Martin was not okay, his head was reeling. He had really overestimated Samantha's resolve and character. He was stunned that she had jumped at the chance to be with Jack the minute he was a single man, and he wasn't even single yet. He probably hasn't even filed papers, Martin thought.
He didn't normally drink away his pain, but tonight it was stronger and he needed to dull it. He ordered a double and downed it, best to get the edge off quickly he reasoned. He ordered another, but reigned himself in a bit and drank more slowly. The jukebox in the corner played an upbeat happy tune that only infuriated him more. He glanced about the bar and saw several smiling couples, not good. He began drinking faster and before he knew it he had ordered a third. The bartender was watching him closely, but he didn't care, if he got kicked out he'd hit another bar across the street, this was New York and if you wanted to get drunk it wasn't too difficult.
His thoughts drifted back to Samantha and Jack. What were they doing now? Did they go straight to her apartment to get "reacquainted" or had they stopped for takeout at a place he knew Samantha liked near the office. He pictured Jack's hands all over Samantha body and he shook his head to clear the image. But a worse one took its place, Samantha embracing Jack, wanting and needing him as she had needed Martin the other night. Martin knew that he had to stop torturing himself so he focused on his drink, "How many have I had?" Martin couldn't remember.
An attractive woman sidled down the bar toward him without him noticing. She sat next to him and batted her eyelashes and asked him his sign. Martin looked at her and in a surly manner replied that he was not interested. "I'm having a bad night and don't want company," he informed her.
"I can help you with that, I'm good at relieving people's problems at least for the night," she offered. "I can make you forget all about that woman."
Martin wondered if he was that transparent and for a moment contemplated her offer, but he knew it would be only momentary pleasure. He knew that the only thing that would make him feel better was seeing Samantha; seeing Samantha without Jack that is. He had drifted away when he thought of Samantha and the woman realized she was not going to get anywhere with this man tonight. Too bad, she thought, he was cute.
Martin refocused and realized that the woman was no longer sitting next to him. The interaction had made him see that drinking his sorrows away was not going to help him. He rose from his seat, paid his tab, and staggered out. Outside the bar was a payphone and Martin stumbled to it. He had to know, to find out if Samantha was home and if Jack were there too. He dialed her number and waited for an answer. Five rings, six, and then the answering machine picked up. Samantha's light voice filled his ear, "Leave a message." He thought about hanging up, but instead spoke and he couldn't control the words coming out of his mouth. "Samantha, it's me, Martin. I, … I hope you're alright. I wanted to talk to you after Jack's news," as Martin spoke his voice level was rising. "But, but you left, with him. After all we talked about, you left with him at the first chance you got." Yelling now, "What are you thinking? He's no good for you Samantha, can't you see that? Did I waste my time trying to get you to understand reality for nothing? I wish that …" Martin heard a beep, the machine had cut him off, his message was too long. Fking A, he thought, but he didn't have the energy to call back and finish his message. She would get the point from that much, he was upset and he had told her. He left the phone booth and hailed a cab, he needed to go home to the safety and security of his place, only it was so lonely there.
Across town, Samantha and Jack walked into a restaurant they used to visit often. To Samantha it reminded her of good times and that was what Jack wanted. He brought her here to declare his love for her and find out where Samantha stood.
As they were seated, Samantha grabbed for the menu eager to put something between her and Jack to avoid "the discussion". Soon though, they had ordered and there was nothing to do but talk. Samantha tried to break the ice with small talk, but every subject she thought of involved Jack's wife or kids. Jack seemed equally uneasy and they sat in silence for a time. Finally, Jack spoke, "Do you remember this place? I haven't been here for awhile, but it hasn't changed has it?"
Samantha glanced around, "Yeah, of course I remember, we spent some good nights here." Good she thought, bring up their past relationship and that will lead to questions about their future. Although she still didn't know how she felt or what she wanted.
"Remember that time with the waiter, Gerald, I think, and he spilled the water all over you?" Jack laughed and Samantha smiled. They reminisced for a time and their food came. Both busied themselves with their food, trying to think of ways to broach the subject at hand. They made it through the main course with small banter about how delicious the food was and what should be ordered for dessert.
