July 5th
After my comment about not getting to work with Bosco enough, I'd slammed my locker, adding a comment that if Sully wanted to know how Bosco was doing that he should go visit him.
So, I got to Mercy today and guess who was with Bosco? Yep...it was Sully. Sully was talking to him as I watched from the doorway. As I listened a little closer, I discovered what he was talking about. Sully was telling Bosco all about my little blow up at Grace the night before. I was about to say something until I heard something wonderful....Sully laughing as he was telling his story to Bosco. I couldn't remember a time that Bosco and Sully had been close. It's not that the two of them hated each other. I think it had more to do with their individual approach to the job.
As I watched the two of them I realized something else. Bosco wasn't turning his head from Sully. It was still covered in a bandage but I still took that as a good sign.
I cleared my throat as I entered the room. Bosco turned to look at me. He glanced from me to Sully and back again. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I had to remind him that sometimes I'm not all that level-headed. Sometimes I get to be the one who yells and screams.
Sully stayed a few more minutes, just long enough to finish the story.
I stayed a while longer, talking about the fact that the bandages would be coming off tomorrow. The look in his eyes was one of apprehension although I think there was a sign of hope there as well. I probably added insult to injury when I reminded him that his break from therapy was almost over. He did his best to roll his eyes at me. I know he hates therapy. I also know in coming weeks, he's going to begin another type of therapy....speech therapy.
July 6th
The bandages came off today. The doctor asked Bosco is he wanted to be alone when they came off. Our newest method of communicating had taken effect. One squeeze of my hand meant yes.
Before he removed the bandages, the doctor reminded us that there would be some swelling but that was to be expected. It could take a week to ten days for the swelling to completely go down given the type of surgery Bosco had been through. There would also be some redness along the areas where the stitches were placed. The stitches would remain for several more days. Once they were removed, the lines where the skin was attached would begin to heal more rapidly. Although they may never completely fade, the lines would become fainter and be less noticeable with each passing day.
As expected there is some puffiness and the stitch lines are visible but the overall look is already a big improvement. Similar to the first time he saw his face, Bosco had glanced in the mirror and quickly looked away. It made sense since unlike those of us who'd been coming by to see him, Bosco had seen little of his original scarring. It was still pretty shocking to him. This time though it didn't take as long before he looked again. Also different from last time...there were no tears...unless you count mine and Roses and those were happy tears.
July 8th
It's been two days since the bandages came off. The swelling has gone down considerably. I can't believe how much better he looks. The change is incredible. On the downside there are still some places where there are scars; from his hairline to his eye is a small one, alongside his nose is probably the most noticeable, from his nose to his lip and down to his chin is another one. The one from his chin to his hairline isn't so noticeable since it's the underside of his chin. Still, in time, they will fade some and maybe improve so that they become merely fine lines. Thank God for the skilled hands of the surgeon.
I couldn't help but notice that Bosco was watching me as the bandages came off. I hope he noticed how happy I was. The change was that dramatic. Today it was me holding the mirror for Bosco to see. He still had some hesitation about looking in the mirror but, once again, he gave in to his curiosity. I couldn't tell his reaction at first but the longer he continued to look, the better I felt. I couldn't help but remember the very first time he'd looked in the mirror. It'd been only days after he'd regained consciousness and it'd been pretty traumatic for him...the sudden turning away followed by the tears. Today was a victory for our side.
July 10th
The progress Bosco had made physically was interrupted by his latest surgery. This time it hadn't been wasn't about making it easier for him to breathe or to correct a problem in his digestive system or piecing together what's left of his left leg. This time it was purely cosmetic. But what some people consider to be cosmetic is all the difference in the world for Bosco. Everything seems to ride on this. I guess you can tell I'm still shocked by this last surgery. I can't say enough about the improvement.
Bosco's come so far but yet it's a mere bump on the long road he still faces. I wonder sometimes if he'll make it and if not, how far can he go. What will his life be like in six months or a year? I try to push those kind of thoughts out of my mind 'cause we need to focus on today.
July 11th
My job's been crazy. It's one thing that we always seem to be short-staffed but then people start going on vacations and it just gets crazy. The last thing I need to hear about is the 'family vacations'. It seems I don't have a family anymore unless you count Bosco and Rose.
Don't get me wrong, I talk to Em and Charlie but they rarely spend any time with me. Like I said, my job's been crazy...lots of overtime. That's not a completely bad thing 'cause I can use the money. With my job promotion and the overtime, I'm saving up for a few things. A new apartment is at the top of my list. I was talking with Rose about it the other day. She heard about me trying to save up some money for a new place and out of the blue she offers me a room at her house. Just like that...'you can always stay with me...I got plenty of room...for as long as you need....'
