Mulder waited until the doors of the lift had fully closed, blocking him from Bill's view, before punching the cold metal wall. The noise it made sounded unnaturally loud in the small lift car and blood began to run unchecked from his knuckles. He slumped back against the side of the elevator and looked blankly at his reflection in the wall opposite him. Replaying the conversation he'd just had with Bill in his head, he let out a choked sob when he once again knew that Scully was going to die. His eyes filled with tears and he did nothing to stop them from falling until the lift stopped at the next floor and a man joined him in the elevator. He half-heartedly tried to wipe away the tears but didn't really care very much when he was unsuccessful. The man turned to Mulder and, seeing his tears and pain-filled expression, patted him on the shoulder.
"Bad news?"
"It's the worst news I could have ever heard."
The man looked at him hopefully as if expecting him to say more, to fill him in on the gory details but Mulder just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the side of the lift. The doors opened at the next floor and the man got off, seemingly disappointed that he had not been told Mulder's sob story. Alone again on the elevator, Mulder allowed the tears to fall once more, still leaning against the side of the lift for support. When the doors opened on the ground floor it took Mulder a moment to realise that this was where he was to get off and he only just made it through the doors before they closed again. He began to walk towards the swing doors at the end of the corridor when he felt a hand on his arm, stopping him from progressing forward.
"Sir...excuse me sir...are you alright?"
Mulder looked down at the enquiring face of the young nurse who had stopped him, confused as to why she was not letting him go. She tugged his shirtsleeve up, looking at his bruised and bloodied hand in concern as he blinked back more tears. He looked uncomprehendingly at her when she repeated her question; unable to understand how she could ask him that.
'Doesn't she know that I will never be all right again? If Scully dies then I die too. Can't she tell I've just had my heart ripped out of my chest? I'm never going to see my partner -my everything- again. How is she unaware that the most important person in my life is lying in a hospital bed 6 floors above us, dying because of me? Doesn't she know my life is over? Over. Without Scully my life is pointless. I need her, I need my Scully.'
Mulder was still completely lost in his miserable, rambling thoughts when the nurse spoke to him again. Receiving no answer from him she raised her voice to try to get through to him, worried by his detached and obviously depressed demeanour. She lifted his injured hand up to his face to try and break across the barrier he had up, hoping that when he saw the blood he would come back to earth from wherever he was at the moment. He let out a strangled cry as he was wrenched from his thoughts, making the nurse think that she had hurt him when she had touched his hand.
"Sorry sir...I didn't realise...sir?"
"What?"
"Sir, your hand. You've hurt it. It needs to be cleaned up and bandaged."
"It's fine...I'm fine..."
"It's not fine, the cuts are still bleeding. Sir?"
"I need her...Scully."
"Who's Scully? I'll go get her if you tell me where she is."
"No! ...Leave me alone. I'm fine."
Mulder had been confused when the nurse had first started talking since he hadn't even noticed that his hand was bleeding. When she mentioned Scully though, he snatched his hand away from the bewildered nurse and shoved it into his pocket, not even flinching as the fabric snagged on the cuts. The nurse watched helplessly as he walked away and ignored her calls as he went through the swing doors to the hospital entrance.
He made his way through the hospital foyer and walked all the way to his car in the car park before realising that he had left his jacket with his car-keys in the pocket, upstairs. He tilted his head upwards, looking up at the 7th floor windows of the hospital building and considered going back inside to get it. It began to rain while he was still standing deciding and he welcomed the cold moisture on his face, mixing with the tears that were still falling. He decided not to go back in, instead choosing to stay out in the rain, and he made his way out of the car park onto the main road. His tears clouded his eyes, making his vision blurry as he made his way along the pavement, not going anywhere in particular. After bumping into several other pedestrians walking the opposite way to him, he opted to cross the road and head towards the nearby park. He knew that, in this weather, he would find the solitude he craved in order to let out his grief there. He turned to cross the road and stepped off the kerb at the exact same moment that a car came speeding round the corner.
The sound of squealing breaks and the smell of burnt rubber filled the air as the driver tried desperately to stop but it was too late. Mulder froze in mid-stride, looking at the car as it came towards him and everything seemed to him to be moving in slow motion as he realised that it was going to hit him. Onlookers watched in horror as the car hit Mulder straight on and, after being slammed right into the bonnet, his body was hurled into the air over the roof of the car. A nearby pedestrian screamed as she watched him fly through the air towards her, coming to land mere yards away from her. The horrific sound of breaking bones could be heard by everyone watching as he came pounding back down to the ground. The crowd of bystanders were stunned into silence as they observed him lying motionless in a heap in the middle of the road, 30 feet from where he had been standing.
