Monday, June 14, 2004
Samantha hadn't heard from Jack all weekend and had tried not to think about him. She didn't dare call him because she didn't know who would answer the phone or if he'd be able to talk to her if he did answer. She sat at her desk at work and thought about the evening ahead of her, she actually had butterflies. She had restlessly roamed about her apartment on Sunday, straightening up here and there by changing the sheets and other gestures that Jack would probably not even notice. But she needed to prepare, since they had planned their next meeting she felt a lot of pressure and wanted everything to be perfect.
She had waved hi to Jack when he arrived that morning, but hadn't had another chance to talk to him all day and so had buried herself in her work. She became aware of a man standing over her desk. She didn't recognize him and he made no move to introduce himself. He asked, "Samantha Spade?"
"Yes, can I help you?" she replied.
"You already have," the man stated handing her an envelope. Then he turned and walked away.
Samantha was a bit dumbfounded and quickly examined the envelope. In today's day and age it pays to be cautious, but she reasoned that the messenger had to have gotten through building security so somebody knew who he was. The envelope wasn't sealed and she carefully tapped it upside-down on her desk. No unidentified white powder fell out, only a piece of paper. She reached for the paper and unfolded it and she gasped as she read it.
The paper had slipped out of her hands because of her astonishment, but she picked it back up and made herself read every single word. Then she marched into Jack's office and slammed his door shut. She wasn't thinking about the commotion she was causing, only about her anger toward Jack.
Jack looked up from the file he was reading on his desk and stared in shock at Samantha.
She didn't wait for him to react to her entrance, but launched into a tirade of questions. "How long before you told me Jack? What were you thinking? Don't you know they are going to ask about our present relationship? God, you're not even divorced yet and here we are picking up where we left off. That's going to make for good testimony. I guess we're no longer a secret. How long before they transfer me? Oh, didn't think about that did you, well I did and I knew the risk, or thought I knew the risk. My word Jack, don't you think at all."
Finally, she paused and noticed the confusion on Jack's face so she backed up. "I got served a subpoena ... to appear at a deposition ... for your divorce. Your wife is filing for divorce based upon adultery, I guess she didn't want to bother with a trial separation. I've been subpoenaed to testify to our relationship. Ring any bells?"
Jack's head slowly fell back and his eyes glazed over. "Fuck," he yelled. Then he mumbled, "Not yet, it's not supposed to happen yet."
"Not yet? Not yet?" Samantha repeated, "So you did know about this. When were you going to let me in on it? After you'd finally gotten me into bed again?" Samantha wasn't thinking about who was overhearing them, she knew that the jig was up. Anyone who hadn't known about their past relationship would surely know now and nobody would have to feint ignorance anymore. And she didn't care that the accusations she was flinging at Jack were hurtful, she only knew that her life had been blown apart when the anonymous man handed her the envelope. She hadn't felt like this since that day so long ago before she started her new life, but she wouldn't let herself think about that. However, she hoped that Jack made the connection to her past and that he felt like an ass for doing this to her.
"No," he yelled back and then calmed down and added, "I was trying to work it out so that you didn't have to testify at all. Yes, I knew that she was going to try to depose you, but I thought that if I admitted to the affair she wouldn't have to go that far." Jack's voice lowered, "I didn't want you dragged into this."
"But I did get dragged in and I'm in it up to my neck. Didn't you think about this when we started seeing each other again? We dodged a bullet two years ago in not getting transferred or reassigned, but management isn't going to be able to overlook our relationship again. Didn't you realize that this would all come out? Why didn't you let me know so that we could wait to renew our relationship?" Samantha was exasperated, she saw so many parts of her life falling out of her control.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Jack began, but he was interrupted.
"Don't call me that," she said in a low voice between gritted teeth.
"I'm sorry, and no I didn't think about this, I didn't think at all, all I wanted was you. We've wasted so much time ..."
Again Samantha jumped in, "And whose fault is that Jack? I wasn't the one trying to convince myself that I was and should be married so don't blame wasted time on me."
"No, Sam, uh, Samantha, I wasn't trying to blame anyone, I just ... I want to be with you and I just wish all of this other stuff would go away." Jack tried to apologize to Samantha, but she wasn't looking for an apology, she was still upset.
"But it's not going to go away, Jack. You and I live in the real world and we have to deal with real issues. There is no more hiding like in the past. We can't have a relationship just when it suits you and then you go home to your picture perfect life." Samantha realized that she was yelling again. She also became conscious of the fact that she was raising some of the issues that she had discussed with Martin one Tuesday night, which seemed so long ago.
Jack looked incredulous, "Is that what you think this is? Do you think that I only want to be with you when we are having fun?"
"Well, maybe. Can you name one time that we've ever fought? This is the first time, outside of work, because every time something got tough you were able to leave or avoid seeing me. And your marriage kept us from ever discussing the future. And we didn't have to deal with other people, we were never a couple in public." Samantha thought back and seriously remembered how she had wanted to show Jack off and to dine with him at popular restaurants and to talk about living together and getting married. But all of those conversations were prevented before they were ever started because of his "picture perfect 'other' life."
She continued, "You didn't want to tell me about the deposition because you knew that I'd be upset so you kept it from me. Well guess what, I found out and I am upset and now you have to deal with it. I used to think that you were the one taking the risk since you were the one who was married, but this is my life that is being screwed up and I guess I need to start looking out for me.
"I'll show up for this deposition and you can bet that I'll tell the truth and when they ask me what our current relationship is I will honestly be able to say that we have none." Samantha stated the last words with defiance as she stared into Jack's eyes. She saw the astonished look on his face and he started to speak, but stopped himself. She turned and reached for the door, she pulled it open without another glance back at Jack and she strode through the office with her head held high.
She tried not to look around her at the stunned faces of her co-workers and friends, but she could tell that they were all staring at her wondering if they should stop her. She heard Jack behind her, he reached out for her arm, but she easily shook him off. He caught up to her again at the elevators, but he still didn't know what to say so he let her get on alone and watched as the doors closed.
Samantha was grateful that Jack didn't say another word. It had taken all of her resolve to tell him they were through. She knew it was the smartest thing she could do, but a part of her still wanted Jack and longed for him. She headed to her car and raced from the parking garage before anyone or any thing could stop her.
TBC
