"Willow and I are going to the Bronze later," Tara told her sister. "Maybe you could come with? You know, get out and have a little fun."
Kit continued typing up the ad copy she was working on. She'd been procrastinating since Denny and Gracie died. It was time to get back into her voice-over business. She had understanding clients, but if she put them off much longer, they'd be forced to find a new agent.
"Uh, maybe. I have a few errands to run. Maybe after," she lied.
Tara watched from the couch as Kit pecked away at her laptop. She was sitting Indian-style on the floor. Something wasn't right. Tara could tell by the shadows under her eyes. She hadn't slept at all. She knew that Kit had become nocturnal in recent months, but she rested during the early morning hours. Now, she sat stifling yawns, still clad in her cornflower blue flannel pyjamas and fuzzy white slippers.
"No running today?" she asked.
Kit snapped her head up, confused.
"Don't you usually go running when you get up?" Tara asked again.
"Oh, yeah. Usually." But today didn't feel like the usual. She had the feeling that she'd be greeting an empty park bench that night. She'd tossed and turned most of the morning, unable to get William's face out of her mind. She could feel it. She could feel that he was gone. "I,uh, just really needed to catch up on some work. No big." She smiled weakly at Tara.
"Well, maybe going out tonight will be good for you," Tara hoped. "Buffy's coming, too. And Xander and Anya. It'll be fun. There's a band playing, Nerf Herder. They're pretty good. D-do you like to dance?"
"Yeah, dancing's good."
Tara could tell that her sister was incredibly distracted. And it wasn't just the clients she was trying to please. Something was missing. And she had a feeling she knew what it was.
"Kit... if there was something wrong... you'd tell me, right?"
"Huh?" Kit looked up and caught Tara's eyes. It was like looking into her own eyes. "Um, I just have a lot on my mind. I've blown off a lot of my duties since..." her voice trailed off, but the tears just wouldn't come. They never did. Sometimes she hated herself for how stoic she'd become. "I'll go. Just leave me the address. I'll be there tonight."
Later that night...
He wasn't there. She knew he wouldn't be there and he wasn't. She didn't see the back of his platinum head as she approached the bench. Her first instinct was to just leave, but she found herself drawn to the bench. She looked down at the seat and found a spray of white roses lain on top of an envelope. Her name was written neatly on the front. She picked up the flowers and inhaled deeply. The sweetness assaulted her senses and she glanced up at Gracie's grave. More lillies. She opened the envelope with shaky hands. He was gone. She didn't need to read the note to know that.
Katina,
I didn't want to leave you, but I couldn't take the chance that I would hurt you, Kitten. It's time for you to start living in the light again. You've spent too many nights hidden in the dark. I meant what I said last night. I will never forget you. You're in my bones.
Yours eternally,
William
She stared at the paper until the words became one big inky blur. And then it all hit her. Denny, Gracie... now William. The tears came upon her so quickly that she couldn't stop them.
...at the Bronze
"I'm so glad that Kit's coming out tonight," Willow smiled as she pulled Tara to her, kissing her cheek.
"Me too," Tara said absently.
"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, noticing how Tara's normally bright-eyes had grayed.
"I don't know," she admitted. "She was acting kind of strange earlier."
"Strange as in 'something stole my soul' or just the average, run-of-the-mill out of sorts kind of strange?" Xander asked. Couldn't be too careful on the Hellmouth.
"Out of sorts," Tara told them. "I just hope she comes out tonight. I think she could use a little fun."
"Hey, isn't that her?" Anya asked, motioning toward the front of the Bronze.
Tara's eyes lit back up. She came. Willow waved and called out her name and Kit smiled.
"We were beginning to wonder if you got lost," Willow joked.
"Nope. Not lost. Just had a few things to take care of on the way," she said with forced brightness. She could still feel the envelope crinkling in the back pocket of her jeans. She'd left the roses on Denny's grave.
"D-do you want something to drink?" Tara asked.
"Um, I'm okay. Maybe later," she smiled.
Something was definately wrong.
"Uh, hey... Will... could you get me a soda? I need to go to the ladies'," Tara lied. She didn't need to go to the bathroom, but it was the only excuse she could think of to get Kit alone. Willow looked into her girlfriend's eyes and nodded, knowing what Tara was doing.
"Sure," she said, running her hand through Tara's hair and then turning to Kit. "Let me get you something to drink," she offered, sensing that Kit would probably need it by the time she returned.
"Thanks. White wine spritzer." Not at all what Willow expected. Of course, Tara and Kit were always surprising her.
"White wine spritzer it is, then."
Tara whispered something to her sister and then they excused themselves from the table. Kit allowed herself to be dragged across the club and into the ladies' room.
"Tell me what's going on, Kitty. Don't lie," Tara insisted.
Kit shook her head and after a nervous moment, pulled the envelope from her back pocket and handed it to Tara. She watched her sister scan the short note and then hand it back to her.
"Spike," was all she said.
Kit furrowed her brow. Who was Spike?
"William," she corrected.
Tara nodded. Yes, William. William the Bloody. Slayer of Slayers. Spike.
"Is this why you insisted on going to the cemetery alone every night?" she asked.
"Yeah," Kit answered in a near-whisper.
"H-how long?" Tara wanted to know.
"Since the first night... he's sat with me every night since they were buried," she admitted. "Why did you call him Spike?"
"Because that's his name. Kit..." She didn't know how to tell her sister just what he was. "You remember us telling you that he's a vampire?"
"I knew that from the night I met him, Tara. I'm not stupid, you know." She suddenly felt defensive of her association with him. Tara reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"I wasn't implying that you were. And I- I know that he's different. Did he tell you about his chip?" she asked.
"He told me. But it doesn't work, Tara. I told him that last night. He didn't know."
That explained a lot about the letter. And the brief visit from him earlier, Tara thought.
"Did you tell him that he had a spark, Kitty?" she asked, revealing that she knew more than she'd originally let on.
Kit went wide-eyed.
"I'll take that as a yes," her sister nodded. "He came by earlier. He said that he was leaving. And I wasn't sure why he was telling me. He must have pieced it together, you know, you and me."
"What did he say?" Kit was hopeful, but had the feeling that she wasn't going to like what she was told.
"All he told me was that he needed to leave. He kept saying something about 'can't hurt the girl' and 'spark won't work.' He's kind of cryptic at times," Tara explained.
That, he was. Kit imagined that she had been fairly cryptic with him as well. He knew her inside and out. But neither of them ever talked about their lives in the present. She'd known what he was from day one. And she admired how he never made excuses for the unlife he'd led. He was the kind of guy who lived in the moment and that was exactly what Kit had needed.
"He was talking about you, Kit. I thought," she paused, not knowing how much, if anything, Kit knew about Spike's past with Buffy. "I thought he was talking about Buffy."
Kit searched her memory for something he had told her once. Something about a girl and how he'd tried to love her, but she wouldn't see him as anything more than a soulless thing. It was one of the times she had taken his hand in comfort and reassured him that he wasn't a thing. That he was different. Special. She had no idea he'd been talking about Buffy.
"But he was talking about you. He said that he can't take the chance and hurt another person he loves. He loves you, Kit. He left because he was scared that without the chip, he'd hurt you."
Tara's face was full of awe. Spike never ceased to amaze her. He was a walking, talking, unliving contradiction of himself.
"So, now what?" Kit asked, trying to hold back those stupid tears she'd let fall for him earlier.
One thing Tara knew was that Spike was fiercely loyal. And if he loved Kit as much as she suspected, he'd be back.
"Just give him time, Kitty. He'll be back."