The driver shakily got out of his car and ran towards the still form, terrified that the man he had hit was dead. He knelt beside him and, wincing at the site of the battered and broken body, carefully put his fingers to the side of his neck. Searching frantically for a pulse, the man shouted hysterically at the aghast audience as he realised he was not going to find one.
"There's no pulse. We need medical help out here. Someone get a doctor, he's not breathing."
"Bad news?"
"It's the worst news I could have ever heard."
The man looked at him hopefully as if expecting him to say more, to fill him in on the gory details but Mulder just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the side of the lift. The doors opened at the next floor and the man got off, seemingly disappointed that he had not been told Mulder's sob story. Alone again on the elevator, Mulder allowed the tears to fall once more, still leaning against the side of the lift for support. When the doors opened on the ground floor it took Mulder a moment to realise that this was where he was to get off and he only just made it through the doors before they closed again. He began to walk towards the swing doors at the end of the corridor when he felt a hand on his arm, stopping him from progressing forward.
"Sir...excuse me sir...are you alright?"
Mulder looked down at the enquiring face of the young nurse who had stopped him, confused as to why she was not letting him go. She tugged his shirtsleeve up, looking at his bruised and bloodied hand in concern as he blinked back more tears. He looked uncomprehendingly at her when she repeated her question; unable to understand how she could ask him that.
'Doesn't she know that I will never be all right again? If Scully dies then I die too. Can't she tell I've just had my heart ripped out of my chest? I'm never going to see my partner -my everything- again. How is she unaware that the most important person in my life is lying in a hospital bed 6 floors above us, dying because of me? Doesn't she know my life is over? Over. Without Scully my life is pointless. I need her, I need my Scully.'
Mulder was still completely lost in his miserable, rambling thoughts when the nurse spoke to him again. Receiving no answer from him she raised her voice to try to get through to him, worried by his detached and obviously depressed demeanour. She lifted his injured hand up to his face to try and break across the barrier he had up, hoping that when he saw the blood he would come back to earth from wherever he was at the moment. He let out a strangled cry as he was wrenched from his thoughts, making the nurse think that she had hurt him when she had touched his hand.
"Sorry sir...I didn't realise...sir?"
"What?"
"Sir, your hand. You've hurt it. It needs to be cleaned up and bandaged."
"It's fine...I'm fine..."
"It's not fine, the cuts are still bleeding. Sir?"
"I need her...Scully."
"Who's Scully? I'll go get her if you tell me where she is."
"No! ...Leave me alone. I'm fine."
Mulder had been confused when the nurse had first started talking since he hadn't even noticed that his hand was bleeding. When she mentioned Scully though, he snatched his hand away from the bewildered nurse and shoved it into his pocket, not even flinching as the fabric snagged on the cuts. The nurse watched helplessly as he walked away and ignored her calls as he went through the swing doors to the hospital entrance.
He made his way through the hospital foyer and walked all the way to his car in the car park before realising that he had left his jacket with his car-keys in the pocket, upstairs. He tilted his head upwards, looking up at the 7th floor windows of the hospital building and considered going back inside to get it. It began to rain while he was still standing deciding and he welcomed the cold moisture on his face, mixing with the tears that were still falling. He decided not to go back in, instead choosing to stay out in the rain, and he made his way out of the car park onto the main road. His tears clouded his eyes, making his vision blurry as he made his way along the pavement, not going anywhere in particular. After bumping into several other pedestrians walking the opposite way to him, he opted to cross the road and head towards the nearby park. He knew that, in this weather, he would find the solitude he craved in order to let out his grief there. He turned to cross the road and stepped off the kerb at the exact same moment that a car came speeding round the corner.
The sound of squealing breaks and the smell of burnt rubber filled the air as the driver tried desperately to stop but it was too late. Mulder froze in mid-stride, looking at the car as it came towards him and everything seemed to him to be moving in slow motion as he realised that it was going to hit him. Onlookers watched in horror as the car hit Mulder straight on and, after being slammed right into the bonnet, his body was hurled into the air over the roof of the car. A nearby pedestrian screamed as she watched him fly through the air towards her, coming to land mere yards away from her. The horrific sound of breaking bones could be heard by everyone watching as he came pounding back down to the ground. The crowd of bystanders were stunned into silence as they observed him lying motionless in a heap in the middle of the road, 30 feet from where he had been standing.
The driver shakily got out of his car and ran towards the still form, terrified that the man he had hit was dead. He knelt beside him and, wincing at the site of the battered and broken body, carefully put his fingers to the side of his neck. Searching frantically for a pulse, the man shouted hysterically at the aghast audience as he realised he was not going to find one.
"There's no pulse. We need medical help out here. Someone get a doctor, he's not breathing."
