is what's left of my partner. It doesn't seem real....like its just some bad dream. The Bosco I know was always so full of life. There was life in his voice...in his laugh, his anger. The pain in his eyes over losing Mikey and dealing with his ma. He was alive in his strength from the well-toned muscles in his shoulders, arms and chest. He could outrun me any day of the week and I knew it.

What's left is silence...an eerie silence that fills the room as I stand over his damaged body. I'd give anything to hear him say my name....to hear him talk about his latest conquest...anything. He could scream at the top of his lungs right now and I'd think it was the sweetest sound ever.

May 12th

I know what people must think. They think it isn't healthy but I don't know what else to do...who else to turn to. Bosco was always the one...he's the one person I could always talk to. Sure there were times when we yelled more than talked but I know that's cause he cared.

People say it isn't healthy...that I shouldn't keep everything all bottled up inside. They tell me I need to talk to someone about it. They don't understand that I have. I talk to Bosco. Of course whenever I mention his name, I get this look. I know what they're thinking. They're thinking that Bosco can't hear me...that talking to him isn't doing me any good. But they're wrong. I know he's unconscious. I mean I'm not stupid. But just 'cause he's unconscious doesn't mean he can't hear me. So maybe he's not able to talk to me...to ask me questions about how I feel about everything. That doesn't matter. Bosco and me...we didn't need words. I find comfort in talking to him; being in his hospital room with him. Isn't that what should matter?

May 14th

I come here everyday after shift...sometimes more than once a day. I've seen how people have pulled back from him. Even though he's not conscious of it, I think he knows just like he knows what I'm telling him. I hate the idea of him being alone. I've heard talk...when they don't know I'm there. I hear them...saying that he's in the vegetative state...that he'll never be the same...that he'll never amount to anything. Truth is I don't believe that. They just don't know him like I do. I have to believe that someday he'll open his eyes...he'll say my name...he'll talk to me...he'll walk across the room. Someday he'll be my partner again. I know any one of those would be a huge accomplishment on his part but I won't settle for one. What can I say? I want it all but mostly I just want my partner back

May 15th

As I sit in his room, I'm drawn to the peacefulness that surrounds him. It's been a week now and he's still unconscious. The longer he's unconscious the worse it is...at least that's what everyone thinks. I just think that he's tired. His body needs time to heal. If he were awake, he'd be dealing with everything and that would lead to stress. He doesn't need that so that's why he's unconscious. So he can get the rest he needs to heal.

I found out I was getting a promotion. My first thought was that I wanted to tell Bosco. Then I remembered....

Later that night, I stopped by the hospital. I can't explain it but I needed to know that Bosco would be okay with this. I'd never given it much thought...the two of us not being together. Sure there was the time Bosco was so gung-ho on joining ESU and the times we were fighting but somehow I never really saw us as not working together. I sure never imagined it'd be like this.

I got there to find him still unconscious. It always takes me awhile to figure out that he's not going to open his eyes as I begin talking to him. This is our conversations go...I'm the only one doing the talking. I remember what I said to him...I remember every single word.

"Hey Bos...guess what?" I said searching for that part of his hand that I can hold onto. "I'm getting a promotion. Who would have thought I'd be something other than Officer Yokas? But I am. Lieu called me into his office today. I'm going to be a detective."

"I wanted to call you...to tell you about the promotion. You know that whatever happens, you're always going to be my partner. I just need you to know that. No one would ever come close to what we had as partners. More than that even...I mean you're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend. You hear me?

"I guess things have changed though. Detective Yokas...sounds funny doesn't it? I know if you were awake right now, you'd be giving me a hard time. You know I never said it out loud before now. Detective Yokas. The trouble is, the more I say it, the more I don't like it. I mean you know Fred filed for divorce. Remember I told you about it the other day? He doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Maybe I should take my maiden name back. Then I'd be Detective Mitchell. I mean Fred despised me being a cop so why should I have his name associated with my promotion?"

I took some time to mull over what I'd just said. I wish people could understand what we have...the bond that exists between us.

"Thanks Bosco...even if you can't talk to me, I know you can hear me. No one can convince me otherwise. That's why I had to come here tonight...so I could talk to you about the promotion. Like I said earlier, I'll always consider you to be my partner. I should get going now. The promotion ceremony is early and I really should try to get some sleep."

May 16th

Detective Mitchell...I was promoted to detective today.

After the ceremony, there was talk about celebrating. I didn't feel like celebrating. It wouldn't be much of a celebration without Bosco anyway. I saw the expressions on the faces after I told them no. It's like his name is taboo. I got upset although I didn't let it show...I don't think I did. I don't know...maybe I did. Why don't people understand? Bosco's going to be okay. They act as if he's dead already.

