Chapter 4 – Definitely Friends
Tuesday Night, May 25, 2004

Martin and Samantha had worked diligently for hours pouring over bank statements and were both weary when they finally called it a night without finding anything significant. Vivian and Danny had returned from their interview without any new leads and the whole team was downhearted about not finding the female doctor who had gone missing the day before. Nobody wanted to go to the bar after work, but instead all headed to their own homes.

Samantha had been home for a half hour when the buzzer rang. She spoke into the intercom and a familiar male voice announced he had a pizza delivery. "Come on up Martin," she said.

"Aw, shucks, you knew it was me, or do you call all of your male visitors Martin in the hopes that I've come to see you?" Uh-oh, thought Martin, maybe I shouldn't be flirting even jokingly right now, we are not on the most solid ground yet. But the words had already been said and he thought that he'd heard Samantha laugh at his joke. The door buzzed open and he took his pizza up the stairs to her place.

She opened the door and was surprised that he actually had a pizza with him. "And to what do I owe this unexpected visit. Didn't get enough of me this afternoon, huh?" Uh-oh, Samantha thought, maybe I shouldn't be flirting even jokingly right now, I don't know exactly where our friendship stands. But the words had already been said and Martin was still smiling.

Martin responded, "I think that I'm missing a jacket and I distinctly remember leaving here without it, it was cold last night."

"Oh, yeah, it's here somewhere." Samantha knew exactly where the jacket was and hoped that Martin wouldn't think it odd that she was retrieving his jacket from her bedroom where she took it off this morning in her rush. She tried to stall, "Why don't you take the pizza into the kitchen and get some plates from the cupboard. I'll look around for your jacket."

Samantha waited until he was in kitchen before rushing into the bedroom, but the room was a mess due to this morning's fiasco. Finally, she found the jacket underneath the clothes she had slept in. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to hurry back into the living room, but there in the doorway of her bedroom was Martin, holding a plate of pizza for her. "So how long have you been standing there?" she asked, hoping to sound innocent.

Martin had a smirk upon his face, "Long enough to know that my jacket, which I left draped across a chair in your dining room last night, was underneath your clothes in your bedroom tonight. However, I'm going to let you off the hook for now because I want you to come enjoy a piece of pizza and then when I leave tonight, maybe I'll forget my jacket again so I'll have another excuse to come and see you."

Samantha knew that she was blushing profusely, but couldn't help herself and couldn't do anything about it, so she took Martin's advice and went to the kitchen to enjoy her pizza.

"So, not to sound ungrateful, but what are you really doing here. You could have asked me to bring your jacket to the office." Samantha was trying to pry, poking and prodding to see if he was here to talk to her like she had hinted at this afternoon.

To her surprise, he was very direct, "I'm here because you need someone to talk to and I'm a good listener, despite my actions last night." Martin had taken charge, he took his food into the living room and sat on the couch. Samantha had nothing to do but follow. As she sat down he said, "Let's start with Jack. I don't know all of the history, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is how you feel and have felt since you broke off your affair."

WOW, no wading in, this was diving into the deep end of the pool. But with Martin looking at her so calmly and matter of fact she didn't feel scared. In fact, her words and feelings and emotions came pouring out so fast that she was afraid she would overwhelm Martin. But he was just the contrary, his face remained solid and non-judgmental, he listened and let her talk without interruption.

Samantha began with her revelations of last night, after Martin had left and she was alone. She revealed to him that she had always hoped Jack and Maria would not make it, that he would divorce Maria and declare his love for her. But she realized that she'd never though of how their relationship would change after he left Maria. Maybe because she knew it wouldn't ever happen or perhaps she didn't want to get her hopes up until it did happen, but now, in the comfort of Martin's gaze she allowed herself to go beyond the divorce. She couldn't openly date her boss, that is a federal rule breaker. One of them would have to transfer and she's not the head of the unit, she'd have to leave Vivian and Danny and Martin. He'd undoubtedly have custody of his kids some weeks or weekends and she'd have to interact with them and they are old enough to know that she's the "other woman." Putting all of the reality into the relationship made her realize that her affair with Jack two years earlier had been carried on outside of reality. A fantasy relationship for both of them, giving each of them only what they desired and leaving out any unpleasantness.

Finally, Martin interjected, "OK, so you've looked at the work involved to have a relationship with Jack, but you've avoided talking about your feelings for Jack. All real relationships are going to take work, but what matters is whether you love each other."

Samantha continued to be amazed by Martin's attitude. She knew that he had feelings for her, but he was able to set all of that aside and listen to her expose her feelings for another man. And on top of that he was encouraging her to follow those feelings despite the rationality of them. So she took a deep breath and tried to search her mind and her heart to find out if she loved Jack or not.

Samantha remained silent for along time and Martin hoped that he had not pushed her too hard. He knew that he had taken control and believed that he'd done the right thing, but there was a line and perhaps with his last request of her he'd crossed it. He tried to think of how to ease away from it, but still get her to respond. He said, "How did you feel about Jack two years ago? Let's start there."

He saw a smile broaden across her face. Samantha was remembering the happy times with Jack back then, though she still said nothing. Martin prodded again, "Did you love him?" Martin braced himself for a yes and knew it would come despite how much he wanted to hear the opposite.

She couldn't look at him, so she looked at her hands in her lap. Slowly she nodded her head and spoke, "Yes, I think I was in love with him, the only time I've ever been in love. But …" she paused.

Martin fought the urge to jump in, knowing that she'd get around to finishing the statement.

"But," she repeated, "if we only shared the good times and weren't having a real relationship, could I really have loved him?" With this, she raised her head and looked questioningly into Martin's eyes.

Martin thought she looked innocent and confused and beautiful. He wanted to help her, but what did he know about love. He'd had even less experience with it that she had, at least she thought she had been in love once.

Samantha kept talking, "And if I didn't really love him then, I couldn't possibly love him now, right?"

Martin wished she were really looking for an answer, he wanted to shout, "No, you shouldn't love him, you should love me. I'll be here for you, I won't make you the 'other' woman." But he knew that she had to work out these answers for herself. So instead of answering her question with words he reached out to her and touched her for the first time since their kiss last night, but he knew that so much had changed since last night that he didn't know if he'd ever get to kiss her again. He pulled her close to him and then she laid her head in his lap, thoughts swirling around in her head, tears still falling down her face. He stroked her hair and whispered that it would be alright. Soon, her crying stopped and her breathing was regular, she had fallen asleep and Martin couldn't bear to wake her so he settled in for the night.

TBC