At first I thought it was a crazy idea but the more I think about it, it does make sense. Sure living with someone might not be easy. I mean I've known Rose for years but you never really know someone until you share a roof. But, on the other hand, I also lived with a condescending husband who had an affair while I was in a wheelchair...a teenage daughter with a major attitude, and Charlie who somehow seems relatively sane although I remind myself that he's young...he still has time to make his mother crazy.
After work tonight I stopped off at Haggerty's thinking a beer might be good. I guess I'm still surprised to find Rose working there. She started a couple weeks ago. After her injury and all it looked like she might have some trouble finding a job. One afternoon after visiting with Bosco I suggested she go for a beer with some of us from the 55. It wasn't a regular thing for us but it happened from time to time. This shooting had brought the 55's closer together. Traumatic events do that and this was one more such event. Rose hesitated but after some coercing, she finally gave in. Turns out they had a position to fill and Rose was more than ready to get back to work. It didn't hurt that she came highly recommended.
Even with all the time we'd spent at Mercy sitting with Bosco, Rose didn't know many from the 55. I almost forgot that the day Bosco was shot, we'd been there waiting for word on Rose who'd been injured earlier in the day. Rose hadn't been in the waiting room with us.
So, I introduced everyone....Sully, Ty, DK, Carlos, Walsh, and Holly. Kim strolled in a half hour or so later mumbling about something Jimmy must've done. I was glad she was drinking a coke. Rose was in rare form. Maybe it wasn't rare form for her now that I think about it. I mean she'd been reading Bosco like a book for years. Anyway, back to Kim. Rose noticed Kim was pregnant and commented half-jokingly that she already had everything she needed from a man. Later when the party seemed to thin out to just Sully, Ty, Rose and I she added that divorce is a tough thing. For her personally, divorcing Bosco's father was the best thing she did. As far as her sons were concerned, it was the worst. Despite his faults and 'he had more than his share' the boys still needed a father. Unfortunately Anthony never measured up. There was this uncomfortable silence as we all must've been wondering the same thing. Where was Anthony? I hadn't seen him since Mikey's wake.
I hung around until Rose got off work which was all of a half hour. I gave her a ride home. That's when I learned what powers of persuasion she had. She gave me a tour of her home including the 'nice big secluded bedroom upstairs that has its own bath'. I didn't need her to point out that it was large enough for a sitting area on one side. She knew exactly what she was up to.
However, I have to admit that she raised some very good points. I know it's silly to continue living in the apartment Fred and I had shared. I also agree that it makes no sense for Rose to live alone in a somewhat spacious home. What I didn't know was that Rose had just recently paid off her mortgage...or should I say that Bosco and Mikey had recently paid off her mortgage. Rose didn't know it until after Mikey's death that Bosco had been carrying an insurance policy on Mikey. Rose had received a phone call from Bosco's best friend in high school. At first she'd thought he was offering his condolences. It wasn't until they actually sat down that he explained the reason for Bosco taking out a life insurance policy on Mikey. Mikey's choices in life weren't exactly leaning towards him dying of old age. He seldom had a job and if he did it wasn't the type of job that offered benefits. So Bosco had taken out a policy covering Mikey. In the event that Mikey was killed, Bosco didn't want the costs of a funeral to fall on Rose. So he'd taken out a policy and had listed Rose as the beneficiary. The policy had been decent in size...large enough to pay for Mikey's funeral and to pay off Rose's mortgage. She explained that she'd gone to the bank just days before talking to the surgeon about possible surgeries that were available for Bosco. Had she had any idea he'd have surgery not covered by insurance she would have saved the money to pay for the surgery or at least put it towards paying for the surgery. So, she summed it up by saying that I'd be helping her out by sharing her home and sharing the expenses of utilities and such. I'd have a somewhat private space with the exception of the shared kitchen. We worked basically the same hours and the added benefit of me having a car helped her. She suckered me when she added that the money she saved by sharing expenses would go towards paying off Bosco's surgery. So, how do I say no to that?