They knew I wouldn't go to celebrate with them They knew it was about Bosco. I told them the short version of how had it not been for Bosco, I never would have graduated from the police academy so it was only right that I'd want to share my day with him. I suggested that maybe we could stop by to see him on the way to Haggerty's. The only one who did stop by was Lt. Swersky. We sat with Bosco for about a half hour. Sometimes we'd talk; other times we'd sit in silence. I like holding onto his hand. It's warm...his warm hand means he's still alive...that he's fighting to stay alive. At one point Lieu got to his feet, walked over to stand next to Bosco's bed. He didn't say much but then he didn't have to. With one hand resting on Bosco's shoulder, Lieu said all the needed to be said.

"We'll be here whenever you're ready to wake up. You just take all the time you need."

Lieu hugged me before telling me he'd see me tomorrow. He knew I wasn't going to leave Bosco. I was grateful for the time he spent with me and Bosco, sharing in our celebration.

So much of his body was covered in bandages; his head, left side of his face, much of his rib and stomach area as well as most of his left leg. He'd been through numerous surgeries since the shooting. There'd been brain surgery which led to the diagnosis that he wouldn't be able to walk or talk or care for him self. There'd been reconstructive surgery to his face. He'd also had surgery to repair a lung, part of his stomach and intestines as well as plates and screws in his left leg. All in all, Bosco was a mess. But the doctors are trying. They take the pieces that are left and keep trying to make them fit together. I know all the pieces aren't there anymore but somewhere in all the bandages is my best friend. I feel it in my heart. He's still with me.

It wasn't long after Lieu left that Bosco decided it was time...time to open his eyes. I was sitting beside him when it happened. I was sitting with him, talking about something or other when I noticed his eyes fluttering somewhat. At first I thought maybe it was just my imagination but I'd continued talking to him figuring it wouldn't hurt. When he did it several more times I knew he could hear me so I continued talking to him while squeezing his hand. Finally he followed my voice, opening his eyes. I was happier than I'd been in a long time. Tears streamed down my face as I looked into his eyes. Happy tears because he'd opened his yes. These were mixed with sad tears when I saw the pain. What followed didn't make Bosco happy. Not that he was able to voice his opinion but I knew from the look in his eyes.

Once word reached the nurses' station, all peacefulness in his room was gone. His eyes pleaded with me not to leave him which left me feeling guilty. I told him to let the doctors take a look at him. I promised him that I wouldn't leave him...that I'd be waiting outside in the hall.

I hated to leave him so soon after he'd struggled to open his eyes but I knew it was for the best. Several hours later I got to see him but only briefly. He'd been through a long list of tests...poked and prodded to an extreme. I knew he was exhausted. I stayed long enough to make him another promise...that I'd be back in the morning. More than anything I wanted him to know that I'd kept my word...that I hadn't left him...that I never would.

I stopped by Rose's room. I didn't care about visiting hours. This was Bosco and Rose deserved to know that her son was awake. I told her everything I knew, adding how exhausted he was after a barrage of tests. As much as she wanted to see him, she knew he needed his rest. I made one more promise...that I'd come by and get her in the morning so she could see her son. I hope she got some rest. Lord knows she deserved it.

I was on my way home when I called Lt Swersky. I'm sure had it been anything else, he wouldn't have been happy to be awoken at 3am. But, since I told him that Bosco had opened his eyes, I think he forgave me. I can't be sure but maybe he slept better after hearing the news.

May 17th

Rose and I got to ICU around 7am. Together we sat down with the doctors to discuss Bosco's current condition. We were five minutes into our discussion when Lieu showed up. He offered to wait 'til we were through but Rose wouldn't hear of it. Besides having Lieu there meant she had someone to hold both her hands and not just the one I was holding onto.

Some of our worst fears were confirmed. The tests confirmed that Bosco wouldn't be able to speak nor was he in control of his motor skills. But, they also showed that he had the capacity to relearn those skills. For the time being he was in a great deal of pain which was understandable for what he'd been through. Once doctors were able to alleviate some of that pain, Bosco would be faced with some cold hard facts. Some of which I'm sure he was already aware of. I had no doubts he'd been aware of his inability to move although some of that was attributed to bandages and tubes. However his inability to speak and the awareness of his facial injuries would be two major blows to his psychological state.

I tried to think positive and look at the bright side. That worked until I took Rose back to her room. I made it as far as my car in the parking lot before the tears broke loose. I sat there sobbing uncontrollably as the images of the past ten days tortured my already exhausted mind.