Chapter 21 – Samantha's Decision, Part II
Thursday, June 3, 2004

Samantha tried to concentrate on work the rest of the week. Jack was back in his old office and Vivian was still working with the unit. However, the team seemed handicapped without Martin, but nobody mentioned it, especially since he was gone to help his sick mother, not on some Caribbean island basking in the sun. She hoped they would be able to work effectively during the month Martin had told her he'd be gone. Although she was living at Martin's and hadn't visited her place yet, her life was returning to normal. She had her evenings to herself so she devoted some time to sorting out her feelings for Jack.

She forced herself to think back and remember the good and the bad times with Jack. She recalled the time that they were walking along the street in the rain. Jack had given her his jacket to cover her head with, but the material collected a puddle of water that dumped on her head when she tried to give him the jacket back, she ended up wetter than him. Then there was the way he kissed her neck that caused a chill to run up and down her spine. Involuntarily she smiled while these thoughts filled her head, but then she recalled that throughout their relationship they had to meet in secret and only when Jack could get away. This added an air of mystery to the relationship, but left her at home alone a lot too. But, she thought, "Jack's getting divorced, he wouldn't have to sneak around anymore."

The lonelier Samantha felt the more a relationship sounded good and the better that she made Jack out to be. Finally, she realized that the only reason they had broken up was due to his marriage and his marriage didn't exist anymore. It was as if she'd had an epiphany—"why am I not with Jack?" She was so elated that she rushed to the phone to call him, but she didn't have his new phone number. It was probably for the best. She realized that she should sleep on it, this was a big decision.

Suddenly she noticed where she was—in Martin's apartment. She felt like she was betraying him. He let her stay in his apartment while he was gone even after she had rebuffed his feelings and now she was thinking of resuming a relationship with someone else. As she moved about the apartment she felt guilt weighing down on her.

She forced herself to wait the weekend to ponder her decision about resuming a relationship with Jack. She needed the time because this was a huge decision. Also, she knew that she'd have to move out of Martin's place if she were going to date Jack. That meant that she'd have to go back to her own place and she dreaded that, despite wanting some clean clothes.

She thought about calling Jack to go with her, but realized that she'd have to go alone sometime. Besides, Jack didn't know the vulnerable side of her. The only person she let see her vulnerable was Martin.

Bright and early Saturday morning, Samantha braved the trip to her apartment. As she rode the elevator up her eyes were roving taking in every bit of the space. Her body tensed as the doors opened, but nobody was there. Cautiously she stepped out of the elevator and, clutching her key, approached the door. She listened from the hallway for any sound coming from the apartment, despite knowing that there was nothing to fear. For one second she allowed herself to wish that Martin were standing beside her, but she discarded that thought. She told herself that she didn't need anyone, she should be able to do this herself. With that, she stuck the key in the lock and quickly opened the door. As she threw the door open she stood to the side, out of view of anyone who may be in the apartment laying wait for her. Again, she had to tell herself that nobody was in there and no one was going to hurt her.

Finally, she took a step inside, again her eyes were taking in the entire space, looking for anything out of place or any sign that someone had been there since she'd left. Beyond the mess left by the police, it looked like home. She forced herself to go to the bedroom, the scene of the crime. As she saw the floor where Mariouchi had fallen her breath caught in her throat. She grabbed onto the door jamb to steady herself and she felt a wave of nausea come over her. She forced herself to calm down, but her eyes drifted over to the bed to a hole in the headboard caused by the bullet he had fired at her. In her mind she could see herself rolling off the bed and searching for her gun. She shook her head, she had replayed the night too many times, she couldn't let herself keep doing that. She pushed her body away from the door and marched into the kitchen. She pulled out all of the cleansers she had in the apartment. She had to get the blood off the floor and then she would shop for a new headboard.

She worked furiously for the next half hour, but the stubborn stain seemed fixed to the wood. She had worked up a sweat and actually felt good. The fight to eradicate the stain had given her an enemy, had given her some way to fight back at the evil that had entered her life. She was so used to being in control, used to creating her own destiny, but everything had been taken out of her hands by Mariouchi. Finally, she made herself stop, despite her effort it was useless with the supplies that she had. She decided to go shopping. The quicker she removed everything that reminded her of the incident the quicker she could return to her apartment.

Samantha spent the rest of the day and all of Sunday running around town. She found a gorgeous new bed frame at an antique shop and they delivered it ASAP and removed the old. She bought some industrial strength cleanser that removed the stain instantly. She rearranged the furniture in her bedroom and tidied up the apartment. By Sunday night she had moved back home.

She forced herself to make a decision about her next step with Jack. She was simply going to ask him on a date, nothing fancy, nothing special, just two people out for dinner who wanted to take things slow. As she fell asleep Sunday night, she was at ease because she felt that her life was finally coming together, that she was finally going to get what she wanted.

TBC