I think I just learned why Bosco couldn't say no to his mother. She was a born saleswoman. I learned one other thing. A few years back, I'd discovered I was pregnant. Bosco and I had gone round and round discussing it. In the end, it didn't turn out to be one of our finer moments. But, I recall having a discussion about bills and responsibilities. Bosco had told me that he had bills. He'd just neglected to mention that one such bill was life insurance for his little brother. Sometimes he amazes me...sometimes I think he's self-centered and arrogant. Then I find out about him doing something like carrying insurance on his brother and paying for the funeral of someone who gets killed in the back of our RMP. The most amazing thing is that he doesn't talk about it. He just does things because it's right and because he cares....because he's a decent human being. Someday I might tell him that I know about what he did for Mrs. Granger's son but I suspect he'd give me his "I don't know what you're talking about' look.July 18th
Bosco thinks I'm insane. Someday I should take him on in a game of poker. There's no way he could bluff me. Of course then he'd give me that 'I'm hurt' look and I'd end up feeling guilty about taking his money.
Anyway, the insane part goes like this. I stopped by to see him before work, telling him how I'd given my landlord notice that I'd be moving out. This news came as a surprise to him. That was nothing compared to the surprise his face showed when I told him I was moving in with Rose. I was quick to add that it was temporary. I told him about Rose's sales pitch and how she'd twisted my arm into agreeing to this. No surprise there. I'm pretty sure he's well aware of Rose's arm twisting abilities.
It's been two weeks since his last surgery and I'm still amazed by the results. It's far from perfect and he'll never look the same as he did before the shooting. But, this last surgery...it's changed him. I really think he's going to be able to live with the results. Still, he's got a long way to go on his road to recovery.
July 20th
I stopped and picked up Rose on the way to Mercy. Bosco kept looking at one of us, then the other while having this strange look on his face. I don't think the idea of Rose and I sharing a place had sunk in yet. Can't say that I blame him. It's still unreal to me too except for when I'm cramming all my stuff in boxes. Rose has been bringing home empty liquor boxes. I never thought about it but if a box is strong enough to hold glass bottles of liquor, then it's strong enough to hold my junk. Plus the sizes are easy to handle.
Anyway, back to Bosco. With the stitches out and the scars healing, it's time for him to start up with therapy again. I think now that his facial scars are looking a lot better, he might handle physical therapy a lot better. After all, at one point I thought that was the one thing that was really holding him back.
In addition to physical therapy, he's going to be starting speech therapy too. Six weeks has passed since the shooting that nearly took his life. Six weeks later and Bosco is about to begin the second phase of reclaiming his life.
July 23rd
Bosco made one thing perfectly clear today. He's tired of being fed through a vein. How exactly he made that perfectly clear isn't important. He just did. I don't blame him. If I'd had surgery as much as he has, been in as much pain as he has, and had my jaw wired shut for as long as he had, I'd be ready for a nice juicy hamburger too. Maybe a nice juicy steak. Either way Bosco wants real food. The fact that I understand all this without him talking leaves me a little frightened of what he has to say once he's able to talk again. I can only guess that it won't be pretty although it might be colorful.
July 24th
It's official. I'm no longer Faith Yokas. I got the final papers today. I actually stood there reading them over and over, expecting some sort of a reaction that never came. As far as work goes, I've been Faith Mitchell ever since I got the promotion. I guess over time, I've been through the range of emotions...anger, denial, sorrow...that feeling that I failed. I've had them all at one point or another. I swear I felt some of them at the same time. Anyway, it didn't hit me like I thought it would. What I felt was relief. It was time....time to put that chapter of my life behind me and move on.
Since I had the day off I had made a few plans. I'd spend some time with Bosco and then spend the better part of the day getting my stuff packed up.
I drove over to Mercy and found a surprise awaiting me. Actually it wasn't just a surprise for me. I'd bet my next paycheck that Bosco was surprised too.
I was walking down the hall to Bosco's room just like I've done before. This time, I heard voices so I waited. That's when it hit me. I recognized the voices. One was Rose....the other one was my firstborn....Emily. I hadn't talked with her in over a week and here she was sitting with Bosco. Not only that but she was talking with Rose as if the two were old friends. I'm not sure what it was but I felt something while standing there in the hallway. Maybe it was a pang of jealousy...that Emily so openly talked to Rose. I'm sure that was part of it. But, at the same time, I was proud of Emily for making the effort to come by and spend some time with Bosco. Rose must have spotted me 'cause she said something about having a question for the doctor.
From the hallway I overheard Emily talking to Bosco. She was telling him that she was glad that he'd made it...that she didn't know what I'd have done if we lost him. Charlie too, she'd added. Charlie would have been lost without Uncle B. She promised to bring Charlie when Bosco was up for a visit. I think Bosco was happy to see her...to have her spend time with him. I have no doubt he was happy to see how well she got along with Rose.