It wasn't until the plates were cleared that Jack spoke, "Look Samantha." He looked unsure and Samantha knew that the time had come to talk about them. "I need to tell you something, something important." Samantha leaned in, amazed that Jack was going to clear the air without her having to prompt his response. "Now, nothing is final with Maria and I yet, but it will be. We really are getting a divorce, she doesn't love me and she doesn't want to try anymore and to tell you the truth, I never went back to her two years ago; at least not with my whole heart. My heart has stayed with you Sam, a part of me never wanted to make my marriage work because it knew that I'd never stop loving you." He looked eagerly at Samantha to gauge how she was taking the news, but to him she looked passive, possibly uninterested. His heart beat a little faster. "I know, I know it's been a long time and to ask you to still love me or to try again is really unfair, but I have to try, I have to tell you because I've gone too long through my life not being honest with people and I can't do it anymore. So I have to ask you, have you really and truly moved on since us? If you felt even a fraction of what I did I know you couldn't have moved on, our love was too strong." Finally, he was silent, he looked pleadingly at Samantha, waiting impatiently for her to answer, to respond to anything he'd said.
Samantha tried to comprehend what Jack was saying. She had been right, he did want to get back together. After all this time he had never stopped thinking about her, caring about her. Did it matter, the time that had passed. She didn't fault him for trying to make his marriage work, they were a family after all, but now, he was getting a divorce; that's what she had wanted two years ago. A part of her, a large part, thought she should jump at this opportunity, but there was a little part, a nagging part, telling her to look before she leapt. It was the part that Martin had revealed, the reality of a relationship with Jack. But even Martin had said that despite the work involved in the relationship, what mattered was how each person felt and if this was love who could deny that. Samantha realized that the silence had stretched and saw Jack looking at her with concern or worry on his face. She had to say something, "Jack, wow, I mean, how long have you been thinking about this?"
"A long time, especially when Maria told me about going to Chicago. It was my perfect out," Jack replied.
"Then, if you were unhappy and you still loved me why did you agree to move to Chicago?" Samantha asked confused.
"Ultimately, it was the girls," Jack answered honestly. "I couldn't live here and the girls live in Chicago. The whole reason that I have not been with you all this time is the girls, but now with neither Maria nor I wanting to make the family work, I can get out without carrying the guilt alone, Maria has to share it."
Samantha didn't like that answer, "So you denied yourself, and me, love to avoid feeling guilty? Two years Jack, two years, I've tried to get on with my life because that's what I thought you were doing, but it was all to avoid feeling guilty?"
Jack recoiled, that had not been what he meant, not at all. "No, I wanted to stay a family for the girls, they need stability, a mom and a dad, but there comes a point when Maria and I staying together is not the best situation for the girls. We've reached that point and yes, I feel guilty, but it's guilt that anyone in my situation would feel."
Samantha had moved on by the time Jack had finished. "If we hadn't ever gotten together, if I hadn't let myself get involved with a married man, would you still be with Maria, could you have made it work?"
Jack had to deflect any guilt away from Samantha, this was not her fault. "Sam, don't you ever think that. I've never felt the way about Maria that I feel about you, even if I hadn't met you, Maria and I wouldn't have worked. The feelings aren't there, you just made me realize that earlier than if we hadn't gotten together. My mistake wasn't being with you while I was married, it was getting married to Maria back then."
Jack continued, "I'm glad that we are talking about this now, we have time to figure this out, you and me, us. Maria and I haven't even filed for divorce yet, but I wanted to know, I wanted to know if there was a chance for us. Knowing that will make this whole process easier for me, to know that I have someone waiting for me, to love me and to love in return. You don't have to answer now, you've let me know that you have thought about me and us since I broke us up. I know that this is out of the blue for you, whereas I've been thinking about you for two years."
Samantha looked at Jack and felt drained, emotionally and physically drained. So many thoughts were racing through her head. "Yeah, I need some time Jack, I can't even think straight right now. I mean a few days ago I thought you were leaving and I didn't even know when I'd see you again and then today you spring this on me. I don't know. I do know that I've tried to move on and I can't promise you that I haven't, so you'll have to let me sort a lot of things out."
"That's fair, Sam, and that's all I ask of you, to think about it," Jack said calmly. He looked happy at this, happy that he had not been shot down at his announcement of his love for her. "Let me take you home."
"No, no I think I need to go alone, you being here is only clouding my thoughts and I need a clear head," Samantha responded. "I'll see you at the office tomorrow, but don't pressure me, you can't put a deadline on my answer. I don't know how long it will take, but …"
He interrupted, "No I won't pressure you, I've got a lot to do to get out of my marriage remember. You think that you can beat the divorce court proceedings?" He laughed trying to break the tension that had built the entire evening. She smiled, realizing that he was trying. She rose from the table and headed to the door. Jack watched her the entire way, but she did not look back at him.
Samantha got to the street and hailed a taxi. Her mind was spinning with thoughts, "Jack still loved her, he wanted a relationship, he had never stopped loving her. Whoa, what do I do now?" The taxi arrived at her apartment and she was exhausted; she entered and immediately headed to bed. She never even saw the blinking red light on the answering machine.
TBC
