Chapter 8
A Tribute to Evanescence
"My Immortal"

"I'm so tired of being here.

Suppressed by all my childhood fears.

And if you have to leave,

I wish that you would just leave.

Cause your presence still lingers here,

and it won't leave me alone."

Aya had cleaned up the mess they had found in the living room when the meeting was over. And now he found himself sitting on the couch and looking at one of the albums that had lay open on the floor. A long finger traced over the tanned face of his lover... ex-lover... as he sighed, "Ken... come back to me...." The red head frowned at the photo then closed the book with a snap and stood to put it away, memories of his time with the boy flooding his mind. They did plenty of things together, from making out on the soccer field in the park to long talks on the roof, just the two of them. And always –always- they kept it from the other boys of Weiss. Aya had not wanted it to come between anyone, nor to let it get in the way of a mission. He was a business man, just as his father was, and this was only good business.

But now that Ken is gone. There's a clone here that's nothing like the old Ken. And Aya couldn't handle it. He didn't like it, yet there was nothing he could do. No amount of yelling or shaking the boy will make him remember. No holy number of kisses or words could bring him back. And it tears the red head up inside as he heads back to his bedroom, fingers raking through his hair roughly.

"These wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand through all of these years.

But you still have...

All of me."

Memories of Ken... of a different Ken raged in his head as he changed into pj pants and slid into his cold bed alone. He closed his eyes and let them slide over him like the waves of an orgasm. Ken creeping to his bed at night... Ken moaning in pure pleasure beneath him... Ken snuggling to him afterwards with a content and tired sigh... Ken shifting in his sleep as nightmares flood his dream world... Ken groaning as Aya shook him awake gently with kisses and caresses... Ken crying as the memories of the nightmares flooded his thoughts... and holding him... holding him so sweetly... so gently... so... so Ken.

Aya raised a hand to brush away a tear and rolled over onto his side, very much not able to sleep at the moment.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me."

Now there's this other Ken. He's the same, yet different. Aya had no idea how to deal with this new Ken, how to treat him. Should he kiss him and go on as if nothing has happened? No, this Ken would retaliate and try to get away from him. And while that used to be one of their favorite games before... it's different now. Ken means to get away from him totally now. He used to be so captivating, so wonderfully Ken! There are simply no words to describe the boy or his more random thought patterns. He was passionate, brutally honest and generous. This new Ken is somber, depressed and cold, reaching out for something... anything to hold on to. Aya wanted to be that something... but Ken would just push him away. He wanted memories, not words. He wanted his old self back, not the promise of efforts to the same.

"These wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand through all of these years.

But you still have...

All of me."

Aya sighed and rolled onto his other side as he listened for the sounds of someone coming back from the streets. They hadn't found Ken anywhere in the apartments. What if he had heard?? He could be out there in trouble and no one would know. Omi had gone off to track his coat tracer with his laptop and promised to tell Aya if anything looked suspicious. Aya could only assume that nothing was suspicious since Omi hadn't come looking for him. What if Ken slept somewhere else tonight and the nightmares returned? Who would kiss his tears away, their salty taste lingering on both of their lips? Who would whisper loving words to him as he drifted back into sleep? Who would hold his hand and kiss his fingers in the morning? He didn't want to think about that... he wanted Ken back. He wanted Ken back in his arms.

"I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.

But though you're still with me,

I've been alone all along.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand through all of these years.

But you still have...

All of me."

He never wanted to be so damn alone again. Ken had brought light and life to him after his sister had gone into that coma and he had joined the team for revenge and for money. He's still here, but he's not the same. It's as good as Ken not even being alive anymore.

Aya sat up with a grunt at his thoughts. He rubbed at his eyes then slid out of bed to dress again. He'll just have to find the boy. Tell him they're lovers. Tell him they belong together. Tell him everything and anything he wanted to know. Tell him... that he loves him.

He laced up his boots and fixed his black jeans over them, then grabbed up his keys and trench, and knocked on Omi's door to take the tracer with him. Device in hand, he strode for the door and went out into the streets to search for his lost lover.