I watched from the hallway as she stood, leaned over and hugged Bosco. I know I must've had this silly grin on my face. Rose softly tugged on my elbow as the two of us walked down the hallway to the nurses' desk. We were there when Emily approached, surprised to see me.
I had some trouble reading her. I guess that was nothing new. I'd had trouble reading her for the last few years. She said my name...Mom...in a soft voice before adding 'Bosco's going to be okay...' She sounded just like she had when she was little. Always being the strong one. I nodded in agreement, returning her smile. She talked briefly about the news that I was going to be moving in with Rose. She actually thought it was cool. Rose added that she had plenty of room should Emily or Charlie want to stay with us. Her answer to that had been a 'really?' It sounded like she was willing to consider it. For the time being, I'm taking that as a positive sign.
July 26th
The landlord left a note under my door last night saying that he had a possible renter for the place. That was good news. The bad news was that they needed to be in on the first...August 1st - which by my calendar is just five days away. I called Rose telling her the news. She saw no reason why I couldn't move in sooner. I loaded the dozen or so boxes I'd packed so far into my car and headed over to Rose's. Along with a few neighbors, we shuffled furniture for a few hours. I stopped by Haggerty's on the way home, picking up a couple dozen more boxes. Before leaving for work, I'd managed to pack up most of what was left in the apartment. I had no idea how long it'd take me to sort it all out but it was boxed and ready to be moved. The good thing about working in a predominantly male job is that it's fairly easy to round up strong helpers. I did just that. I'd had little trouble convincing Sully and Ty to help me. We'd also rounded up Carlos, DK, and Walsh from across the street. They arrive at eight o'clock in the morning and had moved thirty boxes and numerous pieces of furniture by noon. In those four hours, the group had shared enough Bosco stories that I doubted any of us could make eye contact with it being followed by a laugh.
The biggest surprise that day was hearing that everyone there had been up to Mercy within the past couple weeks. I think hearing the stories really touched Rose. She insisted on making us all lunch. One thing I learned about Rose...she makes a mean lasagna. I don't think there was any doubt we'd all be sticking around for lunch. It was Ty who asked if anyone ever said no to Rose. She chuckled to herself explaining only that she had plenty of her own stories where Bosco was concerned. Rose left quite an impression on everyone. On our dinner break that night, Carlos went so far as to wonder aloud if Rose had any rooms for rent.
July 31st
I sit in the middle of was once my living room, memories flooding my mind. I remember the good times and I remember the not so good times. I remember Emily asking if we could have a piano. I remember Charlie's first steps. I remember the many times Fred walked through that door drunk. I remember the time I sat here giving him an ultimatum on his drinking. I remember standing in the kitchen, telling him I was pregnant. I remember coming home to a bunch of drunken baseball buddies who knew about the baby I eventually aborted.
I remember a time when Bosco was a welcome guest. I remember the time he came to my door asking for help only to have me close the door in his face. Bosco knew me well enough to know that I only said no cause Fred was standing right behind me. And I remember the night I took the Sergeants test...the night Fred left...the night Bosco stopped over...the night he talked about September 11th...the night he cried in my arms. All these memories took place in this apartment but yet none of them will remain here when I leave. Good or bad, they'll all walk out that door with me.
I have a few regrets. I always thought that someday I'd move out of this apartment but I thought my family would be moving out together. I guess there were times when I had my doubts that my marriage would survive. Those early days when Fred was drunk more nights than he was sober...the time in my life when I aborted my child because I didn't want to be a divorced mom with three kids. I remember that through most of it Bosco had been by my side. He hadn't agreed with some of my decisions. He'd flat out refused to talk to after some of them but through it all, I held onto to something he'd said once...that he'd always be there. He was right about one other thing too. He's not anybody...nobody could ever be Bosco. Bosco's more than my partner...see, I still think of him as my partner....Bosco's my best friend. I just wish he was here so I wouldn't have to walk out that door one last time...alone.
One thing I've learned over the years is that Bosco could read my mind. He knew exactly what I was thinking without me saying a word. I think he got that from Rose. Just as I was gathering up the last few things, I heard a knock at my door. It was funny...I'd been sitting there thinking about Bosco and then I heard that knock. Honestly, for a brief few seconds, I almost expected him to be standing on the other side of the door. Of course, he wasn't but someone very close to him was.
I left the apartment today for the last time...closing a chapter of my life when I closed the door for the last time. Through those final moments in the apartment Rose hadn't said a word. She didn't have to. Rose and Bosco are so much alike.
